Tunnel Rat Chapter 146 (Patreon)

I'm happy with the theme of this chapter, but it may need some expansion. Comments and advice welcome as usual.


A party of explorers marched through the caverns far below Shadowport. Contrary to conventional wisdom, they were neither quiet nor stealthy. Some people might argue that was because they were anything but conventional, and how much wisdom the group currently had was also doubtful.

But the truth of the matter was simple: If there was anything big and dumb enough to challenge a group of drunken dwarves, then they would happily blow it to smithereens. If they thought that being loud would attract such a creature, they would have made even more noise.

Two of the party were incased in gleaming armored suits making them a foot taller and much wider than their unarmored companions. Two-Screws had spent some time after the battle with the hydra making improvements in his suit. He was happy with the basic design, but after a few hundred years it was good to change things up. His first step had been to go fishing for some rare components, and for that he had needed the right kind of bait.

His bait had been a powerful one-dwarf rocket launcher. The tube hardened promethium steel could handle high explosives up to the best the engineers could currently make. It was a little heavy, but that would be appreciated by the type of person he was fishing for. The outer shell was made of Alpha/Beta brass, a hard composite of brass alloys that was less flexible but much harder. The shell had also been artistically sculpted with the look of an ancient ship's cannon.

Unlike an older cannon, this weapon could be loaded and fired as fast as rockets could be slammed into it. The rounded breech could swing open to accept the self-propelled rockets it used as ammunition, slammed shut, and it was ready to fire by pulling on the heavy trigger. An optional targeting system could be swung into place to give better aim. The three and a half foot-long weapon weighed more than eighty pounds. Two-screws had judged that anything lighter wouldn't be trusted by a scavenger.

Target practice was a favorite of the female dwarves from the crew of the Leviathan. 'Practice' consisted of drinking and shooting at the empty bottles. One day when several of the scavengers were at practice, Two-Screws showed up with his prototype shoulder-cannon. He got immediate interest from the gun crazy scavengers. He tossed a handful of bottles to one of the cabin girls to set up, then loaded a rocket and fired from a range twice what they were shooting from.

He missed, but the missile destroyed a huge section of rock wall and threw shrapnel far and wide. He glared at the bottle that was still standing up and commented, "Pulls a bit to the left." He loaded another rocket and this time hit the target dead on, leaving a large crater in the ground.

The scavengers watching were laughing and shouting, some envious of the sheer firepower and others disguising their envy by yelling insults at the dwarf that needed a cannon to shoot a bottle. He shrugged and surprised them by saying. "She needs a little testing. That's why I'm using these low-powered rockets made for cleaning up trash mobs. They have a bit of an explosion to them. I really like the armor piercing variety. Those shells go faster and hit harder, but Sledgemonkey made me promise not to use them until I get the huge explosions under control."

Two-Screws tossed the cannon over his shoulder and wandered off to do some modifications, ignoring the yells of the excitable scavenger girls. Two days later he came back with the finished model. It gleamed in the torchlight and he had three types of rockets to go with it. One made a large boom with low power, great for large numbers of enemies. The second was armor piercing, for monsters with a tough hide. The last was a new variety and painted bright red. It made a small incendiary explosion that expanded outward into a tremendous circle of flames.

He let Narwhale try out the finished product. She ran her hands over the bronze surface and examined every part of it. Finally satisfied she tossed it to her shoulder and swayed a bit. "Barnacle, you get to be my loader." Her excited bridesmaid ran over and started reloading the cannon as fast as Narwhale fired it. Nine missiles flew down range, destroying the area they had used for target practice and setting everything on fire. When she was done, she went to hand it back to Two-Screws, a small tear in her eye.

The older dwarf waved her off. "You think I'd let you fire that new toy and fall in love with it, and then take it away? Ha! That's my wedding present, girl. I'll set you up with a case of ammo to go with it." Narwhale hugged the new member of her family and thanked the old dwarf. Other scavengers found reasons to talk to him over the next week, feeling him out as to price and modifications he could make. He made three deals for weapons to be delivered in the next month, payment to be made in the rare magitech components. Boomboom had told him the story Narwhale had revealed to him about what treasure they had found on the Queen, and that each member of the crew had shared in the treasure.

With a new supply of magitech, Two-Screws tore apart his old exo-suit and reworked the entire design, improving it in some places and adding some new surprises. He was still terribly fond of the versatile mechanical hands it sported, and the rivet guns that deployed from each arm. He kept those armaments and added a better targeting system along with limited amounts of specialized ammo. He'd also noticed that the ladies were fond of the brass color of Narwhale's wedding gift. He added an outer layer of brass to his own armor and then polished it until it shone.

When Sledgemonkey saw the new set of armor his mouth had made some adorable fish imitations, opening and closing with no words coming out. He'd disappeared into his Arcane Workshop for a week and finally emerged in a gleaming gold set of armor that he strutted around in.

The two of them were drinking and singing as they followed Boomboom and Narwhale through the caverns, the newlyweds walking hand in hand and making disgustingly cute faces at each other as they tossed a grenade back and forth to each other. Vary was running ahead, testing out his new mechanical 'Scout's Legs'. Barnacle was pulling along a small cart that held Narwhale's wedding present, ammo, and a few gallons of alcohol. She grumbled constantly about girls who were too lovestruck to carry their own guns.

It was  two-day’s journey to the house of Professor Harry Earthtongue, and then another two-days to Limburger Hollow. Sledgemonkey wanted to see these new mines himself. When the newly married couple had said they'd come along, he hastily gathered Vary and Two-Screws to help keep them out of trouble. Barnacle got recruited as ammo carrier and loader. She'd volunteered when Narwhale had mentioned Vary was coming along to scout and test his new contraption.

Harry greeted them when they arrived, and brought out a huge amount of beer for them to sample. Brewing was a side hobby for him and he'd taken it up again after talking with several of the engineers. The engineers pronounced the latest batch to be quite tasty. The two scavengers had each had a mug, and then two-dozen more. If anyone was hung over in the morning, or regretting anything that might have happened in the night, they hid it behind small smiles or volunteered to 'Scout ahead for a bit.'

Harry decided he'd come along. He was curious what Milo had found, and was worried the dwarves wouldn't have enough alcohol for the trip. With two kegs of beer strapped to his back, he joined the group of dwarves on their holiday excursion.