Living With This (Full) (Patreon)

The following is the true story of my actual life. The only changes have been to the character’s and business’ names to protect their privacy. I’m writing this story for a number of reasons. Of course, I want you the reader to enjoy it, but I also hope by the end, you accept this part of yourself just a little more. If that happens, then I’ve accomplished more with this story than my entire body of AB/DL work.

***

“A Listzomania, think less but see it grow, like a-“

“Maggie?” A woman’s voice rang out from across the quiet waiting room. Her words reverberated off the light blue walls and paintings of places far away from there.

“Hm?” Maggie hummed, pulling her earbuds out. Music faintly played from the buds as they tumbled on top of Maggie’s lap. The woman’s eyes locked onto Maggie’s response.

“Maggie Stewart?” The woman said quizzically, now looking at Maggie.

“Oh, yes! That’s me.” Maggie said, she stuffed her earbuds into the pocket of her jeans. “Those will be a tangled mess later…” She thought, as her knees lifted her up. Her legs swung one by one as she walked toward the doorway. To a casual viewer, you wouldn’t notice anything about her walk. But if you studied her for a couple minutes, you’d notice the slightest hint of a widened gait.

“She’s the first door on your right.” The woman said before gesturing down a short hallway.

“Thank you.” Maggie said back politely. She walked past the threshold of the door and into the hallway. The air passing by her hands and arm pits reminded her that they were wet and clammy.

“There’s no going back now. Don’t look like a nervous wreck in front of her. She’ll think you need Xanax or something.” Maggie thought to herself, as her sweaty hands grabbed the brass doorknob. She expected her hands to turn on reflex but was surprised to find that didn’t happen.

“*Sigh*” Maggie let out, feeling her chest rise then deflate. “I got this. She can help me.” Maggie thought, trying her best to find the confidence to turn the knob. She steadied her mind and drew in another breath. Her hands gripped the knob a little tighter and twisted it open.

The first aspect of the room Maggie noticed was the deep blue wall behind the white couch. She didn’t know what a therapist’s room was supposed to look like, but her mind wasn’t expecting navy blue and white. The room itself wasn’t large. There was enough space for a white couch, an armchair, side tables, lamps glowing a soft copper glow, a bookcase, and space to walk in-between.

A thin woman sat in the armchair across the couch. Her blonde hair spilled down the sides of her shoulders. Her brown eyes looked welcoming coupled with her soft looking cheeks and warm smile. She stood up right after Maggie entered the room. Her pencil skirt flexed and swayed as she walked up to Maggie.

“Welcome Maggie, I’m Dr. Lisa Baker, but please just call me Lisa. It’s nice to meet you.” She said, extending a hand. Her nails were purple. Which struck Maggie as odd, another color she didn’t expect present in a therapist’s room. Still, on reflex, Maggie grasped the woman’s hand and began lightly shaking.

“Hello, Dr. Baker. Thank you for taking the time to see me.” Maggie said, letting her grip loosen from the handshake. Her hand fell back to her side.

“Of course, it’s truly my pleasure. And again, just call me Lisa. Please, take a seat wherever you’d like.” Dr. Baker said, motioning toward the furniture in the room. Maggie took the expected path and made her way toward the couch. She sat down on the soft memory foam.

“Damn… being a therapist pays…” Maggie thought, keeping her legs close together. Her hands were interlaced with one another and laying on her lap. Once Maggie was seated, Lisa chose the armchair across from Maggie. It wasn’t angled directly across from one another, but rather at a 45-degree angle. That way they didn’t have to talk face to face.

“Well.” Lisa said, letting her legs cross once she was settled in her chair. She picked up a leather-bound notebook off the side table next to the chair. “Welcome, Maggie. To officially the most nerve -wracking and painful part for someone starting therapy, the first 5-minutes of their first session.” Lisa said, maintain her bright demeanor. “I’ve read a lot books about the first 5-minutes of a therapy session. Techniques on how to welcome and calm a patient. But frankly, in my experience, a lot of those stuffy academics are, and pardon my verbosity, full of it.” Lisa said in jest. Maggie smiled at the joke.

“Heh, yeah it’s not easy if I’m being honest.” Maggie said, keeping her gaze toward the ground or above Lisa’s head.

“It’s not, and I completely understand that. I’m here for you. You can tell me anything and nothing.” Lisa said. Each word fell softly onto Maggie’s ears. Lisa sounded genuine, yet neutral at the same time. She was a stranger to Maggie. A stranger who wanted to listen. That was exactly what Maggie was looking for.

“So, how does this go? Where do you want me to start?” Maggie said curiously.

“We can start anywhere you’d like. Some of my patients prefer the beginning, some of them the end and work backwards. Or even in the middle if you’d like.” Lisa said, guiding Maggie along in her thought process.

“The beginning? Like from the very beginning? Or when I first put on a….” Maggie said, trailing off at the end. She didn’t want to say it to Lisa. Yes, she was a stranger, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t paid for multiple session in the future already. This was the most insecure piece of Maggie’s being. What if Lisa thought it was weird or creepy? She’d still have to see her in the future.

“Anywhere. And you can say anything you’d like to me, Maggie. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. I’ve even met people with similar stories as yourself.” Lisa said, Maggie looked up and into her eyes for the first time.

“Wait, you’ve seen people who…. Have problems with….” Maggie said, still not wanting to say the word. She half expected Lisa to finish it for her, but she remained silent. After a few agonizingly quiet seconds, Maggie felt herself finish the sentence.

“… Diapers?” Maggie said, it felt like she had to climb a mountain to get that word out. Lisa chuckled.

“Yes, you’d be surprised how many people grapple with emotional guilt toward their diapers.” Lisa said warmly and seriously.

“Their diapers…” Maggie thought, sinking back further into the couch. She let her legs widen, and her hands fell toward her side. She let those words process in her head. It was interesting knowing there were others out there in her community dealing with same emotions as her. Although she didn’t know them, she didn’t feel as alone in life knowing they existed silently around her.

“Well.” Maggie said, looking back into Lisa’s eyes. “I suppose, my story starts in 2010.”

***

“We’ll be back in a couple hours, Maggie.” Maggie’s mother June said. She snatched her purse from the kitchen counter-top. The sound of her keys scraped across the granite as she picked them up.

“Okay.” Maggie responded quietly, she was leaning up against the kitchen wall, her hands behind her back.

“Come on, June. We’re going to be late.” Linus, Maggie’s father, said to June in the doorway. June turned toward the door and slightly cocked her arm back. She tossed the keys across the room at Linus. He didn’t need to move his body, he snatched them out of the air with one hand.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m coming right now. Go start the car.” June said, quickly motioning her hands forward to indicate he could leave. Linus slipped through the doorway and out into the sunlight. Maggie gently pushed herself off the kitchen wall and looked toward her mother just as she was about to leave.

“Can I use the computer while you guys are gone?” Maggie said. The hands behind her gripped themselves tighter, praying in anticipation that June would say yes.

“What are you going to do on it?” June said in a short tone, barely looking at Maggie. She stopped walking and turned toward Maggie.

“Just to play games.” Maggie said, she was telling the truth. What else was she supposed to do on a summer day while her parents were gone? She wasn’t allowed to play outside when she was home alone. There’s only so many re-runs you can watch on TV before you melt from boredom. Miniclip.com was the only savior in breaking the warm humid monotony.

“Fine, but don’t go on any sites you’re not supposed to be on. That’s your father’s work computer.” June said, her feet clacking toward the doorway.

“I won’t!” Maggie piped trying to produce a tone that sounded grateful and responsible at the same time. June waved at Maggie while she started walking through the front door.

“Love you, we’ll be back in a bit.” June said, descending down the stone steps and out into the warm summer day.

“I love you too.” Maggie said, as the front door closed behind her. Maggie quickly moved to glue her eyes to the window. She watched as her parents climbed into the car, the doors closing with a ‘clunk.’ The sound of the engine starting, the car rolled down the driveway, and finally out in the street.

“Yes!” Maggie whispered to herself. She always confirmed her parents were actually gone before she hopped on the computer. She didn’t have ill intent, but she enjoyed her privacy. Her feet scuttled across the kitchen floor and out into the hallway. Maggie raced down the hall, before taking a hard-left turn into the computer room.

A bright sunbeam shined in through the window. The tan walls assisted in illuminating the room from the natural light source. The only furniture in the room was a black desk up against the wall. A rolling desk chair sat pushed into the desk.

The silver HP laptop laid folded on top of the desk. A wired mouse was plugged in and resting on a pad.

Maggie happily plopped herself down on the rolling chair. Her fingers slid across the front of the laptop to find the release. She clicked it and pulled the laptop open. The windows start menu came up on the screen. Orange, yellow, and green orbs spun around the Windows symbol, before colliding inward. A moment later, the login screen appeared.

An icon of the family appeared above “Linus Stewart.” Maggie clicked the icon which subsequently made the password bar appear. “Magg1e743!” She typed into the bar and hit enter.

“Alright, alright. Let’s get some Gutter ball going!” Maggie thought to herself, before clicking on the internet explorer icon. It took a nearly 20 seconds for the homepage to load. But before long, Google.com flashed to life on the screen. Maggie moved the cursor toward the URL. But this time, as her mouse passed by the search bar, she stopped unexpectedly. She let the cursor hover over the search bar as she felt an emotion forcibly bubble to the surface of her being.

It wasn’t a new emotion per say. It was a feeling that had been growing in her heart and mind for the past three months. As much as she had tried to ignore the feelings, they kept creeping into the back of her mind. Maggie felt conflicted about these emotions. Part of them made her feel immense joy and pleasure. It was fun to entertain them. She’d let them dance around her mind as she spun up fantasies. But on the other side of the coin, she had residual guilt. No one she knew had these feelings, and it certainly wasn’t discussed in everyday conversations with her friends.

No one was home. Privacy was when these feelings won the battle and pushed to the forefront of Maggie’s mind. Maggie drew in a deep breath, before running her hands through her long brown hair. She tried distracting herself by throwing her hair into a pony tail. That brief interruption only lasted for 30 seconds, before the waves of temptation crashed again.

Part of her wanted to see if there was anyone else. If there were others out there just like her. At least, that’s what she told herself. With shaky fingertips, Maggie started slowly pressing keys. “I just want to see if there’s anyone else.” Maggie thought, as she stared at the words forming on the search bar.

But a greater part of herself knew that was a lie.

“I like diapers.” She finished typing. Maggie felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. She’d never seen her diaper thoughts physically manifest itself before. It felt electric to see it on the search bar. Maggie rolled closer to the laptop; her head drifted closer toward the screen. With eager hands, she pressed enter.

The first link stated: “Does anyone else like to wear diapers as an adult?” Maggie’s eyes widened with intrigue. She couldn’t help herself; Maggie shot the cursor toward the link and clicked. “Experienceproject.com” was the name of the site. It was a forum board filled with people discussing their “experiences” in life. One corner of the site had developed into a small haven for AB/DL users.

Maggie’s eyes couldn’t read the words fast enough. “I’ve enjoyed wearing and using diapers ever since I was a little kid…..”

“USING DIAPERS?!” Maggie thought, her brain lighting up with shock. She’d spent hours daydreaming about putting herself back into diapers, but oddly she never thought about using them. She just enjoyed the soft cushy protection they offered. The idea of wetting or messing a diaper sent a lightning bolt of pleasure through her body. Her eyes continued.

“…. I even wear them to bed. I’ll drink 4-5 glasses of water each night before I sleep, and usually I wake up wet without remembering getting up lol.”

Maggie subconsciously bit the bottom of her lip. Reading about someone purposefully bedwetting lit a fire in between her thighs. She didn’t know what was happening to her. She’d never felt this level of horny pleasure before. Diapers were always fun to think about. But this. Reading about someone else’s diaper experiences. It put her on another level of horny. She scrolled down toward the responses.

“24 year old female here. I wear diapers pretty much 24/7. I live with my grandma, but she has dementia and doesn’t even realize I wear them. I’m actually typing this right now with just a t-shirt and diaper on. I’m even wet too, and she doesn’t realize it lol. She’s in her own little world.”

Maggie felt herself crescendo into an even higher level of pleasure. She couldn’t stop her right hand from sneaking down between her waistline. She started rubbing to the diaper experiences of these random strangers. The emotional case that had housed her surpassed diapered emotions was cracked wide open now. She couldn’t stuff them back into her emotional box if she tried. And even then, she didn’t want to. Maggie was loving this. It felt good to let her diaper side ripple through her mind. Every 20 seconds another wave of pleasure would emanate from her groin and through her body.

“I started wetting my pants on purpose so my parents would put me back into diapers. I would even pretend to have bed wetting accidents too. They thought I was just sick or something. I didn’t do it for long, only two weeks then I went back into regular underwear. I miss it.”

Maggie started feeling jealously roll through her. These experiences were hot to read, but also taunting her at the same time. These people were living their diapered lives, unabated by any feelings of guilt or worries. They didn’t care about the social stigma around wearing diapers as your everyday underwear. It was too alluring for Maggie. She slowed her rate of masturbating. Before long, she transitioned into solely reading the diaper stories of people around the world.

For the most part, Maggie considered herself a normal woman. She had a few quirks about her, and she loved to play video games, but overall, she saw herself as an average person. And yet, the everyday person wouldn’t read through this form and feel immense envy. The more she read, the more Maggie realized she wanted to live these people’s lives. She wanted to be in diapers just like them. She knew this small radical part of her was crazy for thinking this, but she almost wanted to be like those who had debilitating accidents that landed them in diapers. It was crazy to think about, yet she couldn’t stop herself from reading on from one story to the next.

After an hour and a half of reading stories on Experience Project, she found an interesting link from a comment. “You should write that and put it on dailydiapers.com”

“Daily Diapers?” Maggie thought, her mouse shot up to the URL. Her adrenaline-fueled fingers quickly typed out the domain name. Her curious online diaper journey took it’s next step as she hit the enter key. The webpage took an additional 20 seconds to load. When it finally did, Maggie’s eyes grew wide for the second time that day. Her face moved to mere inches away from the screen.

“Welcome to Daily Diapers! The premiere community for Adult Babies, Diaper Lovers, Mommies, and Daddies!”

“Adult… Babies?” Maggie said, she’d never heard that phrase before. It sounded like an oxymoron the more she mouthed the words to herself. The page had an “Enter only if you’re 18 years or older” button on it. Maggie clicked the link.

“*GASP*” Maggie let out once she saw the images. Adult woman strapped into thick colorful adult diapers littered the screen. Some in dry diapers, others in wet ones, and even a few with a mix of both. Maggie felt the now familiar flare of diapered arousal reignite in her. Minutes ticked by in seconds. Maggie couldn’t pull herself away from the images. She’d never seen something that spoke so directly to her curious diaper feeling. She’d seen both hard and soft core porn before. None of that compared to looking at these women in diapers.

After nearly twenty minutes, Maggie finally found the ability to pull her eyes away from the images. She looked up at the top of the page, there were links to different parts of the site. “Home”, “About Us”, “Photos”, “Videos”, and “Stories.”

“Stories?” Maggie thought, thinking back to all the experiences she just read on the previous page. She’d just spent over an hour and a half reading that page, she could easily spend another hour and half doing the same thing. Reading about their stories was oddly more enticing than the visual stimuli. That’s not to say she didn’t like the pictures of women. It was the landscapes Maggie painted in her mind. She felt like she was in their shoes. It was more powerful than the images. Her hand moved the mouse over the Story link and clicked it.

Hundreds of story links lined the page. It was like drinking water from a firehose. There were so many to pick from. Maggie had only known about this side of the internet for less than two hours. She didn’t know what the title “Alison’s Regression” meant. This was too new for her.

“I guess, the only way to find out, is to read it.” Maggie thought, clicking on the link. The page morphed into pages of text. Maggie dove headfirst into the story. Each paragraph that furthered the plot only intensified the fiery feelings developing in her groin.

“Alison stared at the TV, the soft lullabies and swirls tugged her mind down to baby land. She didn’t even notice when a wet patch started growing from the crotch of her jeans.”

“Oh my god, she’s pissing herself and she doesn’t even realize it…. mhmm… That’s so….fricken hot.” Maggie whispered, feeling her hand dive back in between her thighs. She started playing with herself. Each line of the story was like crack to Maggie. She was utterly hooked.

“Umm… wike… was comes afta two? Is it da…. I tinkies….. iz da cowler orangie?”

“She’s dumb now…oohh….damn..” Maggie whined, feeling herself getting close to climax. Reading the girl devolve into babbling baby talk brought hot flashes of sex trickling down Maggie’s back. Her whole body started to feel high. Shortly, it was like Maggie was coming out of her own body. A lifetime of arousal was gushing out of her.

‘“Me… duh… tehehe… ahgo pee peeee!! Heheh!” Alison’s diaper started to sag as a fountain of pee came out of her. She couldn’t stop it, she simply didn’t know to anymore.’

“Ahh this is too hot!!” Maggie yelled, feeling herself tip over. The most intense orgasm of her life erupted out of Maggie. It was mind bendingly intense. The images of the girls in full diapers, all the experiences she read before, the story of Alison. All of it flashed through her mind in one final beautiful crescendo of sexual pleasure.

Maggie slumped back in the chair, her body aching from rubbing so hard. Her lungs inflated with deep breaths of air. She didn’t think or do anything at first. Her eyes simply stared at the screen. The wall of text stared back at her.

She wasn’t sure how long she stayed like that for. Her mind was too quiet to do anything, and her body was too weak to move. Slowly, she built the strength to move her hand back toward the mouse. Maggie dragged it to the top of the screen, clicking the settings tab in the top of the browser. She navigated the pointer to the history section. Everything in the past 2 hours. Erased from the laptop’s memory.

***

“Did you feel guilt?” Lisa asked genuinely. Maggie shrugged.

“I mean, yeah. I was raised Catholic. As a female, masturbating to women in diapers? I felt like I was going to hell. But if I’m being honest, a big part of me really enjoyed those first few months when it was all so new. I read so many stories, Lisa. Hundreds of pages each week. They meant a lot to me. Not only did I enjoy reading them for pleasure. At the time I didn’t realize it was my fetish. But I also felt like I was at home. That I was a part of something. I felt accepted. Even though I didn’t talk to anyone on the sites. It was a haven for my diaper thoughts and feelings to develop.” Maggie said, the words were spilling out of her. She looked up at the clock. It had been nearly an hour.

“For the record, it was completely natural for you to develop those sexual impulses. There’s nothing inherently wrong with having an attraction toward diapers. People are attracted to balloons the same way they are to a woman’s breast. The only people who have a problem with that are those who do not understand fetishes. It’s not something you chose. It’s a part of you.” Lisa said warmly but maintain a serious demeanor toward Maggie.

“You’re right, it’s just hard to deal accept that sometimes. Especially when it was almost engrained in me that my diaper feelings were wrong.” Maggie said.

“Was that from your parents?” Lisa said, cocking her head slightly to the side.

“No, Ali. My first girlfriend. Which, I still don’t understand. Diapers became a serious part of our sex life and… It’s complicated.” Maggie said despondently. She looked away from Lisa and out toward the window. The sun beam had crawled to the other side of the room.

“Why don’t we save that for our next session? We can unpack everything that happened with you and Ali next time.” Lisa said. She started writing in her leather bond notebook. After a few seconds, she placed it down on the table next to her and stood up. Maggie reciprocated with the same action.

“Thank you. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but this already helped a lot.” Maggie said, extending her hand for a departing shake. Lisa grasped her hand and returned the gesture.

“You’re a beautiful person, Maggie. Your sexual fetish toward diapers is part of that. Hopefully overtime you’ll learn to embrace that instead of it breeding guilt.” Lisa said. Maggie nodded and started walking toward the door. She flexed her thighs and felt a squish of warm padding.

“I think I’ll get there.” Maggie thought. She turned back toward Lisa and waved.

“Same time next week?” Maggie said, Lisa smiled and nodded her head. “Great, I’ll see you then!” Maggie said, before she walked out the door. As she walked down the hall, she felt the weight of her fetish was just a little lighter on her shoulders.

Chapter 2

“Would you say this started with her?” Lisa said while maintaining eye contact with Maggie.

“Um.” Maggie said, breaking eye contact to look up toward the ceiling. Maggie felt herself shuffle subconsciously in her seat. Her freckled pale arms folded into one another. The edges of her lips quivered before she began to respond.

“I… wouldn’t say that. But she certainly was the catalyst that brought it to the level of regret of I have today.” Maggie said before a brief pause. The room was warmer today than Maggie remembered it feeling last time. She let her back sink deeper into the plush couch.  After an exhale she continued, “It was such a rollercoaster with her. She was so positive about it at first. I remember how eager she was to please me. Almost a decade later I still don’t understand what caused her to suddenly flip. I was young, Lisa. I didn’t know any better with my emotions. I’d never been hurt before. I went in headfirst, both with my love for her and my fetish. I don’t even remember how I told her. I remember it was difficult. Well, it’s always been difficult. Even with the closest people in my life. It’s not easy telling someone you love that you have a demanding diaper fetish.” Maggie said. Lisa nodded and didn’t respond initially. Her pen danced across a notebook. The sound of Lisa’s pen scribbling bounced gently off the deep blue walls. A moment later, Lisa looked back up.

“That’s completely valid. Our deepest secrets are normally our strongest insecurities. Now of course, you know by now that any question I ask in this room does not have to be answered. So, feel free to pass on this one: What parts of that relationship, pertaining to your diaper fetish, do you recall the most often?” Lisa asked delicately. Her words fell tenderly on Maggie’s emotions, but even the softest touch of her diaper insecurities felt like they were hit by a baseball bat. Still, Maggie could tell Lisa’s question had a deeper meaning behind it. She felt her arms fall to the sides of her waist as she pushed through her reservations.

“Well, there are a couple. I suppose I’ll start with the first time we ‘tried’ things out…”

***

Warm sticky air wafted in through the open window. The smell of humidity and trees filled the air. It was a lazy late Tuesday afternoon in the dead of summer. It was one of those rare afternoons in the Northeast where it wasn’t too hot for the AC. The perfect time to lay back, pop a bottle of wine, and enjoy a movie. Or get kinky with your girlfriend. All these things were happening at once for two women at Riverside Campground.

“Are you SURE that you’re okay with this?” Maggie said to Melissa. Her heart pounded like thunder in her ears. The adrenaline rushing through her blood stream wasn’t helping either. She couldn’t stop her fingers from shaking, and she could barely feel her body at this point. Melissa smirked before resting the back of her hand onto Maggie’s face.

“Babe. You’re shaking like a leaf. It’s okay. I want to do this for you. I want to make you happy. Stop worrying so much! You’re making me anxious, and I’m not even the one who LIKES diapers!” Melissa said with a chuckle. Hearing that word triggered a rush of blood into Maggie’s cheeks. She looked away bashfully. Melissa’s hand migrated from Maggie’s cheeks to her chin. She gently grasped it and pulled Maggie’s face back into view.

“Hey. Listen to me.” Melissa said seriously. The camper creaked from the weight of the summer breeze outside. The bed underneath them gently swayed. “This is okay. I’m going to do this for you because I love you and I want to make you happy. Just relax…” Melissa said, her hand leaving Maggie’s face, and gently drifting down toward her thighs.

This was almost too much for Maggie. It was actually happening. She’d never felt her body act like this before. The closest she’d ever felt like this before was the first time she got high, but even that didn’t make every cell in her body light on fire. Maggie had read stories online about people having out of body experiences during moments of extreme sexual anticipation. She always thought it was something ‘other’ people experienced. But right now. Maggie was one of those ‘other’ people.

“Enjoy this, Maggie. Enjoy how much I…” Melissa said, her hand poured in between Maggie’s thighs. Her middle finger pressed gently into Maggie’s body.

“… Love diapers.” Melissa whispered into Maggie’s ear.

Maggie’s mind erupted into a stew of fantasies. She couldn’t help but push her hips into Melissa’s hand.

“I love diapers.” Melissa said, as she began to rhythmically gyrate her fingers. “I love thick wet diapers. I think about us in thick wet diapers all day long. I want to be in wet dripping diapers with you because I LOVE diapers.” She continued. Maggie felt a moan release.

“Ohh ~ ….” Escaped from Maggie’s lips. She couldn’t formulate words right now. The Mount Saint Helens of sexual pleasure was erupting in her body.

“Are you ready for diapers? You better be. Because you’re going to wear them all day every day from now on with me. We’re going to be diaper lovers for the rest of our lives. I love them so much more than anything else in my life. I love diapers more than I love you.” Melissa whispered passionately into Maggie’s ear. All the while, her fingers whirled and spun around the most intimate part of Maggie’s body.

“I’m..... mmm…Melissa….I’m gonna….” Maggie tried to say back, but her body was too high for words. This was the fastest she’d ever felt herself build to climax. Normally she spent hours in front of the computer reading diaper stories. Her mind and body were in a different plane of existence right now. One where every neuron in her brain was firing with intense sexual pleasure. It was impossible to bring herself back down to earth to hold back.

“Do it. Think about diapers when you do. Think about us in diapers. Think about how much I LOVE diapers. I love diapers, Maggie. I will always love diapers, wet diapers, messy diapers, wet and messy diapers. But especially, I love YOUR diapers. I love diapers diapers diapers!!” Melissa said, her voice sexually charged from the euphoric look on Maggie’s face. That last line was the point of no return. Maggie couldn’t back if she tried with all her might. The feeling tipped over, and Maggie felt herself pole vault into sexual oasis.

“M-Melissaaaa….” Maggie uttered, as the eruption of sexual pleasure in her body elevated into a cosmic super nova. Years of pent-up diaper thoughts flooded her mind like a broken dam. The mental barriers holding her back from enjoying her diapered thoughts all broke at once. This was the pinnacle of everything Maggie had ever wanted in life. This moment, as thoughts of diapers and Melissa took control of her mind. It’s all Maggie wanted lived for.

Melissa looked down with a beaming smile at her squirming partner.

“Mmm, you look so happy right now.” Melissa said lovingly, wiggling her butt in joy. She held Maggie’s face as her eyes slowly rolled back from inside her head. Her breathing descended from its rapid pace, as it slowly cooled back down to deep inhales.

Neither of them spoke as Maggie continued to come down from her sexual high. She blinked as she felt the motor control in her hands and feet slowly come back. The tingling sensation on her skin dulled, as a feeling of relaxation began washing over her. Maggie felt lighter. As though that encounter had shaved fifty pounds off her shoulders.

“Melissa that was… incredible. I’ve never felt like that before…” Maggie whispered, after she finished speaking, she began to smack her lips. The inside of her mouth felt extremely dry.

“Well, I’m glad you liked it!” Melissa said, hopping off the bed. Her feet pressed down onto the floor tiles as she walked down the short hallway and toward the sink. She grabbed a cup and filled it with water from the tap. She made the three second journey back to the end of the camper, before handing the glass to Maggie.

“Thank you.” Maggie said, greedily taking a long sip from the cup. “Did you like it?” Maggie said hopefully as she placed the glass down on the side table.

“I like making you happy.” Melissa said back, her smile fading. Maggie pressed the question again.

“Yeah but, did you like that? Did you think what you were saying was hot?” Maggie said again, now fully focused on her partner’s eyes. Melissa’s face looked uneasy, she looked out the window and shrugged.

“I’m… not entirely into it. But again, I’m just glad you liked it. That was hot to me.” She said, looking back at Maggie.

“Would you like to do it again sometime?” Maggie asked. She knew she should have quit while she was ahead two questions ago. Even though she was coming down, her sex drive was still cranked all the way to 100. She couldn’t stop herself from pressing.

“We’ll see, maybe.” Melissa said, seemingly finished with answering questions. She hopped off the bed and began walking back down the hallway. “Come on, let’s finish watching Titanic!” She yelled joyfully across the hallway.

Maggie smiled, letting herself sink into the bed for a moment, relishing in what just happened.

The sound of the summer breeze filled her ears.

***

“I remember thinking to myself. ‘I might have something here! I have a partner who’s okay with diapers. She’s going to indulge me on a regular basis. I’ve done it! Thousands of people in the online community live their whole lives without even telling their partner they’re into diapers. Yet, here I am, with the ‘love of my life’, and she’s totally cool with it!’ I think part of it was I wanted her to love diapers just as much as I did. I thought the more we kept introducing diaper play into the bedroom, she’d become more comfortable with it overtime, and eventually it’d be the center of our sex life.” Maggie said to Lisa. Lisa nodded, listening intently to Maggie’s words.

“Was this the last sexual encounter you two had with diapers?” Lisa asked.

“No.” Maggie said, looking away to the bookcase. Lisa didn’t respond, she let Maggie find her words after a few moments. “Our relationship was mostly long distance. We’d only see each other during the summers when we both camped at the same campground. We had a lot of phone sex in between. I’d have to ask for a couple weeks before she’d finally crack and indulge my fetish. She mostly made up stories for me. Long drawn out scenarios where she’d have accidents in public or she decided to wear diapers that day. It’d typically go on for like 15-20 minutes.” Maggie said, taking another pause for breath.

“For example, one time she made up a story about how she was on a beach and had to ‘use the potty really bad.’ So instead of finding a bathroom she just wet herself on the beach in front of everyone. People laughed at her and asked if she needed diapers. Another story was she was in the middle of class and started having an accident in her chair without knowing. Those are the only two stories I could think of off the top of my head. I’d give her tips on what I thought was hot in those stories after she was done. She wouldn’t like talking about it after I already came. I want to point out by the way that I wasn’t weird about this. I’d only ask her a couple times a month if she wanted to try things; and as it became apparent, she didn’t particularly like talking about it diapers, that became once or twice a year, and eventually not at all.” Maggie said, feeling weight begin to form in her tear ducts. Lisa nodded and cleared her throat.

“These were normal feelings for you to have, Maggie. Having a partner means that you two are sexually intertwined with one another. In your personal sex life, diapers are critical. There’s nothing wrong with that, enjoying diapers isn’t hurting anyone or yourself. She wasn’t the person for you sexually. Neither you nor she is at fault for that. If she wasn’t attracted to diapers, there wasn’t anything you could have done about that. What matters in a relationship was how supportive she was about your fetish, regardless of whether she finds it attractive or not.” Lisa said, Maggie snorted and shook her head in response.

“Well, she didn’t support me at the end, I’ll tell you that.” Maggie said, feeling anger surface. Lisa shifted her head to the side.

“What happened between you two in the end?” Lisa asked.

***

Maggie felt another hot tear roll down her blush red cheek.

“Why are you saying this to me? Do you understand how much this hurts me?” Maggie said desperately into the receiver.

“This isn’t right, Maggie. It’s borderline sick if you ask me. I’ve tried entertaining this ‘fetish’ of yours for the past year and a half, and it just disgusts me. Everything you say about it. Everything I’VE said to you about it. I feel like I need to take a shower anytime I even mention the word ‘diaper’ in front of you.” Melissa said, her words full of hate as they slithered out between her teeth. Maggie felt another wave of tears gush through her eyes.

“You’ve told me you’re okay with it I the past. We don’t have to do anything ever again, Melissa. I’ve told you that from the start. I can just look at stuff online to fulfill my needs. We never have to talk about my fetish again.” Maggie said tearfully. She felt like she was sinking. The most sensitive part of her was being ripped out and stomped on. The salt in the wound was that it was coming from the person she loved the most.

“Just thinking about you doing that gives me the creeps. I’m not going to stay with you unless you fix this. You need help. You need to go see a therapist to get this corrected. Normal people don’t have this problem, Maggie. Regular people don’t get off to people pissing and shitting themselves in diapers. Do you even understand how weird that is?!” Melissa yelled into the phone.

“I’m not going to talk to you if you’re going to yell at me like this. I don’t deserve this. I can’t control it, Melissa. It’s a part of me.” Maggie said back, unable to keep a hateful tone from cropping up through her words.

“Yeah well, like I said. You either get rid of this or find someone else to be with. You’re sick, Maggie. You need help. It’s not normal to have a diaper fetish.” Melissa said, holding zero regard of Maggie’s emotional wellbeing. Maggie didn’t respond.

The phone call ended with a *click*

***

“The first thing is, what she said to you is completely and emphatically wrong. She had no place to speak to you like that. No one does, it doesn’t matter if she’s your patterner or not. Especially when she’s trying to weaponize your fetish against you. That is incredibly manipulative and cruel. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing and enjoying diapers. Hundreds of thousands of people share this fetish with you. You’re not “sick” it’s not “wrong” to have a diaper fetish. There’s nothing that needs to be “corrected” about you, Maggie. This part of you is what makes you, you!” Lisa said in positive forward tone. Maggie, whipping away tears with a tissue from a box she got from Lisa, nodded in between sniffles.

“No, I know. I know that now. And I’m not consciously affected by what she said to me that day anymore. But I believe that’s where most of my ‘subconscious’ guilt started and has festered to this day. Ever since that argument I’ve felt like everyone knows I have a diaper fetish. It’s as if I have a tattoo on my forehead that reads, ‘I’m a diaper lover.’ Again, I know all of this is ridiculous, and I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s hard, Lisa. It’s really hard to undue the damage that someone has done to you.” Maggie said as she regained her composure.

“The first step is acknowledging those feelings. It’s difficult but try to identify the negative triggers you have. Process them, try to trace back where those triggers originated from. Typically, they’re not rational; however, some people respond well to logically processing what spawns guilt in their lives. Identifying why you feel this way can allow you to think: ‘I know that I’m feeling this way because of Melissa, and what she said to me in the past. Now I know that’s not correct, and that I’m allowed to feel this way.’ Again, not everyone responds to this type of treatment, but you should try it in between our next session. If you don’t think that works for you, then we can talk about that next time and try other tools to process your guilt.” Lisa said.

“Thank you, Lisa. That’s excellent advice. I’ll try it out this week.” Maggie said, feeling her emotions finally slot back into their normal place. She placed the tissue box next to her on the couch.

“Was that the last of you and Melissa after that encounter?” Lisa asked.

“We broke up shortly after. I carried the weight of that conversation with me for a long time. Right into my relationship with… Amy.” Maggie said, hesitating at the end.

“Amy?” Lisa said quizzically.

“She was the person I dated after Melissa. She was so much better about my fetish than Melissa was. We still had some problems, but they were more manageable. We…” Maggie said, before taking a glance down at her watch. “Oh, maybe we can save this one for next session?”

Lisa looked up at the clock on the wall, her eyes lit up in surprise. It was fifteen minutes past their session.

“Oh! Yes, sorry. I always hate this part, but yes. Let’s hit pause on this conversation and pick up right where we left off last time. Write it down if you’d like that way you won’t forget any points you’d like to make.” Lisa said, as she closed her notebook and got to her feet. Maggie did the same.

“Don’t you worry, I won’t…” Maggie said, trailing off for a moment. She zoned out for a split second as a feeling of relief washed over her. “I… sorry… I won’t forget anything. It’s pretty much locked in my head.” Maggie said with a lighthearted chuckled. Lisa smiled back.

“You’re a good person, Maggie. I’m sorry these things have happened to you. You don’t deserve it. No one with your fetish does, for that matter.” Lisa said, as Maggie shuffled her way across the room. Her hand gripped the doorknob as she turned her head around.

“I know…. Most days I know that.” Maggie said, “I’ll see you next week!” she finished, before opening the door. Lisa waved goodbye as she left the room.

“Amy next week…” Maggie thought. The laces of her blue converses flopped rhythmically in time with her footsteps. “… I wonder if I should tell her about the shower diaper?”

Chapter 3

“It can be scary sometimes.” Maggie said, she shifted the weight off her back and folded her legs together. “When you’re single, at least for me, your mind has a million questions about your diaper fetish. Will that next person except me? Are they going to be a part of it? Will they hurt me as the last person did? All these thoughts I didn’t have the answer to.” She said, Lisa, nodded.

“Breakups are hard. It’s a time of anguish for most people. Especially because you’re forced to emotionally support yourself in a completely new way.” Lisa said across the room, sitting in her chair. Her notebook was out, but she wasn’t taking many notes this session.

“They are. I put everything into my partner. The little inside of me comes with that. If they can’t understand it, the relationship will not work out. It’s too much of myself.” Maggie said, her voice grew staggered. She looked away from Lisa for a moment to collect herself.

“I’m sorry, this isn’t something I can push down. I tried that when I was a teenager and into my early 20s. I don’t want to go back to that. When I met Amy, my fetish was the first thing on my mind when we started getting serious.” Maggie said.

“How did you two meet?” Lisa asked.

“You know it wasn’t what you’d expect. We met at a leadership conference our senior year in high school. I remember she walked in late to our group. It felt like something out of a rom-com. Everyone else faded into the background. She was stunning. She had long hair at that point. Long and dark red. Her face was soft white with freckles. Her brown eyes, and just the right amount of mascara. I felt this pull toward her. I genuinely thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I struck up a conversation with her, and by the end of the conference two days later, I’d already gotten her number and we were texting back and forth. And then…. Nothing.” Maggie said, her lips pulling into a shallow smile.

“Nothing? You two didn’t talk after that?” Lisa asked with a chuckle. Maggie nodded.

“Yep, nothing. Until eight months later. She texted me out of the blue. She had a question about the weather because she knew I was studying Meteorology. From there we maintained a connection for the next three months. By the end of it, the summer was starting to roll around, and I think we were both looking for new friends. We met up for a hike one day, I figured out she was gay too, and we never looked back from there. We didn’t become ‘official’ until later in the summer, but that love was… my god I’d never felt something so white-hot before.” Maggie said, trailing off at the end. She gained a faraway look in her eyes. The pause offered enough time for Lisa to steal a few notes.

“Oh, sorry.” Maggie said, shaking her head back to reality, “I do that sometimes when I finish sentences and um…. go at the same time, haha.” Maggie said in a blush. Lisa waved it off.

“It’s nothing, Maggie. You know that at this point. So, Amy was this emerging bright spot in your life.” Lisa said to get the conversation back on track.

“Right, and like I said, my fetish was on my mind that entire summer. I wanted to tell her the first time we had sex, but I couldn’t bring myself to it. I kept the fantasies in my mind instead. I think part of it was when I was single, I had convinced myself it was impossible to find someone else who was into diapers/little play. I didn’t want to lose her. I was head over heels for this girl. The first time I’d ever felt a blinding love like that for the first time in my life. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her until October.” Maggie said.

“How did that go?” Lisa asked, pen ready in hand.

“Like everything with that girl, better than I ever could have expected. I told her the last week of October. We got home from a Halloween party…. I still think about it….”

***

“How drunk are you, B-babe? Do you just want to watch a movie or something?” Maggie slurred through the spins. She was laying down on Amy’s bed. Amy stumbled to her walk-in closet door. She grabbed the doorframe for support. She swung her head to the side to face Maggie. A blur of long red hair cascaded over her shoulder.

Amy didn’t respond to Maggie’s question at first. She kept her eyes locked on Maggie laying in the bed instead. She had a devious look on her face. One so obvious it warranted a response from someone as drunk as Maggie.

“What?” She said, sitting up in the bed. “What are you doing? Do you need help in there?” Maggie asked, hoping to god Amy said no so she didn’t have to get up. Amy giggled before responding.

“I might need help going to the bathroom. Yeah.” Amy said, flicking her eyebrows up in down while biting the bottom of her lip. Maggie shot a furrowed brow back at her.

“What do you…” Maggie said before she watched her girlfriend slip into the closet. She closed the door quickly behind her. The light flashed on and spilled out beneath the door. Maggie could hear Amy sloppily bang against the closet walls. She was struggling way more than necessary if she was only taking her clothes off.

“What in the world is that girl doing.” Maggie thought, finding the willpower to get off the bed was difficult. Maggie lazily slumped off the side of the bed and onto her feet.

“Amy! What are you doing? Do you need help?” Maggie yelled, pulling herself out of bed and walking up to the closet door.

“I’m good!” She said back in a sprightly tone. Maggie was surprised at her quick cheery response.

“Well… okay.” Maggie thought, her drunk brain didn’t want to leave the bed in the first place. With the bare minimum effort put in to make sure she was okay, Maggie happily trotted back to the bed. She let her body go limp and collapse onto the bed. Her sloth-like reflexes snatched the firestick remote and used muscle memory to find Netflix. The Office was already waiting for them.

“HALLOWEEN EPISODE!!” Amy yelled from inside the closet.

“What did you think I was going to put on? I’ll throw on the first one.” Maggie thought, before pressing the button. With her final task of the day complete, Maggie let her muscles relax to melt into the bed.

The sound of tape scraping across a plastic surface rang out from behind the closet door.

“Huh?!” Maggie thought. Her ears perked up to listen intently on the noises behind the door. “I know that sound…” She thought. Her pupils subconsciously dilated from the thought. “No… There’s no way…” Maggie thought, her heart rate started to intensify. The hot feeling of adrenaline squeezed into her bloodstream.

She heard the crinkle. Maggie couldn’t help herself from sitting up on her arms. She locked her eyes on the closet door. The rustling ended.

“Apparently, no one dresses up for Halloween here. I wish I’d known that before I used grease paint; and I can’t even take off my hat because… then I’m Hitler.” Spoke quieter and quieter from the TV.

“Hey, Maggie?” Amy said from behind the door.

“Yes, Amy?” Maggie responded. She heard the doorknob jostle. The closet door’s hinges creaked as Amy cracked it open.

“I have something I’ve always wanted to tell you.” Amy said the door opened slowly. Amy was almost in Maggie’s view.

Just like the first time she saw her, Maggie’s mind went silent.

“Did you know I’m, super good at making it to the potty on time?” Amy said in a low sexy tone. She was completely naked, except for a disposable adult diaper wrapped around her waist. Maggie didn’t respond. Her eyes ignited into shock.

Amy smiled at her girlfriend’s surprise. She could tell from the look on her face this was everything she wanted. Amy took a few steps closer to Maggie, before stopping at the foot of the bed. She spread her legs apart for Maggie to get a better view of the diaper. She placed both hands on her side in a proud stance. Maggie leaned her face in closer to the diaper, she wrapped her arms around Amy’s waist and pulled in close.

“Babe, you’re doing this for me!?” Maggie said, her cheek was pressed up against Amy’s diaper. She felt Amy run her hands through the roots of Maggie’s hair.

“Of course, Maggie. I love making you happy. If you want to see me in diapers, I’m going to wear them for you.” Amy said softly. She took her free hand and gently pushed Maggie’s head closer into her waist. Maggie looked upward from Amy’s diaper.

“Thank you.” Maggie said back. She had been with other women in the past, but this was truly her first real diapered sexual experience. Amy moved her hands to Maggie’s chest and pushed her down onto the bed. “I’m so happy my first time gets to be with you.” Maggie whispered. Amy smiled and hummed happily.

“Now, relax you silly goose. I still have something I need to tell you.” She said Maggie crawled away from the base of the bed so Amy could get on top of her. Maggie laid her head down on a pillow, and Amy rested on all fours right above Maggie. Amy’s long flowy hair spilled across the sides of Maggie’s view. She felt like a clownfish swimming through the great red reef.

“So, as I was saying before you rudely interrupted. I’m super good at making it to the potty on time. Last week, I was able to make it to the potty FIVE times! Can you believe that?! A whole five times last week I didn’t use my diaper. My Mommy said that I’m basically potty trained at this point. I think she’s right. I may have used my diaper a couple of times last week, but that was on purpose, I still knew I had to go.” Amy said, her face hovered directly above Maggie’s.

“I was playing with my toys. What else was I supposed to do? Get up and go? Yeah, no. I was too busy playing tea with my dollies. Even big kids do that, right?” Amy said Maggie couldn’t resist. Her hands lifted and clung onto her girlfriend’s soft padding.

It felt heavenly. Electric sparks raced through her body. Her head felt swimmy. It was a serotonin overload. Maggie couldn’t stop soft moans from slipping between her lips in between sharp exhales. This was unfathomably hot, the most profound sexual encounter in her life, and she had only whispered a couple of words. The diaper felt better on Amy than on herself. She’d spent plenty of time touching her own diapers. Maggie had never felt one on another person before. The warm touch of her skin around the edges. They melted perfectly into the thick puffy padding. She wanted Amy like this all the time.

“I’m never going to have accidents ever again. Nope— “Amy said, her eyes closed, the tiny muscles around her eyes tightened. “I… know all the time when I’m peeing. I don’t have accidents anymore. I’m a big— girl.” Amy said, her face continued to strain. Maggie lifted her head closer to Amy’s eyes.

“Babe are you-“ Maggie said.

“Shh!” Amy said, flashing a smile.

“I don’t need diapers. I’m a big girl. I know when I need to go…” Amy whispered.

“*GASP*” Maggie escaped.

Maggie’s hands felt the bottom of Amy’s diaper suddenly grow hot. Both hands rushed to cup it.

“I always know when I have to go pee. I don’t have accidents. I’m a big kid who uses the potty.” Amy said, she relaxed one step further. Another wave of pee of escaped into Amy’s diaper. The warmth spread to the front of Amy’s diaper as a steady stream started trickling. Maggie’s hands were glued to her girlfriend’s accident.

“Um… I’m not too sure about that.” Maggie whispered back. Amy shot back a confused look.

“What do you mean? I don’t have accidents anymore. I would know if I was going potty right now.” She said, sounding genuinely offended. Maggie could barely contain the aching horny pleasure between her thighs. This was a deep fantasy of hers playing out in real-time.

“I would check that diaper of yours...” Maggie said, Amy rolled her eyes.

“Yeah right.” Amy said, extending a hand down the front of her diaper. “I’m not…” She stopped; her face melted into bonafide shock. She looked desperately into Maggie’s eyes, “Uh-oh… Mommy. I think I had an accident…” She whispered.

Maggie couldn’t hold it back a second longer. She moved her head up and kissed Amy. Years of pent-up diapered sexual frustration moved through her lips. She wrapped her arms around her back and pulled in tightly. The two wrapped themselves into a passionate mess of love, sex, and diapers.

“I don’t think I’m ready for the potty…” Amy whispered in between Maggie’s lips. Maggie shook her head.

“Nope, nowhere close.” Maggie said back, the two continuing their intense make-out.

“Are you going to keep me in diapers forever now, Mommy?” Amy said, Maggie, nodded this time.

“Forever. You’re never getting out of them. You’re going to be my little diaper pisser for the rest of your life.” Maggie said, she let her fantasies spill out her lips. Amy moaned.

“Mmm, yeah? I’m gonna piss in my diapers for the rest of my life? Well, better stop trying now then.” Amy said, she grabbed Maggie’s hand and placed it on the front of her diaper. One last gush of hot pee soaked into her diaper. Amy’s soggy diaper drooped and swayed with the rhythm of their movements.

“I can’t… I’m…” Maggie whispered, feeling herself crescendo into pure bliss. Amy had tickled the foundation of Maggie’s sexual desires. She helplessly came into a universe-shattering finish.

“Babe…. Oh my god…. Babe…..” Maggie said, flopping to the side to catch her breath. “Amy… this is the hottest…. The hottest thing I’ve ever done.” She said in between. Amy was sucking the same wind.

“I know….” She said, her head fell to the side to look at Maggie. “… Me too.” She said. Maggie felt warm happiness takeover her emotions.

“Are you still drunk?” Maggie asked, Amy, chuckled.

“Yeah, you?” Amy said, Maggie, nodded quickly.

“You got any more diapers?” Maggie asked, Amy, shrugged.

“That depends, is it your time to play baby, and I’m the Mommy?” Amy said playfully. Maggie felt her cheeks flush red.

“Yes.” Maggie whispered. Amy’s demeanor sharpened the moment Maggie uttered the words.

“Where is your diaper then, Maggie?! You’re going to pee all over this bed at any minute!” Amy said in a sexy stern voice.

Maggie happily obliged her Mommy’s orders.

***

“That was one of the most vulnerable moments of my life. Up to that point, everything Melissa had said and done to me was the only experience I had with diapers.” Maggie said to Lisa.

“It’s astounding you found someone who was able to accept you for who you are at the time. When you’re that young, it’s difficult to understand your acceptance starts with yourself, not from the opinions of others, even if they are your partner.” Lisa said back, the light from outside her office had grown a dull orange.

“It’s taken me a long time to understand that. Even after all these years, I’m still not 100% okay with myself. But when I was with Amy, I didn’t feel like I needed the acceptance of myself. She was okay with it, and that was all the validation I needed at the time.” Maggie said solemnly.

“I feel like this is the part where you tell me things might have started to change between you two..?” Lisa said in jest.

“Nah. Things only got better from there. Way better in fact. I’m not with her now, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have some truly incredible moments.” Maggie said, Lisa nodded. She didn’t mean to insinuate any malice.

“Of course, what were those happy- Oh!” Lisa said, her watch began beeping in a rhythmic tone. “See, I told you! When I have sessions with people like you, I need the alarm.” She said jokingly. Maggie flashed a smile back and nodded.

“No problem Lisa, we’ll talk about the good times next week.” She said, getting up from the couch. “Oof…” Maggie thought, feeling the weight of her diaper sag. “These pants won’t be able to see this evening, let alone next week if I don’t change in the car…” She thought, before waving goodbye to Lisa.

“See you then!” Lisa said back.

“Amy, Amy, Amy….” Maggie thought to herself as she got into her car. “You’re the reason I’m changing my diapers in this car in the first place…”

Chapter 4

“You don’t have to wear it. I know this isn’t your thing. I don’t want to pressure you into this if you don’t want to do it. I’d completely get it if you… didn’t…..” Maggie said, stopping as Amy placed a quieting finger on her lips. Her lipstick red smirk paired well with a wink.

“Shh, Maggie. It’s okay. I think it’s a brilliant idea.” Amy said, clutching a folded Bambino Bellissimo in her hands. Maggie still couldn’t shake an uneasy look.

“You mean that? It’s just… this will be the first time you ever wore a diaper in public, and I get how that can be scary.” Maggie said back.

“I’m not worried about that. We’ll be wearing jackets, that’ll be plenty to hide the diaper bulk. Besides, I’d rather have them on anyways while we’re at the party. We can drink as much as we want, and we won’t have to stop to use the bathroom.” Amy said. She gently pushed Maggie to the side and placed the diaper on the bed. She started unfolding the front and back onto the blankets.

Maggie didn’t know what to say at first. Offering to wear diapers out to this party was a joke in the first place. She didn’t think Amy would take it seriously. This was her college, and they were going out with Amy’s core friend group. How she was so nonchalant about wearing one of the bulkiest diapers on the market, in front of her friends, was beyond Maggie. Furthermore, suggesting she’d use them when this wasn’t even her fetish in the first place? Maggie stared in awe at the unicorn of girlfriends.

“You’re not real. Do you know that?” Maggie said to Amy. She chuckled before plopping her bum onto the open diaper.

“Hey, I’m not just doing this because of you.” Amy said, looking down at her future underwear, “I think they’re kind of cute. Now hurry up and tape me in, I still need to change you, and we’re already running late!” Amy said, Maggie quickly grabbed the powder off her desk. The room filled with puffs of white soft scented baby powder moments later.

“Your ass looks perfect.” Maggie said, ten minutes later when they walked out into the cold night air. She was right, the puffy diaper wrapped tight around Amy’s jeans. You could still make out the bottom half of her bum from beneath her jacket. The diaper made it pop. With the cover of night, it was difficult to make out any tell-tale diaper creases. She looked like a skinny redhead with an ass that bites.

“Yours too.” Amy said, giving it a playful whack. Maggie felt the diaper compress under the hit. The scent of baby powder wafted into her nose. The two started walking down the sidewalk.

“I was so worried about everyone seeing our diapers.” Maggie said, crossing her arm around Amy’s, “But realistically, I think people might smell our diapers.” She said, Amy, shrugged.

“Who cares?” She said, looking from the road to Maggie. “If someone notices we’re wearing diapers, what are they going to say? ‘Hey, you! Over there! You’re wearing a diaper! Do you hear that everyone? Those two girls over there are wearing DIAPERS!” Amy exclaimed, Maggie’s head snapped to check if anyone was around them.

“Hey! Haha, keep it down will yeah?” Maggie chuckled, Amy still didn’t seem phased by their situation.

“You worry too much, Maggie. This is going to be a fun night.” Amy said.

This was everything to Maggie. Just setting up this moment to be together was already difficult. Maggie and Amy lived more than three hours away from one another now. It was the right college fit for both. Through pain, patience, and communication as their backbone, they’d made it work into their Junior years of college. It wasn’t an ideal situation by any means. But it’s what you do when you’re in love with someone.

Despite the distance, Amy never failed to find a way to indulge Maggie in her diapered desires. Diapered skype calls had become a monthly occurrence. Maggie’s diaper was always a little soggier by the end of it compared to Amy’s, but she made up for it by throwing out baby talk in the end when it inevitably got frisky. Coupled with weekly diaper or pacifier pics, it was all she could ask for. That’s not even mentioning the hypnosis she was happy to listen to at night. Even Maggie noticed her rising thumb sucking habit at night when they got the chance to sleep together. “Is my thumb supposed to have dry drool on it in the morning after listening to this?” She’d ask. Of course, it was.

This night was important to Maggie. She wanted to savor every minute she had with Amy. Head over heels was an understatement at this point.

“Hey if we get lost just call or text me, I’ll make sure I’m looking at it periodically if I don’t see ya.” Amy said, as the two approached the door. Loud thumps of music emanated from the house. Bright lights flashed from behind the drawn curtains.

“I’m sure I can find my way around.” Maggie said confidently. She wasn’t one to stay attached to her girlfriend's hip the whole night, even if she was familiar with this place. She’d attended a couple of Amy’s friend’s house parties before. She understood the vibe. Maggie grabbed Amy’s arm just before she opened the door.

“Oh, and again, don’t worry about using them if you don’t want to.” Maggie said, coming off as empathetic. Amy looked smug as she leaned into Maggie’s ear.

“I’m already wet.” Amy said.

Maggie couldn’t speak. Every nerve in her body ignited. The love in her chest burned white-hot.

Amy snapped back to the door and swung it open. She grabbed Maggie’s hand and dragged her in before the party swallowed her whole.

***

Maggie poured the beer into the second cup. The same action occurred between her legs. Legs of pee cascaded into the damp padding below. She was swimming in a hut tub of piss. Amy had been dead on, no one expected a thing in the party. To them, they were girls with abnormally thick bottoms.

“I gotta watch how much I pee peee…” Maggie thought to herself, finding it all too easy to let go at a moments notice. She didn’t mean for it to spill out so quickly, all the beers inside of her simply demanded to come out. “I don’t want to smell too much like diapie.” She thought, before Amy’s words drifted back.

“Who cares?”

Any resistance to the flow diminished. Maggie’s trickle grew into a monstrous river of pee. The diaper easily handled the accident. By the weight of it, Maggie could tell she was roughly halfway full. Maggie knew from experience the bambinos could take 6-8 heavy wettings before she had to worry about leaking. She wouldn’t turn down a change though if this party happened to have changing table around…

“Hey, here’s your beer!” Maggie yelled to Amy through the noise. She looked back from her conversation. She could tell from her girlfriend’s lazy expression that it was hitting her. She flashed a smile back at her girlfriend.

“Thanks, Babe.” She said, grabbing the red cup from Maggie. She knocked it back instantly, downing nearly half the cup in one gulp. She leaned in again, “You might want to change me soon. I think this thing might be getting to it’s max.” Amy said.

“Damn girl, how much have you had?” Maggie said, Amy responded with a giggly shrug.

“I don’t know, but I’ve dumped at least four beers worth of pee into this thing. It’s soooo easy to go when you’re drunk! I might have to wear these more often when I drink. Just going fucking rocks!” She said, her body beginning to jump to the rhythm of the music. She knocked the beer back again. Maggie didn’t fight the words. The liquid courage let them spill out of her.

“We could just wear them all the time.” Maggie said hopefully.

Amy didn’t respond with words, she shot back with a wink. She placed the nearly empty cup on a windowsill next to her.

“Come on.” She said, motioning Maggie toward the main dance floor. “Moving will make it all come out faster.” She said, slipping into the bodies of people dancing around one another. Maggie happily followed behind.

Maggie felt the moment etch deep into her memory as it played out in front of her. Amy moved perfectly to the beat. She ditched her winter jacket long ago. Dancing only in a purple tank top, and jeans. If you looked down at her waist, you could see the slight peek of her diapered waistband. If you stared long enough, you could easily figure out she was wearing a diaper. In the heat of the moment though, the music blasting, everyone blurring around each other, Amy didn’t care. Maggie felt the anxious walls of her fetish fall. One of the rare moments in her life when they did.

Time didn’t matter to anyone. The music blended from one song to the next. Maggie didn’t pay attention to her bladder. Her drunk brain knew she was protected. She primed herself earlier that night by letting go completely. Her body was simply following orders at this point. Trickles of pee jetted into her diaper while her feet crashed onto the floor. She only realized how full she was when the crotch of her jeans started to feel damp and cool.

“I’m leaking.” Maggie thought, looking down between her legs. She placed a hand in between her thighs. Small crescent wet stains sat below her ballooned diaper. They weren’t noticeable at this point, especially under the dim lighting. Maggie’s diaper was at maximum capacity. She desperately needed a change. “If I’m leaking now, then how is Amy?” She thought, swinging her head to the person next to her.

Maggie couldn’t tell the state of her pants at first. She had to wait until a stray flash of light illuminated her waist. When she finally got the light she was looking for, she gasped. Amy’s pants hand thick crescent stains growing around the outsides of her diaper. Nothing streaming down her legs yet, but it was clear that she too was dancing in a leaky diaper.

“Hey, wanna head back?” Maggie said, to Amy. She looked back with hazy eyes. It took her a second to register the words. Amy looked down at her watch.

“Yeah, we can go. I think I need a change too. I might be leaking!” Amy said. She yelled the last part as if it were a joke. Maggie couldn’t comprehend how lackadaisical she was about wearing a leaky diaper in the middle of a crowded party.

“You certainly need a new diaper on.” Maggie said playfully, tugging at Amy’s arm to leave. Amy followed her between the bodies to the door. It took them a couple of minutes to find their coats in the pile. Eventually, they got their jackets, opened the front door, and stepped back into the cold New England night.

“Thank you so much for all of this.” Maggie said, she still felt drunk even after dancing some of it off. Amy was still feeling it too.

“I love doing this for you. It always makes you so happy.” Amy said, placing a hand on Maggie’s face.

“Do you think you would be okay with wearing diapers more often in the future? Even when we’re not at a party?” Maggie said, the drunk haze pushed out all the conversations she was too nervous to have sober. Amy didn’t respond to her at first. She let the question linger between them while walking underneath dim lamp posts.

“I like making you happy.” Amy said, “I don’t want to wear them as you do. This isn’t my fetish.” She said, she watched Maggie’s face sink. “But,” She continued, “that doesn’t mean it isn’t attractive to me to watch you turned on. If wetting diapers makes you happy, then I’m happy to do that for you. I think they’re cute, and maybe someday I could see myself getting more comfortable with them, but that’s where I’m at right now.” She said. Maggie knew that was fair. In fact, it was more than fair. To have someone even partially indulging her fetish, let alone wearing in public, was a blessing. She reminded herself of these realistic expectations while they walked in silence for a few minutes.

“You know.” Amy said to break the silence, “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wear one to bed tonight.” She said in her usual playful tone, “I’m going to be peeing these beers out all night. Might as well be in my bed.” She said. “Besides, that hypnosis makes me think I’m wearing one at night anyways. I won’t have to be disappointed to realize I’m not in one and I have to get up. I can just wet the bed.” She finished.

For the second time that night, Maggie felt her body enter a level of emotion she didn’t know was possible.

***

“You truly felt for her.” Lisa said, taking the story in.

“She was my first love. You don’t have any barriers to that. I was ignoring all the glaring red flags along the way. Yes, she was good to me with my fetish, loved me, and genuinely wanted me to succeed in my career; but she had a horrible family life that was partially her fault, she put a lot of her mental health issues on me, and she struggled with substance abuse all through college. Hard abuse too.” Maggie said, doing her best to not sound melancholy.

“You couldn’t fix her. That was her responsibility. As much as we try to save the others we love, it’s not up to us. In the end, they’re the only ones who can produce real change in their lives.” Lisa said.

“When we broke up, we talked a lot about my fetish.” Maggie said, looking up from the hands in her lap.

“What was it? If you don’t mind me asking.” Lisa responded, sounding genuinely interested.

“She told me that my diaper fetish was just sexual. She could tell it was a deep part of me. The fact I talked to her about incorporating it into my everyday life on multiple occasions meant something. She also told me the guilt I had was misplaced.” Maggie said, she could feel the tears forming. She didn’t stop them.

“I shouldn’t feel bad for who I am. AB/DL is who I am. It’s more than just those words. You can choose your career, how you act around people, your appearance, but you cannot change the way you see yourself. She knew I pushed that part down every day. It sucks, Lisa. I fucking sucks. I don’t want to feel bad about how I am. I wish I could wake up one day and say, ‘Yeah, I like diapers, I want to wear them every day, and I wish I was a baby again. And don’t know why, but I do, and there’s nothing wrong with that.’ There is a serious part of me that wishes I never grew up. On the other side of that coin, I have a strong sense of guilt toward those emotions. It feels like an illness in my brain that needs to be corrected.” Maggie said, letting the tears this time fall down her cheeks.

“Maggie,” Lisa said, handing the box to her. “You are more in-tune with your child-self than anyone I have ever met. That’s not wrong. That isn’t a mental illness. That’s beautiful. The person you were as a child has lived on into your adult life. In the end, the notion that these personalities are split inside of you isn’t even true. Your ‘adult-self’ and ‘child-self’ they make up yourself.” Lisa said, pausing for a moment, “Some people believe they need to be told it’s okay to feel this way, and then all your guilt will go away after that. I’ve found there are more steps to it after you’ve learned that truth. Embrace who you are. Wrap it into your self-identity. Make it who you are every day, then you will no longer have to worry about what the world thinks of you. The people who truly love you will rejoice to know you’ve accepted this part of you. We all want you to know that. It’s not going to happen overnight. You’ll have to work on it every day, learning that these two parts of you are one, but over time you’ll feel that guilt subside. You’ll accept that you don’t have to move on from your childhood thoughts and feelings. Because Maggie, you never had to in the first place.” Lisa said.

Maggie’s neck was craned down to the side. Her hand shielded her eyes from view. She moved it away from her face to the couch cushion. She pushed off with her arms and stood up. Lisa did the same. The embrace happened naturally. She didn’t try to stop her tears from hitting Lisa’s shoulder.

She didn’t have to. Maggie didn’t have to stop herself from feeling.

Chapter 5

Maggie felt a rush of intense emotion course through her. She couldn’t tag each one. It was a mix of excitement, pleasure, relaxation, and above all of that, happiness. She flexed her thighs to squeeze the thick padding she just taped onto herself. Her hands migrated to the base of the diaper. Her fingers slowly ran long-ways across it. She couldn’t stop herself from pausing for a moment to squeeze the sweet-scented garment.

“My diaper…” She whispered before closing her eyes. She felt immense stress slide off her shoulders. “This is my diaper. I’m safe in my diapers.” Maggie thought to herself. The bulky pillow between her legs provided a sense of security. There was no need to monitor her bodily function anymore. That’s what a diaper was for. It's there just in case you make a mistake. If you’re too busy, or in a pinch, and you have an accident. Even though she was standing in her kitchen, she still didn’t have to worry about publicly embarrassing herself. She didn’t have to worry about wet pants. It all went into her diaper now.

Maggie looked over at the five packs of diapers on the kitchen table. They weren’t the kind you get at the local drug store. These were diapers designed for heavy wetters. They weren’t thin, and they didn’t hide very well underneath clothes. In fact, if she wore anything tighter than a loose pair of cargo shorts. Any passerby could likely tell she was wearing a diaper. Even worse if she had on a pair of leggings.

She smiled at the packs. They didn’t elicit the same feelings of guilt they normally did. Maggie felt differently about them this time. They didn’t represent a ‘correction’ that needed to be made in her emotional and sexual life. These were her diapers now. Diapers that were meant to guide her into a new stage of her life.

“I can always go back into underwear if I really need to.” Maggie thought. Her brain initiated the same routine she’d practiced thousands of times before. Her stance widened. The pressure in her bladder spiked. Looking down at her diaper always made this part easier. She let the tension in her muscles relax.

Each ounce of tension released brought the stream closer. Until, it reached the very edge of Maggie’s body. She let out a sigh. The last bit of control faded.

The warm pee dribbled out. Each second the force grew. The inside of her diaper started to get hot. A dark yellow circle sprouted, then slowly grew wider. The stain spread from a circle, to the front and back edge of her diaper. The stream didn’t stop, even as she felt little splashes tickle her. It might take a second, especially at high volumes, but it would absorb every last drop.

“Mmm… Yes…” Maggie said she felt like she was standing in a warm pool of her own pee. To most people, they never experience wetting themselves ever again once they’re potty trained. For Maggie though, it was a feeling she craved the moment her parents took her out of diapers. The ultimate feelings of joy she entertained as her diaper soaked up an accident. Each second she spent in a wet diaper, the closer she felt to her truest self. She couldn’t suppress those feelings if she tried.

“24/7” Maggie thought, her now droopy diaper staring up at her. “Already off to a good start.”

***

“What were the major roadblocks that kept you from living your life like this before?” Lisa asked.

“I think the biggest challenge for me was the public perception. I was so worried about people finding out I wore diapers. Whether that be through something as simple as bending down in the store, and all the way to rumors about it from friends. We all have that natural instinct in us to be like the group. It’s primal.” Maggie explained. She felt more animated in the office than she did before.

“I can certainly see that.” Lisa said, she folded her arms and placed them on top of her legs. She leaned in closer to Maggie. “Then what changed? Was there a singular moment you decided you wanted to do this? Or was it a combination of long term thinking?”

“Both?” Maggie said uncertainty, her head tilted to the side and she shrugged. “I mean… I’ve always wanted to go back into diapers. Ever since I was put back into underwear. I don’t know why. Actually I’ve stopped trying to figure out why, because I don’t think there’s an intuitive reason. I think my brain is just wired like this. The best way I could describe it is it’s like I lost a limb. People talk about how they have phantom limbs after they have amputations. That’s how I feel about diapers. I feel like I should be wearing one all the time. Regardless of my continence levels. They are a part of me.” Maggie said, feeling content with her answer. Lisa nodded while she wrote on her notepad. After a moment, she looked back up to the conversation.

“Did you not have any doubts?” Lisa asked.

“Well, not until I started noticing things…” Maggie replied, her words came out shy, but she maintained eye contact with Lisa.

***

Maggie adjusted her mask while she stood in line. Not because she needed to, but in a feeble attempt to make people think her fidgeting was from standing in line, rather than the growing pressure in her bladder.

“I just went a couple minutes ago. How do I have to go this bad already??” Maggie thought, she tried taking her mind off the pain in her bladder by looking around the coffee shop. Her eyes scanned past the dark wood stained walls. There weren’t many people lingering in the shop to get a look at. If people weren’t waiting for their order, they couldn’t stay inside.

“Should I just go to the bathroom? I didn’t bring any extra diapers with me. This one is already kind of full…” Maggie thought, her legs did a test squeeze. She wasn’t soaked, but she was certainly wet. It could probably take one more heavy wetting; but she certainly risked leaking at that point. She looked to the left of the counter down the hallway.

“Oh fuck! That’s right… There’s no bathrooms open during Covid…” Maggie thought. As if to mock her, the pain in her bladder pushed again to the forefront of her mind. She was growing desperate. She subconsciously wrapped one foot around the other. Her legs weren’t tightly crossed, but it did help.

Maggie didn’t know what to do. She was only one person behind the register, and she was already starting a potty dance. She was a couple blocks from her apartment, but she’d have to go now if she wanted any chance of making it.

“Should I just go?” Maggie thought again. This time though she didn’t mean in a toilet. She meant in the already wet diaper between her legs. “I should have changed… Why did I think I could hold it for this long.” She scolded to herself. She didn’t have any more time to think about it. The person in front of her finished ordering. The girl behind the counter looked up at her to come forward.

“Hi there! What can I get for you?” The girl asked as Maggie unhinged her feet and stepped forward. That proved to be a critical mistake.

“Yes hi, can I have um…” Maggie trailed off, a stunned look washed over her face.

Her body acted independently. She felt a gush of warmth spread into her saturated diaper. She could feel it pool for a moment before absorbing into wherever it could find. It was less than a couple seconds later before that gush evolved into a light trickle. Maggie tried her best to clamp down on her muscles, but they felt too weak to hold anything back at this point. The best she could do was keep her bladder from dumping everything at once.

“... I’ll have a chai tea latte please.” Maggie said, she couldn’t stop it now. She had to move this along.

“What size?” The girl asked.

“Oh um…” Maggie said she was trying not to sound flustered. “Should I get a small? That way I don’t pee too much on the way back?” Maggie thought, “...I’m already going… I should be able to hold it a couple blocks…” She finished in her head.

“Large.” She replied. “I’m already soaked anyways.” She reasoned. Her trickle was steady at this point. She could feel some pee was lingering below the leak guards. The flow was just slow enough where it didn’t leak. The girl had no clue that Maggie was soaking herself, right in the middle of ordering.

“Thank you! We’ll call you when it’s ready.” The girl said, she motioned to the socially distanced waiting area to the side. Maggie nodded, paid, then walked to her spot. Her bladder wasn’t completely empty at this point, but a good chunk of it was now in her diaper.

“Might as well finish what I started.” She thought, she let her aching muscles relax. The flow strengthened into a steady stream of pee. It landed directly into the wet padding. Maggie knew how much she could release at a time without leaking by this point. She monitored the weight and feel of the not-yet absorbed pee in her diaper. She played it perfectly. It took a minute, but she got what was remaining in her bladder out without any leaks. Maggie stood there, in her drenched diaper, as the realization of what just happened hit her.

“Was that… an accident?” Maggie questioned. “No, no way. I told myself I could use my diaper if I needed to. How was I going to hold it all the way back home? That’d be like fifteen more minutes of pain.” Maggie thought, but none of that felt reassuring. “As in… I could have held it if I wanted to. It just would have hurt a lot. I didn’t need my diaper.” She continued. That still didn’t make her feel better. She knew that wasn’t the truth no matter how hard she tried to frame it.

“It did sort of happen, and in front of that girl. I couldn’t stop it. Although, who can stop it when they start going?” She thought, that did make her feel a little bit better. Until she realized that doesn’t typically apply to people who are going in an already wet diaper. “I didn’t even realize I was that wet. I thought it could take at least one more wetting. This thing is practically full.” Maggie stopped thinking about it for a moment. She let herself get distracted by the buzz of the coffee house. It felt good to ignore her potty troubles for a second.

“Maggie?” a voice yelled out from behind the counter a few minutes later.

“That’s me!” She said, before waddling over to grab her drink. Her fingers laced around the warm cup. It mirrored the same feeling she had between her thighs. Maggie turned around, and exited the shop as quickly as she could.

“Okay. I think I’m going with it wasn’t an accident…” Maggie thought, as her face felt the cool crisp winter air. “Just like how the one this morning also wasn’t an accident. I was in the middle of cooking breakfast, and I didn’t want to walk all the way across the house. I need my eggs just right.” She reasoned. Her mind went quiet as she walked.

Slowly, the memories of this morning, and what happened in the coffee shop drifted through her mind. She didn’t think of anything at first, just replaying them.

Maggie sighed, as it hit her.

“I’m having accidents.”

***

“You said all of this started with Amy, correct? That’s a common way for people to follow their truth paths in life.” Lisa said.

“She certainly helped. I was debating 24/7 all the way back in highschool. I had this weird image of me being the ‘diaper girl’ around school. That of course never happened, but I used to tell Amy stories about it. When we broke up she told me my AB/DL side wasn’t a phase, or a shallow part of me. It was all of me. Hearing that from her put me on the mental path to start accepting 24/7.” Maggie said.

“That makes complete sense. And your rising number of accidents didn’t deter you from continuing?” Lisa asked. Maggie shook her head ‘no’.

“I told myself to be better with it, and I was for a little bit. I didn’t just go the moment I felt the need to. But like anything that’s constantly hard, you slowly find ways around it. I like to think of it as holding a really heavy ball. If you don’t exactly need to hold the ball all day, there’s going to be moments where you give yourself a break. It gets harder and harder to come back from those ‘breaks’ once you start. There was never a day it all hit me in the face. Although, there were certainly moments when I realized I was reaching a point of no return.” Maggie said.

***

“Alright, all my clothes are packed. The pull-ups can fit right here. I have all my face stuff, my soaps…” Maggie muttered to herself as she dug around her suitcase. She scanned the contents up and down.

“Okay, what else do I need? Did I pack my hair dryer yet?” Maggie asked herself. After looking for a moment, she saw it wasn’t there. She lifted up off her knees, and started walking across the house.

“My hair would be a hot mess if I didn’t have it…” Maggie thought. She rounded the corner into the bathroom. Her hands instantly went to the cabinet built into the side of the wall. She opened it, and grabbed the hair dryer. She closed the door. Her eyes swiveled subconsciously to the bathroom mirror.

“Woah.” Maggie said to herself. Her eyes focused on the heavily drooping diaper between her legs. “Didn’t I just put this thing on like…?” Maggie thought, she looked at the clock on the wall. She didn’t want to believe the minute hand. “... Thirty minutes ago? These things are meant for 12 hour protection. I can’t be THIS wet!” She thought, her finger prodded the mushy front.

“I guess I have been drinking a lot of coffee, but still. I didn’t even realize I had gone for like…” Maggie said, she tried thinking back to the last time she felt the need to use the bathroom. That urgency had been few and far between lately. She felt anxiety creep into her chest. Not only didn’t she remember going this morning, she couldn’t piece together a time she was absolutely certain she’d gone pee in the past couple days.

“Wow, how much am I wetting? Is this normal?” Maggie asked herself on reflex. She already knew that answer. Most people don’t wet diapers anyways, and those who do certainly don’t at this frequency.

She started thinking about her trip. Were pull-ups really going to offer her enough protection? Sure, she might think that she could hold it if she tried, but when was the last time she actually tried to hold it? It doesn’t matter what it is in life. If you don’t practice something for months. You’re going to be rusty at it. For Maggie, she didn’t look rusty. It looked like she was starting over completely.

“I might want to swap those pull-ups for diapers.” She whispered, that idea brought another train of thought into her mind. “I’m… not diaper dependent… am I?” Maggie wondered. She honestly didn’t know the answer to that question. Her rational side wanted to say no. Sure she expected to have a weaker bladder by this point, but was she fully incontinet? Her droopy diaper certainly said so.

While that swirled in her mind, an even bigger question arose. Did she want to stop this? Maggie didn’t answer at first. She stared directly at her full diaper in the mirror.

“It’s weird how okay I am with all of this.”

Chapter 6

“COME ON! You’re right here!!” Maggie’s mind raced. She stood a foot away from the toilet. Her bowels were screaming to release. Her trembling fingers struggled to undo the buttons of her overalls. In retrospect, thinking she had enough control to wear them and still make it to the toilet was a mistake.

“That’s fine. Just make it for #2.” Maggie thought, as she felt hot pee burst out of her. She had virtually no chance of stopping it anyways. Her weak bladder didn’t hold anything back. It dumped the few ounces it could hold into her diaper. Cutting her losses, Maggie focused all her mental energy on stopping herself from messing.

“NO… Nooo….” Maggie thought, she could feel herself losing the battle. She’d just gotten the second button undone, but her bowels were a split second away from releasing. She clamped down with her last remaining might. Her body was past the point of no return. Maggie did what she had to, to get her overalls off. She bent down to step out of her overalls.

It was too much.

As her knees bent, she felt a warm mess bloom in the seat of her diaper. She frowned, knowing she’d run out of time.

“Ugh! I’m right here!!” Maggie yelled out in frustration. In spite, she stood back up. She relaxed the weak control she had remaining on her bowels. It wouldn’t have mattered if she kept trying. By the time she’d get the tapes off, she’d be almost done messing anyways. She placed her hands on her hips and stared down.

The toilet mocked her. She was in front of it, and she couldn’t stop herself from messing. She felt her body start to taper off. The weight of her wet and messy accident slowly settled, forcing her diaper to droop between her legs. A strange feeling grew in Maggie’s mind.

Never before had she’d seen such a clear statement of her growing incontinence. She’d tried as hard as she could. To come up just short felt back breaking. Although she was standing next to it, she’d never felt so far from the toilet.

“Should I even keep trying?” Maggie thought, looking down at her stained diaper. She didn’t answer.

***

Maggie dunked her spoon into the bowl of cereal. She lifted the handle up, and brought the pool of milk and Special K to her mouth. She crunched on her breakfast while she read the morning reports. Her eyes zoned in on the specific section her boss highlighted.

“Okay… I’ll make sure to keep an eye on that part of the US…” Maggie muttered through chewing. She absent mindedly grabbed another spoonful as her eyes continued to scan.

“... I think temperatures here are-” Maggie thought, her thought process halted as the feeling struck her. Her bowels started to contract. Maggie looked caught off guard from the harsh cramps.

“I feel it!” Maggie thought to herself. Her pride quickly melted into anxiety. She pushed herself up off the couch. Standing up only placed more stress on her already aching bowels. The weight barreling down on her quickly felt insurmountable. She couldn’t give up this easily, it hadn’t even been a mere ten seconds from feeling the pain to now.

“I can make it…. I can do… this…” Maggie thought to herself, she started moving her feet across the carpet. The weight of standing, and now adding locomotion, made it too much for her body to hold onto. The next step Maggie took, she felt mass slip out of her body, and into the waiting diaper. She grimaced at the feeling, knowing she’d only made it a few steps before she started to involuntarily mess herself. Still, she tried her best to keep going.

“HOLD IT!!” She mentally screamed to herself. She subconsciously pushed her hands into the back of her diaper in a feeble attempt to hold onto it. All it ended it up doing was push the growing mess into her skin. She could feel it pushing into the back of her diaper, despite her childish attempts at stopping it. Maggie, feeling the defeat grow both in the seat of her pants, and heart, stopped in the middle of the living room.

“*Sigh*” She let out, a familiar feeling of disappointment creeped into her chest. “What’s the point?” She thought, in that moment, she gave up her poor attempt at trying to hold back. There wasn’t much left at that point. She let what remained slip effortlessly into her diaper. She felt the warm mush cake into the back of her underwear.

To add insult to injury, she could tell the front of her diaper was warming too. There was zero warning from her bladder. The only way she knew it was happening in the first place was her body felt weight slipping down into her diaper. Her muscles couldn’t stop herself from wetting if she tried. They were too weak to hold back anything. Maggie felt as small as a flea. In the blink of an eye, she went from a clean diaper, to completely full without almost no warning. She didn’t feel like a big kid. She felt exactly like she was, a little who wasn’t potty trained anymore.

She felt the fight in her finally snuff out.

“Whatever.” She thought, spinning back around to the couch. She took a couple steps back, then plopped back down onto the couch. Her diaper and it’s contents squelched under the weight of her body. “I’ll change in a bit, I don’t want to waste it. I know it can hold a little more.” She thought. Maggie felt her disappointment linger, but her mind didn’t dwell on the incident for too long. It was a daily occurrence. In her mess, she got back to work.

***

“I wonder what it could be…” Maggie quipped jokingly to her mother. Her hands twisted the soft package wrapped in gift wrap. It compressed easily with a gentle squeeze. Her mother chuckled.

“Just open it!” She said, pointing at the gift. Maggie rolled her eyes, before plunging into the wrap. The tips of her fingers felt the plastic, immediately confirming her suspicions. She ripped the paper open, finally revealing the package of diapers. Maggie smiled at the pack.

“Thank you, Mom.” Maggie said, she motioned toward the other two packages. “From the looks of it, you saved me about two weeks of diaper expenses.” Maggie said, her mother’s eyes focused on the pack.

“Are you sure they’re the right ones? I know you said you like to change it up. I went off an old link you sent me.” She said concerningly. Maggie giggled, then nodded her head.

“Yes, Mom. I’m wearing this kind right now actually.” Maggie said, she pointed down at the bulk peeking out between her PJ pants. Her mother’s demeanor softened. She threw her daughter into a hug.

“Happy Birthday, Maggie. I didn’t think I’d be buying diapers for your birthday at this age…” She joked, Maggie laughed as she moved away from the hug.

“I never thought so either.” She responded. Maggie was surprised to see her mother’s face looked slightly concerned.

“Um dear… Just so you know… You might want to think about a change soon…” She said, trying her best not to offend Maggie.

“Oh.” Maggie said matter of fact. She stood up from sitting criss-cross on the floor. She pressed her hands on the bottom of her diaper. Sure enough, she felt far more mess in the back than she expected to be there. She didn’t even squeeze her legs, it was almost certainly drenched at this point. “Sorry about that.” She said, shooting a meek grin at her mother, “I thought I could stretch it a little longer.” Maggie said.

“It’s quite alright, Honey.” She said, her tone dismissive. She stood up from the couch, and started walking toward the kitchen. “Hurry up and finish opening the rest of your gifts, so we can eat the cake!” She said excitedly.

Maggie looked back at the remaining packs of what she assumed were more Northshore diapers. She felt happy at that moment. Over a year ago, she thought no one would ever accept her diaper-use. It was the biggest barrier. Looking at the packs now, she saw how silly that was. In what world would her mother not accept her for who she was?

She was Maggie. She liked science and Harry Potter. Her favorite birthday cake was Carrot.

She wore diapers. Not just because she needed to. Because she wanted to. Just like how she wanted to spend her Saturday nights drinking wine with her Mother.

How else could she live her life?

***

Nobody chooses to be AB/DL. It’s something that is a part of us whether we want it to be or not. You might be able to trace back moments in your life that explain it. For example, I’m 95% sure I got this fetish because I stole diapers from my younger sister. I wore and wet them because I thought it was fun. I didn’t know that would drastically affect not just my sexuality, but my everyday life.

And when you really think about it, is there anything really wrong with that? Honestly. Is there seriously a problem with wearing diapers? Is the world going to stop because you like to see women or men wearing a diaper? No. It’s the same as saying you’d like to see them in lingerie, or a cute shirt.

The only reason it’s stigmatized is because it’s misunderstood. You are not responsible for that. It’s their fault for not doing the research on what this fetish really is in the first place. In my experience, it’s normally people who don’t have fetishes. It’s not their fault for being Vanilla, but that doesn’t excuse them from misunderstanding. They need to be better.

Does it make me a bad person for stealing my sister’s diapers? No. How was I supposed to know it’d give me this fetish? How were any of us supposed to know? We couldn’t. We were kids. We still are.

I think about my childhood every day. I miss it. Not in the way that I want to go back to it (at least… not everyday…), but it’s important to me I remember it, and re-enact the moments I love the most. I think all of us share that same sentiment. I think we’re told all throughout our childhood that we need to grow up. So when we act childish in our adult lives, that goes against the day 1 rule we learned as kids.

The thing is, we did grow up. We did learn how to be adults. That’s it right there. We’re adults, and we are allowed to do whatever we want in this life. That means we can wear diapers. We can suck on pacifiers. We can take time out of our day and pretend that we’re one year olds. There’s not a single thing wrong with that. And those who think differently are in the wrong.

If you need to hear this. Forgive yourself for being an AB/DL. It’s okay. You are allowed to feel this way. I’ve gone through therapy for this, and that’s the resounding message I’ve gotten. Trained psychiatric professionals think you’re normal. I wouldn’t argue against that.

Be proud of who you are. Love this part of you. In reality, it’s a blessing you have it in the first place. We may have grown up, but the little Maggie playing Super Nintendo in diapers is still very much alive.

She always will.

I hope yours does too.

MC

2021