A Christmas Surprise. (Patreon)

Blurb:

It's said Felix Felicis gives you what you need, not what you want. Harry is about to find out just what this means at Slughorn's party. 

(AU where Harry decides to use the Felix Felicis right away. Hogwarts starts at 14 in the AU.)

Content Warnings: Threesome, Cum Play, Teasing.

“Hermione has a very nice ass.”

Harry nearly sprayed the couch in front of him with butterbeer at the sound of Luna’s spacey voice. He hurriedly pushed his glass against his lips as he spluttered, letting the warm butterbeer safely dribble into it.

“What?” he rasped, pulling his eyes away from his best friend.

“I like to admire it on occasion. I wish I had an ass like hers,” Luna answered honestly. She leaned against the back of the couch and looked up at him with a radiant smile. “But my ass can’t be that bad if we’re on a date.”

“Your, uh, your ass is perfectly fine Luna,” Harry murmured with an awkward smile. His date with Luna was not how he had envisioned the night going but he had to admit her refreshing frankness was both adorable and made the rest of the blowhards in the Slug Club slightly bearable. “But this isn’t a proper date. We’re here as friends.”

“That’s alright. Friends can admire each other’s asses, can’t they? I don’t mind and I’m sure Hermione won’t either.”

He had no answer to that, especially since he was sure Hermione would ritualistically disembowel him with a cursed dagger if she ever caught him staring at her butt.

“I wasn’t admiring her ass, Luna. I’m just trying to figure out how to save her from Cormac.”

His mission to extract information from Professor Slughorn had only slightly been derailed by the look of utter disgust on his best friend’s face as her date alternated between eating his boogers and giving her a blow-by-blow analysis of how he’d have performed in every Quidditch game he had ever watched.

The plan, in his head, was simple. He’d taken a single swig of Felix Felicis, enough to last him the night. This meant he had enough time (and luck) to somehow get Cormac to leave so that he and Hermione could corner Professor Slughorn and get him to spill the beans.

“I was confused when she asked Cormac to the party,” Luna’s musical voice broke the train of his thoughts. “But then Padma told me girls like to date other men to make the one they like jealous. She wants you to notice her, Harry. You should go tell her that her bum looks nice in that dress.”

“Yeah- wait. She’s doing this to make Ron jealous, not me.” Harry shook his head. “He’s the idiot prat who won’t notice her.”

“Oh, no. You’re the idiotic prat who won’t notice her,” Luna replied. “I’ve seen it. You have two babies with her and one with me. My mother was a very powerful seer, you know?”

This time Harry did spit out his drink, smiling apologetically at the passing house elf who looked at the stained couch with a scowl.

“Professor Trewlawney told me a cursed shovel will kill me next week. Not sure how I can get two different women pregnant if I’m dead, Luna,” Harry responded with a crooked smile. “You should meet up with her so the two of you can reconcile your visions.”

Luna’s face fell but she bounced back just as quickly. “Oh. I hope she’s wrong. But perhaps you should give me some of your seed if she isn’t. I’ll store it in an enchanted vial and I promise to share some of it with Hermione when she wants it.”

He’d long since come to realize his friend alternated between wise, adorable, and completely cuckoo. If he was being honest he found it very charming. She was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise shite life.

“I’ll… uh… I’ll get right on it,” Harry murmured, knowing it was pointless arguing with Luna. “Let me go save Hermione first.”

“Okay!” With another one of her radiant smiles, she pulled away from him and disappeared into the crowd.

Harry shook his head fondly and turned his attention back towards Hermione. She was leaning against a pillar, trying to put as much distance between herself and her date’s grabby hands as possible. Harry could have sworn the man was trying to find an excuse to touch Hermione with his stupid booger-stained hands.

Feeling a sudden flash of anger he could not explain, he stomped towards the pig-headed Gryffindor and socked him right in the jaw.

“Stay away from my girl,” Harry said as loudly as he could, the words tumbling from his mouth before his brain could even register what he was saying. He reached out and wrapped an arm around Hermione's slender waist and pulled her into his side.

“Harry what are you doing?” she hissed quietly. She looked down at the groaning man by their feet with a mixture of pity and disgust.

“Do you want to spend the rest of the night with him?”

“I was seconds away from breaking a glass and stabbing either him or myself with the stem,” Hermione muttered with a shiver.

“Then just play along,” Harry murmured. He gently nudged Cormac with his foot. “You don’t touch her again, do you get me?” he glowered, deciding to draw on his nemesis for inspiration. Snape could be pretty intimidating when he wanted to be, after all.

“Harry, my dear! What’s happening?”

The magic of the potion gently nudged him to change his demeanor as he turned to look at Professor Slughorn.

“Hermione and I had a fight, professor,” Harry said with the widest puppy dog eyes he could muster. “McClaggen thought he could make a move on her. I’m sorry I lost my temper but I love Hermione so much!”

He gently squeezed Hermione’s waist. Hermione (who he could proudly say was much brighter than him and didn’t need the aid of any potion) quickly cottoned on and nodded vigorously. Strands of sleek brown hair escaped from her bun and framed her pink face in a way that made her impossibly pretty.

“Harry’s been so stressed and busy, professor. We fought and I asked Cormac to the party. It’s not his fault, please don’t punish him.”

“You two are dating?” Professor Slughorn asked with a delighted smile.

Harry exchanged a glance with Hermione and both of them nodded together. Harry could see the gears in Slughorn’s head turning. The man was already mapping out their entire future, including the number of children they’d have and what each child would do.

“Harry, my boy!” Slughorn said jovially. The portly man reached out and grasped Harry’s shoulders, gently shaking him. “I know the fate of the Wizarding World rests on your shoulders but you must make time for your girlfriend! Especially when she’s as charming and vivacious as our wonderful Miss Granger.”

“O-of course, professor,” Harry nodded. “I’m sorry, Mione,” he added and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I won’t neglect our relationship again.”

Harry could have sworn he saw Slughorn do a tiny jump from the corner of his eye.

The smile on Slughorn’s face disappeared as he turned to Cormac, who was looking up at Harry with murderous intent.

“Let this be a lesson to you, young man. You will have no place in polite society if you stand between true love. I think it’s best if you visited the Hospital Wing and got checked out,” Slughorn said, staring at Cormac until he stood and left.

“Now, Harry,” Slughorn continued, his voice growing serious. “I hope you don’t think that was enough for Miss Granger to forgive you! You must kiss your lady properly!”

Harry froze. Kissing Hermione’s cheek was one thing but kissing her? He wasn’t sure who’d be more angry if he did, Hermione or Ron.

Had he just made things worse?

Fortunately, Hermione decided to take matters into her own hands before he could overthink and dig himself further into the hole he had made for himself.

A dainty hand reached out to cup his cheek. She gently turned his head until he was looking at her and then leaned up on her tiptoes to press her lips against his for a soft kiss.

“I forgive you,” she whispered as she pulled away.

The room erupted in cheers, led by none other than Professor Slughorn himself but Harry didn’t hear the applause or the teasing. Every sound around him was muted and the world around them faded. Only Hermione remained in focus and he stared at her with big green eyes, his brain unable to comprehend what had just happened. A strange calm washed over him as the shock wore off. It was almost as if a piece of himself he had been missing his entire life had been found and the beautiful girl standing in front of him was holding it.

“That’s better.” Slughorn slapped Harry’s back, breaking the spell. “We must have dinner together! I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Just the three of us?” Hermione asked shrewdly.

“Of course!”

“We’d be delighted, professor,” Harry murmured with a grin. He now had the perfect time and place to pump his professor for the information he needed. Hermione always had a way of solving every bloody problem in his life.

“Good man. Now, there are a few people I want you to meet today…” Slughorn trailed off and scanned the room.

Harry and Hermione exchanged glances again, coming to a silent agreement. Neither had any interest in being paraded around like a show pony.

“Uh, professor. We were thinking about leaving the party early. It’s Christmas Eve and I’d love some time alone with Hermione.”

“Please, professor?” Hermione added, placing a hand on Harry’s chest. She slipped it under his shirt slowly, making sure Professor Slughorn noticed her gesture.

Harry froze as her slender fingers brushed against his chest. A current ran along his spine, shutting down his brain and causing an entirely inappropriate response in another body part.

“Yes, yes. Of course. There’s always other parties,” Slughorn muttered with pink cheeks.

“Thank you, professor!” Hermione said brightly. She took Harry’s hand and led him towards the exit before the old man could change his mind.

“That was brilliant,” she said with a giggle once they were out into the quiet and empty hallway.

They walked down the dark corridor and Harry noticed Hermione made no effort to pull her hand free from his.

“Cormac was driving me insane. Did you see how much he picked his nose? He tried to wipe his fingers on my dress at one point.” Hermione gagged. “Thank you for saving me. Whatever gave you the idea of pretending to be my boyfriend?”

“Uh… Luna. Shit, I forgot to bring her with us!”

“I saw her talking to the vampire while we were leaving. I’m pretty sure she’d prefer his company to ours, darling.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry blushed at the endearment even though Hermione’s tone made it clear she was teasing him. He could smell the firewhiskey on her breath.

Drunk Hermione was a terrible flirt.

“Anyways, she pointed out that you brought Cormac to the party to make someone jealous. I thought the easiest way to get rid of him was to pretend to be your jealous boyfriend.”

“And the kiss?” Hermione asked softly.

“I’m sorry I kissed your cheek without permission. I improvised that bit, I didn’t think Slughorn would catch us.”

“I didn’t mean the cheek kiss, Harry.” Hermione paused in front of a broom closet and pulled him through the half-ajar door. “I meant when I kissed you. Tell me you felt something too.”

He had felt a lot of things, some of which he hadn’t stopped feeling. One particular feeling was getting to be quite uncomfortable but he steadfastly refused to pay attention to the tightness in his pants.

Hermione turned around and faced him. She raised an eyebrow in challenge, waiting for his response.

He tried to lie, he tried his damnedest to tell Hermione he felt nothing but his tongue wouldn’t cooperate. He simply stared at her, unable to tear his eyes away from her pink cheeks and perfect blood-red lips.

Has she always been this bloody beautiful?

“Guess it was too quick,” Hermione murmured. “Let’s try it again.” She leaned up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down until their lips connected again. Her slender body pressed against his and brown curls tickled his red cheeks.

“Hermione, you’re drunk!” It took her tongue swiping across his lips to pull him back to reality. Harry grabbed her waist and gently pushed her away from him before she did something she’d regret.

“I had one and a half glasses of firewhiskey, Harry. I’m buzzed enough to be brave but not so drunk that I don’t know what I’m doing,” Hermione murmured. She stepped closer and Harry had nowhere to go, not if he wanted to stay in the tiny closet. “Did it work? Were you jealous?”

“You asked Cormac to the party to make Ron jealous,” Harry said, licking his dry lips.

“You never told me Professor Dumbledore taught you Legilimency, Harry.”

“He didn’t… what does that have to do with anything?”

“Well if you can’t read my mind how do you know why I brought Cormac to the party?” Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe I don’t want the immature prat who has spent six years insulting me, my body, and my cat. Maybe I want the man who saved me from a troll, a werewolf, and half a dozen homicidal brains. Maybe I want the man who left a party thrown in his honor to take care of me. So, tell me. Were you jealous?”

“A little,” Harry whispered, finding himself unable to lie.

“Angry?”

Harry nodded again.

“Why?”

“He was trying to touch you.”

“You don’t like anyone trying to touch me?” Hermione played with the top button of his shirt. “That’s something you should have told me, Harry. Why didn’t you like Cormac trying to touch me?”

“Because you’re-” No, don’t say it! “-mine.”

Fuck.

“Not Cormac’s?” She popped open a button.

“No.”

“Not Ron’s?”

“He made you cry. He… he’s being an ass.”

“That’s not what I asked. Do you think I belong with Ronald Weasley?”

“… no,” Harry whispered.

“Were you going to kiss me that night before Ron and Lavender rudely interrupted us?”

“… yes.”

“Am I yours, Harry?”

“Yes,” Harry said softly.

“Then I hope you plan on kissing me someday. I don’t fancy leading a nun’s life.”

Harry cupped her cheeks and leaned in until their lips met again. This time when her tongue swiped against his lips he didn’t hesitate to give her entry. Their tongues dueled playfully as he pushed her back, trapping her between the wooden wall of the closet and his body.

“Tell me when to stop,” Harry murmured, pulling away for air. A thin trickle of drool connected their swollen lips and he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Hermione’s playful smile.

“What if I don’t want you to? Cormac was the universe’s way of telling me to stop settling and go for the man I truly want. The man I’ve always wanted.”

That was all the encouragement he needed to grab the straps of her silver dress and tug them down her bare shoulders.

Hermione kept her eyes locked with his as she freed her arms. The backless silver dress fell away from her body effortlessly and bunched up at her waist, leaving her torso bare.

“No bra?” Harry asked hoarsely. His cock twitched in his pants and he stared at her chest, unable to tear his eyes away from her pert breasts. They were crowned by perfectly round areolas and tiny brown nubs that were rapidly stiffening in the cold air of the dungeon. He suppressed the urge to kiss every inch of her tanned, flawless skin.

“It’s a backless dress, Harry. I wanted to make an impression. I’m good for more than just helping people with their homework.”

“I’d say you’re perfect in every way,” Harry breathed. He took a step forward, eliminating the remaining distance between them.

Hermione blushed. Harry had always appreciated her for her friendship and intelligence but his lust-filled gaze was making her feel desired in a very different way. They were about to cross a boundary that they would never be able to uncross and she found herself being completely fine with it.

Harry grabbed her thighs, his fingers sinking into her soft skin and leaving bruises in their wake. He pulled her legs up and made her wrap them around his waist. She locked her ankles, her red heels dangling dangerously from her feet. The slit in her dress caused the fabric to ride up to her waist and she playfully rubbed her bare legs against his woolen trousers. She applied pressure to his ass, guiding the growing tent in his pants closer to her.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Hermione do you-”

“Not if you plan to keep your pants on, Harry,” Hermione replied with a giggle.

“Don’t worry,” Luna said, slipping into the closet and shutting the door behind her. “I’ll undo it.”

Harry froze as thin, pale arms wrapped around his waist. Luna’s fingers made quick work of his trousers and pulled both them and his boxers down his legs, letting them pool around his ankles. A soft sigh escaped his lips as his cock sprang free. It brushed against the inside of Hermione’s thigh, leaving a trail of precum in its wake.

“Hey, Luna,” Hermione murmured with a lazy smile.

“Luna?! What are you doing? No, you can’t… oh, Merlin…” Harry groaned. Luna smiled happily and increased the pressure her hand was applying on his shaft and pumped it a couple of times.

“He’s excited.”

“I’m excited too, Luna.”

“Can’t be here… Hermione I’m… I didn’t call her-”

“Why not? She’s adorable,” Hermione murmured.

“Hermione, are you suggesting-”

“What, only men can fantasize about a threesome?” Hermione challenged.

“I told you Hermione and I were having your babies,” Luna said happily. She slowly pumped his cock, coaxing it to full size.

“I’m not… Hermione, we are not having a baby!”

“No, we are not. I’m already on the potion for non-birth control reasons.” Hermione paused and rolled her eyes at the confused expression on his face. “Do you want to talk about my period cramps or would you rather kiss me?”

Harry didn’t need to be asked twice. Especially not when Hermione bit her lower lip and looked at him with big brown eyes, the very picture of innocence just waiting to be corrupted. He captured her lips again, his hands freely exploring her petite curves. She moaned into his mouth and arched her back, pushing her chest against his palms.

Luna took advantage of Hermione’s invitation and slowly kissed down Harry’s spine. She got down on her knees and crawled in between their spread legs. Her dainty fingers wrapped around the base of Harry’s shaft and she began to pump his veiny girth, angling his cock to make sure the tiny spurts of precum drenched Hermione’s already damp underwear. Luna pushed Hermione’s panties to one side and guided Harry’s tip to her wet folds, her pale blue eyes happily watching Harry’s face contort with pleasure as his shaft was embraced by Hermione’s tightness.

“S-slowly Harry!” Hermione begged. Her vision blurred and pain bloomed in her core as her walls stretched to accommodate Harry’s girth.

Harry gritted his teeth and nodded, going against every instinct in his body and slowing to a crawl. His lips clamped on Hermione’s pulse point and he began to suck, eager to transform her pain into pleasure.

His diligence was awarded in the form of Luna beginning to pump the part of his shaft that wasn’t buried in Hermione. She tilted her head and wrapped her soft lips around his balls, the vibrations from her happy humming massaging the heavy orbs.

“Mione?” Harry whispered when he pushed against her intact curtain.

“I’m… I’m okay,” Hermione rasped. “Better than… oh!” Hermione’s eyes rolled into the back of her head and she moaned loudly.

Underneath them, Luna grinned around Harry’s balls. Her blind fumbling had paid off and she continued to caress Hermione’s clit with her free hand.

Harry pulled back slightly and then thrust inside, his lips pressing against Hermione’s and drowning out her shriek as he took her flower. Her walls clamped down on his shaft, making movement all but impossible and he paused, wanting to give Hermione the chance to adjust to his girth.

Luna had other plans. She gently grazed the sensitive skin of his ballsack with her teeth and began to suck. She sped up her pumping, timing her strokes perfectly with her massage of Hermione’s clit. She wanted her best friends to tumble over the edge together.

Harry was in no shape to last too long, not with Luna’s lips and hands working their magic. Hermione joined the fray as well, burying her face in the crook of his neck and leaving a trail of kisses in her wake as she made her way up to his jaw.

“You… you need to wear this dress more often,” Harry rasped, his breathing ragged.

“You need to invite Lu… oh, you’re a goddess, Luna!” Hermione pushed Harry away from him and leaned against the wall of the closet, giving him an unobstructed view of herself as she writhed in pleasure. “Luna!”

“F-fuck,” Harry swore. His vision darkened and his balls tightened, the coil in the pit of his belly throbbing unbearably. He lost control at the exact moment Hermione screamed and slumped against him, both of them tumbling over the edge together.

Hermione trembled violently as the earth-shattering orgasm rocked her body. Harry’s arms tightened around her but he stumbled as well, his legs unsteady. He stayed sheathed inside her, filling her up with rope after rope of warmth and pleasure. His seed in her felt far too good and Hermione moaned loudly. Her body convulsed as another wave of pleasure radiated from her core. They held each other for what felt like eternity, both slowly coming down from their respective highs.

“Harry,” Hermione started softly. She turned her head, her warm brown eyes filled with adoration. She whimpered quietly when Harry pulled out of her. She already missed the dull ache and fullness that had accompanied his presence inside her. “Since you’re never going to ask… will you be my boyfriend ?”

“Mine too, please,” Luna chimed from between them. She tilted her head and caught the last few drops hanging from Harry’s tip on her tongue.

“You’re delightful Luna, of course, he’ll date you,” Hermione said before Harry could speak. “What about me?”

“Do we have to snog in the Gryffindor Common Room every night?”

Hermione grinned. “I promise not to make you kiss me on a couch surrounded by people.”

“No mistletoe either, they have wrackspurts.”

“You heard Luna, we won’t be kissing under mistletoe either. You better write these down, your girlfriends are very demanding,” Hermione said with a giggle.

“What do I get in return?” Harry asked, resting his forehead against Hermione’s. He snuck in the odd kiss, unable to keep his lips (or his hands) away from her for too long.

Hermione smirked and nodded at Luna.

Harry followed his gaze and his breath hitched at the sight of the blonde Ravenclaw. Luna was still kneeling between them, her face painted with his cum and Hermione’s arousal. She hummed happily and darted her tongue out every so often to catch the trickles flowing down her face.

“Will you wear this dress again?”

“Do we get to ‘borrow’ your Quidditch jerseys?”

“And a tie.”

“Why do you want my tie, Luna?”

“How will people know I’m Harry Potter’s girlfriend if I don’t wear your tie?” Luna reached up and kissed his tip, sucking gently until a dollop of cum hanging from it dropped onto her tongue. She swallowed it and sighed happily.

“She has a point,” Hermione murmured with raised eyebrows and a huge grin. “Do we have a deal?”

“We have a deal.” Harry paused and grinned. “Girlfriend.”

Notes:

I know a lot of you wanted me to write something with Luna, well, here it is! Luna as a character is both a delight and difficult to write, because it is very easy to overdo her. She is a perfect bean, which means she deserves to be written as a good character, not as a cartoon version of herself. I was reading something and realized that there were no lines in the sand or morals for Hermione when it came to Harry and she never hesitated to get what she wanted. Luna gets two very protective partners, everyone's happy!