The Gamer Chapter 1581 – Birthday John 5 – Group 4 (Patreon)

“Oh hey, there are other groups than 2 and 5,” John stated when the next dates came into view.

Lee and Lorelei stood next to each other, their eyes following Sylph who was busy babbling on about this or that. The conversation came to a temporary halt when Lydia and Nia closed in and did as all those before and gave a quick report on what they had done. Nia and Lee exchanged an intimate hug. Then the last and current dates separated, leaving John with the latter.

Sylph had put on a summer dress of the same bright green as her typical bodysuit. Lorelei followed suit, although the skirt on hers was considerably longer and the greyish colour quite plain. Lee wore a dark shirt with a gaming logo at the front and denim hot pants, putting her thunder thighs on full display.

John took it as a sign of just how thorough the pampering in the morning had been that he still managed to keep his mind out of the gutter despite how enticing those three looked. Sylph met him a quarter of the way and immediately gave him a loving smooch.

“MWAH!” she vocalized for emphasis. “Audible gasp! You taste of apple! I love apples and I love John and I do love bottoms! Apple bottoms! How about we go find some apple bottoms!” Sylph turned around and pointed at Lee. “There is one right there!”

“Very funny,” Lee answered drily. Despite being neither a goddess of the night nor a vampire, the gamer girl was just as adverse to stepping out of the Palace’s shadow. The afternoon sun was still going strong, so he couldn’t fault her for that too much. “What’s the plan?”

“The beach?” John suggested, to a lukewarm response. Not bad enough to forego the idea outright, but not good enough to immediately go with it either. Rubbing his chin, he considered alternatives.

“How about my domain?” Sylph gestured towards the south, where the hovering isles of the Air Islands offered a place to explore.

“If I may, much as I love you, Sylph, I believe that would be too chatty an environment,” Lorelei suggested.

“Whaaaaaat? Nooooooooo! My kind is totally withheld and respectful of privacy, we never flip any skirts or enter conversations uninvited and we are always so patient!” Sylph giggled to herself. “SARCASM! WOOOOOO!”

“…You’re so weird.” Lee tried to keep her dry tone, but she did chuckle. “We can just stand here in the shade and talk.”

“Honestly, not the worst idea ever,” John told her and whistled. It was a particular signal, immediately caught by a nearby Firefae, which then transformed into a Fae Maid. The likeness of Momo did a curtsy, her face held a smile between mischievous and servile, and the glint in her black eyes made it clear that this was not the actual fairy maid. She could manifest her will or change positions with any one of her Fae Maids when she wanted, but they were still capable of autonomous action. “Bring us a table, chairs, and refreshments.”

“You’re such a creative date maker.” Lee was back to her sarcastic ways, while they watched the Fae Maid disappear inside the Palace.

“I just walked around for an hour, so I don’t mind sitting down for a bit,” John told her.

“Wow, so we can’t have a nice date because you’re lazy? Sounds like you need extra bodies to deal with your harem, my dude.” Lee realized that she was laying on the bratty a bit thick. Demonstrably, she took a look around. “For real, though, I haven’t seen Jack and Jake around all day? Is it just one of those days?”

“It is one of those days,” John confirmed for her.

Although there was practically very little difference to him having or not having any of the extra bodies active, there was a mental change that was difficult to convey to people limited to their one physicality. Limiting the string of information he received made everything a little more intimate, just by the psychology of it. Even if he was mentally capable of paying full attention with all three bodies, everyone just felt like there was a difference, him included.

Every now and again, John therefore liked to have his additional bodies hang about ‘deactivated’ in some side-chamber. Close enough to be called on in case of emergency but isolated enough that he did not have to pay any mind to them.

“If not today, then when?” he asked, just as five Fae Maids came back out, carrying the various items he had asked for.

“No idea…” Lee admitted.

“I can only hope to ever be as useful as Momo is,” Lee mumbled.

“Isn’t she the second best?” Sylph palavered. “Like, obviously Aclysia is THE best, but Momo is the second best with being everywhere and giving John all this extra free time by doing his paperwork and all of that and that’s very cute and all and I love her… but then Gnome isn’t second best, and neither is Jane, and that doesn’t work either!”

“Don’t you think you’re the best?” Lee asked.

“Psh, no, I am best concubine slash courtesan. I’m very compact, you see? Very small and handleable and I love aaaaaaaall the ways that John wants to pump his loads into me because I’m the horny bunny around and that’s what I do.”

John shook his head at the enthusiastic declaration of perversion. Not that she was wrong or that he wouldn’t say something similar in other circumstances, it was just that he turned into the straight man of the comedic duo whenever Sylph was around. Everyone did.

“I think we can make Ehtra just as horny and happy as me!”

“That feels like a drastic change?” Lee asked.

“I can sense that John wishes to field the question about our opinions of her,” Lorelei stated and half-turned her head. “I can also sense that Aclysia is currently having a deservedly uncomfortable conversation.”

“…Is it about that thing that I’m not supposed to know about but feel I should know a lot about?” John fielded the question.

“What thing?” Sylph asked. “There is a thing going on? Why was I not informed about the thing? I love things! And stuff! I love that shirt that Eliana has that says, ‘I am stuff’. Do you still have the ‘I was busy doing stuff’ shirt, John?”

“I do indeed.”

“Did you seriously not notice yet that something has been going on with Aclysia and Claire?” Lee asked. “My dude, they’re obviously plotting something.”

“May I summarize that it does have something to do with it and change the topic?” Lorelei requested. “It is not for me to disclose.”

“As long as there’s nothing harmful going on,” John said and waved off. Lee and Sylph did not seem content with that answer, but they could ask in their own time. ‘For better or for worse, I’ve resolved to just let this go where it goes.’

“Back to Ehtra, then,” Lee declared. “You were saying?”

“Suuuuch a repressed submissive! Like, for real! Eliana level, easy!” Sylph declared.

John tilted his head. With each evaluation by his haremettes, he got a picture of the First of Hatred that was either getting more and more accurate or ever more skewed. Considering the levels of Wisdom and Charisma across his girls, the former was much more likely. ‘Which does not bode well for her delay in joining the harem if she really is that potentially competent, crazy and submissive as I keep hearing about. That’s the triad of traits I am attracted to…’

“I like her,” Lee stated and picked up a cup of cold water, water a Fae Maid had poured. “Whaaaat? Lee liking tall, domineering women… who could have guessed?”

“Not sure if you are demeaning yourself or not.”

“More like accurately describing reality? Because tall, domineering women are… hrhrhrrrrr.” The sound was between a purr and a lustful groan. “If she is a submissive under that, which I don’t doubt actually, she’s hiding it pretty well.”

“I feel like she’s overcompensating,” John gave his opinion on that front.

“I don’t think so, if I may be so bold,” Lorelei weighed in. “I think she is who she is and she likes what she likes. Those two things need not be connected. If you were to remove my inclinations from me, I would still behave in a fashion many would describe as meek. I believe it is similar with her.”

“I think typically sexual inclinations come from character traits already present, not the other way around, but I also think being a 4000-year-old virgin will do things to your brain.”

“Fuck,” Lee whispered. “4000 years’ worth of unscratched itches…”

“No wonder she’s so annoyed! And abrasive! And sneering!” Sylph babbled.

“I heavily caution against the expectation that the First of Hatred is those things because she has not been sexually satisfied,” Lorelei repeated.

“I’m mostly with you,” John clarified. “We will or will not see how that pans out…” Changing the topic, John added, “You’re notably less meek than you used to be, though.”

“I have noticed.” Lorelei folded her hands in her lap. “Your encouragements to speak my mind are taking hold, beloved Gamer.”

“Much to my delight,” John smirked.

Lorelei returned a withheld smile. Subtly, she played with the tip of her braid. John’s triad may have been crazy, competent, and submissive, but he could certainly appreciate the feminine, soft-spoken, and graceful as well. Having a preference did not mean he was blind to other forms of beauty.

“Did I change since we got into a relationship?” Lee wondered. “Aside from me changing career paths, like… three times.”

John browsed through the memories and came to a pretty quick conclusion. “Not much,” he said. “I think you’ve been veering more on the shy side lately, but that’s probably because we did more public stuff.”

“If I ever lose my sarcasm, just shoot me.”

“Was that sarcasm? What would shooting you even do? Sure I shouldn’t zap you instead?” Sylph babbled her way back into the conversation. Bunny ears flopped while the air spirit tilted left to right, her legs waving under the table. “Hey, hey, have I changed? Have I changed at all?”

“You’re honestly less obnoxious than you used to be,” the Gamer told her straight to her face.

“Audible gasp? Me? Obnoxious? Whyever would I no longer be?!” Sylph threw her hands in the air. “How do I annoy Sally until she throws her adorable fits if I am less annoying than I was when I couldn’t pronounce ‘axiomatic’ or ‘multilinear’?”

John just chuckled at that. “Back when we first made our contract, Sylph was even more prone to babble,” he explained to the two comparatively late additions to his harem. “It made way less sense too. I still started to love her back then, but she has learned a degree of self-control.”

“I also used to get seriously high off sugar!” Sylph giggled, then turned a solemn gaze towards the horizon. “Marvin, how I miss you…”

John could practically see the image of the giant gummy bear superimposed against the sky. “I have been watching too much anime lately,” he mumbled.

“No such thing!” Lee declared.

“…Sometimes I manage to forget that you are also into Chinese cartoons.”

“Oy!” Lee kicked him. “That’s doubly insulting. You implying I’m not weeb enough?”

“You… Actually, I don’t know if you don’t look the part. My brain disconnects gamer girls from weebs, but maybe I am making a false distinction?” He let out a prolonged sigh. “I do know that you look lovely though.”

“Wha-“ Lee blushed, taken by the compliment like a deer in the headlights. “You can’t just… urgh, and I was trying to be sassy with you, you… beautiful man that I cherish.”

John shot her a smug smile. She rolled her eyes. Sylph cheered, “And now kiss!”

“If you insist.”

“No, you don’t get to – go away, you gross… thing!” Lee fought him back with all of the force of a girl that ‘totally’ did not want to have a peck placed on her cheek – then the other cheek. In the end, John did not get to pull back until their tongues had a prolonged meeting. She smelled faintly of mint and dust. Not the most enticing mixture, but it was a special kind of homely for the Gamer.

When he slouched back in his chair, Sylph made it a point to jump her butt into his lap. “Hehe, I can get away with this. Bow before my shortness and its many benefits!”

“I’m 1,69, you bow before my niceness!”

“Urgh!” Sylph raised her arm in defence against the verbal blow. “How can this be?! Defeated by a tall?!”

“I’m not even tall, I’m about average. The maids are tall-ish… except Delicia.”

“How many times have you tried her mutagens at this point?” John wondered.

“Uuhhh, can I say never?” Lee answered, deliberately looking elsewhere.

“She is lying.”

“Thanks, Lorelei, I got that.”

“Y u fallin’ in my back, Rel?” Lee asked, pouting. “That’s so not pog.”

“…You just spoke cringe, Lee,” the Gamer declared.

“It was not kek!” Sylph beat the table with her tiny fists. “It was CRINGE, Lee! Cringe, based, cringe, cream, cringe!”

“…If I may, you all sound positively ridiculous,” Lorelei remarked and just for a moment John imagined he could hear her posh British accent shining through. It scarcely went pronounced, even rarer did he notice, but sometimes he could hear that the Shield Branch of the Order of the Golden Rose did hail from the isles. “This is a degeneration of the English tongue.”

“Are you still mad about that one time I pulled all the bad jokes out on you?”

“I was not and am not mad about that,” Lorelei responded, her tone so even that they could only believe her. “I am still confused. How does the joke work? You just add ‘deez nuts’ to sentences, without rhyme or reason.”

“Ya get it or ya don’t,” Lee said.

“I do not.” Lorelei took her cup and had a refreshing sip of water.

“So?” John asked. “How many times?”

“Two,” Lee confessed. “I was curious! Everyone around me is turning into hot monster girls and I am just human.”

“The Lady designed the human form with great care,” Lorelei suggested in her ever-feminine tone. “There is no shame in adhering to the baseline.”

“I’m not becoming a monster… boy sounds wrong, monster man either.”

Eager to change the topic, Lee hooked right into that. “Ever wonder why it’s okay to call girls girls but calling men boys is super insulting?”

“A mixture of factors, chief among which I believe, is that youth is not a fundamentally attractive factor when it comes to men.” The Gamer had, indeed, thought about this a lot. “Not that women don’t like twenty-somethings, but in general men with life experience and two feet in the economy are preferred. Calling a man a ‘boy’ insinuates that he lacks what makes us independent and attractive. Calling a woman a girl just means you call her young and, for better or for worse, young women are attractive just because they are young women. Don’t have to do more than that.”

“As proven by…” Lee pointed at her face.

“…Do I need to give you the Eliana treatment?” the Gamer threatened.

“Hey, I’m just a double drop-out turned the worst household helper in the harem of my sugar daddy… can I say the word in that context?”

“I’ll allow it… barely.” John scratched Sylph between her spoon ears. Small and cute, the girl kept shifting in his lap, just being all small and cute. She was so small and cute that he almost forgot he had a conversation to continue. “You’re so much more than that though.”

“Eh.”

“You’re the only person under 20 around now. I mean, the elementals and Artificial Spirits don’t really count.”

“Oh Gaia, don’t remind me.” Burying her face in her hands, Lee let out a long groan. “I already feel like a baby chick half the time! Metra tells us about like some great battle she had in the Alps that was the culmination of a four year campaign of smoking out enemy camps and all I can think about is how the only thing I did the last four years was grind up to Grandmaster in LoL.” She tilted her head back and shouted, “AAAAAHHHHHHHH! I AM SO BORING!”

“But at least you can read washing machine hieroglyphs now,” John made fun of her, because that was how one engaged with a self-loathing gamer girl.

“Yeah! Take that, gender norms! I am following you!” Lee threw her fists in the air, then slouched forwards. “Man, it’s so weird that I am kind of looking forward to being barefoot and pregnant…”

“Selection bias,” John told her. “If you didn’t have that inclination, I would have been way less interested in having a relationship with you, ergo…”

“I mean, I guess. I just didn’t use to.”

“Something that I find quite interesting,” Lorelei said. “I always knew I would want that.”

“Yeah, but, you know, you really fit the religious stereotype in that regard.”

“Thank you,” Lorelei said with a sincere smile. “To return to the mutagens, I believe you are beautiful as you are, Lee.”

“Th-thanks,” the gamer girl blushed again and played with her hair, “I guess I got the looks at least…”

“You are so getting spanked tonight,” John warned her. “No self-deprecation on my birthday, you brilliant woman!”

“More like the last girl among women.”

John did laugh at that.