Super Zombie Slayers - Chapter 17 (Patreon)

Disbelief couldn’t begin to describe Yang’s feelings as she raced down the courthouse steps.  After making it to Xander, she raised a hand and gently touched the driver’s door.  Someone - and only one person could be responsible for such a monstrous act - spray-painted “Zambani” in giant blue letters across the side of the truck.  It was hideous, nauseating, and of course already dry.

“How?” she asked no one in particular, glancing at the destroyed courthouse before turning back to her most faithful companion.  “Why?  Why would she do this to you??”

“She tagged your truck?” Weiss asked, barely concealing a smile.

“That - that monster!” Yang got out before clenching one fist.  “Next time I see her, I’m gonna - I’m gonna make her clean this off!”

That was the worst thing she could think of right now, mostly because she still couldn’t believe her eyes.  This was her truck!  She’d kept him in (mostly) one piece all this time, and some villain just up and spray painted his side?  Zomboni hadn’t even picked a complementary color!

“Shouldn’t it be spelled differently?” Nora asked while touching the name.

“Yes, but apparently she’s stupid!” Yang whined.

“I bet she spelled it wrong just to mess with you,” Weiss suggested, because of course she understood how a villain’s mind worked - she was a half step away from being a villain herself.  But, if she was right, that was evil in its purest form.  Getting shot hurt, but this...this was real pain.

“We should probably leave,” Ren suggested, sending a meaningful look towards the crumbled courthouse.  “The noise will draw company.”

“Looks like you’ll have to leave that for now.”

Weiss sounded a little too amused about that, but Yang couldn’t even muster a comeback.  Instead, she gave the graffiti another long, dismayed look before pulling herself into the driver’s seat and turning over the ignition.

“Where’re we going?”

“The Tower!”

Surprisingly, she knew exactly where that was, but she still sighed before putting forth the effort to take them there.

“Will you be ok?” Blake asked, her expression so concerned that Yang tried not to sigh again.  At least Xander sounded the same, and ran the same, but now he had an eyesore painted across his side for everyone to see.  Even though there weren’t a ton of living beings around to notice, a simple glance in the side mirror was enough to hurt her soul.

“I’ll be ok.”

And maybe one day she would be, but keeping her expression upbeat was a bit difficult right now.

“Don’t worry.  We’ll stop at the next auto shop we find and fix it.  We could even get him a whole new paint job.”

“But I have no idea how to paint a car…”

“I do!” Ruby chirped from the backseat, and Yang glanced between her and Weiss.

“Really, Weiss?”

“What?  I didn’t teach her that.”

“I learned on my own,” Ruby explained.  “I knew it’d come in useful...”

“See?” Blake added.  “So pick a color, because we’re getting Xander a new coat.”

That made Yang feel better.  As did the way Blake reached over and gently curled fingers through her hair.  The casual affection got her heart racing in no time, and Xander’s injury soon fell to the wayside.  He could be fixed - maybe they could find a new side mirror, too - so there was no reason for her to cry.

More important than the visually scarring paint on the side of her car or the thousand tons of stone that nearly crushed them?  Blake agreed to be her girlfriend.  Now, they weren’t just zombie-slaying partners who flirted heavily and got along perfectly.  They had a label.  They were official.

“You’re the best.”  After putting the truck in drive and slowly navigating away from the courthouse, Yang glanced Blake’s way when another thought popped into her mind.  “And uh, maybe once this is over we can...go on a date or something?”

Hearing an amused scoff from behind her, she glared in the rearview mirror before returning her attention to Blake.  “Just the two of us,” she added with a pointed nod towards the backseat.  “No third wheels.”

“That sounds really nice.”

“Great.”  As soon as Blake smiled, butterflies fluttered through Yang’s chest.  “That’s great,” she repeated.  “Then...that’s what we’ll do.”

“Looking forward to it,” Blake replied, nodding at their future plans - their future date.

“Same.  Yeah, me too.”

“How are you more awkward now?” Weiss cut in from the backseat, incapable of staying quiet for more than thirty seconds.  “Shouldn’t you be past this already?  You already slept together for crying out loud.”

“Where’re you going on a date??” Ruby added.

“You should go to the waterfront like Ren and I did!” Nora suggested before leaning into his side and beaming up at him.  “Wasn’t that fun?  The water, the pier, the zombies...”

From his expression, he thought differently about that ‘date’ of theirs.  Before Yang could pry more details out of Nora though - and change the subject so she didn’t have to admit she had no idea where to take Blake for a date - something caught her attention.

“Do you hear that?” she asked, and everyone quieted down while she tilted her head searching for the source of the noise.  Something caught her attention over the steady growl of the engine - a higher-pitched whirring that didn’t belong.  “That,” she said while the sound grew louder, impossible to miss as it rocketed towards them.

“Behind us!” Ruby called out right before a flash of motion zipped alongside them and swerved in front of the truck.  Out of instinct, Yang slammed on the brakes, locking the tires and sending them screeching to a halt in the middle of the street.

By the time Xander came to a complete stop, they were mere feet from the jet-black motorcycle idling in front of them.  If she had reacted any slower, they would have smeared the rider all over the road, which would have been a shame considering they wore one of the coolest, sleekest black racing outfit she’d ever seen.

“What the hell?” she breathed out, heart racing from the near splatter.  Before she could wonder who it was, however, the rider touched one hand to their equally awesome helmet and blew a kiss.

“For the love of god,” Blake grumbled.  “Someone shoot her for me.”

“I’ll do it!”

“Woah, wait a second.”

Before Nora rushed up top and started spraying bullets everywhere, Yang held up a hand to stop her.  If Zomboni was here, that meant she planned something in addition to destroying one of Vale’s oldest buildings.  What was it, and what did she want from them now?

From the way she sat on her bike looking at them, it felt like she wanted them to chase her.  But a massive truck chasing a motorcycle down a city street littered with abandoned vehicles?  That wasn’t a fair race - they would get stuck in a pile of metal in no time.

“What does she want…?” Yang muttered, trying to get in the villain mindset while Zomboni stared them down.

When Zomboni pointed at the front of the truck and made an ‘ok’ symbol, Yang frowned.  She could roll down the window and say something...or she could stomp on the accelerator and separate Zomboni from the awesome bike.  Before she came to a decision, however, Zomboni revved the motorcycle back to life, spinning the rear tire against pavement before leaving a long black mark in her wake.  Weaving through the maze of parked cars proved easy for her, and she looked damn good making her escape.

“Alright, I need one,” Yang decided while the girl zipped between parked cars like it was nothing.  “Weiss?  Did you stash a motorcycle somewhere?”

“You haven’t unlocked that yet.”

“Cool.  Wait, what?”  When Yang glanced in the rearview mirror, something else caught her eye.  Something a little less awesome than a super sweet black motorcycle.  “You’re kidding me…” she muttered before checking the side mirror and confirming she wasn’t seeing things.

Zomboni was already several blocks away, using the bike’s nimble frame to speed through traffic and gun it back to her lair.  In her wake, she left a gift - if a tsunami of undead could be considered a gift.

“Guys, you probably don’t want to look behind us.”

Not listening to her in the slightest, everyone turned around and stared at the wave of zombies rolling towards them.  Yang, meanwhile, put on her hero cap and prepared to save their skins once again.

“Yang, wait.”  Before Yang got them the hell out of there, Blake reached over and pulled the keys out of the ignition.  “They don’t know we’re here,” she explained as the engine cut to silence.  “If we’re quiet, they should pass.”

Hoping they weren’t spotted sounded like a horrible idea considering the sheer size of the wall of zombies headed towards them, but Yang searched Blake’s eyes for reassurance before nodding.  She might have gulped too, especially when she turned around and watched the horde shuffle closer.

They were drawn by the courthouse explosion, but the motorcycle lured them away from the wreckage.  Even though there were thousands of them and only one rider, they didn’t care.  Their single-minded goal was to catch that motorcycle, but stumbling across a truck filled with beating hearts would be a great consolation prize.

Those beating hearts fell deathly silent as danger neared and their opportunity for escape dwindled.  Hiding in plain sight was something they avoided at all costs, mostly because the scare factor shaved years off of their already-stunted lives.  As soulless eyes and gaping mouths crept closer, the likelihood of a sneeze increased tenfold.  Even now, Yang’s nose began to tickle, but she quickly rubbed it and hoped upon hope that Blake was right.  If Blake wasn’t right, they were about to go truck surfing on a wave of Zs.

The front row of zombies reached the truck, but their gazes remained fixated down the street as they stumbled past.  That blank look was mirrored in the faces of the ones just behind the leaders - none of them showing any interest in the truck besides viewing it as an obstacle in their path.

“It’s like the car wash from hell…” Ruby whispered while the horde bumped against the vehicle on their way down the street.  As quiet as the words were, they hardly left Ruby’s mouth before one of the zombies froze and turned towards her.  Weiss instinctively wrapped an arm around Ruby’s waist and pulled her away from the glass when the creature stepped closer, its beady eyes staring directly at them.

Even though the windows were too tinted for it to possibly see, Yang’s heart physically stopped when its jaw dropped to alert the others.  But the sound never made it into existence.  It should have, but a much bigger, much faster zombie chose that moment to bulldoze over the smaller fiend.  One second, it was poised to alert thousands of undead to a free meal.  The next second, flattened and forgotten as the crowd moved on.

Hearing a little giggle, Yang spun around as Ren covered Nora’s mouth and shook his head for her to be quiet.  Thankfully, this time the noise fell upon deaf ears and didn’t bring so much as a glance their way.  Instead, the world’s creepiest parade moved past with an eerie silence punctuated by labored breathing, feet dragging against the ground, and sporadic thumps as limbs bumped into vehicles.

Yang couldn’t say how long they sat there, but it was long enough that she wondered how Zomboni rounded up every Z in the city limits.  Fortunately, the crowd eventually thinned, and the zombie car wash became more of a zombie viewing portal as stragglers stumbled past.  Considering how far they were from the front of the pack, they probably didn’t even know what they were chasing.  They only knew that everyone was after something, so they should be too.

The fashionably-late Zs soon left the truck in their wake, but Yang still waited for them to get a block down the street before sighing and leaning back in her seat.  “Good thinking,” she told Blake, who probably just saved them from crashing into every single car trying to drive away from that mess.

“That was -”

“Awesome?” Nora suggested.

“ - unnerving,” Weiss concluded with a shake of her head.

“I’m with Weiss on this one.”  The moment Weiss’ brow rose, Yang accepted the keys from Blake and coaxed Xander back to life.  “Enjoy it while it lasts,” she added.  “It’ll probably never happen again.”

“But we agree all the time.”

“Name one other thing we agree on,” Yang said, turning Xander around and driving the opposite direction.

“That Ruby’s the sweetest person ever.”

“Dammit…”

Knowing that Weiss was smirking, Yang shook her head and focused on getting them as far away from the courthouse as possible.  Ruby was the sweetest person ever, so there was no point in arguing.

“Anyway,” she began as a change of subject.  “Today’s been fun, right?  Went to the ‘sports ball arena,’ met some random people, toured a cool building, almost got crushed by that cool building, then we saw what a swarm really looks like.”

“And we’re not even done yet!” Nora added.

“And we’re not even done yet...”

Sighing, Yang gave Blake the most forlorn look she could muster.  This wasn’t how their first few days as an official couple were supposed to go, but she couldn’t back out now.  Well, she could, but what would that do to her hero cred?

They would check Nora and Ren’s hideout for clues, and then she was done.  For the day, at least.  And if they really wanted her help going forward, maybe she could be persuaded for the right price.  Such as a motorcycle.

After seeing how cool Zomboni looked on that bike, and how easily it cut through a busy street, she had to have one.  She knew she would look great on it.  Plus, Blake could ride on back, wrapping her arms around Yang’s waist to hold herself steady.  Or, knowing Blake, she’d probably dual-wield SMGs and mow down Zs by the streetful.  That would take their partnership to the next level of awesome.  All Yang had to do was pry this bike from Weiss’ hands.

“Weiss.”  Briefly taking her eyes off the road, she caught Weiss’ gaze in the mirror.  “I really need a motorcycle.  How do I get it?”  Weiss’ smirk was a dead giveaway that she wouldn’t like the answer, but she couldn’t get the image of her and Blake on a sleek, black bike out of her mind.

“I don’t think you’re ready yet…”

“Try me.”

“Fine.”  The instant Weiss’ gaze slid to Ruby, Yang was absolutely certain she wouldn’t like the offer.  “Two motorcycles are parked in a storage container somewhere outside of Vale.  They’re fast, extremely durable, brand new, and yours...if you give me permission to do whatever I want with Ruby, whenever we want to.”

Yup, Yang didn’t like the offer.  But there were two motorcycles - one for her and one for Blake.

“You’re basically asking for my sister,” she pointed out while squeezing the truck between an overturned bus and the corner of a building.

“She’ll always be your sister.  I’m just asking for...fewer restrictions.”

Trying to make up her mind, Yang looked at Ruby - her innocent little sister, her pride and joy, the beautiful soul unsullied by the bad in the world.  Could she really give Weiss - the source of all corruption in Ruby’s life as far as Yang was concerned - permission to do anything, anytime?

“Ruby, how much do you like Weiss?”

“I love her!”

“And if she wanted to do something, like, super kinky - how would you feel?”

Giggling, Ruby glanced at Weiss before leaning towards the front seat and whispering, “But we already do that stuff.”

Now, Yang didn’t know whether she wanted to throw herself or Weiss out of the truck more.  Trying to make the best of a bad situation, she turned to Blake.

“Want a motorcycle?”

“It sounds fun,” Blake replied with a shrug.  “Plus, I think you’d look good on one…”

“I want the keys tomorrow,” Yang immediately directed to the backseat, and Weiss nodded.

“Of course.  First thing.”

With an agreement in hand, Weiss pulled Ruby into a kiss - and Yang stared out the front windshield wondering if she just made a deal with the devil.  Eventually, she would get used to seeing Weiss’ tongue in her sister’s mouth, right?  Maybe she would build up a tolerance.  Or maybe she’d go blind first, but she would have a motorcycle in the meantime.

“I think you made the right choice.”

The way Blake’s fingers ran through Yang’s hair offered some measure of reassurance, so she sighed and focused on the tall building up ahead.

“Look!” Nora called out seconds later.  “We’re home!”

The Tower was appropriately named for how it towered over the nearby buildings.  As one of the most luxurious hotels in Vale, it used to be popular with celebrities and politicians alike.  Maybe they’d spot a famous face lumbering around while they were here.

“You’re staying in a hotel?” Blake asked.

“Yup!  In the penthouse.”

After finding the perfect parking spot in front of the valet, Yang hardly turned off the truck before Nora jumped out and stared up at the building she called home.  The rest of them were slower to follow, but it wasn’t long before they’d collected more ammunition and headed to the entrance.

Her theory that every zombie in Vale partook in Zomboni’s parade proved more accurate by the minute, as she didn’t spot a single Z in the vicinity.  When she opened her mouth to point that out, however, she quickly stopped herself and decided not to press her luck again.  Instead, she cast another glance around the quiet street before following everyone into the deserted lobby.

“Is it a good idea to live at the top of a building with only one way down?” Weiss asked while they crossed the once-opulent lobby.

“We set up zip lines from the windows,” Ren explained.  “Although I agree it’s not ideal due to the climb up there.”

“But zombies can’t climb stairs,” Nora added before pushing the button for the elevator, which illuminated on command.

“There’s power?”  A soft ding announced the elevator’s arrival and answered Weiss’ question.  “How?”

“Wait - you don’t know?”

After following Ren and Nora into the elevator, Yang grinned when Weiss shot her an annoyed look.

“Know what?”

“Wow.  I know something Weiss doesn’t.”

“Care to enlighten us?” Weiss asked, scowling while the miraculously powered elevator raced towards the top of the building.

“I don’t know...what if I accidentally teach you something?  Weiss Schnee, of all people, learning from an idiot like me...”

“Just spill it.”

“Fine.”  While the elevator slowed to a stop, Yang decided to impart her wisdom to the less wisdomous.  “This is the first solar hotel.  That’s why the windows look weird - they’re made of special...solar glass things.”

“‘Solar glass things,’” Weiss scoffed.  “So scientific.”

“Hey, it’s my knowledge - take it or leave it!”

“Leave it.”

Yang chuckled at the typical response, but her laughter ended as soon as the elevator doors opened.

“No!!” someone shouted from behind the door across from them.  The anguish kicked their hero tendencies into high gear, and they wasted no time rushing to help.  Yang already had her shotgun in her hands and made it to the door ready to do some ass-kicking.  Or ass-saving, whichever was more appropriate.

Ren swiped his keycard to unlock the door and no sooner had he pushed it open did Yang charge into the room with Blake on her heels.  Weapons drawn and adrenaline pumping, they scanned the room for danger while pressing further inside.

“How did you do that?” a blonde boy whined from the living room, gesturing at the television while a redhead giggled beside him.  On the screen was what looked like a video game, and a replay of one of the characters destroying the other.

“But I had full health!”  After throwing his hands in the air, he turned and froze.  “Oh, hey guys,” he said with a small wave, unperturbed by the weapons aimed his way.  “And hey...strangers.”

There were no zombies viciously killing Nora’s friends.  There was no Zomboni trapping them in cages and whisking them away.  There were just...these two people...playing video games.

“You’ve been here the whole time?” Ren asked while Nora skipped over and took the remote from the boy’s hand.

“I call next!”

“Uh, yeah,” the blonde-haired boy, who must be Jaune, answered.  “You told us to stay put so...that’s what we did.”

“Then why didn’t we come here first?” Weiss asked, sharing a miffed glance with Ruby.

“Because then we wouldn’t have seen Zomboni again,” Yang joked.  “Or nearly died in a pile of hundred-year-old rubble.”

“Three hundred-year-old rubble,” Weiss corrected.  Sighing at the response, Yang opened her mouth but said nothing when a warm hand slid into hers.

“But we found them.”  Gently squeezing Yang’s hand, Blake looked into her eyes and gave an irresistible smile.  “I think that means you fulfilled your final hero duties.”

“Yeah?”  While Weiss and Ruby met the new people, Yang turned to Blake with a growing smile.  “Does that mean what I think it means?”

“If you think it means we’re about to spend a lot of time together, then yes.”

Grinning from ear to ear, Yang leaned in and captured Blake’s lips for a kiss.  Just one kiss and she felt like she could take on a thousand Zs.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, in this case), there were a lot more than a thousand zombies out there, so...she kissed Blake again.  And again, and prepared to lose herself when Blake’s arms wrapped around her neck and pulled her closer.

“Yang.”

Rather than break away from Blake’s lips, she held up a finger so the interrupting voice would give them another few minutes.

“Yanggggg.”

Ending the kiss with a sigh, she forced a smile and turned towards the only person alive who could barge in on that moment and not get pummeled.

“Yes, Ruby?” she asked, reminding herself how cute Ruby was so as not to get annoyed.

“Let’s wrap this up!  You’re not the only one who wants to go home.”

When Ruby slipped her hand into Weiss’ and Weiss responded with a smile, Yang wrinkled her nose.

“You really know how to kill a mood,” she said before turning towards their newest saved citizens.

“Hey,” she began, only to do a double-take when the redhead, who must be the fabled Pyrrha that Nora mentioned, stood up and walked over.  Quickly shaking off the surprise at having saved a legitimate goddess, she looked around and smiled.  “Wanna rescue some survivors with us?”

“Because Zomboni’s still out there!” Nora piped in.  “And we’ve gotta stop her!”

“Who’s Zomboni?” Pyrrha asked.

“Pretty sure that’s a magician,” Jaune whispered to her, and she nodded.

“She’s this crazy lady who’s in love with Yang -”

“And Ruby,” Blake added, sending Weiss a look while Weiss bristled.

“If she knows what’s good for her, she won’t so much as look at Ruby again.”

That was just about the worst explanation of recent events, but Pyrrha and Jaune didn’t look overly concerned about how confusing it was.  Then again, they lived with Nora, so this was probably just...normal.

“Alright,” Yang said, clapping her hands and smiling at their two new friends.  “How do you feel about joining the Super Zombie Slayers?  We rescue people and fight evil bosses.”

“Sure?” Jaune agreed with a shrug.  “That sounds...fun.”

“You mean more fun than losing at your game,” Pyrrha teased, poking him in the shoulder.

“Just because I lost every time today doesn’t mean I’ll lose all the time.”

“Mhmm…”

“But count us in!” he said once he realized he couldn’t win that argument.  “We’ll rescue people or stop this...magic lady.  Whatever you need us to do.”

Just like that, the Super Zombie Slayers...Squad...doubled in size.  From four determined souls with nerves of steel and a penchant for highlight-worthy kills, they became eight stunning survivors embarking upon a new mission of restoring life and community to Vale’s wasteland.

Somewhat unfortunately, recruiting their final two members hadn’t been nearly as dramatic as hoped.  There were no zombies climbing through the windows.  There was no chaotic firefight with an onslaught of masked attackers.  There was no Zomboni, even.

“Well, that was anticlimactic,” Yang pointed out, realizing this chapter of their saga would end not with a bang, but with the soft, cathartic elevator ding.

“Not all stories end with explosions,” Weiss replied with a roll of her eyes.

“But if you want an explosion -”

“Nora…”

When Nora giggled and Ren motioned for her to hand over her grenades, Yang chuckled and looked around their growing group.  Not long ago, she thought that only she, Blake, Ruby, and Weiss were left alive.  Then they stumbled upon Nora, saved Ren, met Zomboni, encountered the fooligans, and ‘found’ Pyrrha and Jaune.  More survivors had to be out there, just waiting to be discovered.  Would they be friendly?  Would they be crazy?  Only time would tell.

Before they got around to rescuing people though, she had one very important task left to do.

“Ok,” she began.  “Before I monologue out, is there anyone else we need to save?”  When she looked around the group, she received slow head shakes in response.  “Anyone we’re missing?” she added to cover her bases.  “Anything else that needs to be said?”

When no one piped up, she grinned.  This was the moment she’d been waiting for.  Sure, she thought the last moment was the one she’d been waiting for, but that turned out to be a fake.  This was the real deal, meaning she had to give the best damn monologue ever spoken by a zombie-slaying hero wandering the streets of Vale with a gorgeous, deadly girlfriend, a freakishly smart little sister, and one other person not worth mentioning.

“So, having successfully reunited the lost girl with her friends, our hero realizes that her work isn’t close to done.  Actually -”

“I just had an idea!” Nora exclaimed, so Yang leaned her head back and sighed.

“Dammit Nora...”

Super Zombie Slayers: 4 +2 +2