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Letters From Space Camp is my memoir about going through a mental hospital program and for my  pitch to publishers I am revising the Day Two chapter, which covers my  second day in the program. This is my third draft of this chapter, you can read the first draft and second draft to see how it's changed (and it has changed).

➤➤➤ Catch up on the entire chapter-in-progress so far here.

 Another page where all I did was re-draw over my smooth, crisp lines with more sketchy, textured ones. Check out the gallery to see the first couple drafts of this page.

Oh! And I implemented the change to have just the patients and me be drawn as stick figures, and all the staff and outsiders to be drawn in a more complete style. This is to reinforce the sense that we in the program are falling apart, disintegrating, while everybody on the outside is a fully formed Actual Person.

 OH! I guess I did make a few more changes.

A helpful note from my agent was to spell out my thought process a bit more for why I wasn't connecting with our instructor's lecture that day, so I added in some extra thought balloons in that middle panel.

Matt may have been the one to suggest showing me biting into the oozing sandwich, to keep my character central in the experience.

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Comments

Margreet de Heer

I love the new shape of your thought bubbles!

The Ferret

I admit, I still love the mysterious oozing yellow substance sandwich haha. And yeah, that class sounds like I'd bounce off hard too. I can appreciate the concept but not the explanation of it.