Side Dish: Thoughts on The Slap - Will Smith at The Oscars (Patreon)

Okay, so let's talk about The Slap Heard Around The World. But first...  

In this podcast, I have planned to discuss all the topics we're touching on here - Black representation in media, Black men and the cultural expectations placed on them, the dynamic between Black men and women, Black Love in general, intersectionality and where White Voices should or should not be heard, etc. And so much more I'm sure I'm not even recognizing in this moment, but I meant it when I said I have BIG ideas rolling around my brain all. the. time. and we are going to put them All On The Plate.

I certainly didn't expect to try to combine all these very nuanced topics together right away in the second episode of the show, though! Y'all haven't even had a chance to really understand my voice and digest what this podcast is yet.

Part of my process here is letting the open dialogue be open, though. In my music career, every element of what we do is heavily branded, carefully produced, sometimes discussed to death before it goes out into the world. That perfectionism is what has garnered the success we've had over the years – we put out our best product, at all times. But I'm creating this podcast as an outlet for myself and because it's something that moves me on an emotional level. So, I want to do things differently and I want to let my feelings guide me more.

So when, 4 days after this podcast was born into the world, Will Smith climbs the stairs of the stage at the Oscars and slaps Chris Rock across the face while a star-studded audience sits in shock… well, I feel a whole lotta things!! I'm still processing, so I'm bringing these thoughts here. Hopefully with some insight from y'all & another day or two of reflection, I'll have a more concrete stance when I record Friday's episode.

Not About Them; It's About Us

I didn't watch The Oscars, so I had no idea what happened until I saw the memes and tweets popping up on social media. When I looked it up online, I found articles and video clips posted and then I did what I always seem to do with viral moments these days: I went straight to the comment sections.

Sometimes, reading comments makes me sick. Like, physically ill. But it's almost become a strange compulsion for me in the last few years. I have to know what other people are saying! I think I just want to understand and remember what our society is like. With my very carefully curated social media feeds (I'll discuss that in another episode), I know that I can end up in an echo chamber, only hearing perspectives of people who have the same values as me. I need to know what other ideas are living out in the world, so I'm less shocked when those ideas turn into actions.

A moment like a bitch slap between two Black men at the Oscars? I need to know what other people are saying about this. I'm not even concerned with Will, Chris or Jada, to be honest. What does this event bring up for people witnessing it?

The responses have been varied, but all seem to fit within a few general ideas.

Violence Isn't The Answer.

"He could have handled it better."

"He should have talked to Chris privately afterward."

"We shouldn't justify this violence based on his reasoning. It is never acceptable."

That's an important conversation to have. This world is such a violent place. There are people fighting the good fight everyday to stop normalizing violence in our society. Justifying violence for whatever reason can be a slippery slope, that we don't necessarily want to go down. Absolutely, Will Smith could have found another way to address the situation that did not involved physically harming another person. 

Let's consider the world we have been conditioned to live in, though. It was evident to everyone watching that this wasn't a planned, premeditated act by Will Smith. It was an impulsive, emotional response. Let me be clear: that is also not a justification. Emotions are not an excuse for harmful behaviours. But we should explore why a man like Will Smith, who is known for his upstanding character in the celebrity world, would instinctively turn to violence in a moment like that.

Good For Him!!

"As he should."

"He showed them - people need to know they can't run jokes about a man's family."

"We say 'Protect Black Women'... this is what it looks like!"

There are so, so, so many layers to this thought that I don't even think I will attempt to really unpack it here today. But I do want us to reflect on some ideas. 

Men are conditioned, from a very young age, to be tough. There is a cultural narrative that tells them they need to be strong, they can't stand for any kind of insult, they need to protect their families. In addition to that, Black men are also taught that they don't have the capacity to be anything BUT aggressive. The narrative pushed in media, government, education system and society at large teaches Black males that their role in society is to be aggressive, violent, uncontrollable, dangerous. Especially in spaces where they are surrounded by white people, they need to show that they are not to be played with. 

We can dive into that another time and discuss intergenerational trauma, the roots of slavery & racial discrimination and how they impact Black men today - that truly may be a whole series of episodes alone. But for Will Smith, having lived his entire 53 years as a Black man, navigating throughout his career in a largely white-dominated industry, witnessing his Black wife being harmed in such a public way... I can understand why his first instinct was to go into that ultra-aggressive, "I'm a man and I'm going to show you!" response. He is not a Black man who will sit and watch his family be harmed, powerless to stop it for fear of how others will react... we did that for centuries and he is not willing to do it anymore.

And y'all have to understand, that is a deeply-rooted response that is generations old. It isn't even about Will Smith at the Oscars on March 27th, 2022 - that response was passed down through all the lived experiences of his ancestors.

There is a popular idea that I think I initially saw years ago on an old tumblr post (by now-inactive user nikolaecuza) that says, "The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think. The next defines who you are." I think we could see in Will Smith's body language as he walked up the stage that he hadn't really thought through what was about to happen. He just knew that he had to defend his Black wife, who had just been verbally attacked in front of the entire (mostly white) entertainment world. His first thought was, "I need to show that I am strong and I can defend my wife. As a man, I need to hit him."

We Can't Have Nice Things...

"This is such a bad look for Black people."

"He made history winning the Oscar and he ruined that moment."

"Will Smith just destroyed his whole image with that one act."

There is a very real expectation that when Black people get a seat at a table we're often excluded from, we represent for the whole community. 

Will Smith has had huge success in his career, both as a musical artist and as an actor. He is one of the Black celebrities that is... hmm... shall we say, 'palatable...' to white audiences. He's charming and handsome, generally unproblematic, doesn't have a history of aggression, drug use or connections to gang violence, etc. He knows how to smile, laugh, be earnest and heartfelt, then throw some AAVE into his interviews at key moments for comedic value. He reminds everyone that he is Black, but the Good Kind of Black. I have no judgment of Will Smith for this. He's created a space for himself in this industry by doing and being what (mostly white) audiences and executives want to see. Sunday night was the first time many of us saw another side of him that seemed more like the negative stereotypes of the Black Man. 

And a lot of Black people were really disappointed by that. We have such little positive representation in mainstream media, that is was a disappointment for one of our most accepted celebrities to fall into that "aggressive, violent, uncontrollable, dangerous" trope.

While I understand that concern from a lot of the commenters, is that really fair? Can we put the entire weight of representation on a handful of celebrities just because they happened to make their way into the inner circle? Before and after being a celebrity, Will Smith is a human. A flawed being, still working on healing and growing everyday. He is a work in progress.

I haven't read his memoir, 'Will,' but the author the book, Mark Manson, said that Will Smith told him, “I’ve spent my whole career hiding my true self from the world. I want this book to show people who I really am.” Will Smith is actively trying to showcase more of his authentic self to the world, not the perfectly manufactured public image he's had to maintain most of his life. Honestly, I think a lot of Black people are on a similar journey right now, myself included (why, yes... there will be a whole episode on this topic in the future). We are exhausted. We are frustrated. We are fed up. We want the right and the space to exist and still be valued in this world, even as we are still learning, growing, and processing some of our imperfect emotions.

It. Was. A. Joke.

"He's a comedian. They always roast people in the audience."

"Everyone was laughing when Chris Rock made jokes about other people; why draw the line with Jada?"

"Will Smith was laughing too, at first!"

I won't lie, based on some of the first posts I saw online (before I looked up the actual clip), this was my initial thought as well. Don't they always make light-hearted jokes about people in the audience at these shows? Chris and Will are both comedians; they should understand this is run-of-the-mill stuff. I was confused by Will's reaction, especially the abrupt switch from laughter to anger.

I'm reflecting on a few different things, though. 

Jada was visibly bothered by the joke. As a life partner, even if Will himself wasn't necessarily offended by it, he recognized his wife's pain. Regardless of his own feelings, he may have chosen to act on her behalf because "that's what A Man does."

Also, as we've already stated, your first thought is your conditioning. After 36 years in the entertainment industry, being the 'palatable' Black actor & rapper, it was probably instinct for Will to be prepared to have a light-hearted response as the cameras panned to him. After 53 years of living in this society, seeing Black women be the butt of jokes, it was probably instinct for him to laugh - "ha! G.I. Jane! Cuz she's bald now!" But seeing her reaction, he may have been reminded in that moment: "wait, do I find this funny? Should I be laughing at this?"

It's Not A Joke.

The joke was rooted in something that is very sensitive to Jada. It leads us to the question of what our comedy really is based on. I also read a lot of comments urging people to stop making jokes about physical appearance, or being mindful of what might be underlying causes. 

"She has a medical condition; you don't joke about someone's health!"

"Jada has had a hard time coming to terms with her baldness; it isn't her choice!"

"Stop mocking people's appearances. You never know what someone is going through!"

Those are all good points. But also... can we take it further? Even if her baldness was by choice, is it something we should be laughing about? If physical appearance is off limits, what about personality traits or actions that are also out of a person's control (neurodivergence, mental health, environmental factors) - should we be laughing at those instead?

Now, that's a really tricky one as well and I'm not quite sure where I stand, 100%. I don't like that so much comedy is centred around "punching down." The punchlines of jokes are based on power imbalance, where the people with more power are hitting down at things that are just parts of the lower group's reality. That sucks. But at the same time, if it's one thing Black people gon' do, it's find the humour in any damn thing!

I have not been mad about a single meme or joke I've seen online regarding Slapgate 2022. I know that it is part of Black culture to make jokes. Once more, I won't get into the entire history and cause, but I feel safe to say that Black people have endured a lot throughout time and if we weren't laughing, we'd have been lost in despair or consumed with rage. So, we make jokes. That is part of our culture and there is definitely a whole lot to unpack and work through to find the space of understanding and grace, while still maintaining justice and compassion. Phew!

Protect Black Women!

"Black women are constantly fighting for y'all, but nobody ever defends us."

"Chris Rock chose to mock a Black woman in that white-dominated space. Why go there?"

"When are we going to stop making fun of Black women's hair????"

No matter Chris Rock's intention, making what he thought was a "nice" joke, the fact of the matter is it did harm Jada Pinkett-Smith. In this period of our society, while we've all been stuck at home with front row seats to the dismantling of a lot of Old World ideas, one concept we find ourselves discussing often is intent vs impact. Chris Rock may not have thought he was committing a harmful act, but harm was caused. And Will Smith chose to address that harm.

In a space we've already recognized rarely uplifts and celebrates Black people, Chris Rock chose to mock a Black woman. He chose to mock her over something that has consistently been a source of ridicule and harassment for Black women: her hair.

I have seen SO many women posting online about how witnessing that moment made them feel seen. They felt valued. Protected. Cared for in a way they have missed out on their entire lives. Think about that: woman after woman saying, "no, I don't condone violence and I wish there wasn't such a negative representation of Black men but... oh my God! I cried when I saw it!"

This is where all these different ideas start to intersect. 

Black men are often the ones punching down at Black women, because this is one dynamic where they get to feel like the empowered ones. It is so normalized in Black communities that every Black girl knows the experience of having Black men laugh at her for things that are just part of who she is as a person.

Black men are also so conditioned to be tough, strong, aggressive, etc. that many of them find it difficult to let down that wall and show vulnerability with Black women. So Black girls and women end up having to protect and care for themselves, not only from society at large but also from the men in their own community. 

As Black women, we spend so much of our lives being concerned with everyone around us - "How will this impact the entire community? What will this do to his career? How can I support him? How do I show care and compassion for this Black man in pain? How can I defend myself without being labeled an 'Angry Black Woman?'" But at the end of the day... we are doubly marginalized (and then multiplied further by those who are queer, disabled, living with mental illness or chronic illness or neurodivergence, etc.). Black women are tired. 

Even if it's in the most inappropriate way, sometimes we just want someone to stand up on our behalf and say, "Enough! Leave her alone!"

This Isn't Your Discussion To Have

The last category of comments I feel worth highlighting have been made by white people, particularly white-led feminist pages.

"That was such an inappropriate and excessive response! He overreacted."

"It was just hair. It wasn't even anything that serious."

"Chris Rock made a verbal joke and Will Smith responded with physical violence. They are not equal acts, so don't defend Will Smith." 

This is a situation where I would really implore white allies to sit back and reflect. There are common responses happening throughout the Black community to this event that seem to be contrary to your opinion. In this instance, when we're talking about the actions of two Black men with regards to a Black woman, maybe take some time to listen and reflect before chiming in with your judgments on who was wrong and why. I've written a massively long blog entry here and I've only briefly touched on the deeper issues at play. There are nuances that you maybe have never even considered, because you have never had to. Instead of jumping in with your statement on morality, just... listen. Learn. Try to understand. 

As brilliant author, activist, artist and thought leader Sonya Renee Taylor said in her Instagram post on the topic, "Nothing happens without a history behind it ... And I assure you that white supremacist delusion has a history that has deep, deep, deep roots in that display on the Oscars stage tonight ... I invite you to think about that, and then don't say shit! Just think about it! Just be in reflection."

So Many Layers...

There is so much to really dive into and explore when it comes to this incident. This one blog post feels pretty overwhelming to me (so I can't imagine how it must feel to read!), but I really do feel like it's important to be able to look at these "viral moments" with a critical eye. It is so much deeper than one singular joke about baldness or one specific slap on national television. 

I'm excited for future weeks when I can really take time to explore each of the topics I touched on here and hear more of your perspectives as well.

For now, please share your thoughts on The Slap or anything I wrote in this blog! Send me a voice memo if you'd like to be included in this week's episode of 'All On The Plate' or leave your comments here and I may select a few to read on air. 

As always, thank you so much for sharing your time to digest all of this with me. I appreciate you and I am slowly but surely feeling more and more confident about this podcast endeavour as the days go by!

Excited for the new episode on Friday!!!