Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 48 (Patreon)

Hi all!

It's late November, and I'm back with the latest chapter of HFHM. This chapter was a lot of fun to write and will be considered the end of the first act of Book Four. What does this mean? Well, this chapter will have a new room, an unexpected pairing (could it finally be that ReggieXTickTock scene we've all been waiting for?!?), and will end with the start of an incredible journey to the faerie realm.

Once you've finished reading, comment below or head over to https://discord.gg/t7SvKvK (I usually make it a hyperlink, but Patreon is broken) to chat and discuss what is about to transpire.

In and Out

Up on the third floor, Mike contemplated the large set of double doors in front of him. The wall where the wardrobe used to be had been replaced with a slightly wider hallway that terminated after a few yards in a large pair of metal doors with a series of gears built into them.

He tested the handle, but the door didn’t budge. Symbols were emblazoned across both doors with shapes that seemed astronomical in nature—he recognized the symbol for the moon and the sun, and the planet Mars, but that was it.

“Well?” He looked at Tink. “What’s supposed to be behind here?”

“Wrong room.” She looked at the gears, then slid her goggles on. “Old room just bedroom with bed that smell like farts. Tink not sure why special door.”

“It looks like a combination lock.” Dana added, pointing to the five largest gears. “See how there are these large wheels you can turn? The symbols change, but then line up in the middle.”

“The goggles should be able to figure it out, right?” Mike looked at Tink, who was now scowling at the door. “Tink?”

“Goggles say turn dials, but no tell Tink correct password.” She moved closer to the door to inspect it, then put her hands on a piece of metal and gave it a slight pull. “Pull lever when correct, but…”

“But what?”

“Tink don’t know. Goggles say pull lever any time.” She shrugged. “That how door works.”

“Yeah, I’m suspicious.” Dana examined the gears of the door with a mixture of curiosity and excitement. “There’s a series of tumblers behind the gears, I can see them in a couple of places.”

“Tink see, too!” She had shoved her face against the door, turning her face sideways to see behind the mechanism of the door. “Tumblers move rods, unlock door.”

“So, what, do we just have to get the combination right?” Mike grabbed the lever and gave it a pull. The door emitted a series of clicks, but failed to open when he pulled the handle.

“It would seem that way.” Dana knocked on the door a few times and put her ear against it. “Can you turn one of the gears for me?”

“Yeah, sure.” Mike grabbed the one closest to him and gave it a slow turn. The thick teeth of the gear clicked as a series of symbols moved through circular openings in the middle of the door. There were seven windows, and the symbols were changing in only two of them. He watched the symbols cycle through, and he looked at Dana, waiting for further instructions. They had yet to repeat, and he noticed that one of the symbols changed three times faster than the other.

“Oh, wow.” Dana pulled her head off the door and gave one of the other gears a turn, causing Mike’s gear to lock up. Two other windows rotated their symbols, but one of them went through five symbols by the time the other went through two. “This is so cool!”

“Glad you like it.” Mike grinned and gave the third gear a twist, then frowned. The third gear controlled a new window and one of the previous ones. “Oh, that’s a nasty trick. How is that even possible?”

“Do it again.” Dana put her ear to the door, and Mike alternated turning the two gears. “There’s a slight delay, but I can hear something shift in there.”

“How does that help us?” he asked.

“It doesn’t, really. Sounds like there’s a mechanism in there for changing from one window to the next. Would love to take this apart and see how it works.” She turned the remaining gears. Each gear controlled two windows, meaning that three of the windows were controlled by two different gears. The ratios were different for each gear as well, and he was having trouble figuring out which ones did what.

“Is this something we could brute force?” he wondered aloud, looking at the column of symbols.

“Probably, but it would be a giant pain in the ass. That top window has twenty symbols alone.”

“Have you figured out what they mean?”

“Nope. I did astronomy as an elective in college, but…” she scrunched up her face. “I can’t remember most of it. It’s kind of like a dream I forgot the details of. I do recognize most of these symbols as astronomical, but some of the others I don’t recognize.” She pointed at one that looked similar to the number three. “Here’s an example. It could mean third planet, maybe?”

Mike had always liked puzzles growing up. They had been a fun escape for him, and he found the intricacies of the door fascinating. What he didn’t like was having a door in his house that had been locked down with god knew what behind it. The outer edges of the door had similar symbols to what he had seen so far, but he couldn’t make any sense of them. He knocked on the door. “Hey, stargate! Anyone there willing to slip a hint under the door?”

All of them waited quietly for several seconds.

“Well, figured it was worth a try. Maybe we could just try and get in through the window?”

“I guess.” Dana looked disappointed. “Might be a pain in the ass to get in and out with a ladder.”

“Yeah, probably. Still, wouldn’t hurt to at least take a shot at opening it, right?” He looked at the symbols again and took out his phone. “The door and the symbols look old, so let’s do some educated guesses. Seven windows, right? Let’s see.” He dug through the internet until he found a reference chart for astronomy. “Let’s do the sun for window one, then go through until we reach Saturn. Can’t hurt to try.”

“Ooh, Tink help!” The goblin snatched his phone from him, her eyes going back and forth to the door. “Goggles tell Tink how to put this in!”

“Well, that should save us some time.” He and Dana watched as Tink alternated spinning the large gears, the symbols slowly lining up. It took her a couple of minutes to do, and she stepped back when finished.

“Let’s see…” He pointed at the top window. “So there’s the Sun. Mercury, Venus, Earth…”

“Mars, Jupiter, Saturn!” Tink jumped to tap the last symbol with a claw. “Tink know order, now know symbols.”

“Great job,” he told her, ruffling her hair and tweaking one of her horns.

“Tell Tink great job later,” she said, pinching his ass before standing back.

He chuckled, then grabbed the lever on the door and pulled. This time, the clunking behind the door continued for several seconds, and a sound like a piston being compressed was followed by the sound of inner gears.

“Guess that puzzle wasn’t too—” An icy chill spread through his body as a series of interlocking blades that had been hidden in the door’s design opened like a flower, revealing a glowing, yellow gemstone that hummed like a dynamo that was spinning up.

Tink was just close enough that he could grab her by the hair, and he pulled her to the ground just before the gemstone discharged. A wave of force bounced the two of them down the hall, and Dana, standing in front of the door, was blown through the wall. Plaster and dust fell like snow all along the hallway, causing Mike and Tink to cough.

The aperture on the door slammed shut, the thin lines of the metal vanishing into the surface. Mike stood, then helped Tink to her feet.

“You okay?” he asked, brushing dust out of her hair. The goggles had gone askew on her forehead, and she removed them entirely before using the hem of her skirt to wipe the dirt out of her eyes.

“Tink okay.” She grinned up at him, then licked her lips. “Husband pull Tink hair anytime.”

“I’ll add it to your kink list. Dana?” He turned his attention to the hole in the wall. On the other side was Yuki’s bedroom, and on her way through, Dana had broken through one of the studs, eventually crashing into a set of easels set up along the opposite wall. “Hey, are you okay?”

All he got was a muffled response, so he opened up Yuki’s door and stepped inside.

“Sorry, Yuki,” he muttered out loud, on the off chance she would turn the corner and see him. He had promised her on the day that she had moved in that he would never trespass on her private space, but he felt like she would understand.

Her room was full of paint, brushes, and several easels with art in various stages. An image of a beautiful tree dropping blossoms caught his attention, but he shook his head and moved around Yuki’s bed to where Dana had landed. She had pulled the bed’s comforter off on her way down, and was wrapped up inside of it.

“Dana?” he crouched down and gave her a shake.

“Mmmf,” she replied.

“You okay?” He pulled some of the blankets off of her, then recoiled in horror.

Dana’s head was at an unnatural angle, a large lump in the side of her neck. Her arms were still twisted up in the blanket, but he could tell that something was wrong with her shoulder.

She let out a raspy sigh that sounded more like a cough. “Apparently my neck is broken,” she said, her voice like a scratched record.

“I… I see that. Um… do you think I should take you to… Zel?”

Dana stared at him for a couple of seconds, her grey eyes flat and lifeless. “Oh, sorry. I tried to shake my head no. If we can get me… situated, I should be fixable without her help.”

“Yeah, let’s… uh…” He tenderly moved the blanket off of her side, then tried to shift her by dragging the fabric.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Trying to move you without hurting… oh.” He grabbed the blanket and dragged her into the middle of the room and unwrapped her.

“Dead girl broken bad.” Tink’s features were scrunched up in disgust. “Husband fix?”

“Of course.” He grabbed Dana’s shoulders and lifted, then placed himself under her torso and stood. She was now hanging over his shoulder, butt first. “Tink, do you think you could try and get that hole patched? Yuki’s more likely to forgive us if she at least has her wall back.”

“Tink try.” She slipped the goggles over her face and moved to examine the hole. “Whole house broken, today. Husband make Tink work too hard.”

“Sorry, Tink.” He felt bad, leaving her with the mess, but Dana needed him first. He carried her down the hall to his room and put her down on the bed. Laid flat, he could see that one shoulder hung much lower than the other, and one of her feet was twisted the wrong way.

“How should I start?” he asked.

“Once everything is lined up, I’ll heal.” A weird gurgling noise came from her mouth. “Ugh, I can’t swallow.”

He looked at her and shivered. She couldn’t see him from her current position, but he was looking at the weird knob in her throat. By all rights, if he had gotten caught in the door, then the same thing could have happened to him. 

“Let’s start with your foot?” It was more a question than a statement, and he waited for a response.

“Whatever gets me fixed, but…” she let out a wheeze. “Just start soon, okay?”

“Okay.” He grabbed her foot and pushed her pant leg up. It looked like a bone in her shin had popped up, so he gave it a tentative push. “So, just shove it back?”

“You can try. I’ve had this break before, it seems that my injuries cause weak points sometimes. Twist my foot around and then push on the raised part.”

He felt nauseous, but tensed his jaw and did what she said. Her skin was cool to the touch, and he almost got sick when he felt how springy the bone was when he pushed on it.

“You gonna play with it, or put it back?”

“Sorry.” He pushed on it a couple times, then climbed onto the bed and held her foot in place with his knees, then used his body weight and both hands to shove the bone back into place.

He felt a shifting beneath her skin as the bone mended, and when he lifted his hands, the bone stayed down. “Is that better?”

“No idea. My neck is broken, remember?”

“Oh. Right.” He moved toward her shoulder, then grimaced. Maybe he should have taken her to Zel, or someone with any sort of medical experience, because he was freaking out a little. “How about the shoulder?”

“Dead girls don’t swell up. If you can rotate it around, all you have to do is pop it back in.” She coughed, then let out another wheeze. “It won’t hurt me, so get creative.”

“Once more unto the breach, I guess.” He grabbed her shoulder and wiggled it around, trying to picture it as something other than a human arm. He gave the arm a push where he thought it should go, and felt the bone inside scrape against the socket.

“You seriously don’t feel that?”

“Even if I could, it would just be uncomfortable. Like, the pressure would be there, but no pain.”

“Okay, well then let’s get it over with.” He straddled her torso and picked up her arm and leaned into her. This took several minutes of trial and error, but eventually he felt something give and her arm popped back into its socket.

“Oh, yeah, just like that,” Dana groaned.

“Excuse me?”

“Dead girl humor. It’s a thing Lily does.” She turned her eyes toward him, so he leaned into view so she could see him better.

“Ah, yes. Lily. She makes life interesting.”

“She makes death interesting, too.”

“Glad to know you didn’t break your sense of humor when you went through that wall.” To be honest, he wasn’t even sure he had heard her crack a joke before.

“It’s deadpan humor.” One side of her lips twitched into a brief smile.

“Was that… a zombie joke?”

“It’s either laugh or scream. I’m lying on your bed with a broken neck, trying not to freak out a little, so if you don’t mind…”

“Right, sorry.” He got off the bed and positioned himself over her head. “So what do I do here?”

“What’s it look like?”

“Well, your head is crooked, and—”

“No, tell me what it looks like.”

“Oh. There’s a lump in your neck where it’s crooked, so… I wonder if I just need to push your head back on top of it?”

“Won’t hurt to try.”

He knelt by the bed and slid his hands under her scalp. Her hair was completely gray now, just like her eyes. “I’m going to pull, okay?”

“Pull straight toward you. You’re fighting all those muscles in there right now, don’t be afraid to get rough with it.”

“But… what if…” the image of Dana’s head somehow separating from her body was ludicrous, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Then Sulyvahn and I can start a club, or something. Maybe even a goth band, he’s already got the outfit for it.”

He laughed. “I keep forgetting that guy is out there. I’ve had too much on my mind recently. Have you met him? What do you think?”

“Not much to think, really.”

He braced his feet against the frame of the bed and pulled. Dana slid toward him, and he swore to himself. He sat down and raised his feet, placing them on her shoulders.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Bracing myself.” He pushed with his feet and held tight to her jaw. Her skull slid along the bones of her spine, and the crackling noise alone turned his stomach.

“Oh, I hate how that sounds,” she said.

“That makes both of us.” He relaxed for a second and then tensed up again, hooking his fingers around her skull. He took a deep breath and yanked as hard as he could, trying to ignore the popping sounds and sensations. 

There was a loud crack, and Dana let out another groan. Her head now seemed to be properly seated, and the lump was finally gone.

“Just like that, right?” Mike asked.

“It’s like popping your elbow, times a million. All that buildup, and then a moment of…” She blinked a few times, then looked towards Mike. “Um… I still can’t move.”

“Oh shit, let me feel.” He worked his fingers along her spine. Though he had no idea what he was doing, he figured he would notice something really off. Already, he was thinking of the best way to get Dana to the centaurs. He really should have taken her there first instead of trying to deal with the issue himself, but he had wanted to be helpful.

At least he couldn’t kill his patient by accident.

“I don’t feel anything weird. Your neck feels normal.” He stood up and leaned over her, then frowned. “I think I might know the problem.”

“Well?” Though she looked at him, her eyes were completely unfocused. Her skin was now an unhealthy shade of gray, and her face had sunken in just a little.

“You look dead. Like, no joking or anything, but you look bad.”

“Shit.” She frowned, which looked like a quirky smile from where he stood. “I fucked up my leg earlier. I can only regenerate so much without…”

“Say no more.” He made a dash down through the house to the kitchen, and removed one of her few remaining shot glasses of spunk. He went back to his room and pulled the lid off. “Let’s see if this does the trick.”

The moment he had uncorked the glass, Dana’s nostrils flared and she opened her mouth wide, making him think of a baby bird waiting for its meal. He poured the fluid down her throat and watched her swallow it.

Seconds later, she inhaled sharply through her nose, and he heard a couple of pops throughout her body.

“What was that?” he asked.

“My ribs, apparently.” She looked at him. “I can sort of feel my body now, but I still can’t move.”

“Should I get some more… food for you?”

“Uh…” She was breathing hard now, indecision on her face. “I think I’ll need something stronger, actually. And soon.”

“Here, we can have Naia help.”

“No, wait.” The faraway look in her eyes had turned to something else, and he recognized it for what it was. Hunger. “I mean… it’s a little bit weird, but we can both be adults about it, right?”

“Yes, of course. If you’re sure.” He knew how she felt about sex with a man, and had done everything in his power to keep her from feeling like she had to. The last thing he wanted was to be resented. After all, it was partially his fault she was a zombie to begin with, and knowing that she had to do this to remain alive and sane often filled him with guilt.

“Oh, I’m sure. Absolutely sure.” A bit of a spark had returned to her eyes, and she was licking her lips. “Like, if you don’t do something soon, I’m going to freak out.”

“Okay, yeah, I get it.” He started to unbuckle his pants, then frowned. “So… you can’t really move.”

“You’re stating the obvious.”

“But then how… like should I just…”

“Just rub one out, okay?” Her voice was strained. “Blow your load on my face, really. Less talking, more jerking.”

“Uh, yeah.” He pulled his cock out of his pants and Dana inhaled sharply, staring at it like a starving orphan at Thanksgiving dinner. He stroked himself a few times, and his cock hardened in his hand, now standing at full attention. When he looked down at Dana, drool was now running along her cheeks, and he swayed his cock from side to side.

Her eyes followed, her entire focus on his thick shaft. Seeing how enthralled she was with his meaty member gave him a rush, and he used his other hand to tug down on his balls, preparing himself for the task at hand.

His magic woke up now, humming through his veins with nowhere to go. It crawled along his chest and belly first, then ran across his thighs before rolling up his spine and repeating the process. The sensation was both pleasurable and a bit distracting.

Dana made a noise similar to a whimper, and he saw that her attention was caught by a single bead of precum that had spilled over the top of his cock and clung to the ridge of his glans.

He moved closer, his cock hovering just over her mouth. Should he flick it and try to get it in her mouth? Saliva was running down her cheeks now, so he moved his cock closer to her mouth with the intention of pushing the drop in with his finger.

Her tongue flicked out and caught it, and his magic briefly shifted in her direction while they were in contact.

“Oh, fuck, I hate how much I love it.” She smacked her lips and looked up at him. “More, I need more.”

“I’m working on it.” Seeing her naturally cool demeanor vanish was unsettling, but this version of her seemed easy to please. He stroked faster, letting the magic flow through his groin and up his back, willing it to expedite the process.

A clear glob formed on the head of his cock, and he lowered it for her to lick again. This time, he held it in place long enough for her to lick it free, then use her tongue to explore his urethra and clean out any extra. When he pulled his cock away, she let out a whimper, so he put it back where she could reach it.

The progression was natural, and when his cock hit the edge of her lips, she sucked him in, forming a seal with her lips while her tongue explored the surface of his cock.

Dana’s inexperience giving blowjobs was nothing compared to the absolute enthusiasm with which she slobbered all over his dick. He had no idea how much of his precum she consumed, but her fingers began to twitch, which was a good sign. She was swallowing constantly now, making tiny moans afterward.

“Mmm, oh yeah.” He spread his legs and squatted down a bit to get a better angle, stroking his cock the whole time. Tiny little sparks shot out of the head of his cock and into Dana, and her arms spasmed with each one.

He knew that his semen was altered by magic, but was the magic itself something she could consume? It seemed a testable theory, so he willed it to build up in his cock, hoping that it would help her recover faster.

Dana clenched her fingers into a fist, and her arms twitched.

“Are you—” he asked, but her arms flipped over her head, and she circled his waist with them. With a yank, she pulled his cock into her mouth, then let out a muffled sigh of contentment.

The head of his cock now pressed against the back of her throat, and he couldn’t help himself. He pressed into her, then pulled back, letting out a grunt as he released another trickle in her mouth. She let go of his waist and was using her hand to jack him off. Her other hand moved to the waistband of her pants, then slid underneath.

Well, she seemed enthusiastic enough. He put his hands on her forehead and thrust into her mouth some more. She let go of his cock to play with her breasts, and he held onto her shoulders to make the process easier. He slid himself into her mouth as far as he could go, then pulled out. She let out a grunt, and he pulled his cock free. Large, sticky strands of cum and spit temporarily connected them.

“You good?” he asked.

“I don’t… need to… breathe…” Her eyes were flickering between gray and blue, so he shrugged and shoved himself back into her throat. She moaned in delight, forming another vacuum seal and inhaling him even farther. A bulge formed beneath her jaw, and he realized that he was now sliding into her esophagus.

He started slow, fucking her face while the pressure in his cock built. The process was slow at first, and when she opened her eyes, he could see the sparks inside of them, radiating out and along her face. Little jolts of static turned her hair from gray to blonde, and the color was coming back to her skin.

She unbuttoned her pants to shove both hands down the front, her movements now frantic. Her legs spasmed a couple of times, and one foot kicked hard enough that a shoe fell off.

Groaning, Mike grabbed Dana’s jaw and fucked her mouth vigorously, his orgasm approaching. Dana seemed to sense it, too, and she let out an encouraging moan. Watching that bulge in her throat move back and forth was almost hypnotic, and he felt his inner walls collapse.

He slowed down his thrusts, let the pressure build, then shoved his cock as far as he could, letting out a growl, then filled her throat with cum and magic.

Dana let out a moan of delight, and pulled her hands out of her pants to grab him by the ass and hold him in place. Every swallow was a loud, gulping noise, and she swirled her tongue around, eagerly consuming every last drop. She was making adorable little mmmmm noises around his shaft.

Suddenly, she screamed around his dick, and sparks erupted from her skin, then traveled along her belly and down between her legs.

She spat him out. “Oh, fuck!” Dana let go of him and shoved her hands down her pants. Letting out a growl, she lifted her hips to push her pants down. Her panties soon followed, revealing a pair of thighs slick with her own juices.

“Shit! Shit! Shit!” Dana was masturbating furiously, her hands alternating between her clit and her vagina. She tried to sit up, but kept falling back down.

“Are… you okay?”

“I need to come!” She looked at him with desperation in her eyes. The sparks were jumping all across her now, running circles around her thighs and stomach.  “I… need to… fuck!”

“Let me get you to the tub.” He grabbed her by the shoulders, intending to take her to Naia, but Dana grabbed him and yanked him down onto the bed.

“But… I thought…”

“Just… shut up. Don’t talk.” She rolled him onto his back with a surprising amount of strength, then sat up. “Don’t… don’t say anything. Please.”

He held a finger to his lips, then pretended to lock them and throw away the key.

She closed her eyes and mounted him, her suddenly warm body sinking down onto him.

“Oh, fuck! Fuck me!” She put her hands on his stomach, and then leaned back and rode him. One hand was frantically working at her clitoris while she used the other to squeeze her breast. She was nearly manic now, letting out loud shrieks that had him covering his ears. What was wrong with her?

The sparks were circling her belly now, crawling up to disappear beneath her shirt. She leaned forward, her hips rolling wildly as she took in a deep breath and shrieked one final time, her whole body shuddering as the sparks jumped from her back into Mike. 

He was already hard, but the throbbing in his cock threatened to undo him. He grabbed her by the hips and thrust into her, and she let out a gasp.

“Stop!” She slid off his cock and rolled onto her back, breathing hard.

“Everything okay?” He sat up and looked at her.

“If you keep going… we’ll be at this all day…” She sucked in a mouthful of air, and then let it out. “I… feel weird like…” Her blue eyes turned toward him. “I feel alive.”

Looking at her, he had to agree. She had consumed his cum many times, but this was the first time he had used his magic. Not only was Dana’s skin the healthy glow of a living woman, but she looked winded from the effort.

“Oh my god, I’m alive!” Tears formed in the corners of her eyes, and she held up her hands to look at them. “I can feel my heart beating, and oh my god, so many emotions, I’m actually—” Her eyes crossed for a second and her head twitched to one side. Her whole body spasmed for about ten seconds and Mike realized she was suffering a seizure.

“Holy shit, Dana!” He held her on the bed, and wondered if he needed to do something to keep her from biting her tongue. Eventually, the seizure faded, and she opened her eyes, her gaze meeting his.

“I died again.” She sat up with a sigh, then looked at her hands. Oddly enough, it looked like she was holding back tears. “But I still feel way better than I did.”

“You… you scared me.” He sat away from her on the bed.

“I was scared, too.” She took a moment to put her panties back on, deliberately looking away from him. “Hey, I’m sorry this is so weird for us. I wish it was easier, like with the others. I’m just carrying too much baggage. Stuff about Alex and… yeah.”

“Huh? You have nothing to feel bad about, I’m sorry that… well, everything.” He was also sorry that he couldn’t will his erection to go away, but kept that bit to himself. “I’m sorry you have to keep doing this.

A thin smile crossed her lips. “Well, one of these days, we’ll get things fixed so that I don’t have to. Please don’t take that the wrong way, what we just did was… fun. You’re still just not my type.”

He let out a chuckle. “If I ever figure out how to turn into a woman, I’ll do it just for you.”

“That’s probably not a promise you should make, knowing what you know.” She found her pants and put them back on, and then retightened her ponytail. “Chances are good that something in this place can do that.”

The smile slipped off his face. He had already done something similar in a vision, so it wasn’t much of a stretch to imagine it being possible. “Okay, well maybe just on a temporary basis. Nothing permanent.”

Done putting on her clothes, she turned to face him, her mouth open as if to say something.

“WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY ROOM?!?” Yuki cried from the hallway.

“Sounds like the others are back.” Dana winked and headed for the door. “Let’s go help Tink deal with Yuki.” 

Mike let out a sigh and put his dick away. There was no rest for the wicked, after all. He adjusted his clothes and walked out of his room and down the hall. He could hear the kitsune’s distressed voice inside of her room, and Beth was sitting against the wall in the hallway, clutching Jenny to her chest. He stopped in front of her, noticing the haunted look in her eyes.

“Hey, you okay?”

Beth looked up at him and nodded, letting out an explosive breath. “Rough day. Is this your fault?” She looked at the hole in the wall.

“Tried to hack a lock on a magic door and broke our resident zombie. You?”

“Freddy Kreuger-ed by Oliver across the surface of my soul… I think.” She shrugged. “The details are super fuzzy, and I’m having trouble remembering it, which might be for the best.”

He looked in the room to see Dana holding Yuki’s hands and talking to her in a calming voice. The hole was larger than it had been, and Tink was frantically sawing through a cracked piece of wood at the base. He moved out of view, choosing to stay outside with Beth. “What’s this about Oliver?”

She explained to him the process of having the demon’s soul piece removed from her own as best she could. When she was done, he helped her stand and showed her the locked door from a safe distance. 

“So it blew Dana through the wall when you put in the wrong code?”

“Only the second time. We pulled it the first time and nothing happened, so figured it was safe.”

“Interesting.” She let out a yawn. “I’m afraid I don’t have any insight. Ratu might, but she’s down in the Labyrinth with our latest guest. Wants to be there when she wakes up, ask her some questions away from all the weirdness up here.”

This made him laugh. “I’m glad she considers waking up in a Labyrinth with a snake-skinned sorceress the tame choice. Maybe we need to build a sitting room or something, put in a fainting couch and a noise machine.”

She laughed. For some reason, it sounded musical to him and he slid down the wall to sit next to her. Though Beth had been there from the beginning, he often forgot that she was just as new to this as he was, and she wasn’t even bound to the house. What was this world like, through her eyes?

“Oh, there you are… what the fuck happened here?” Sofia stood at the top of the stairs with a stack of books in her hands, her eye wide in surprise.

“Long story. What’s with the books?”

Sofia grinned. “Feel like taking a trip to the faerie realm?”

Mike stood, using the wall for balance. “Tell me how.”

---

Dana walked into her room under the garage, and clicked on the light when she entered.

“Oh, fuck me.” There was a large crack in the far wall, and several hairline fractures in the cement up above. She could have Tink look at it after she was done repairing the broken wall in Yuki’s room. The small fractures didn’t look too bad, so she could have Tink verify it for her later. For now, she needed somewhere away from the others.

Well, not all of them. Tick Tock was the piano again, and was now playing some classical music for her in the corner. She and the mimic had been practicing music together, yet another one of her nightly pursuits.

She sat down in her game chair and took a deep breath, picked up a nearby pillow, and then screamed into it.

Screams of rage were forced into the soft cushion of the pillow. Hysterical sobbing came next, followed by uncontained laughter, and then crying again. Her fingers dug into the pillow so hard that she was tearing holes in it, and this went on for nearly an hour.

When she had swallowed Mike’s cum, his magic had passed into her, raw and unfiltered. In the moments that followed, she had felt warm blood rushing through her veins, and heard her heart beating in her ears. At the same time, every dulled emotion she had experienced since her first death had tried to force its way forward, replaying in her mind on repeat, and if not for her faux death afterward, she wondered if she would have gone insane.

Barely able to contain herself, she had quietly helped Tink patch Yuki’s wall and come down here to let it all out, and when it rained, it poured. Her mind was playing out conversations, confrontations, and moments of terror that had all been waiting in her mind for her to dissect and emotionally process. Tick Tock was no longer playing music, but had wandered over with a small blanket. Tiny metal hands draped it over her shoulder, but she couldn’t even articulate her thanks.

It was sometime in the middle of the night before she was finally able to gain control once more, the part of her brain responsible for emotion finally sweeping the rest of her feelings out. Her dead anatomy allowed her to shed very few tears, but she still felt raw and drained afterward. What was happening to her?

She stripped down to take a look at her body in the mirror. Old scars had mostly faded, and the weird clicking she sometimes got in her knee was gone. The really bad scar on her shoulder was almost completely gone, and the thin lines on her thighs where Lily had removed her legs for an airplane trip were non-existent.

It was like a reset. But why? Had it been the sex itself? It hadn’t been unpleasant, though she did have to close her eyes and pretend she was riding Alex wearing a strap-on. And what was with those weird sparks of his? They had crawled inside her and driven her absolutely out of her mind, which was the only reason she had even considered fucking him in the first place. The regenerative properties of his semen did wonders, but had his magic done more?

The air filled with the stink of fire and sulfur, and Lily appeared.

“Hey, so I just had an interesting—” The succubus sniffed the air. “Holy shit, you fucked him, didn’t you?” Lily stood in the middle of Dana’s room, and she scanned Dana’s body first, her eyes eventually sliding up to the cracks in the ceiling. “Oh. Looks like I missed something.”

Dana sighed. “Yeah, today has been busy. Mike opened a box, which made a new part of the house appear, he got attacked by a cat woman, and I got my neck broken by a magic door. I thought I could just let him jerk off in my mouth to help me fix it, but things got carried away and—”

“Ha!” Lily wagged a finger in her face. “I knew it would happen eventually! Spill the details.” Lily’s outfit transformed into a set of pajamas, and she hovered in the air as if lying on her belly, her face held up by her hands. “Did he kiss you? Did you kiss him? Ooh, where did you let him blow his—”

Dana stepped forward and pinched Lily’s lips shut. “It started as a blowjob, and I think his magic did something to me, and I got carried away. That’s all I want to say about it.”

Lily pulled her lips free. “Oh, please. I know a little girl talk isn’t going to hurt your feelings, you’re dead and don’t care that much.”

“It’s uncomfortable.” She plopped down in one of her chairs. “Like, I enjoyed it, but I didn’t.”

“Why not?” The humor had gone out of Lily’s face.

“You know how the hunger is. It overrides everything. Mike could be a five hundred pound tub of lard with a micropenis and halitosis, and I would still have these thoughts about eating his cum.”

“Except he’s not.” Lily sat down on the arm of Dana’s chair. “You could do far worse than Romeo, believe me.”

“I know, but…” It was a difficult thing to put into words. She knew that her attraction to him was artificial. The closest thing she could compare it to was an addiction, maybe. Her body was a thousand percent in favor of hooking up with him if it meant she could taste some of his sweet cum.

In her head and heart, though, she had no desire to be with him sexually or otherwise, except as a friend. He wasn’t Alex, nor was he the soft, curvy vision that she craved. She enjoyed burying her head between a pair of breasts, or hearing cute little moans while eating someone out. It was like eating tofu when she was perfectly capable of eating steak, so why settle?

And what would it mean for her? When she was alive, she knew who she was, and had the emotional scars to prove it. Years of coming to terms with her sexuality, and exploring a relationship with another woman, learning to take pride in owning her identity. Did sucking dick somehow make all of that go away?

“Is it because he isn’t Alex, and you’re afraid that he somehow threatens your identity and sexuality?” Lily slipped her arm around Dana’s neck and slid down into the chair, shoving her over until they both fit.

“I hate it when you’re blunt like that. But yes.” She sighed. “I still have all my old feelings, but these new ones disagree with them. I feel like I’m in high school all over again, trying to figure out why the cheerleaders excite me more than the football players.”

No sooner had the words left her mouth did Lily’s outfit become a cheerleading uniform.

“So, I hear you’re into sporty girls?” She winked, and then stuck out her tongue. “Here’s something for you to consider; what is it hurting?”

“Excuse me?”

“What does it hurt? Wanting to suck his dick, maybe get laid. Like, why the inner struggle? Why not just roll with it, it seems to do wonders for your skin.” She ran her fingers along the missing scars.

“I… don’t know.” She hung her head. Despite having all the time in the world at night, it was something she couldn’t wrap her head around. When she had been killed by the necromancer Daryl, he had made certain that most of her emotions surrounding Alex were preserved in order to guarantee her obedience.

If Daryl had simply wiped her clean, and it was a matter of survival, then yes, it would be easy to just go with it. Very little would be complicated for her, and she could easily make the time to eat some spunk every few days. Any disgust or revulsion she may have once had would be dampened as it was now. In truth, it was easily the most delicious substance she had ever tasted.

However, every swallow felt like a betrayal. Not just a betrayal of Alex. She could live with having sex with Lily or Naia, because she knew that Alex would understand that she needed to move on. If she had never died, she would eventually have found someone anyway.

No, the betrayal that hurt the most was of the person she used to be. Alex had played such an important part in helping Dana discover and accept who she really was, which meant all of those feelings were still there, bleeding through every moment of the night and day and conflicting with the numb reality she now faced.

“Hey.” Lily wiped her thumb across Dana’s cheek, revealing moisture. “I didn’t think you could cry.”

“Until today, I didn’t think that I still could.” She leaned her head on Lily’s shoulder. “I don’t know who I am anymore, and it should hurt more than it does, and that scares me.”

“Hey. You’re you. That’s all that should matter.” Lily’s voice was soft, and she put her arms around Dana’s shoulder and pulled her tight against her. The cheerleading outfit was gone, replaced with the pajamas she had been wearing, and the succubus rearranged the blanket until they were both properly under it. “And when you’re not certain? I’ll be here to remind you.”

Dana moved her hand beneath the blanket, her fingers slipping between Lily’s.

---

Lily disappeared in the early hours of the morning to, according to her, deal with the boogeyman, leaving Dana behind. The early hours were lonely, and she filled the time by messing around with the drone some more. Eventually, the sun came up and she wandered out of her lair to the world above. Naia sat in her fountain, her eyes on the back gate.

“Oh, good morning!” Naia did a little pirouette, then blew her a kiss.

“Hi.” She looked at the gate. “What are you looking at?”

“Thought I heard something.” The nymph sank into the fountain, her body disappearing beneath the water up to her shoulders. “It’s been unusually quiet this morning. Everybody is busy getting ready to send Mike and Beth to the faerie realm.”

“Really?” She replayed the memories in her head from last night. After helping Tink, she had rushed straight to the garage, caught up in her own head. “When are they leaving?”

“Tonight, when it gets dark, but I don’t know the full details.” She bobbed up and down, sending ripples through the water. “I hope he isn’t gone for too long.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. He seems unusually lucky when it comes to stuff like this.”

Naia laughed. “Trouble sure does seem to find him.”

Dana laughed, then went inside. Mike and the others were sitting around the table going over the details of his trip, but she noticed that there was no sign of Beth. After a few minutes of listening, she realized that none of the plans required her expertise, so wandered off to find something else to keep her busy.

The house still had some damage from yesterday, so she spent some time doing basic repairs. On more than one occasion, she found herself looking up at the third floor of the new addition. From the outside, it had a dome-like structure with no windows, which meant it was going to be difficult to get inside. Replacing busted shingles and spackling cracks became boring after several hours, and she decided to go check out the third floor door again.

A small squad of rats had been stationed outside the door. A couple of them were keeping watch, but the rest of them were playing a card game on the floor when she arrived.

“Seen anything interesting?” Dana asked. The rats looked at the door, then back to her and shrugged. The wall across from the door was patched up with some spare particle board and a thin layer of newly applied plaster around the edges. It was what she and Tink had finished last night, and was probably what the goblin would work on tomorrow if given a chance.

Behind her, she heard the click of a door. When she turned around, she saw Beth coming out of her room. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was unkempt. She was wearing a long t-shirt and nothing else, and she smelled delicious, an odor reminiscent of butter cookies and roses, with just a hint of spice beneath. 

“Oh, thought I heard someone.” She yawned, then looked at the rats. “How is everybody today?”

The rats gave a series of chirps and squeaks in response, then went back to their game. Beth walked over and stood next to Dana, then looked at the door. “Heard you had a bad experience with this thing.”

“Yeah.” The experience itself hadn’t been bad, it was the aftermath that had triggered some issues. Still, she saw no need to correct her. “It’s password protected. You’re sleeping in pretty late. It’s almost one in the afternoon.”

“I feel like shit.” She yawned again. “I was up late going over faerie etiquette, and when I fell asleep, I had a bunch of nightmares. I think having that piece of demon removed from my soul was kind of like a spiritual teeth cleaning, and I’m still sore or something.”

“Oh? What does that feel like?”

“I’m a fucking grouch. Don’t feel up to going tonight, but that’s not up to me.”

“Why not ask Mike to wait? If you aren’t feeling good, I’m sure he would understand.”

“Actually, he did offer to wait. Time flows differently in the faerie realm, and I don’t want Cecilia to wait another five years or something because I’m dealing with a demonic hangover.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned again. “Anyway, I’m going to get some coffee. You want some?”

“I do.”

“Great, let me change first.” Beth went back in her room.

Dana waited in the hall for a few minutes, and when Beth emerged, she wore a pair of jeans and a button up shirt. Her hair was piled high with a clip, and they walked down the stairs together, then skirted the conversation in the dining hall. Once in the kitchen, Beth saw that there was coffee in the pot and poured a pair of glasses for both of them. She opened the door of the fridge and grabbed the creamer and then a shot glass of spunk for Dana.

“I’ll try not to mix them up.” She winked, then put some cream in her coffee. “So can you really not drink anything without adding this stuff to it?”

“I tried it once.” Dana picked up her cup, not sure how to tell Beth that she wasn’t interested in the coffee, but her company. “It doesn’t taste like anything, really.”

“So is it just numb in your mouth? Like, completely flavorless?”

“Essentially. Imagine if someone poured a glass of water in a recent coffee cup and then tasted it.” She took a sip to demonstrate, but her mouth was suddenly flooded with the bitter taste of dark roast, causing her to spit it out immediately.

“Hey, you don’t have to prove—”

“No, that’s not it.” Dana took another sip of coffee, then looked at Beth in awe. “I can taste it!”

“Wait, really?” Beth frowned at her own cup. “Is it… because…”

“No, I know what that tastes like, this isn’t it.” She took another sip. “It tastes terrible, like it’s burnt, but it’s actually coffee.” It was like some of her taste buds had randomly activated and were taking their best guess at what the dark fluid should taste like without properly consulting each other.

“Well, cheers then.” Beth held up her glass. “To the mysteries of the Radley house.”

“Indeed. I think I’ll pass on the cream this morning. Don’t know when I’ll need it.” She didn’t feel like spending the afternoon feeling horny, not after last night anyway, and she wanted to have a clear head this afternoon. Dana took the shot glass and put it back in the fridge, noticing that a couple extra glasses had been placed there already. It seemed like Mike had prepared for a semi-long departure, just in case.

That was who Mike Radley was. In all the time she had lived in the house, she was still looking at him as the man she had to deal with, forced to consume his juices to stay alive. But he was also the man who went out of his way to help her be comfortable, who always gave the others choices, and rubbed out some extra man juice for her knowing that he would be away soon. He was constantly thinking of others and trying to make them all happy.

“Hey, you good?” Beth put a hand on Dana’s wrist. “You zoned out there.”

“Yeah, just thinking.” It wasn’t just Mike that she thought about. Had she ever had a conversation with Beth before? They had lived together for awhile now, and Beth was the only other human woman that lived there. They had both been pulled into this crazy ass world against their will, so probably had more in common than she realized.

“About?”

“Just stuff and things.” She had properly moved in after her trek across the States, and was in a holding pattern until Ratu told her what to do next. But even though she had become a part of the house, she hadn’t spent much time with the others outside of what was necessary. If she truly admitted it, she had been treating the home as a rest stop.

But to where?

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it.” Beth smiled and headed for the door. “Duty calls.”

“Later.” Dana took another sip of her coffee, then dumped it out. The excitement of being able to taste it didn’t dampen the fact that it tasted nasty. She rinsed out the cup, then put it back where it belonged.

A quick trip into the dining room revealed that everybody but Beth had scattered. She was sitting over some old books and scribbling notes to herself, so Dana left her alone and kept going. Moving from room to room, she couldn’t help but notice just how much life and movement there was. Everybody seemed to have a job, and pursued it with gusto.

She walked out into the front yard and wandered into the garden, moving through the maze with ease. If she closed her eyes, she could picture it down to the inch. Many restless nights had been spent wandering it, and it was properly mapped out in her mind.

“The house seems busy today.” Sulyvahn was sitting on the sundial with a faint smile on his face.

“Oh. Hi.” She tilted her head. “Should you really be doing that?”

“Doing what?” A look of concern crossed his face.

“Sitting on the sundial.”

“I… don’t see why not.” He hopped down and inspected it. “It doesn’t seem cracked or anything.”

“Nevermind.” She remembered how abrupt she had been with him yesterday morning, and wondered if it was too late to get a fresh start, to be friendly to the newcomer. “Sorry about yesterday. I was in a hurry.”

“Hmmm? Oh, right.” He laughed. “I’m used to it. People usually run and scream when they see me coming, so I hardly noticed.”

“Why do they run and scream?”

“It’s my job. Hunting down the departed.” He squinted one eye. “Ya look different today. Something’s changed.”

She nodded. “I think something has. I couldn’t tell you what though, so feel free to enlighten me.”

“That’s the queer bit. I can’t quite figure it out myself, but I get a feelin’ off of ya.” He looked over Dana’s shoulder at the small shed Tink was finishing up. The rats were already inside, the sounds of their teeth chewing into wood carrying across the yard. “As for that, I’ve already heard. Sounds like Mike is planning to go see Her Majesty.”

“Who did you hear that from?”

“It isn’t exactly a secret. They were all out here this morning chattin’ about it.” He grabbed Dana’s wrist and pulled her toward him. “Beggin’ yer pardon, but if you’ve any sway with the man, ye should beg him not to go.”

Her first impulse was to pull away from the dullahan, but his dark eyes somehow conveyed sincerity. His lips were pulled into a tight frown, and he looked past her at the shed.

“I mean it. If he goes over there, he may never come back.”

“You seem adamant against him going.”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret.” He lowered his voice. “The fae realm is boring, has been for many of your years now. It’s complicated, but something happened a ways back that caused the queen to forbid the fae from interacting with humans, outside of the old contracts. She doesn’t want my kind and your kind mixing.”

“What happened?”

“I cannae say.”

Dana rolled her eyes.

“No, really. Like, I can’t speak the words. She forbid us from speaking of it, and when the queen forbids something, we can’t do it, even if we want ta.”

“Are you afraid of her?”

“No more than a child fears its mother, but she has her ways. Pity those who incur the wrath of the queen.” He shivered. “Would you at least talk to him?”

“No.” She curled up one side of her lips into a grin. “When he decides he is doing something, it’s no different than when the queen forbids it.”

Sulyvahn laughed, a sound that was a cross between a bark and the cawing of a crow. “Well now, an unstoppable force versus an immovable object. I wonder who will win?”

She looked across the yard. Tink was inspecting the outer perimeter of the shed, and a few centaurs had come to help her. Reggie was staring into the open door of the shed and reading off of a sheet of paper.

“I guess we will have to find out.” She left him there, in the garden, and wandered up to the porch. The debris in the yard had been cleared away, and Cecilia’s swing had been moved to the far side of the door, away from the damaged porch. She took a seat and watched the world pass by, wondering what her place in it should be. She wondered about the sudden urge to self-reflect, and if it was somehow related to yesterday.

The hours crept by, and when it was dark, she could hear the others eating dinner inside. Out in the yard, a few centaurs were doing some final maintenance on the grounds before clearing out for the night, and Sulyvahn kept them company, his dark form wandering among the shrubs. 

Hours after the sun had set, she was startled from her thoughts by a commotion inside the house. Mike came outside, reset the sundial, and ran back in without another word. Curious, she followed him in to see the others were standing in the living room waiting for him. He was wearing a sports coat with a button down shirt and fresh-pressed slacks. Even though his tie was crooked, Dana had to admit that he cut a striking figure. Tink, Yuki and Sofia stood nearby, and Reggie watched from the stairs while sitting next to Jenny.

“Special occasion?” she asked.

“You can say that.” He checked his pockets, which were filled with an assortment of odd items and a couple sheets of paper. “Hoping to gain an audience with the queen. Gotta dress for the occasion.”

“Well, you look nice. What’s all that stuff?” She gestured at his pockets.

“Um, well…” he looked up at Sofia. “Have you ever watched any of the James Bond spy movies?”

She nodded. “My dad was a fan, so I watched them. Loved all the gadgets that Q built for him, it was my favorite part of the movie.”

“Okay, well, these are faerie realm specific gadgets.” He opened his hand to reveal a bunch of shiny buttons. “Nothing dangerous to the fae themselves, but there are other creatures that live there that may cause problems, so it should be okay.”

“Mike.” She moved close to him, her eyes on his. “You do realize that you’re holding a handful of buttons and calling them spy gadgets. Are you sure you’re up for this?”

“Smaller fae are distracted by shiny objects,” Sofia said. “We went with buttons instead of coins to avoid taking iron into their realm.”

“Still, though… buttons.” Maybe Sulyvahn was right, but she had no idea what to say to him to talk him out of it. “What else do you have in there?”

“Ah, well, a few different things. Oh, and some snacks. Apparently we shouldn’t eat anything while we’re there, just in case.”

“Buttons. And snacks.” She shook her head. “I hope Beth is better prepared than you are.”

“Always am.” Beth’s voice came from up the stairs, followed by her footsteps. Everyone looked up the stairs as Beth descended. She wore a red blazer over a white blouse with a matching red skirt, and her hair was pulled up into a bun. She carried a messenger bag slung over one shoulder. “I’ve got everything I need, anyway.”

“Okay, so I think we’re ready.” Mike clapped his hands together and looked at the others. 

“Almost,” Beth said when she got to the bottom of the stairs. She adjusted the collar of Mike’s dress shirt and then re-tied his tie for him. “There. Now you look like you’re ready to meet the queen.”

His face turned red, and Beth ran her hand down his tie, pressing it flat against his chest. “Do you have everything?”

“I do,” he replied.

“I really think I should be going with you,” Yuki said, scowling at both of them.

“I would love to have you with me, but we want to be a non-threat. Just me and my attorney.” He flashed Beth a smile.

“And Tink!” the goblin piped up.

“Not Tink.” He patted her on the head. “I need you all here to watch the house. I just reset the dial, but you will all need to keep an eye out for me, okay?”

Tink rolled her eyes and sat down on the couch, her face stuck in a frown.

“Oh, and Dana… you good?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m in good shape for a few days now, thank you.”

His cheeks turned red again, and he looked at Reggie. “Okay, I think we’re good.”

“Follow me, Caretaker.” Reggie took them outside where a small shed had been built in the front yard. Sulyvahn was waiting for them, leaning against the frame of the shed and shaking his head.

“Is there a problem?” Mike asked.

“This is a terrible idea. The queen is…” the dullahan sighed. “I can’t stop ye. Friendly advice is all.”

“You could just lead us there.”

“Nope. Worse idea. Anyone showing up in your company is in for a world of hurt. Mark my words.” Sulyvahn stepped away from the shed. “Yer welcome to yer fate, let no man stand in your way.” He threw Dana a knowing wink, and she thought back on his words.

“On that, we see eye to eye.” Mike looked at the others. “We will be back as soon as possible. We know that time can be weird in there, but based on Ratu’s calculations, the faerie realm should be close to synced up with ours. Every hour here will be three in there, so I’m hoping we will be back by tomorrow night.”

Hugs were quickly exchanged, and then Mike opened the door to the shed. Inside, a portal had been opened in the wall. Through it she could see a starlit sky and a mossy forest with large rocks scattered about. A cold breeze came through the portal and washed over the front yard.

Mike chuckled and looked at Beth. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in action. Ever try a case for royalty before?”

“There’s a first time for everything. But if this works, it’s going on my resume. And I’m increasing my fee.” Beth winked, then stepped through the portal. Mike followed, and everyone watched as they walked through the forest on the other side, using their phones as flashlights.

“Yer friends are bitin’ off more than they can chew,” Sulyvahn said, shaking his head. “The queen will not be amused.”

Dana looked at him, then over her shoulder. Abella clung to the roof of the porch, her tail curled up on the shingles behind her. Tink sat on the front step of the porch, next to Yuki, both of them scowling. In the window, Jenny had pressed herself against the glass.

“In my opinion, if something happens to them, it’s your queen who should be careful.” She turned her attention back to the shed. Reggie had closed the door, the cold breeze vanishing.

“You think the two of them a match for the queen?” Sulyvahn’s voice was laced with disbelief.

“Not at all, actually.” She nodded her head at the others. “It’s them she needs to worry about. Them… and me.” A smile crossed her face. “And the centaurs, too. Everybody would go to Hell and back for Mike.”

Sulyvahn bowed his head. “I judge the man, but maybe it’s the company he keeps that should impress me.”

“Now you’re getting it. I—”

A loud blast of thunder shook the front yard, and the others stepped off the porch, eyes to the sky. A second blast came, followed by a third, but the sky was clear in every direction. Abella’s head was clutched tightly in her hands as she protected her ears, and the Jabberwock lifted its head, sniffing the air.

“It’s coming from there!” Yuki pointed at the shed. A bright light had filled the shed, increasing in intensity until the whole building glowed like a lightbulb. The kitsune was already summoning a wall of frost which the others took cover behind.

“What the hell is that?” Dana asked, looking to Sulyvahn. His dark eyes were on the ominous light, his mouth hanging open.

“That… that’s the queen’s magic!” He bolted, running for cover around the side of the house, and Dana wondered if she should follow suit when the front door of the shed blew apart, light spilling across the yard. A figure sailed through the air and crashed into the bushes beneath the porch.

“Husband!” Tink was already running to Mike’s side when another figure was launched from the shed, and Abella leapt into the air from the roof, catching Beth in her talons and then landing safely in the yard. The whole shed vibrated now, the wood shaking itself apart as an electrical field radiated outward. Dana’s hair stood on end, and her whole body now crackled with her movements. The whole yard was buzzing, electric streamers forming along the edges of the house.

Dana held up a hand in awe. Thin, blue streamers stuck out of her fingers, and became bigger when she pushed them together. It was St. Elmo’s fire, an electrical phenomenon typically caused by an immense buildup of electrical charge. Her feet were getting shocked around the soles of her shoes, and she moved away from the shed, worried about what was to come.

The shed exploded, and a bright white figure was thrown through the air. It was a woman with long, white hair, and she was completely naked. She formed a parabolic path across the yard, scorching the ground beneath her with blasts of miniature lightning.

Yuki ran beneath the newcomer, both hands blasting ice magic along the front of the house and forming a series of curved trenches. A thick snow drift formed along the roof, and the woman crashed into it, scattering snow everywhere.

The woman rolled free of the roof and landed in the ice gutter that Yuki had formed, then slid down in a giant curve until she emerged from the ice by the front door. She landed on her belly, letting out a grunt of pain.

Yuki spun around, her green eyes glowing with power as she summoned her magic into a frosty mist before her, her full attention on where the shed had been. Dana looked to see a figure with long, blonde curls and translucent wings silhouetted by a bright light standing in what was left of the portal.

“Is everybody okay?” This was from Reggie, who poked his head up from one of the bushes. 

Dana looked to the others. Tink was kneeling next to Mike, a look of relief on her face. Abella landed next to Yuki, her eyes locked on the winged woman.

“Beth’s fine,” Abella said. “We’ve got this. Someone go get Cecilia.”

Dana nodded, then ran up the steps. The crumpled figure moaned in agony with her hands over her face.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’re ho—” The words stalled on her tongue when the woman on the porch rolled over. She hadn’t known the banshee very well, but it was immediately apparent that the woman on the porch was not their missing spirit.

A large, fat horn sat in the center of her forehead, and her dark eyes crackled with the fury of a thunderstorm. When her gaze locked with Dana’s, she let out a whimper.

“I can’t control it anymore,” she whispered. The horn was glowing white-hot now, and Dana felt the hair on her body rise up as if she had been hooked to a Van De Graaf generator. It was the static field from before, and she could feel the energy building rapidly.

She sprinted down the stairs just before a lightning bolt blasted free of the horn, the explosive force pushing her face down into the yard and ripping a hole in the recently patched porch roof, showering the yard with ice and snow. A surge of electrical energy crackled around the newcomer, and lightning cascade across the yard and roof. The thunder was deafening, and Abella fell to the ground clutching her head, leaving Yuki to face off against the woman in the portal alone.

The lightning was blinding, and the house was struck multiple times, eventually casting the neighborhood into darkness when the power was blown. 

Laughter, like the tinkling of bells, washed over the yard. Even in her dazed state, Dana felt a sudden rush of arousal at the sound followed by a strong desire to follow it. It was coming from the silhouetted figure, who disappeared in a flash of light. The rear wall of the shed fell apart, causing the portal to pop out of existence.

The silence was piercing. Across the yard, she could see the others as they stumbled about, clearly disoriented. Bits of wood, ice and shingle from the porch roof rained down on the yard.

“I see ye met the queen,” Sulyvahn called out from the shadows. “She’s a real peach, ain’t she?”

---

None of you saw that coming.

I'm off to finish Dead and Horny Chapter 2. For those of you dying to know, Ch. 49 will be about Beth and Mike's time in the faerie realm.

Until next time, you crazy monster lovers. Take care of each other (and yourselves)!