Living With This Chapter 6 (Final) (Patreon)

“COME ON! You’re right here!!” Maggie’s mind raced. She stood a foot away from the toilet. Her bowels were screaming to release. Her trembling fingers struggled to undo the buttons of her overalls. In retrospect, thinking she had enough control to wear them and still make it to the toilet was a mistake.

“That’s fine. Just make it for #2.” Maggie thought, as she felt hot pee burst out of her. She had virtually no chance of stopping it anyways. Her weak bladder didn’t hold anything back. It dumped the few ounces it could hold into her diaper. Cutting her losses, Maggie focused all her mental energy on stopping herself from messing.

“NO… Nooo….” Maggie thought, she could feel herself losing the battle. She’d just gotten the second button undone, but her bowels were a split second away from releasing. She clamped down with her last remaining might. Her body was past the point of no return. Maggie did what she had to, to get her overalls off. She bent down to step out of her overalls.

It was too much.

As her knees bent, she felt a warm mess bloom in the seat of her diaper. She frowned, knowing she’d run out of time.

“Ugh! I’m right here!!” Maggie yelled out in frustration. In spite, she stood back up. She relaxed the weak control she had remaining on her bowels. It wouldn’t have mattered if she kept trying. By the time she’d get the tapes off, she’d be almost done messing anyways. She placed her hands on her hips and stared down.

The toilet mocked her. She was in front of it, and she couldn’t stop herself from messing. She felt her body start to taper off. The weight of her wet and messy accident slowly settled, forcing her diaper to droop between her legs. A strange feeling grew in Maggie’s mind.

Never before had she’d seen such a clear statement of her growing incontinence. She’d tried as hard as she could. To come up just short felt back breaking. Although she was standing next to it, she’d never felt so far from the toilet.

“Should I even keep trying?” Maggie thought, looking down at her stained diaper. She didn’t answer.

***

Maggie dunked her spoon into the bowl of cereal. She lifted the handle up, and brought the pool of milk and Special K to her mouth. She crunched on her breakfast while she read the morning reports. Her eyes zoned in on the specific section her boss highlighted.

“Okay… I’ll make sure to keep an eye on that part of the US…” Maggie muttered through chewing. She absent mindedly grabbed another spoonful as her eyes continued to scan.

“... I think temperatures here are-” Maggie thought, her thought process halted as the feeling struck her. Her bowels started to contract. Maggie looked caught off guard from the harsh cramps.

“I feel it!” Maggie thought to herself. Her pride quickly melted into anxiety. She pushed herself up off the couch. Standing up only placed more stress on her already aching bowels. The weight barreling down on her quickly felt insurmountable. She couldn’t give up this easily, it hadn’t even been a mere ten seconds from feeling the pain to now.

“I can make it…. I can do… this…” Maggie thought to herself, she started moving her feet across the carpet. The weight of standing, and now adding locomotion, made it too much for her body to hold onto. The next step Maggie took, she felt mass slip out of her body, and into the waiting diaper. She grimaced at the feeling, knowing she’d only made it a few steps before she started to involuntarily mess herself. Still, she tried her best to keep going.

“HOLD IT!!” She mentally screamed to herself. She subconsciously pushed her hands into the back of her diaper in a feeble attempt to hold onto it. All it ended it up doing was push the growing mess into her skin. She could feel it pushing into the back of her diaper, despite her childish attempts at stopping it. Maggie, feeling the defeat grow both in the seat of her pants, and heart, stopped in the middle of the living room.

“*Sigh*” She let out, a familiar feeling of disappointment creeped into her chest. “What’s the point?” She thought, in that moment, she gave up her poor attempt at trying to hold back. There wasn’t much left at that point. She let what remained slip effortlessly into her diaper. She felt the warm mush cake into the back of her underwear.

To add insult to injury, she could tell the front of her diaper was warming too. There was zero warning from her bladder. The only way she knew it was happening in the first place was her body felt weight slipping down into her diaper. Her muscles couldn’t stop herself from wetting if she tried. They were too weak to hold back anything. Maggie felt as small as a flea. In the blink of an eye, she went from a clean diaper, to completely full without almost no warning. She didn’t feel like a big kid. She felt exactly like she was, a little who wasn’t potty trained anymore.

She felt the fight in her finally snuff out.

“Whatever.” She thought, spinning back around to the couch. She took a couple steps back, then plopped back down onto the couch. Her diaper and it’s contents squelched under the weight of her body. “I’ll change in a bit, I don’t want to waste it. I know it can hold a little more.” She thought. Maggie felt her disappointment linger, but her mind didn’t dwell on the incident for too long. It was a daily occurrence. In her mess, she got back to work.

***

“I wonder what it could be…” Maggie quipped jokingly to her mother. Her hands twisted the soft package wrapped in gift wrap. It compressed easily with a gentle squeeze. Her mother chuckled.

“Just open it!” She said, pointing at the gift. Maggie rolled her eyes, before plunging into the wrap. The tips of her fingers felt the plastic, immediately confirming her suspicions. She ripped the paper open, finally revealing the package of diapers. Maggie smiled at the pack.

“Thank you, Mom.” Maggie said, she motioned toward the other two packages. “From the looks of it, you saved me about two weeks of diaper expenses.” Maggie said, her mother’s eyes focused on the pack.

“Are you sure they’re the right ones? I know you said you like to change it up. I went off an old link you sent me.” She said concerningly. Maggie giggled, then nodded her head.

“Yes, Mom. I’m wearing this kind right now actually.” Maggie said, she pointed down at the bulk peeking out between her PJ pants. Her mother’s demeanor softened. She threw her daughter into a hug.

“Happy Birthday, Maggie. I didn’t think I’d be buying diapers for your birthday at this age…” She joked, Maggie laughed as she moved away from the hug.

“I never thought so either.” She responded. Maggie was surprised to see her mother’s face looked slightly concerned.

“Um dear… Just so you know… You might want to think about a change soon…” She said, trying her best not to offend Maggie.

“Oh.” Maggie said matter of fact. She stood up from sitting criss-cross on the floor. She pressed her hands on the bottom of her diaper. Sure enough, she felt far more mess in the back than she expected to be there. She didn’t even squeeze her legs, it was almost certainly drenched at this point. “Sorry about that.” She said, shooting a meek grin at her mother, “I thought I could stretch it a little longer.” Maggie said.

“It’s quite alright, Honey.” She said, her tone dismissive. She stood up from the couch, and started walking toward the kitchen. “Hurry up and finish opening the rest of your gifts, so we can eat the cake!” She said excitedly.

Maggie looked back at the remaining packs of what she assumed were more Northshore diapers. She felt happy at that moment. Over a year ago, she thought no one would ever accept her diaper-use. It was the biggest barrier. Looking at the packs now, she saw how silly that was. In what world would her mother not accept her for who she was?

She was Maggie. She liked science and Harry Potter. Her favorite birthday cake was Carrot.

She wore diapers. Not just because she needed to. Because she wanted to. Just like how she wanted to spend her Saturday nights drinking wine with her Mother.

How else could she live her life?

***

Nobody chooses to be AB/DL. It’s something that is a part of us whether we want it to be or not. You might be able to trace back moments in your life that explain it. For example, I’m 95% sure I got this fetish because I stole diapers from my younger sister. I wore and wet them because I thought it was fun. I didn’t know that would drastically affect not just my sexuality, but my everyday life.

And when you really think about it, is there anything really wrong with that? Honestly. Is there seriously a problem with wearing diapers? Is the world going to stop because you like to see women or men wearing a diaper? No. It’s the same as saying you’d like to see them in lingerie, or a cute shirt.

The only reason it’s stigmatized is because it’s misunderstood. You are not responsible for that. It’s their fault for not doing the research on what this fetish really is in the first place. In my experience, it’s normally people who don’t have fetishes. It’s not their fault for being Vanilla, but that doesn’t excuse them from misunderstanding. They need to be better.

Does it make me a bad person for stealing my sister’s diapers? No. How was I supposed to know it’d give me this fetish? How were any of us supposed to know? We couldn’t. We were kids. We still are.

I think about my childhood every day. I miss it. Not in the way that I want to go back to it (at least… not everyday…), but it’s important to me I remember it, and re-enact the moments I love the most. I think all of us share that same sentiment. I think we’re told all throughout our childhood that we need to grow up. So when we act childish in our adult lives, that goes against the day 1 rule we learned as kids.

The thing is, we did grow up. We did learn how to be adults. That’s it right there. We’re adults, and we are allowed to do whatever we want in this life. That means we can wear diapers. We can suck on pacifiers. We can take time out of our day and pretend that we’re one year olds. There’s not a single thing wrong with that. And those who think differently are in the wrong.

If you need to hear this. Forgive yourself for being an AB/DL. It’s okay. You are allowed to feel this way. I’ve gone through therapy for this, and that’s the resounding message I’ve gotten. Trained psychiatric professionals think you’re normal. I wouldn’t argue against that.

Be proud of who you are. Love this part of you. In reality, it’s a blessing you have it in the first place. We may have grown up, but the little Maggie playing Super Nintendo in diapers is still very much alive.

She always will.

I hope yours does too.

MC

2021