The Gamer Chapter 1534 – His First Goddess (Patreon)

John rushed through the corridors with swift strides. The rest of his harem was following close behind, some even walking ahead. None entirely broke from the formation and no one dared to stand in their way. The collective strength of their auras flooded the rooms with enough mana particles to create light. Anyone who was in their general vicinity either stopped or turned the other way.

When they entered the hospital area of the coliseum, they did so to the startled whimpers of the entire medical staff. These experts had seen and done much, but the combined weight of the harem’s presence was still out of bounds for them.

The room was hot, too hot for the weather even. Nathalia was the source of it, her half-closed wounds still bleeding molten metals and rock. By necessity, she sat in a bed of heat resistant, enchanted wool. Even it caught alight at times, quickly stomped out by whichever healer was closest.

With a singular gesture, John made it understood for them to back off. Undine flowed into their place. The surface of the slime woman hissed for a moment, then the healing power of Undine overpowered the heat.

The wounds were gruesome, even with the attention given. Nathalia was still in this new form of hers. About two metres from the claws of her double-jointed legs to the, currently, singular curved, black horn extending from her draconic head. Her surface, so constantly shifting during the final moments of combat, was almost entirely inert and black, like a lava lake that was long past the zenith of its heat.

She was an interesting sight, dragon, humanoid, and goddess combined. She was a wonderful sight, a divine being reshaped. She was a terrifying sight, entire parts of her gouged out and ripped apart like cyclopean rock under the hammer strike of a titan.

A steaming breath left the volcano goddess’ maw. Evenly sized teeth in her half-elongated head moved. They were as much quintessential lava as they were sharpened obsidian. In part, this new form reminded John of Eliana’s most monstrous moments, just draconic rather than bone-covered. A factor that could not have been a coincidence.

Undine’s mending presence accelerated the knitting together of Nathalia’s half-annihilated abdomen. Obsidian needles spread out, oddly resembling fishbones, and then oozed out an ichor that gradually replaced whatever constituted for flesh in her current form.

Heavy eyelids stirred, then opened to give view to the typical display of incandescence. Except, where the centre usually was white hot, it only reached the realm of orange gold at the moment, turning the outer rims black. As the lifeforce returned to her, the heat gradually ramped up.

“Everyone,” Nathalia mumbled, her voice raspier than usual and weak. “I’m sorry…”

“Don’t you fucking dare start with that,” Salamander was the first to speak up, dropping down next to the goddess. “You did everything you could.”

“I… did not…” Nathalia took a deep breath and closed her eyes again for a moment. Her form shrunk. Claws receded, lava seeped under caramel skin, the shape of a monstrous humanoid made room for the attractive curves of a woman. Her wounds appeared even more grievous in this state, if only because John’s brain could better map on to the devastation that had been wrought. His mana steadily flowed to Undine, helping keep the healing going. “I hesitated to adapt because… I was clinging onto who I was… I have been taking all of you for granted.”

Her voice regained a little steadiness. Under the carpet of slime, she rolled her shoulder. Gradually, all of her was regaining her usual lustre. Red hair began to glow, eyes heated up like iron in the fire, the gemstone in her chest reclaimed its typical shine. All of that happened very slowly. Even if the gap in their power had narrowed enough that Undine could notably aid in the goddess’ regeneration, her vitality was still such that healing her took a while.

A while in which no one was quite certain what to say.

They looked at John and John kept looking at Nathalia. The goddess stared back, strong of will even at this moment. She was prepared for the truth and John was prepared to speak it. This was not the time for empty reassurances or loving words of understanding. “Yes,” he admitted, “you have.”

Nathalia took a deep inhale and nodded a couple of times to herself, almost smiling at his admittance. “You’ve made me soft,” she hummed and stretched her shoulders. The fresh patch of scales that covered the gap on the left tore open. A pained grimace hushed over her attractive features, but disappeared quickly. “I would not have minded exploiting people for their love just a few years ago. Not even the little gestures I make of support and lust feel adequate now.”

The dragoness directed a warning glare at one of the support staff at that moment. The nurse took the hint and rapidly left the room, everyone else in tow, leaving the harem to their devices.

John plopped down next to her on the bed of wool, his back against the wall, warm from the heat she radiated. “I do not mind the relationship we have had since you returned,” he spoke his mind. “I don’t think you have been selfish in any way that I couldn’t stomach, but you have been selfish. That cannot be denied.”

Nathalia smiled again. A hollow, out of place smile, that did not reach the eyes. “I’ve taken so much for granted, for such a long time,” the goddess said, her voice barely above a whisper. Putting her head against the wall, she covered her eyes with the crook of her right arm. “I’ve been a slut and a harbinger of wanton destruction. I never understood what I was taking from someone when I burned their livelihood away. Love. I never understood what-“

An involuntary jolt went through Nathalia. At first, John thought Undine’s healing efforts had touched a nerve, but the reality became clear a moment later. A tear rolled past the cover of her eyes.

“What have I been doing all this time?” she asked, between ever intensifying sobs. Her voice, squeaky and barely pressed out of her throat, was drenched in misery. “How did I live this long and manage to be this inept at everything? All I am is powerful. I could just take because of what I am. I am not worthy of anything for who I am.”

John did not interrupt her, and raised his hand when Rave was about to speak up. The first of the harem gave him a confused glance, but submitted to his will. No one said anything, while tears dripped from Nathalia’s chin in constant streams. The Gamer did not want to interrupt her. This was an epiphany too long in the making for any of them to add their opinion.

“I don’t even remember all the things I did. I can’t even begin to recall them all,” Nathalia continued her confession. Who she confessed to, them, herself, or anyone else, hardly mattered. “I thought everything was simple. I was right because I was strong. Love. I never understood it and now that I do… it’s tearing me apart. Who can wash the blood and ash off my hands? Why did I preserve so many parts of me that deserve to burn instead? My greed, my gluttony, my endless selfish indulgences…”

Nathalia stopped, gulped, and let out the held breath afterwards. For a moment it looked like she would lift her arm. It was just a failed effort at holding back the next wave of tears.

“I couldn’t even do the one thing I thought I brought to this group. I couldn’t even win. I just had to insist on staying as a giant, cumbersome dragon when I could be – should be – so much more.” A trembling inhale, a long exhale. “You made me soft. I don’t hate it. I like it. I like having… more around me than the pleasure of the moment… more than just seeking the next novelty… I love it… but how can you love me? I’m… I’m so broken…. The regret is starting to settle in and the sins don’t stop mounting and I can’t even claim that I can atone for them. Almost everyone I ever wronged is dead, by my hands or crushed by the wheels of time. The only thing I can do is… try to be better….”

John chose that moment to finally act. He put a hand on the side of her face and gently lifted her arm off her face. The eyes that came into view were red, both in the colour of the irises and in the bloodshot state that surrounded the ruby core. The slit pupils narrowed, as light reached them once again.

“Hey, lady,” the Gamer said in a firm and serious tone, “I’m mighty proud of you.”

“For what?” Nathalia croaked. “What could you possibly be proud of about me? I’m a broken mess and an utter failure, a walking calamity ten millennia old and yet less mature than some teenagers.”

“Because you can admit that.” John wiggled a little closer. Nathalia’s outer form was repaired now and Undine pulled back to let him sit next to her. Keeping her eyes set on him, he only wanted to be someone she could hold onto if she needed it in the minutes and years that would follow. “I won’t lie to you and say that I never was annoyed or even disgusted by your flaws. I knew that you were an apocalypse in human form when I first met you. I fell for you, despite you sleeping with other men between our second and third meeting. I did not understand why that was. I still don’t quite understand. What I do know, Nathalia, is that I did not have to fight what my heart desired… because you improved all on your own. You were the one that decided to test me and yourself. You decided to learn my language. You tried to integrate yourself despite what you felt entitled to. Yes, you do have a horrid past. Yes, you do take us for granted. Then and now, you were and are on the right path.” His fingers combed through her pleasantly hot hair. He smiled. “For that, I am proud of you. You could have stayed the woman I met. You became my mate. I love you.”

Nathalia’s body tensed up, before a fresh wave of tears flowed from her eyes. There was something graceful and terrible in seeing an ancient being like this lose herself to regret. John could stand the sight no longer and pulled her against his chest. Her tears soaked into his shirt.

Salamander and Rave first, then the rest of the harem layered on top of them. John had to shift around, to let Nathalia be the centre of the cuddle pile. For several full minutes, they were like that, a big mountain of love and care, moving only so everyone could get their turn rubbing up and whispering to the goddess directly.

At some point throughout, Nathalia’s tears dried up and a new smile, an honest one, spread on her deep red lips. “Enough of this!” she finally declared, giving everyone a firm, yet gentle shove. Once she had the space to stand, she did, and stretched as if she had just slept a hundred years. With the back of her hands, she wiped away the last vestiges of her sorrow. “I do not know what to do with all of this… regret, yet,” she stated, her voice husky in the usual, mature, and prideful way. “Neither do I know what else I can offer this world I will help build yet.”

Nathalia extended a hand to Rave. The feline Lightbearer took it and let the goddess help her stand. Repeating this for as many haremettes as she could reach, the redhead continued.

“All I know is that I am still me and that I would like to stay me… but I would also like to be more than I have been before. More than the Flame of Destruction, more than a dragon that ascended. I am your first goddess.” John caught her smiling over her shoulder at him. “I have to… introspect on what parts of me are bad habits and what are justified aspects of who I am. I don’t know where that journey will take me. I know that I will take it by your side.” Opening her arms up wide, the dragoness picked up Rave, Eliana and Aclysia in one big hug. “I love you. All of you.”

“Shut the fuck up, you gorgeous fucking annoyance!” Salamander declared, tackling Nathalia right back onto the bed.

The barely broken cuddle pile went for a second round. One that was way more energetic, resembling a pillow fight without pillows more than anything.

John was eventually wrestled down, and he just let the women climb all over him. He gladly took the occasional knee or elbow in an unwarranted spot in return for everything else that happened. The cuddles, the laughter, the rubbing of faces and kisses all over.

Nathalia wouldn’t change from today to tomorrow. Not in any meaningful, immediate way, anyhow. In the end, all behaviour was based on building habits. That she had reached the breaking point of realizing that her past was, at best, checkered on her own was wonderful. Not because it saddened her, of course, but because it made it so much better to move ahead with her.

She would try to be a better person. She would fail at times, as they all did. No one in the harem could claim to be entirely good. They were all flawed people living in a flawed world. Some of them had much to atone for, others nothing. Maybe Nathalia’s sins really were too much to ever make up for.

John cared about that, but cared more about her. If there was too much that she had done wrong to ever balance the scales, then he would rather have her alive and unatoned than dead and redeemed. Life did not offer do-overs. Wood once carved could not be returned to its original state. Accumulated mistakes could only be acknowledged and worked with as best one could.

Tired from all the love, the harem lay on the much too small bed and the ground around it. They were all in their individual thoughts. John could sense the contemplations. All of them were trying to follow Nathalia’s example and become a little better. Nathalia was following all of their examples. They were so much more than his harem. They were a group that loved and was loved, that tried to coax the best out of each other and that was motivated to become the best for each other. Nothing else would suffice.

Momo eventually cleared her throat. An unwilling sound, but one they all understood she had to make. “Not to dispel the moment buuuuut… we have to head back.”

“Yeah,” John agreed with a long sigh. He found Nathalia one more time and kissed her on the lips. They still tasted faintly of salt. “I really am mighty proud of you.”

“Thank you,” Nathalia whispered and gave him a quick hug.

Then, they left the hospital behind.