Star-Crossed - Commentary - Ch. 29-30 (Patreon)

We finally made it.

Thirty weeks is a long time.  Thirty weeks, thirty chapters...after the better part of a year, Star-Crossed is over.  It’s such a nice feeling to finish a story.  At the same time, I want to go back through the whole thing and make it better.

That’s the perfectionist in me talking (I try not to listen to her very much).  This is why I consider every story nothing more than practice - it’s easier to walk away from a practice attempt even if it’s not exactly what you’d like to see.  As long as you tried your best with the skills and knowledge you had at the time, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!  At least, that’s what I believe.

So, even though there’s a lot I might change if I had another attempt at this particular story, I’m generally happy with how it turned out.  I hope you feel the same!  For it being a spark of inspiration based on one piece of fanart, I think it turned out to be an action-adventure with a unique story to tell.

Trying out a space-themed story was fun, but I don’t know that I’d actively want to write another one.  If I had my choice, I’d definitely gravitate towards the futuristic setting of Dream Theory over Star-Crossed.  Dream Theory just...draws me in more than space travel does.  Maybe that’s because I didn’t dive into it enough, or write it well enough, but I’ve always been more I, Robot over Star Trek anyway.

Before getting too much into the story as a whole, let’s breeze through the last two chapters!

People had some great ideas for how Yang would get out of the mess she found herself in at the end of Chapter 28.  Bribing ISA with the location of the Valerian mines (and the key!).  Threatening to expose ISA for letting the toolbag known as Adam loose upon the galaxy.  Or maybe even a certain Jacques Schnee sitting on ISA’s board of commanders, giving Weiss more power over Yang’s future than we expected.

Honestly, if I didn’t finish these stories in advance, I would find it very hard not to be swayed by all the guesses.  They’re just so good sometimes!  I’ll read them and think, “Aw man...why didn’t I think of that??  That would’ve been cool...”

I guess I’ll just hope that you think my idea for the ending was also kind of cool.  Or, at least, acceptable.

I thought about Blake and Yang running away and making lives for themselves far away from ISA.  I thought about Yang getting off with no time in exchange for testifying against Adam and Cinder.

I wanted the happily-ever-after as soon as possible but, ultimately, it wasn’t about what I wanted (or what Blake wanted, for that matter).  Chapter 29 came down to what Yang wanted - or needed, I guess you could say.  And Yang, a fundamentally good person stuck in a bad situation for so long, wants nothing more than redemption.  Who was I to stop her?

I guess I could have stopped her...but I wanted to redeem her character as much as she did.  And what better way than for her to own up to everything she did - whether forced to do it or not - and effectively ask society for forgiveness?

Well, she asked ISA for forgiveness, which Blake isn’t thrilled about for obvious reasons.

I tried to make Yang’s ‘trial’ similar enough that we understood how it worked without much explanation, but also changed some of the rules since this is effectively space court.  You’ll see more of this in the next story, which is future court instead of space court.  Building on an existing framework that most people already understand from movies, tv, etc. is so much easier than reinventing the wheel.

Let the reader’s knowledge do some of the work for you!  That’s my motto.  (Actually, my motto is probably closer to “just keep writing” said in Dory’s sing-song voice.)

I made sure to tell us what happens with Blake’s job even though we didn’t get to see it play out.  She gets back from saving Yang and ‘resigns’ - aka tells ISA where they can shove their bureaucracy.  I thought this was also a good excuse for why she didn’t testify on Yang’s behalf, but I also really just didn’t want to write her testimony.

Why?  Because we already know her side of the story, so we already know what she’ll say.  I didn’t want to spend my last chapter just rehashing what we already experienced!  I wanted to bring in some new things and, most importantly, tie up a couple of loose ends.

The first - what happened to the family Yang saved way, way back in like...Chapter 7?  Well, now we know.  That wasn’t just any family Yang saved.  That was a high-ranking dignitary’s wife and her two daughters.

What I really liked about bringing S’opheia back for this chapter was showing that she was still alive and well, but also that she didn’t blame Yang for what happened.  Yang saved her life.  Yang saved her daughters’ lives.  For that, she’s understandably grateful and unhesitant to show Yang as much.

As part of Yang’s healing process, I thought it was important for her to see and hear that everyone didn’t hate her.  And people weren’t out to get her just because she used to be a Blackguard.  Remember how she once told Blake that wearing the Blackguard armor was enough to make some people take offense and cause trouble?  She needs to unlearn that lesson now.

In case you missed it, Blake, Weiss, and Ruby are totally ready to jailbreak Yang if needed.  I imagine Weiss planned all of that, for some reason.  There were probably guards loitering all over that courtroom just waiting for her signal.  Then they’d grab Yang and get the hell out of there.

Thankfully, it didn’t come to that.  Although that would’ve been an exciting ending, don’t you think?

Instead of a jailbreak, Yang just...goes to jail.

Originally, she was only going to have half the time - six months with good behavior.  I wanted it to be long but not too long because I was going to have them say their first ‘I love you’s in Chapter 30.  That would be cute and meaningful, right?

Then DL talked me up to a full year.  Something about how Yang did some bad things and yadda yadda.  So...what I’m trying to say is, it’s only half my fault.

I also briefly toyed with the idea of Blake immediately getting herself arrested so she could go to jail with Yang.  Star-Crossed 2 - now taking place in prison.  But alas...that seemed like another ill-conceived notion.  Also, what were the chances Blake ended up in the same prison for the same amount of time as Yang?  It would be a disaster if Blake got sentenced to two years or something!

One of the other loose ends I wanted to tie up was what happened to Sun.  We all know he broke orders helping Blake, but what did ISA decide to do about it?

Well, as he tells us, they were going to demote him.  So he decided to keep his role as world’s best friend by knowing exactly what would help Blake the most - he became a security guard at a prison.

To ISA, this probably seemed like a worthy punishment for his insubordination.  To us, this is just...Sun being Sun.  Making sacrifices to help Blake - and now Yang too.

Yang and Sun’s blossoming friendship is pretty cute, I think.  We see in the final chapter that they get even closer through Yang’s time locked away.  From throwing him off a cliff to becoming workout buddies...who would’ve thought.

Another loose end to tie up?  Zimon.

I just really, really wanted to see Zimon again.  He asked if he would see Blake again when they said their tearful goodbyes the first time, and Blake said ‘of course’ even though she knew that was probably a lie.

Well, it came true!  But only because Zimon dragged his uncle across the galaxy so that he could see his two rescuers again.  I imagine the news story breaking in Zitovia somehow - do they even have TVs?  I don’t know… - and Zimon sees Yang’s picture.  Suddenly, he’s all excited.  “That’s her, that’s her!  She’s the one who saved me!”

Cue everyone looking at him like he’s crazy.  Notorious member of the Blackguard on trial for numerous crimes...saved a little boy.  Eventually, he convinces them that he’s telling the truth and insists on going to see Yang again.  His family tries to explain what’s actually going on but, being a kid, the only thing he gets out of it is that Yang’s somehow in trouble.  In which case, shouldn’t he help?  She helped him, now he should help her.  Nevermind that he’s like seven years old...

But he makes it there to see her (and so we can see him one last time).  If there ever is a sequel, I would probably go out of the way to include him again because he’s just that cute.  Him and Zam Zam...maybe they should get their own story.  The Adventures of Zimon and Zam Zam.

There are a few side characters we don’t get full follow-ups on, like Emerald and Mercury.  Where are they and the rest of the Blackguards?  Off doing more evil things, or just off grieving?

There’s also Maria - what happened to her after she got Zimon home?  Did she end up going home, herself, or decide to go on an adventure of her own?  Maybe Zimon’s influence encouraged her to take on more charitable requests in the future.

I just realized that Yang totally didn’t pay Maria the second half of the money.  Half up front, half when Zimon’s safe and sound, remember?  Well, Yang wasn’t exactly able to do that due to her whole ‘sacrificing herself to save Blake’ ordeal.  I wonder what Maria thought of that...did she assume Yang just stiffed her, or that something went wrong?

Considering Maria seemed to understand Yang better than most people, I’d say she knew something went wrong.  Besides, she got tons of glory from reuniting Zimon and his family, so she was happy.

I guess the only other important characters left are Adam and Cinder, but we learn their fates in the next chapter.  Adam - limping around a jail cell for the rest of his life (Blake did stab him in the leg a lot of times).  Cinder - also in a jail cell forever, but can’t speak (getting shot in the neck can do that…).

I strongly, strongly considered killing them.  You’d just get a line or two about how they ‘hadn’t made it’ or the universe was ‘better off without them.’  But, as I’ve mentioned before, I have a hard time making the main characters kill people.  I don’t want them to live with that on their conscience for the rest of their lives.

So...Adam and Cinder survive, but not without some permanent scars.  Compromise!

If you can believe it, Chapter 29 was actually the original epilogue to this story.  Maybe you could feel it in the tone of the chapter, especially the ending.  It was supposed to be hopeful and show us that the worst was over.

Then I realized that...Yang’s going to prison!  How could that ever be a truly happy ending?  We want to see them together and happy.  Not going to prison and happy.  So I decided to stick a second epilogue onto the end - this one showing their happily-ever-after once Yang’s done her time.

I’m so glad I did, too.  The lengthy time skip meant I could show how much healing has already been done, and what’s left to do.  What better place to start than the day of Yang’s release, where their next adventure officially begins?

I think the biggest changes were definitely in Yang’s demeanor.  Throughout the epilogue, I wanted to show that she’s more open now, and much softer than she was as a Blackguard.  If you noticed, she actually made friends while serving her time - even the guards seem to like her.

Can you imagine what a wonderful change that must have been for her?  In the Blackguards, she didn’t trust anyone and had no one to talk to.  It might be a stretch to say that she completely trusted the other inmates, but I bet there wasn’t anyone close to Adam or Cinder’s level of evil in there.  In that sense, Yang probably found most of them to be enjoyable people that she could easily get along with.

Besides...even with one arm, Yang had to be top of the food chain as the biggest badass there.  Everyone was probably too scared of her to risk picking a fight.  Plus, she had Sun on her side.

I love that Yang and Sun legitimately became friends.  Blake must have been so jealous hearing about all the time they got to spend together while she was stuck in the outside world.  Especially when it became obvious that Yang and Sun were becoming closer as friends.

Now I’m wondering if Blake ever got jealous or worried in a “Yang and Sun might get together” type of way.  I could see that happening, at least a little bit.  Think about it - Blake hadn’t actually known Yang that long while everything with the Blackguards happened.  Then Yang goes to jail and, even though Blake’s visiting every day, Sun’s spending hours there each working day.  By the time Yang’s released, it’s probably fair to say she’s spent more time with Sun than Blake throughout all the time they’ve known each other.

Of course, Yang probably spends most of her time with Sun talking about Blake, asking him for stories about Blake during their Academy days and stuff like that.  Nothing to worry about there!

If you think about Yang and Blake’s relationship overall, it’s completely unconventional.  Sure, they kind of get the ‘dating’ thing for a half second, then have to save each other’s lives and have a brief prison stay.  Then Yang gets out and they immediately move in together.  Or Yang moves in with Blake, I suppose.  I guess we could count all of those prison visits as dating, in a way.  They have to know each other far better now than before, but they haven’t been freely around each other that much, you know?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’d expect some growing pains.  Yang even mentions it herself - she’s worried that she’s forgotten how to be a normal person.  She was a Blackguard for so long, then prisoner, now...free to do what she wants?  But what does a ‘normal’ person do?

To show that there will be a bit of a transition period, I handed her a knife.  Well, I didn’t, but Ruby did.  Ruby thinks nothing of it - ‘here’s a knife, please cut the cake with it.’  But Yang’s like - ‘holy s**t, I’m not allowed to have a knife, what if one of the guards finds out and I get in big trouble and they deny my early release?’

Fortunately, Blake’s pretty attuned to the adjustments Yang’s going to go through and willing to help as much as possible.

Overall, I wanted us to see that Yang’s in a much better mental place.  She might have done or witnessed some horrible things in the past, but she’s coming to terms with them.  Most importantly, she’s starting to reclaim herself, if that makes sense.  She’s no longer who Adam tells her to be - she gets to be who she wants to be.  As fortune has it, she has plenty of time and money to figure that out.

I actually increased the bounties on Adam and Cinder just so Yang would end up a multi-millionaire at the end.  You might have wondered who got Yang’s bounty - because Yang can’t claim the bounty on herself, can she?

Blake got Yang’s bounty - that’s how she’s been not working for a year after quitting ISA.  I’ll bet she gave some to Sun though for all of his help.  Maybe they split it, so Sun actually doesn’t have to work either but continues to do so because he can keep an eye on Yang.

What about Ruby?  Well, Ruby doesn’t need any money because Weiss willingly and eagerly pays for everything she needs.  And Weiss doesn’t need any money because she’s a literal princess of an entire planet.

Moral of the story, everyone ends up rich and happy.  Especially Weiss, who’s been sleeping with Ruby this entire time without Yang ever knowing.

Realistically, I think Ruby could have told Yang about her relationship with Weiss earlier.  Yang wouldn’t have had an issue with that.  But for the sake of the story...and just throwing in a few fun lines at the end...I decided that they kept it a secret in hopes of keeping Yang as mellow and content as possible.

One conversation we didn’t see but that obviously happened was Blake telling Ruby what her necklace is - the final key to the Valerian steel mines.  The one tiny piece of the puzzle separating Adam from his goal.  This would make Ruby one of the “chosen” (or whatever the maps called them), but what does that mean?  Is she supposed to keep that pendant secret and safe forever?  Or is she actually supposed to do something with it?

These are all questions for the sequel, of course.  I actually haven’t thought about it that much, so I have no idea what the greater mystery might be or how Ruby’s tied up in it.  Are the Valerians still alive, somewhere?  Is she supposed to find them?  Save them?  Or is she supposed to unlock the metal and use it for another purpose?

All great questions that we’ll all get to answer for ourselves.  That’s one of the great parts about reading, isn’t it?

At the end of the story, where I usually wrap things up with a kiss, I decided to use a hug instead.  Maybe counterintuitive, but I love that hugs hold so much significance to Blake and Yang.  I mean, they slept together before they ever hugged, if that tells you anything.  This was just another way of showing how Yang has opened up, as she’s so willing to be vulnerable and close to Blake now.

They might have been through a lot, but they’re going to be just fine.  First, they’re going to spend a few months being super cute and domestic.  They’ll figure out their rhythm as a couple and really solidify all the emotional bonds they’ve built so far.

Eventually though...they’ll both itch for another adventure.  It might take a while (Ruby’s twiddling her thumbs waiting for them), but they’ll heal enough where they’re ready to see what else life has in store for them.

Maybe they go looking for Emerald and the rest of the Blackguards.  Maybe they visit Ret’s home planet and search for any relatives of his.  Maybe they start looking for the Valerians or clues about Ruby’s necklace.  Or maybe they just go planet-hopping with their bags of money and see what type of trouble they can find.  Whatever they do, I guarantee they’ll be happy and together!

Before we bid this story adieu, I’ll reminisce on my favorite parts.

One of them would definitely be when Yang and Blake spar in Yang’s room early in the story.  Blake was struggling to hold her own while Yang was basically flirting, in a way.  To think they went from that to being so soft at the end.

Another would be finding Zimon, and that moment where Yang realized just how much she’d lost touch with her sense of right and wrong.  That night they spent sleeping on the shuttle with Zimon, talking about their ‘pasts’ (though Blake’s was a lie), was a gentle moment where I think they got a lot closer.

All of the moments with Sun stand out to me too.  He managed to be a big part of the story even though he only made a few appearances.  All of his screen time was important though!  And he got the bees together, in a way, by getting himself captured by Cinder.  (I’m sure that was his plan all along.)

The final showdown between Adam, Cinder, and Blake is also one of my favorite moments.  Blake finally gets to be a badass with a knife in her hands, and she nearly takes out both of them on her own.  I still wish I’d shown Yang and Cinder throwing down at some point in the story - that would’ve been epic - but I just didn’t find the space to slip that in.

Overall?  I’m pretty happy with it!  I hope you enjoyed it too, even if space adventures aren’t your typical read.

Next, we return to the future with Conflict of Interest.  Well, first we’re getting a Red Carpet Romance update, then we’re starting Conflict of Interest.  I hope you’re as excited as I am!  I can’t wait to see more super-smart Ruby and super-sassy Weiss.

Until next time (and the next story!),

Miko