Four's a Party Chapter 5: Folstine Tea-Party (Patreon)

“So.” I sat down across from Malori Crowett at a small bakery in the capital. “Training.”

At my side, grumpy morning Amy was still drinking her morning coffee. And thank god for that little anachronism. Otherwise, we might not get started until nearly ten on most days.

It was abhorrent.

But back to the present. “Training, right… Ahah.” Malori rubbed the back of her head. “I, um, have some plans…” She pulled out a loose sheaf of papers from her inventory. Since I was taller than her, I could see that far from being an impressive training regimen, it was mostly questions and doodles.

Most concerning was a picture of what I assumed was me, holding a flute with “doot doot?” scrawled next to it.

It did little for my confidence.

Then she did something surprising, flicking through the notes before shaking her head and putting them away.

I raised an eyebrow as she turned to look at us.

“That’s… I feel like it’s secondary.” As she spoke, her features firmed. “Training does matter, and it can take…” she paused, eyes going distant for a moment, “many forms… but! More important is the reason why you want to be an adventurer.”

“Oh?”

Malori nodded sharply. “Motivation is the most important. Look at me, I started out as an orphan, and never had fancy skill trainers… and I’m number one at the Academy. Ah, not to make light of the other top students! They all work really hard, but…”

I tilted my head. “What, they don’t work as hard as you?”

Malori looked to the side. “I think that they don’t want it as much as I do. I’m… a little selfish, you know. It’s why Cerik was so mad at me. But my desire is why I’m so strong!” She clenched her fist in front of her chest, eyes all but burning with determination.

I chuckled. I wouldn’t say it was ‘reminiscent’ of myself or anything; my fires of determination had always burned cold rather than hot.

But it was nice to see that I could agree with Malori, at least a little bit.

“What, you just have to want it more?”

At that, Malori paused, smiling as she scratched her cheek. “Well, of course you have to work hard, and get a little lucky… or unlucky.” The last bit was muttered, as if I wasn’t supposed to catch it. “But hopefully my help will take care of that part!”

“You have a very high opinion of yourself,” I said.

“Ehehehe…” She grinned, as if to say ‘well, obviously.’ “So anyway, why are you two trying to be adventurers?”

“Amy.” I nudged the healer in the side. “Why don’t you go first.”

She took a big gulp of her coffee. “Go fuck yourself.”

My brow furrowed. “That’s not a very good long term goal.”

She rolled her eyes, muttering sharply into her mug. “Look,” she added. “I know what my motivations are, but are we really sharing that with Random McRedhead here?”

“Hey!”

I pursed my lips. “While I agree that redheads tend to be less trustworthy based on my own anecdotal experience—”

“Grk!”

“That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t trust them in general.”

Amy turned her bleary eyes towards me, rubbing at her face with a sleeve. “Didn’t Cerik say she betrayed him?”

I paused as Amy tugged her sleeves back down. She’d been more circumspect about her tattoos in this new world, which was more thought than I’d given to the matter. Clearly, she’d given more thought to our potential trainer as well.

“You know, that’s true.” I turned back to look at Malori. “I’m sorry, but both of us have rather poor opinions on traitors.”

Malori hunched over even more, forehead pressed against the wooden table.

I tilted my head, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Are you okay?”

“’M fine…” Malori pushed herself upright. “The truth… hurts.” She slapped her cheeks once. “But that’s okay! Admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it.”

Amy snorted. “You sound like an alcoholic.”

Malori sighed, glancing towards the window. “I guess you could say I was drunk on the wine of love.”

“No.” Amy glowered over the rim of her cup. “No, we’re not going to say that.”

Malori pouted. “You guys are kinda disrespectful. I’m a high-level adventurer, you know!” She raised her hand, a fireball forming in her palm.

“Yes, yes, you can explode us from across the room.” And Amy can All the Cancer you without moving a muscle, but you don’t see us waving it around. “We don’t do scared.”

At that, Malori leaned forward, looking interested.

She almost touched the fireball against the table, which would have been interesting for a whole different host of reasons, but she extinguished it with a shake of her hand.

“That’s what I was asking about!” She smiled. “Why is it that you’re willing to push forward, without fear? That’s what separates mediocre adventurers from great ones.”

Amy went back to muttering unkind things into her coffee.

I frowned at her. Really, there was no need to be rude.

I decided to extract some petty revenge. “For love, obviously.”

I shifted my posture slightly, leaning my shoulders towards Amy. For her part, the healer froze, giving me a gimlet eye.

“Oh no you don’t you fucking—!” I wrapped an arm around her putting a hand (holding a napkin) over her mouth.

“It’s difficult, I know, but… it’s all I have to live for.” I put every ounce of melodrama I had into those words, calling up the deaths of my friends, the fact that I’d never see them again, as my eyes started to water.

Amy shoved me off with a growl. “You’re the absolute worst.” I could tell she was more annoyed than anything, but still, I had a role to play.

Was this my class affecting me, just like my passenger used to? Was it whatever mess Amy had made in my brain that was pushing me to do this? Heh, that sounded like a problem for not me.

Cogito, ergo sum. I think, therefore I am.

Of course, none of these deep thoughts showed on my face as I sighed. “Her words cut deeper than any knife. But if music be the food of love, I will play on.”

“Oh, shut up you—”

Malori clasped my hand with both of hers. I blinked, my forlorn expression almost slipping as I saw her watery eyes, and trembling lip.

“I understand completely!” She clenched my hand tight, pulling it towards her. “I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to help you! No matter what!”

I looked at her, blinking.

“That’s… very kind of you.”

Malori nodded, releasing my hand as her eyes narrowed in determination. “Don’t worry, I know how far I can push you. Both of you!”

I coughed. “Um.”

Amy glared even harder.

“That’s very nice.”

“Taylor…”

“What?” I cocked an eyebrow at her. “I thought you liked hitting things with a hammer.”

“Sure.” Amy crossed her arms. “Small things. Things that make satisfactory squishy sounds when they die. Like your face.”

I just sighed. “Amy, you can’t keep stringing me along just because you want to shove your boner in my head.”

There was a coughing sound from the other side of the table.

“It’s not fucking called that, Jesus Christ!”

“I don’t want to know what you call it Amy, but if you’re going to threaten me with it, I think I at least deserve dinner first.”

I caught her wrists as Amy went to choke me. It was, unfortunately, a rather practiced maneuver.

“Let go, Taylor.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s in my best interest.”

“I think shutting your mouth is in your best interest,” Amy grit out. “But that hasn’t stopped you yet.”

“What can I say, between the two of us, there’s only one person who has a history of giving up.”

“Yeah, because of twu wuv? Give me a break!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you want to go there?”

Amy growled, shoving me away. “Go die in a ditch.”

I chuckled. “This world has resurrection, Amy.”

She froze.

I opened my mouth, only for Malori to crash face first into the table. We both paused to look at her.

“Are you… okay?” I ventured again.

In the head, that is.

“The truth… hurts…”

“I don’t know why you keep saying that.”

She waved a hand in the air, before slowly pushing herself upright again, rubbing at the large red circle on her face. “Because… reasons. Uh, good ones. Promise.”

“…Right.”

After a moment, Malori gathered herself again. “Sorry about that.” She gave a weak smile. “It’s been an eye-opening couple of days, haha…”

“In what way?”

She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “I realized that I was wrong about something, and… that maybe it was better if I took a step back for a while. Oh! Not that I’d get in the way of your own love!” She crossed her arms in front of her. “It just… didn’t work out so well for me.”

I blinked.

For some reason, it seemed like a bad idea to admit that I had been joking.

Instead, I just nodded slowly.

It… probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

Malori took a deep breath. “But! I have the perfect idea for what to do for training.”

I took a deep breath. “That doesn’t include the tower, apparently?”

“Yep! We’re going to go on a sabbatical.”

To my right, Amy narrowed her eyes. “You want to leave the only place on the continent that has quests? To do training? How does that work?”

Malori nodded. “I’ve actually been doing some research. I mean, the Adventurer Academy has its own training curriculum, but tuition can be kind of steep…”

I chuckled. “We are rather living paycheck to paycheck right now.”

Malori tilted her head. “Paycheck? Like a skillcheck?”

Amy snorted. “Yeah, when all your bills are due. It’s like a stat check, but instead of getting stronger, it’s just deducted from your funds and you start over again.”

I rolled my eyes. “Amelia.”

“Wow, no.” Malori blinked. “When you say it like that it is kinda fucked up.”

“Taxation is theft.”

I turned to look at my friend. “Prison changed you.”

“Shut up.”

“Prison?” Malori tilted her head.

“I went to jail for a while.” Amy shrugged, knocking back her coffee. “It wasn’t the end of the world.”

After a moment, Malori nodded, reaching out to gently rest on top of Amy’s. The healer jolted slightly, evidently still not used to people touching her of their own volition.

Uh, oops.

I might have to do something about… that.

You know, somewhere in the middle of me dealing with my own damage.

I’m sure I’d have time.

“I understand completely,” Malori said. “I was… sold to slavers as a child.” This time I jolted as well.

I leaned forward. “Slavery still exists?”

The redhead blinked. She shifted awkwardly in her chair. “I… yeah.” She pulled back her hands. “It’s less common on Folstina, but it still happens. I heard that Motrem is much worse, because it’s mostly desert.”

Amy and I looked at each other.

“Yeah,” she said. “Not a fan.”

“I wasn’t big about it when the CUI did it either.” I scrunched my face. “It’s…”

Amy rolled her eyes, smacking me on the back of my head. “Stop being such a baby. Next you’ll be telling me that Bad Canary was your favorite singer.”

I tried to hide a wince, but Amy’s eyes widened all the same. “Shit, really?”

I coughed as her lips curved into a sharp smirk. “Awww, that’s so adorable. The big bad Skitter likes the cute little caged bird.” She grinned wickedly, leaning forward. “Did you dream about saving her? Dragon let her get fanmail sometimes, you know, as a reward for good behavior. She’d read it sometimes, it was all so nauseating.”

“No, I never wrote fanmail.” I crossed my arms. “Who do you take me for?”

“Well I didn’t take you as someone who listened to Bad Canary either, so.”

“I was busy, you know!” Amy chortled at my words.

“You know,” she said. “I think I still have an old handkerchief she autographed for me… if you’re interested.”

I took a deep breath, looking the other way.

“Here it is!” Amy pulled a thin square of white fabric from her inventory. I stiffened. “I knew I put it somewhere when we got our classes.” She waved it in the air, Malori watching the byplay with a bemused smile on her face. “Want it?” Amy asked.

I grit my teeth. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“Really?” Amy unfolded the handkerchief, revealing Paige Mcabee scrawled across the fabric in a delicate hand. “I hear it’s one of the only times she signed with her real name, you know.”

“You,” I started. “Are cruel.”

“Well, I guess you could say I learned from the best.”

Bitch, I carved out Lung’s eyes. ‘The best’ your lily-white ass!

Externally, I just took another breath. “And if I did want it?”

Amy looked like the cat that ate the (bad) canary. “You have to stop calling my weapon a boner in public.” She leaned forward. “Or I’ll dissolve this right now.”

I bit my lip. Was I really willing to give up my greatest weapon against Smug Amy? Just for some stupid autograph? To give Amy that much power in our—

Wait.

In Public?

I snatched the square of fabric in a heartbeat. “Deal.”

Amy blinked. “Wait, really?”

I looked at her, as I pushed the handkerchief into my own inventory. “If you don’t like it, I can always take the hanky and keep the name.”

“No!” Amy raised her hands, before scowling, and lowering them again. “God, you just take the fun out of everything.” She glared at me suspiciously. “You better keep your word.”

I chuckled. “To the letter.”

Before Amy could puzzle that one out, Malori giggled. “You two really are cute together.”

“Excuse me?”

Thanks for biting that bullet for me, Amy. I was almost about to ask the same question.

“Oh, nothing.” Malori waved a hand. “So, what was it you were talking about again?”

Amy groaned, before poking me in the side. “Whatever, you take care of it. I don’t care anymore.”

I allowed myself a small smirk. “Isn’t it obvious? Instead of going wherever you’d planned to go for training,” I leaned forward, lowering my voice, “why don’t we go to Motrem and demolish this slave trade?”

Malori’s mouth dropped open. “That’s…”

I could see she was enthralled by the idea, even as she struggled to wrap her head around it.

“Illegal, probably.” I nodded. “Dangerous, perhaps? Still, Amy and I may be new to adventuring, but you could say that we have… a very particular set of skills.”

Malori blinked slowly. “It would be dangerous. And if we were identified... I mean, I’m strong, but there are still lots of strong adventurers in the Kingdom!”

“You can test us on the way over, and train us as well. Besides…” I raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you become an adventurer to do some good?”

“To do… good?”

She looked down at her hands, fingers trembling slightly, and for a second, I thought I’d made a mistake.

But then Malori looked up, a sharp smile on her face. “You know, that idea sounds perfect.” Determination flashed in her eyes. “I did want to be anywhere but here. Well not really but…”

The last part she muttered to herself, before she nodded sharply.

“Let’s go.”

Amy spat out a mouthful of coffee.

“What, now?”

“Well, I mean, did you two have something else to do?”

Amy glared. “We hadn’t even decided if we wanted to tag along with your training in the first place! Let alone get on a boat to the other side of the world!”

“Oh.”

I patted Amy on the shoulder. “Maybe a… test run?”

Malori tilted her head, cupping her chin. “You know, I think I know just the place.”

It looked like she was just about to elaborate when the bell to the teahouse rang, and Malori perked up, glancing over her shoulder. I glanced towards the entrance. The building was mostly empty at this time of day, so it was easy enough to pick out Malori’s friend Cerik.

She waved him over. Cerik saw, and shoved his hands in his pockets, before ambling over.

“Should we step outside for a second?”

“Oh, uh, that would be pretty nice.” Malori smiled. “I’ll meet you in front of the teahouse.”

“Sure.” I got out of the booth, tapping my inventory to pay for our drinks as the two of us walked past Cerik with a nod.

“Didn’t I tell you not to get caught up with Mal?” he asked wryly.

I chuckled. “It sounds like you could stand to take your own advice.”

His lip twisted like he bit into a lemon.

In front of the teashop, I leaned against the large window right in front of our old booth. Amy rolled her eyes at nothing as she came to a stop in front of me. “I wasn’t finished with my coffee.”

I raised an eyebrow. “The table would beg to differ.”

She laughed, stretching, even as I stretched out my own senses in a different direction.

My domain was already proving to be more useful than I’d anticipated.

“Think going with that girl is a good idea?”

I hummed. “I suppose we’ll see, won’t we.”

She glared at me. “It would be nice if we figured that part out before getting killed!”

“Or worse,” I murmured, “expelled.”

Amy rested her head in her hands. “You’re such a nerd.”

But I was already listening to the conversation inside the teahouse.

“Hey, Cerik.”

“Malori.”

I could almost hear the girl’s wince.

“I have something for you,” she said. Something rustled as she pulled it out of her inventory. It would have been too suspicious to look though. “Here. Like I promised, this will get you a meeting with Miss Melanthia. I have some other letters I’d like you to give to her, but this one on top is an introduction for you.”

“Wait, you’re not coming?”

“Cerik,” Malori said. “The last time we went to the Tower it… didn’t exactly end well.”

“I mean, but, you can’t just leave me hanging with—with Melanthia like that! I need―”

“You’ll be fine.” Malori giggled. “Don’t worry, you’re really charming, you know. And Ms. Melanthia is really nice! Just… don’t be a creep?”

“Mal, I’m not you.”

There was a thump as Malori’s face made another dent in the table.

Presumably.

“The truth…” she whimpered. “It burns.”

“And what are you doing, then?” Cerik asked.

Malori sighed. “I’m gonna be going on a training trip with my two new apprentices!”

“What, just like that?”

“I think it’ll do us all some good,” Malori said. “Maybe me most, you know… to get away from Queen Vel, for a while.”

I frowned. What did a student adventurer have to do with the Queen of Folstina?

“You… don’t have to leave,” Cerik said.

She laughed again. “I think I do. And Cerik, thanks for always looking out for me.”

“That’s…”

“I know I’m difficult, but I promised I’d make it up to you, didn’t I? I’ll bring you back a cool souvenir!”

“Malori…”

I stepped away from the window when I heard the emotion thick in his voice. I covered my embarrassment with a cough. I wasn’t trying to be a voyeur or anything.

That was Imp’s job, after all.

Amy gave me a glance, but I just waved it off.

I suppose I could put up with a few awkward moments for a fraction of my old power, in any case.

Hopefully I’d be able to unlock the other domains sooner rather than later. Put them all together, and it would almost be like having my own power.

Heh, Bugs, Darkness, Knowledge, and Control. When you thought about it, the domains mapped pretty neatly onto my own team as—

I shot up ramrod straight.

“Gah!” Amy stumbled back from me, but I caught her by the wrist before she could fall over.

“Amy!”

“What! God, what did you do?”

“Amy I need a dog!”

“Whaaaaaat?”

“I need a dog!”

Or else Bitch would never forgive me!

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A/N: This marks the last chapter of this I'm going to do for a bit. Might squeeze out one interlude, but I think it's time to jump to the next one, give my muse some time to recharge on the comedy! Still, it's loads of fun, and I have several more adventures planned for Taylor, Amy, and Mal in the future!

Finally, a note from the editor: