My Sons and I Got Isekai’d To The Losing Goblin Side: Chapter 012: A Meeting With Bob (Patreon)

“Man, that felt weird,” Dirk said as he wiped the blood from his dagger on the blanket next to him. “I know it was better that he believed we were going to set him free. He was happy when he went.”

I stood there watching Turk as he stared at May’s body, hanging from the chains, blood dripping from where Dirk had slit his throat from behind. Deep inside I knew Dirk was right but I also understood Turk’s problem. He had bonded with May over the last week. Getting a chance to talk with someone from our world had been a treat for Turk.

Dirk slid his dagger into its sheath and then crossed his arms as he turned to look at his brother.

“It’s done. You need to get over it. We all know he would have done the same to us,” he stated matter of factly.

Turk nodded and took a deep breath and turned to leave the tent.

“I’ll be outside. I’m going to go get ready for tonight.”

Dirk looked at me and motioned at Turk as he walked away. I held up my hand to stop him from saying anything until Turk was out of the tent.

“Remember you two are different,” I stated once Turk was gone. “You are always on the offensive side of things. You strike first and worry about what comes next. He is a defender. He waits for the right moment. He would have killed May had he attacked us but he would struggle to do what you did.”

“I mean…” Dirk started and then paused for a moment. “How can he not see we need to do this? Has he forgotten about Peter and Duncan?”

Shaking my head I tried to smile but felt it came off wrong. “No. He never will. That is why he wants to protect us. Just like I want to protect the two of you. He will be fine, just give him time. Now go get ready and I will deal with this part.”

I waited for Dirk to leave before I pulled out my knife and started cutting open May’s chest. I knew what they both were dealing with and doing these things was not an easy decision until I weighed their future. As I plunged my dagger below the sternum I remembered what Brar had told me earlier about this heart.

“Zolb, no goblin or orc has eaten the heart of one like you since before any of us can remember. Legends talk about how much power is contained in one of those. I can not tell you what will happen when you eat it. Just remember that even with its power inside you that you are not immortal. They can still kill you with a lucky shot or a powerful strike. Use the spells I taught you and be safe.”

Standing there, holding May’s warm heart in my hand I felt power pulsing up my arm. The heart was not pumping, yet with the blood trickling over my skin it seemed to radiate something. Something powerful. Taking a breath I closed my eyes.

“Thank you, May for this gift. Good luck in the next life,” I prayed to whoever might hear.

Lifting that heart to my mouth I took a bite and chewed. The moment I swallowed it felt like I had devoured pure energy.

My stomach burned and my body shook.

Every sense in my body felt like it was on fire.

Over and over I kept biting and chewing.

Each bite was impossible to describe other than I had no power to stop it.

My arms moved on their own.

My hands held the heart to my mouth.

My teeth bit down and chewed.

My tongue catapulted each bite down my throat.

When I swallowed that last bite I felt myself falling. The world went white.

“Welcome Phillip. I’m glad you finally made it to see me!”

I heard a voice and it felt like I was lying on the ground. For some reason, it was difficult to open my eyes.

“Give yourself a second. We have all the time in the world,” the voice said.

I willed my eyes to open and a bright glowing light overwhelmed me. It seemed to surround me. Squinting, I looked up and saw what I thought was the ceiling, a moving picture of stars at night dancing across the universe. Moving my head around I saw I was in a round, white room made of nothing but white marble stone. I noticed there was only one chair here and sitting on it was an old man with a long white beard. He was smiling at me and that smile made the wrinkles on his bald head scrunch up around those big, poofy white eyebrows of his.

“Where am I?” I asked. I felt like a fool because my brain seemed to tell me I should know already.

The old man laughed and leaned forward in his chair.

“Well Phillip, you are in my home.”

Why was he calling me Phillip? Glancing at my body I realized I was no longer a goblin but instead, my arms looked normal. I had on my red soccer jersey! I was wearing the same clothes I had on the night I was shot!

“How did I get here? Why am I, not a goblin? Who are you?!” I asked again without thinking or slowing down.

The old man chuckled and leaned back in his chair.

“Well, this is the god realm. You are not a goblin because your spirit matches who you really are. As for who I am, most say I am the god of mischief. There have been many names across the eons for me but for now, just call me Bob.”

“Bob? What the hell kind of god name is that?” I stuttered in disbelief.

“Would you prefer Lucifer? Or perhaps Eris or Anansi or…”

Shaking my head I exclaimed, “No! Bob is fine!”

I groaned a little as I sat up and slowly made my way to my feet. Bob just sat there, apparently enjoying the struggle I had in taking this all in.

“So… Bob… Care to tell me why I am here?”

“Now that is an easy one," replied Bob with a chuckle. "You ate the heart of a fellow re-birther and said a prayer. Those two combined gave me a small window to snatch you here for a little bit. I have been keeping a close eye on you and your two sons.”

Bob jumped out of the chair he was sitting in and when he landed on his feet he suddenly transformed to look like May. He was wearing the same outfit May wore when she fought us.

“Does this look better or would you prefer me to change into what May was wearing last when you killed her?” he asked with a mischievous smile.

Holding up my hands and waving them in the air I shook my head.

“No, no! That is fine.” It was hard enough to focus on him right now. If he was naked and trying to talk to me I was not sure I could manage that right now.

Bob’s laughter was eerie. He still sounded like the old man yet it was coming from a woman’s body. He saw the look on my face and started laughing more. Slowly his voice changed to match his body.

“I have not had anyone to play with for a few hundred years so I am a little rusty entertaining guests. Now then are you ready to get down to business?”

“What business would we be taking care of? Like signing my soul over to you?”

Bob waved his hands and shook his head. He pointed to a seat that had magically appeared next to me.

“Sit down and let me tell you what has happened.”

A small stone wall appeared and Bob leaned up against it and regaled me the story of how that world I was now living in came into being two thousand years ago.

Sitting there I held my head in my hands. Everything Bob had told me made my head want to explode.

“So you are saying my boys and I are the only hope the orcs and goblins have of staying alive in that world? Can this get any crazier? Like should I expect my dad to be the king of the humans and tell me he is my father?” I asked in a sarcastic tone.

Bob burst out laughing and even wiped away a tear that seemed to appear.

“That is a great reference but no I do not believe so. If that does happen though I will find this situation to be even better.”

He waved his hand and suddenly a screen like a TV appeared and it showed Duncan, Peter, Andrew, Alex and myself dead on the cement in the tunnel at the soccer stadium. He pointed to it as he continued talking.

“It really was the luck of the draw how you all died at the same time. Normally I only get to send one person but the other gods felt sorry for me since I can only send one hero to that world for my side every hundred years." Bob grimaced for a moment. "I was about to lose my bet as the goblins and orcs were going to be wiped out soon. The last time we got together I asked them if could maybe send another person to give my races one last chance. They all voted and I barely won. So when you and your sons and their friends died I was able to slip you all past them. No one seemed to notice until after it was too late.”

Luck of the draw I thought. I still was not sure how lucky we were to be shot and my boys killed in their prime.

“And Duncan and Peter are in a different world?” I confirmed.

“Absolutely!” exclaimed Bob with a smile. “All the gods feel that if someone dies within the first few days of a new life they should be given a new chance somewhere else. I hated watching what happened but I feel it really did a great job giving you and your boys a purpose! They are enjoying their new world a whole lot more.”

My stomach was churning. Knowing Bob and the other gods were watching and had not done anything really pissed me off. If it weren’t for the fact that Peter and Duncan were alive somewhere else right now I would have probably tried attacking him.

“And my entire purpose is to restore balance.”

Bob nodded and shrugged.

“More or less. If you want I could use a quote from one of my other fellow gods.”

“What would that be?”

“Be fruitful and multiply!”

Unggghhh. I wasn’t sure if Bob was yanking my chain or if he was being serious about that. I did not want to consider how that statement might impact so much of my thinking back on Earth. Standing here and knowing this rebirth thing was taking place across multiple other worlds and universes was bad enough.

I sat there for a moment trying to decide which of the questions I wanted to ask next. “Can you tell me how many heroes are still alive in the other races?”

“Nope! Just like they cannot tell their champions how many of you are left.”

“Can you tell me how many champions you have?” I asked.

Bob sighed and for a moment I saw a sad look on his face.

“Three. Just you three. I have not had a champion in almost a hundred years make it past the first few days. They really can be brutal as you know.”

Brutal was putting it lightly. No pressure I thought on the whole saving the goblin and orc races.

Bob shrugged and continued talking. "If you three cannot change the current situation enough, I doubt there will be any orcs or goblins by the time I get to send another champion."

“How do I get here again?”

Bob smiled and lifted his hand to his mouth and a heart appeared in it. He then pretended to eat it before it vanished.

“Find a champion of the other side, kill them, eat their heart, and pray to me. The only way one of them can get to their god is by killing one of you three and offering your heads as an offering.”

That made sense. It lined up with everything I had already been told. I tried to think if there was anything else I needed to know that Bob had not told me already.

“Any blessing or boon or gift before I leave?”

“You want me to kiss you? That way every goblin and orc female will desire you?”

“God no!” I shouted.

Bob laughed and I found myself groaning.

“Poor choice of words, sorry about that.”

Bob shook his head and just smiled.

“I have not had this much fun in a long time. I will give you a bit of knowledge as a parting gift.

First, when you return home, go and sack that town. The heart you ate will be ten times more powerful than any other heart you have eaten. Dying would be almost impossible at that moment. Other than losing your head, you will heal almost immediately. A heart like that is a special thing. You will be able to grow incredibly fast and strong if you can properly train with one of them. Your mind and your body will work faster than you can believe. It would even be a good time for your one son to teach you the language of the land. You might be surprised at how fast you learn.

“Second, after this heart wears off, only the truly powerful individuals and monsters in your world will allow you to grow more. You have not tasted any of the great treats out there for you yet. A unicorn heart, a dragon heart, so many hearts to try. I suggest you and your boys get to work on that. Know that if you defeat one of the rulers of the three main races and consume their heart I have no idea what might happen." Bob smiled and his eyes seemed to twinkle. "It has yet to happen but I hope one of you three will be the first.

“Lastly, always carry a heart or two with you. Your ally has shown you the power they provide. Orcs and goblins are not the brightest usually. Potions were not something I wanted to deal with when I designed you all. I made it so that one item could serve as both a healing tool and a growing device." Bob's face became serious as he added this last part. "If you are ever in doubt if you will need to eat one, always be safe. If you die there, I cannot send you back and you will not go to another world.”

I nodded and saw the wisdom in that. Keeping a heart or two on us should not be that difficult.

“Can I ask what would happen if we did kill a dragon or a unicorn or some other creature and ate its heart?”

Bob laughed and moved back to his chair. When he sat down he transformed back into the old man I first saw him as.

“You can ask but I will not spoil the surprise. Phillip or Zolb or whatever name you want to give yourself, know that you have the power to be a god in your world if you live long enough. There is a reason why I am only allowed to send one of you every hundred years. The potential for growth is almost unlimited if you can survive the start.”

Bob leaned back and waved at me.

“It is time for you to go back to your world. I hope you find another champion soon so that we can speak again.”

I saw Bob snap his fingers and the world started to go white.

"Oh, one last thing!" Bob called out, "You might get your wish about goblin and orc women desiring you!"

The world went white again and the last thing I remembered was the sound of him laughing.