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Kaguya S3 Episode 11 (Patreon)

Published:
2023-02-02 18:00:03
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Chels

Japanese dating is hella complicated because there is 2 cultural versions. The type we mostly see is the confession route like we see in this show. So to answer your question directly related to this type of dating, yes, the other person can wait to give their answer because generally, this happens in schools, so they don't have time to get to know the other person to really say if they like them, so it gives them a chance to think if they want to try the person out romantically. It's meant to have the same energy as proposing marriage. Person A sets up a kokuhaku (confession event) and they optionally can say "you don't have to give me your answer right away" to take pressure off person B. Person B is then expected to give a clear response of yes, no, or "I'll give you my answer at/in so many days" this also kind of can take the burn off the rejection because then the confessor knows that the other person really thought about it instead of just saying no outright. If anyone's interested in version 2 of dating and wants to know red flags, lemme know. 🙂 (P.s. I hope you don't find me annoying with my informational type comments. 😓 I love culture and history stuff and love sharing what I've learned either through study or personal/external experiences and I get excited. I'm not trying to sound like a know-it-all and am always willing to learn other perspectives or new info)

Okie
>>101062803

I'm curious- what's the second cultural version of dating? Also, I really love informative comments like these (they're genuinely really interesting and I agree that it's always fun to learn new things) and you definitely don't come across as annoying or a know it all

Chels
>>101062803

Thank you, I'm glad and happy to share 😊 it's gonna be long so I'm going to break it up into parts. 1. Rough explanation with examples of why I separated this style of dating from the Kokuhaku version 2. Red flags 3. Upsides? The second version of dating is more adult form and is more "casual." My interpretation is that it's a lot more understated with 0 communication and leaves sooo much room for misunderstandings to happen because Japanese culture and linguistics kind of revolve around the idea that someone should never be super direct so you don't "burden" someone or because it just should have been obvious and left unsaid. This is probably shaped by spirituality and the teachings of idealism and "proper" behavior the same way we think of what gentlemen should be like based on Victorian Era Christianity. You could be asked on a date by someone but then find out you're not "dating" because either they are just playing the field, wanted to be friends, or were paid to get your attention. (This last one happened to my uncle but he ended up marrying my aunt despite finding out he was being manipulated. 😂 Romantic) Another trip up that happens a lot is that you could think you're just being friends with someone and they think you're dating (in a foreigner's case mostly) there's just a lot of mind games that I don't think even a master psychologist could catch on to. My friend, who's Japanese and kind of looks scary to the average person because of his tattoos and piercings, gets "fished" a lot with these things because he is pretty susceptible to needing attention and doesnt have a mean bone in his body so he trusts everyone.. frustrating. Fishing means that someone wants to sleep with him once to try it out and then they will take photos to show their friends and brag, and never see him again. He finds out because they post it on forums related to his job. (Sorry for the slight tirade. It annoys me that this can happen to MANY people and esp. Foreigners or anyone "special") The worst case situations that I mentioned are red flags are the ones where you unintentionally tell someone you're interested in doing things you're not and this happens to a lot of Japanese women too. If a guy were to invite a woman to a movie and he takes her to a rental room alone (a private home theater you can rent) then she willingly joins him, she is giving non-verbal consent to the man, even if she thinks they're just there to watch movies. Bad guys take advantage of this scenario a lot so I really don't recommend going along with it no matter how nice they seem or how much they swear it's to only watch movies. If they didn't bring friends for a double date, it's sketchy unless the woman is down for that. This type of scenario happens with going to a person's house alone for ANY reason. I've heard of things like "I just want to come in for some water" or "Let's get something to eat, it's free here" or "I just need to change my shirt" normally if someone is pressured into these situations and they pick up on it, they stay in the open door, or as close to the door at all times, if not the hallway. (I know this can happen in other countries too, but this can happen innocently in Japan. The guy might be genuine and instead of saying "hey, let's move to the next stage of our relationship," they do the very Japanese thing of being extremely vague and both parties get hurt. Just one of those totally proventable situations if Japanese culture allowed more room for direct communication.) Red flags and communication issues aside, there are good points to the casual dating too. Occasionally you will find someone more blatant about their feelings and will say directly "let's date" and when you find good people, they are really considerate in dating vs many other countries. Even in casual dating or hell, business dating (hired bfs/gfs) they will remember important events and celebrate stuff with you and give you the space you need but not so much you think they forget your existence. Even if to them it's a short term or experimental period, there are those who treat you like they want a more serious relationship, though that could end up a double edged sword too. But a lot of people are lonely and just want someone to care about them, and that's what these more temporary situations are nice for and they don't always end with a breakup. Overall, this style of dating is more similar to Western styles, but I see a lot of Westerners get caught up on the negative sides which is why I wanted to include the examples I did. A lot of this comes from my family and my friends since I've personally never dated a Japanese person, and then the cultural significances I just get from studying the Japanese culture in school, so I'm no expert, but it is interesting to dive into the nitty gritty of cultures like dating or school culture.

MajesticMans

The whimper at the very end LOL

Exit

I hope you guys know that the last episode is an hour long, it’s not 2 separate episodes so I hope you guys wouldn’t watch and post it at 2 different times

Jacob B
>>101062803

Wow, never thought it goes that deep. Sure, there are as many situations as there are minds, but this is a cultural phenomenon so it's at least prevalent enough to be passed on.

tracee miasco

Shirogane is so straightforward and direct this time because he wants to experience this things with shinomiya if she refuses to come with him to America. Its now or never for him basically