Interactive: Something Wicked (Patreon)

If you didn’t already know it was an old funhouse there was nothing from the outside to give it away.  Decrepit and abandoned, it certainly didn’t look “fun” any more.  The building cut through the surrounding woods like a scar, looming dark and ominous against the bright oaks and maples that towered overhead.  Any signage on the front of the building had long since fallen into decay as weeds and scrubby undergrowth overtook the sidewalk and parking lot. 

“What the fuck is this thing even doing out here?”  Luke leaned back against his friend’s car and crossed his thick arms, causing his burly chest to flex under his thin t-shirt.  

Andy was grinning from ear to ear as he looked at the rundown building.  “What do you mean,” he asked, digging through his trunk for their flashlights and gear.  His long, thin arms were a blur of excited motion.  

“I mean, why here?  Aren't funhouses usually part of bigger parks or something?  We just drove half an hour down a gravel road.  Fuck is this doing all the way in the middle of nowhere?”  He kicked at a patch of dirt, revealing broken asphalt of the parking lot underneath.  

Andy shrugged his thin shoulders.  “Probably why it closed.  I don’t think this was so remote back in the day.”  

Luke wasn’t convinced.  He and Andy had spent their entire twenty two years in the area and it was always a shit hole in these back woods.  “Do we need to worry about anyone coming after us for being in here?”  

Andy waved at the forest around them.  “Does it look like it?  I tried to do this legit, but I couldn’t find any record of who owns this place.  I called the county and even THEY couldn’t find a record.  So fuck it.  If anyone yells at us we’ll explain what we’re doing.”  

They pushed through the weeds and bushes to the boarded up entry way.  Two thirds of the old ticket booth’s windows had been smashed out and the doors beyond were nailed over by rotting planks.  

“So how do we get in?”  

Andy gave Luke a quick swat on his firm, denim-clad backside.  “That’s what you’re for, muscles.”  

The beefy blonde sighed and shook his head.  He stepped up to examine both doors before settling on the lefthand side.  “Stand back,” he said over a broad shoulder as he gripped one of the planks towards the bottom.  

While he tugged, the thin shirt stretched near to bursting as the coiled sinews of his back exploded outwards. Andy chuckled to himself, always impressed by how his friend seemed to inflate when his ample muscle kicked in.  Even Luke’s powerful legs were straining his jeans as the big man braced himself.  Veins popped out on arms that were like iron rods until a loud crack sent him stumbling backwards.  

“Damn…” he panted, dropping the board, “that was sturdier than it looked.”  He repeated the process on the board above and the board below until there was a small gap at the bottom.  By the time Luke was done his shirt was plastered tight against his bulging pecs and upper back from perspiration. 

“I think I can fit through there,” Andy said, bending down to look at the opening.  Like the windows of the ticket booth, the glass of the door was missing, providing an entrance.  

“Of course your skinny ass can,” Luke laughed.  “I don’t know about me though.”  The two young men were both within a few inches of six feet in height, but Andy was significantly skinnier than the wide blonde. 

“Just hold on…” he dropped his bag and wormed his way inside without a second thought.  “Watch out!”  Luke stepped back just as Andy landed a solid kick on the board.  Another two and he had it knocked free.  He may have been thin, but the wiry man was deceptively strong.  His stylish, raven hair poked back out, followed by his grinning, stubble-covered face.  “Think you can fit through here, big guy?”  

Luke dropped to his knees and crawled through, reaching back out to grab their bags when he was in.  “Wow…” he exhaled as he hopped to his feet.  “Place is bigger than it looks…” 

Andy was equally surprised.  They found themselves looking at a long, wide concourse that terminated in a sharp left-hand turn.  There was a dim, filtered light drifting down from the overgrown skylights that made up the ceiling.  Under normal circumstances the room would have been bright and cheery, but with the skylights covered in moss and decaying leaves it had a surreal, dreamlike quality to it.  

Luke’s big hands brushed away the dead leaves and dirt that clung to the front of his jeans “So, uh, do we wait here for the rest of the guys?”  

Andy shook his head.  “Nah.  You know they’re always late.  I don’t want to waste any of this daylight either.  I don’t know if the skylights extend into the other areas...if I’m gonna take photos I’ll need whatever light I can get.”  He’d already pulled out his camera to document the faded, weathered paintings of clowns and giant, smiling faces that lined the walls. Proclamations stating that people were in for “Fun!”, “Excitement!” and “Thrills!” floated in block letters between the now-grotesque, decaying caricatures. “Not like there's anyone else out here. They'll find us,” he said, checking the digital screen of his camera and grinning from ear to ear. “Oh man, these are good,” he muttered to himself, making his way further down the hall. 

Luke knew how his friend got once he started working. He let Andy do his thing while he poked around, trying not to let his imagination get away from him. He wasn't a believer in the supernatural or ghosts, but it was hard not to be disturbed by the warped, twisted features of the huge, grinning faces glaring down at them. Even if the room hadn't been cast in the eerie twilight, Luke doubted that he’d ever view it as “fun.”  He said as much to Andy when his friend had finally stopped documenting the room. 

“Well yeah, that's the point,” his friend said as though it should have been obvious. “It's not fun if it's not at least a little scary. Build up the tension, make ‘em think the floor’s about to fall out, but then just drop it an inch. Girls cling to their guys and everyone cops a feel,” he laughed, giving Luke’s crotch a quick squeeze. 

The big man yelped and gave Andy a hard punch in the arm. “You brought the wrong guy if that's what you're lookin’ for,” he laughed. 

Andy rubbed his arm where he'd been punched and threw his bag over a bony shoulder. The strap settled in the shallow valley between his tiny pecs, showing off the definition that lurked under his small t-shirt. “Don't worry, if you get scared you can hold my hand,” he cooed. 

Luke muttered under his breath as he followed his friend down the concourse. “Why did I agree to this again?”

***** What room do they find first? *****