Ep. 969 Emotional Turmoil Part 5 (Patreon)

"Um, a bit of both."

Lin says "Hm, she is really flexible. I wonder if I can do that?"

"Be careful if you try. Keep in mind that she is not human, physically she has the advantage over you."

Lin says "Do you mean that you won't have to shapeshift and reduce your strength to be with her?"

"I am not sure. She should have gotten stronger since I left, but I would probably still need to reduce my strength. Just not as much."

Lin says "Does it bother you that you need to reduce your strength?"

"No, not now that I know how to shapeshift to reduce it. In fact, I find it quite nice to feel human again. I had started to forget what it felt like."

Lin says "You sound upset, is something else going on?"

"Kind of."

Lin says "Tell me about it?"

Since she asked, I do my best to explain the changes in my mentality that I have just started to notice. It is hard to explain and I end up rambling on for quite a while before I finally stop. Just talking about it makes me feel a little bit better, even if I am still confused.

Lin says "I have not felt that way myself, but I have heard of something similar happening to some mages."

"Really? Can you tell me about it, please?"

Lin says "Well, with some mages, when they gain magical power they start to ignore those without magic. This grows worse as their power increases until they see those without magic as ants or worse. I don't think that is what is happening to you, but I think it might be similar."

"What do you mean?"

Lin says "One of the things I have noticed about you is that you rarely, if ever, relax. You are always on guard against sudden attacks."

"That is true, I guess. But what does that have to do with it?"

Lin says "Let me finish. Being on guard all the time means that you constantly assess those around you to determine their threat level. What I think is going on with you is that those you classify as no threat, you ignore from that point on."

"I don't think I have done that?"

Lin says "Not intentionally, but you do do it. I have seen you do it. When we were dealing with those villagers, you completely ignored anyone not holding a weapon. You also mostly ignored anyone pointing a weapon at you. The only ones you paid any attention to were those who had their weapons pointed at me."

Normally, I would just assume that it was nonsense, but with Lin it is a different story. She is intelligent and I trust her, so I don't reject the idea immediately and think about it. I think back to the last village we dealt with and try to remember all the villagers.

I can remember the hunter and I vaguely remember his son that we rescued for him. Other than that I can remember the priest, but the other villagers are a blank. In fact, I can remember the weapons they were wielding more than the men holding them.

Lin is right, the ones I can remember the best were the ones that threatened her. Is it really because none of the weapons were of any threat to me? If Lin was right about that part of it, chances are that she is right about all of it.

Lin says "I take it from the furrows on your brow that you have come to a conclusion?"

"Maybe not a conclusion, but you are right about enough of it to make me worried. I am going to have to think through all of my interactions from now on. Even that probably won't be enough, any ideas?"

Lin says "The only thing that I have thought of is that you really need to learn to relax. You can't stay in combat mode all the time without suffering some side effects. When was the last time you really relaxed?"

"I am relaxed when I am with you, well mostly. Other than that, probably the last time was in the tower."

Lin says "Alright, what was it about the tower that let you truly relax?"

"Hm, probably the fact that Yui could easily prevent anyone from sneaking in or forcing their way in."

Lin says "So, you were able to relax because you trusted Yui enough to feel safe?"

"I guess so. After all, that is what she was designed to do."

Lin says "Is it because the tower is secure? Or do you trust her more because she isn't a living being?"

"What do you mean?"

Lin says "Your being always worried about being attacked means you probably don't trust anyone completely? Do you even trust me one hundred percent?"

"Well, to be honest, no. However, I do trust you, I don't want you to doubt that. You have to admit, we haven't known each other all that long when you think about it."

Lin says "That is true and I don't blame you. Things did progress fairly quickly between us, but I don't regret that one bit. Things would have been even faster if you weren't so afraid of your emotions. So, do you think you will trust me enough to truly relax given more time to get to know me?"

"I hope so! I already relax more when I am with you than when I am with anyone else. I don't want you to think I distrust you or anything, it is just that extreme circumstances can't be predicted."

Lin says "What do you mean?"

"I mean, what would you do if I became a threat to this entire world?"

Lin says "How could that even happen? Why worry about it?"

"It is more of a possibility than you might think. All it would take would be one mistake in my evolution to turn me into a demon or worse. I am doing my best to keep that from happening, but I am not perfect. I take a lot of chances in order to grow stronger, so the odds of something going wrong are higher than you might think."

Lin says "In that case, can't you just stop doing crazy things to evolve? After all, you are already strong enough, aren't you?"

"I am possibly strong enough now for us to win the war, but the stronger I get the better our chances. Also, the stronger I am, the less casualties we will have on our side. After all, what's the point in winning the war if there is no one left to enjoy it? You still haven't answered my question."

Lin says "If you truly became a threat to the entire world and everything I tried to bring you back failed. Then, and only then, would I try to kill you. Although, I would definitely use a suicide attack if it came to that."

"Why a suicide attack?"

Lin says "Well, for one, you are too powerful for anything else to have a chance of working. Two, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you died by my hands."