Chapter 132 - The First Dungeon Begins Now (Patreon)

Luxy wrapped up communication right after she hinted about her involvement in the dungeon design. While she can’t outright confirm it, I’m confident that my guess was correct. Assuming I am, this means whatever magical artifacts the girls gather may very well be tailored specifically to them.

Typically when an adventurer opens up a chest in a dungeon, the treasure is random. In worst-case scenarios, it may not even suit their class. It’s common to sell or trade these mismatched goods in order to procure artifacts that are relevant to the buyer.

However...

If Luxy really did pick out the content of the chests herself, that may not be a problem for the girls this time around. Now I’m even more excited for them to break in and raid the Pimpfort than I already was.

I don’t have to wait too long, either. By the time I’m halfway through the apple slices, the party arrives at the large, wooden front gate.

“We’ve arrived at the giant golden vagina, Boss,” Sam announces, her hands on her hips as she gazes at the gaping maw. “Nice.”

“Oh, Goddess...” Meri sighs, avoiding eye contact with the portcullis. “This is gonna be f-far from the weirdest thing we see tonight, isn’t it...”

‘Signs point to yes.’ Says the Mage.

I pan and zoom around the different camera views Taskmaster presents me with, taking in the sight and studying them for any signs of danger. There doesn’t seem to be any of the pimp’s minions around the area, and I don’t see anything that raises my alarm... better to be safe than sorry, though.

“Sam, by your left. There’s a decent-sized pebble on the dirt path. Pick it up and throw it at the door.” I command.

“Uh, yeah, why the fuck not?” Sam shrugs and picks the stone up like I ask.

“Myaster, why the-” Cherry begins to question me, but when Sam throws the pebble at the door, it bounces off the wood of the massive gate and tumbles on the ground for a split second. Then, a rectangular hole ten feet by five feet caves around the entrance, revealing a pitfall trap with plenty of spikes waiting at the bottom. It swallows the stone instantly into its abyssal depths.

“...Shit, dude.” Sam whistles while leaning over the hole to inspect how deep it goes.

“...I’m gonna shut up now.” Cherry whines.

“We can’t help here, nyaa. We should just watch.” Peri mumbles with a frown.

“Indeed. Peri, Cherry, make sure not to distract the Myaster from his work. The lives of our tribe sisters are at stake.” Snow looks back at the maids with a soft but severe expression.

Both girls bite their lip, nodding. They know better than to argue with their former head maid.

“Master, how the heck did you know there’d be a trap...? Did you see something with those eyes of yours?” Meri asks.

“No, just my intuition. Best to keep an eye out for anything any other basic traps like this one.”

‘Perhaps you should have packed us a bag of pebbles alongside our potions, Sir.’

“Remind me next time.” I roll my eyes. “Go on and open the gate, Sam. With force, if necessary.”

Jumping over the mini chasm in the ground, Sam lands perfectly on the other side. “You got it, Boss.” The Princess starts trying to push open the wooden labia gate, only to find it barricaded from within. “One second here,” She says, pulling her great blade out from over her shoulder.

Sam grits her teeth, and with a single swing, she smashes the reinforced door into smithereens. The iron barricade on the other side was no match for her raw power.

‘You broke the door’s hymen, Sammy. You were too rough.’

“Yeah, yeah, Zuzu. Even I saw that one coming. C’mon, bitches.” Sam gives a thumbs up to her Guildmates back on the opposite side of the pitfall before returning the sword back into its sling.

‘I’m not risking that.’ Zutiria says as she looks at the five-foot jump awaiting her. ‘Pull.’ Clutching her staff hard in both hands, she extends it across the gap. Sam grabs it and yanks the Mage over to safety without Zutiria ever having the need to jump.

Lastly, Meri wastes no time and jumps over right from the get-go. She stumbles her landing but is otherwise safe once she catches her balance. “Hwaa! B-Big, bulky armor isn’t the best for jumping over holes...”

“You’ll be fine, Meri. Proceed into the dungeon with caution.”

The three adventurers give me confirmation and enter through the smashed front gate into a long hallway.

On my orders, the party proceeds cautiously through the corridor. The first thing we learn about the dungeon is that the interior is just as gold as the exterior. No one is very thrilled about this fact. Even the kitties by my side comment on how straining the Pimpfort to look at. Along the floor runs a thick red carpet identical to the one we saw the other day at the Besthal Pet Shop. For lighting, magical spotlights seem to be projecting from the ceiling in intervals of five feet away from each other.

At the end of the path lies a red, fancy-looking jeweled door. After making their way through to the end of the golden hall without incident, the group of three all pause and await command.

“Pretty...” Peri coos.

“Very much so.” I rub my chin in thought, gazing pointedly at the beautiful structure on screen. “Meri, do me a favor, dear?”

“Myaster, I hardly think that this is the right-” Snow begins to speak but is interrupted by the Shield Maiden.

“Sure, Master!” Meri pumps her fists like she always does to show her determination.

“Use your buckler’s sword and see if you can carve a few of those diamonds out from the door. Stuff them in your pack.”

“W-Wha!?”

‘Heh.’

“Nice.” Sam smirks.

At my side, a certain white-haired Catfolk looms angrily. Her heated gaze becomes impossible to ignore. “...Be quick about it, Mistress.” Snow sighs. “Considering a Goddess is involved, I don’t think anything too bad could have happened to the girls yet... so I’ll allow it just this once, nyaa.”

“Thank you, Snow.” I smile right as Meri sets to work using her blade to eek some of the gemstones out of the door and into the pocket of the Guild.

“Don’t thank me yet.” Snow giggles. “Mistress Meri, dear? Make sure you get enough of those little pretties for the Myaster to make me a diamond collar.”

“Oh, uh. Alright!” Meri speeds it up while Sam and Zutiria loiter about. Neither girl has a tool that could easily wedge the jewels out. Sam might break the door, and Zutiria would have to waste mana on however she’d do it.

Peri tilts her head and looks at me. “A collar? Are you Snow’s Myaster too now?”

“If only, nyaa.” Cherry shrugs, remembering how much work she and Peri have to do around the Guild before it’s spotless.

Snow coughs awkwardly in response and looks askance. “I was attempting to lighten the mood with a joke, dears. I-I didn’t mean anything by it...”

Unable to help myself, I stare towards Snow and do my best to bite back my words. She catches on quick enough and looks me in the eyes. “...Oh, just fucking say it, nyaa.” Snow sharply hisses.

I begin to blush, as it’s not often I get called on my bullshit. “It doesn’t have to be a joke, Snow.” I meekly quip.

“Yes, that’s about what I thought. Absolutely not the time to be hitting on me, Myaster.” Snow crosses her arms and blushes, looking off to the side.

“Look, I wasn’t going to say it, but-”

“Shush. Next room, girls. That should be more than enough diamonds for my collar.”

Behind us, Peri and Cherry hold back giggles like they were a pair of children watching Mommy and Daddy tease each other.

Meri retreats her sword back into the buckler, and she opens the way for the three of them to pass. They follow Snow’s orders to the letter and don’t even wait for me to repeat them. The door gives way quickly enough, offering no resistance and letting the girls walk right in.

The next room is what seems to be a large greeting hall. A sparkling marble fountain sits dead center in the middle of the room. A single statue of a beautiful naked woman stands atop a raised podium in the middle. Spraying what appears to be sparkling champagne from the perky nipples of her ludicrous-sized stone titties, the statue looms overhead.

To the north and south sides of the chamber are two identical doors emblazoned once more with excessive jewelry. This time the jewels are all arranged to create the outline of a gigantic stylized phallus. The room is scant as far as decoration goes, surprisingly enough. Still, there are a few pedestals along the walls, which all have stunning silver vases containing beautiful roses sitting atop them.

Behind the fountain lies a beautiful twin staircase that rises up along the wall of both sides of the room, ending in a golden balcony with an even larger jeweled door behind it. Atop the terrace standing on the railing is Sir Pimpington. Behind him are his two primary henchwomen known only as Left Hoe and Right Hoe.

The pimp wears a baffling combination of glittering, diamond-encrusted golden armor overtop his large, impractical pimp coat. His choice of gear is light and easy to maneuver in, wearing a chest plate, pauldrons, and a pair of armored boots and gauntlets, all ornate and all stunning to behold. I assume that the pimp’s armor is not actually gold, as gold makes for terrible defense. It’s more likely made to look gold through the use of a Chroma Crystal.

Instead of the cane sword that we witnessed him wielding briefly at the Besthal Pet Shop, his right-hand holds the most beautiful rapier I’ve ever seen. A long, elegant, and thin silver blade juts out from a crossguard made up of perfectly entwined metal roses. As if by magic, red petals continue to wilt off of the flowers comprising the crossguard with seemingly no end in sight to their number. The pommel is no less beautiful and has a single encrusted ruby to tie the artistry of it altogether.

Mental note- I don’t care if none of the girls can use it. They’re not coming home without that sword. I’ll hang it on my office wall if I have to... such beauty is wasted on this perverse peddler of prostitutes. I only hope you can tell the sword to stop the magic petal wilting effect. That’d be a nightmare to clean up overtime...

As soon as Sam, Meri and Zutiria set foot inside the chamber, Sir Pimpington gazes down at them. He extends his free hand to Right Hoe behind him, who hands him a glass and pours it with an expensive-looking red wine.

The vicious pimp holds it to his thin lips, samples it, and then throws the glass several onto the ground a few feet away from my adventurers. It shatters into a thousand sparkling pieces, making the red wine puddle onto the golden floor.

Sighing and raising an eyebrow, Pimpington speaks, “Greetings, Guild-bitches. Ya ever come home drunk and think to yourself that the house don’t look the way ya left it? Yeeeeahhhh. I just had one HELL of a night, ya feel me?”