I'm Not Working On: Anything Apparently (Patreon)

Had a run of bad luck earlier this week - 3 films in a row that aren't going to be reviews. Which is an irritating waste of time but you've got to watch them through to make sure.
First up; Trauma, which is about a writer played by Udo Kier struggling with his second book and distracted by his new secretary Linda Hayden (as anyone would be). I like stories about writers and this is actually not a bad addition to the 'struggling writer' sub-genre. The problem is that the sexual content - of which there is a lot - really doesn't seem to have anything to do with the story. SPOILER (ish. It's pretty obvious) Linda Hayden is trying to kill him because he stole her brother's book - why this requires her seducing him is unclear, as is the rape scene and multiple masturbation scenes. There's not much to make fun of here. One of many post-Straw Dogs films.
Tormented is the 1st Bert I. Gordon film we've looked at without giant monsters and, to be honest, wasn't that bad. Some of the effects have aged poorly and it's all a bit by numbers but certainly not bad enough. A decent B Movie.
Crypt of the Vampire I was determined to watch whether it was good for a review or not because it's a vampire film with Christopher Lee in it, and with our Hammer Dracula special coming up I thought it might be relevant. It probably isn't because Lee isn't the vampire, but still worth a look. The films is Italian, made when Lee was forging a career as a trans-european actor (he spoke several languages fluently). It's a bit slow and a bit predictable and it doesn't look as good as Euro-horrors of this era usually do (although the print was terrible so that didn't help). But the only funny thing was the hero's complete obliviousness to the lesbian love story at the film's heart - forever entering scenes between these two women like a hopeful puppy. At the end he gets the girl, which is supposed to be the happy ending, but I don't see it lasting.