Mistakes - Prologue: Hope (Patreon)

Saturday, July 6, 2019

While I was driving, I couldn’t help but think about the person I was about to meet and many happy memories from our time together flooded my mind. A smile spread across my face as I remembered our adventures, but I sighed over and over again when I remembered what an idiot I had been the last time we saw each other. The most perfect guy on the planet had opened his heart out to me, and I had just run away. As I said, I was an idiot.

Five years had passed since that day, but it felt like it was ages ago. I couldn’t stop blaming myself for being such a coward back then. It was the biggest mistake I had ever made, and I desperately wanted to make this right. I hoped he could forgive me. I hoped it wasn’t too late. No matter how big my mistake had been, I was hopeful there was still a chance for us. There had to be.

Let me provide some context so you can understand why I felt so stupid. First of all, my name’s Scott Haykes, and all of this isn’t only about me. It’s about love and how I was so dumb to run away from it, even when my lifelong dream was coming true right before my eyes. You see, I met Shane Howard when we were 5 years old, and we became best friends as we grew up. We weren’t just friends, we shared a deeper connection, and we were inseparable. When I visited his house, his parents treated me like I was part of the family, and when he came to my house, my parents treated him like he was part of the family. We shared everything, even though we had different interests.

We shared similar interests, but when we entered high school, he was all about sports and working out, while I focused on academics and school stuff. This helped us strengthen our friendship because I helped him with school and he helped me with sports. We were both so good at both things that by the time we were seniors in high school, I had the best grades in the whole school and he was in second place. Also, Shane’s dedication to sports gave him the best and hottest body in town and I was definitely in second place. Everybody envied our parents and everybody said we were bound for great things. Everybody said we were the most perfect guys ever and other parents were always telling our parents how lucky they were for having such good sons.

I didn’t care about the compliments and awards as long as I was next to Shane. I only cared about him but he didn’t know to what extent. I had a crush on him, but I had to hide it because I thought he was straight and I feared that if I told him the truth, he would’ve rejected me. Also, he had a literal line of girls behind him trying to conquer the hottest guy in town but he always said he wasn’t ready to settle down with a girl. I totally got what he said because I also had some girls trying to become my girlfriend but I wasn’t sure if he was rejecting the girls for the same reason I did it. I wasn’t interested in them, so I just played along whenever he talked about girls.

I couldn’t tell him I only had eyes for him. And believe me, there was a lot of him to see. When we were 18 years old and we were graduating from high school, Shane weighed 200 pounds and it was pure muscle mass. He’s 6’4” tall so that much muscle mass on his imposing tall frame made him look awesome. He had the most amazing set of pecs I have seen on a man, a beautiful big bubble butt, which was the only place where he had some fat, just enough to make it look delicious. And then there was his face, so handsome it was surreal. Dark hair, eyes as blue as the sky and his smile made me feel… things. I didn’t only have a crush on him, I was in love… madly in love and even if I tried to deny it, nothing could change that.

I wasn’t that bad, by the way. Thanks to Shane’s help, my body looked like I was a fitness model or something similar. At 6’2” tall, I weighed 185 pounds and I had a single digit body fat percentage. My dirty blonde hair and green eyes made me look even more like a model but I wasn’t interested in any of that. I just wanted to spend time with my best friend so whenever he invited me to the gym, I immediately accepted and whenever he invited me to do any physical activity, I immediately accepted.

It was exactly what we were doing the last time I saw Shane, 5 years ago. It was on July 6th, 4 days after my 18th birthday. We were already out of high school and he invited me for a hike to a nearby hill. Well, it was almost a mountain but I didn’t care about the distance as long as he was walking in front of me and I had a free view of his big ass moving so hypnotically with each step he took that I stumbled every few steps.

I was really nervous that day because I had to leave the next day to attend early orientation in College but I hadn’t told Shane yet that I was leaving already and I wasn’t coming back for a while. He had some big plans for our summer and I didn’t want to disappoint him because we were about to go different ways for the first time in our lives and he wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. I had a scholarship for a College that was 3 hours away from our hometown and he had a sports scholarship for another College that was 2 hours away but in a different direction so we would be 5 hours away from each other for the first time in our lives. I already missed him and I still had him right in front of me.

While we walked, he talked about the summer and all the places we could go to but I didn’t respond, I only enjoyed the sight of the hot man who was walking in front of me. Then, we reached the highest part of the hill and we sat there to talk about our childhood and friendship and when I was about to tell him about my early orientation, he stood up and pulled me up ‘till I was standing up too. He held my hands and smiled at me for what felt like ages and I was kinda confused. Then, he put one knee down while still holding my hands. He said he had something important to tell me and he couldn’t hide it anymore. He said he had been in love with me for a long time and he was sure I felt the same way. I froze right there because I couldn’t believe those words were coming out of his mouth. Of course I felt the same way, I loved him with all my heart but… fuck, I was such an idiot.

My heart was racing while he talked and I could barely contain my tears. He continued telling me he had rejected his scholarship and that he was attending the same College I had gotten into instead. He said he just wanted to be with me and didn’t care about sports as long as he was with me. He said he wanted us to have a family and that he had a surprise for me but first he needed me to know that he loved me. I still remember his smile while he was waiting for an answer and I had no idea what to do. Part of me wanted to kiss him and let my longtime dream come true but I thought I was being selfish if I let him reject the scholarship that could give him a great future. I hesitated for a few seconds and then made the worst decision ever.

I took my hands away and told him I didn’t love him. I repeated those words over and over again. I told him he was crazy and that he just wanted to ruin our friendship. I insisted that he had to accept the scholarship and follow his initial plan because I didn’t want to see him ever again. I said so many horrible things and I still remember how hurt he looked and the tears running down his face. When I left, he was crying and I could barely contain my tears. I cried all the way down the hill and when I arrived home I cried even more. I was devastated but I thought that was the best for him. He deserved the scholarship and he deserved to have a great life that I couldn’t give him. So I just packed up my stuff and left the next day without talking to Shane again. I focused on my classes and didn’t go back to my hometown for years.

I spent the summers taking classes and my parents went to visit me and I never asked them about Shane. I guess they knew something was wrong because they never brought up the topic either. I tried to forget about Shane but I couldn’t. Part of me was hopeful that he would show up in my room and would wrap me in his strong arms to force me to change my decision. I would’ve surrendered in a second but he never showed up. Instead, I dedicated myself to school and the gym. Working out helped me feel closer to Shane so I spent all my free time in the gym.

5 years passed and I got a Bachelor's and a Master’s Degree. Even before graduating, I landed an amazing job offer that I never thought was even possible to get at my age. I was just 23 years old and I had this big job offer already. My contract said I’d start working in August so I decided to visit my hometown before continuing with my life. The memories of my childhood with Shane filled up my mind again and surprisingly, on my birthday, I got a message from Shane on Instagram. At first I wasn’t sure if I should reply but when I saw his face in the profile pic I couldn’t contain myself.

He looked tired in the pic but just as handsome as I remembered him. I hesitated for a few minutes before replying because I wasn’t sure if he was still mad at me but when I replied, he replied back almost immediately and he was the nicest guy ever. We talked and I told him I was coming to our hometown and he said I should visit him. He said he wanted to talk and sent me his address. I was confused because it was about an hour away from our hometown but I knew the place, it was in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t understand why he was there but I said nothing and I finally decided to fix things and follow my heart. I wasn’t sure if Shane was single or not but I decided I had to be with him and no matter how hard it’d be, I wasn’t going back to the city without him by my side. Or if I had to leave my life in the city to be with him, I’d do it without hesitation.

So, I arrived at my parents’ place on July 5th and Shane told me he would be waiting for me really early the next morning. So, I followed his instructions and it was still kinda dark when I was arriving at a house that looked really nice but was completely alone in the middle of nowhere. The nearest house was miles away and I still couldn’t understand why Shane lived there. I stayed in the car for a few minutes trying to prepare my words and when I finally got the courage to get out, I looked at my reflection in the mirror over and over again, trying to look perfect for him. The 5 years of going to the gym gave me lots of confidence because my muscles grew a lot but I felt like a teenager again. I’m 6’2” and I weighed about 210 pounds of muscle but I still felt like an ant. I felt clumsy and awkward.

I was so incredibly nervous that when I stood at the front door, I froze and I forgot I had to knock at the door. I fixed my shirt and my pants over and over again while I got the courage to knock but before I did it, the door opened and Shane’s perfect smile made me feel things again. He looked as perfect as I remembered him but just a little bit tired, like he hadn’t slept well these last few days. Even then, my knees were weak because of how handsome he looked.

“Hey there. It’s so good to see you again,” he said, and hugged me really tight for what felt like an eternity. I was just there, speechless. “Look at you, you got bigger. You look great, Scott. Hot,” he said, and I didn’t know what to say because… for me, he was the hottest man on Earth.

When he released me from the hug, I took a closer look at his body with wide open eyes. Shane’s former fit body looked different, hotter than ever but in a very different way. His T-shirt was like painted on his body and it really showed off how thick he was. His pecs looked huge, full, kinda soft and round but so manly that I was hypnotized. His huge nipples were clearly seen through the fabric but he didn’t even try to hide them. His shoulders looked rounder and fuller so he looked wider than before. His biceps had that off-season look that made bodybuilders look gigantic. Then I noticed his midsection, where instead of the washboard abs I remembered, he had a round belly that looked amazing on his thicker body. His legs filled up his gray sweatpants so nicely that it also accentuated the big bulge he had in front, that looked ridiculously delicious. He smiled at me when he noticed how amazed I was while looking at his body and again, I felt… things.

“Come in. We have lots of things to talk about and not much time,” He said and turned around to lead me into the house but I could only stare at his magnificent ass filling up the sweatpants to the brim. I didn’t know if it was on purpose but his hips swayed in such a fantastic way that my mouth watered and my knees were so weak that I feared I’d fall.

When we finally sat in the living room, he looked at me with a big smile and I didn’t waste any time. I needed to apologize and make him love me again. Before he started talking, I kneeled in front of him and grabbed his hands like he did 5 years before..

“Shane, there are so many things I wanna tell you but I need to apologize first. That day at the hill I… I was such a coward and I couldn’t believe such a perfect guy like you would leave everything just for me. When I heard you wanted to reject the scholarship, I just couldn’t let you do that. I thought it was the best for you but I know I hurt you that day and… it was all a lie, it was all a huge mistake. The truth is… I loved you, Shane. I still love you. I’ve been in love with you for… as long as I have memory and you’re the only person I ever wanna be with. I need you in my life and I don’t care if someone else is in the picture, I’m not leaving this place without you. You’re the love of my life and I hope you still feel something for me because I don’t care if I have to leave the city or move to the moon to be with you… I love you Shane Howard, with all my heart and I’m not taking a no as an answer,” I said, and by the time I stopped talking, Shane was crying nonstop. I got closer and kissed his lips passionately and he kissed me back but then I heard a noise coming from a nearby room. Immediately, I realized there had to be someone else in his life already and my heart skipped some beats.

“Scott… I… I’ve been dreaming about those words coming out of your mouth for so long but I think it’s too late. Things are complicated and I just can’t pull you into the mess I have gotten into. I… love you… I have never stopped loving you but things aren’t as easy as they were 5 years ago. Man, I… have so many things to explain… but…” He was talking when we heard a baby sound coming from a nearby room. My heart stopped for a moment and my eyes filled up with tears. I was sure he had a family already.

While I was lost in my own fears and guilt, Shane stood up and gots into what seemed to be the kitchen and a few seconds later he came back holding three babies in his arms. I swear I had a mini heart attack when I saw him holding the babies, who seemed to be barely a month old if not younger. He came and sat on the couch again and I took a seat too. He placed two of the babies on the couch and slowly lifted his t-shirt up to reveal his big right nipple. He got the baby closer to his nipple  and I was speechless while the baby got his mouth around Shane’s nipple and started suckling loud. It was obvious the baby was swallowing so I realized the baby was actually getting milk out of it. Then, Shane lifted the rest of his t-shirt up and put another baby on his other nipple as the suckling noise got louder.

“There were so many things that I wanted to tell you that day but you didn’t give me the chance. This is… my biggest secret and I wanted to tell you that… we could have a family. I have this… condition that it’s pretty unknown for most people because the few men who have it are ashamed of it and it’s almost impossible to detect it unless you look specifically for it. At least that’s what my doctor used to say. You see, I have a womb… uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, all the things you know a woman has, I have it too. I still have a dick and balls if you’re wondering but my womb is connected to my rectum and… it’s fully functional. Most men never find out because… well, I don’t think you have ever checked on your own ass looking for a womb. When I was 14 years old I had a bleeding and my parents took me to see a doctor and after several exams he found out I have a womb and the bleeding was a specially bloody period. Men with this condition also have periods but are so small that it usually goes unnoticed when you go to the bathroom. So… these three babies… they’re my sons. I carried them and gave birth to them 2 weeks ago,” he said, and looked down at the babies that were suckling on his nipples.

Part of me wanted to think it was a joke but I was looking at Shane breastfeeding two babies so I didn’t think it was a joke. I wondered if he was crazy but then again, the babies were definitely swallowing so they were drinking something. He noticed how confused I was so he stood up and handed me the baby he had on his right arm and then picked up the one he had on the couch. I looked at the baby in my arms and he looked just like Shane, like a little copy of him. I looked up at Shane and he smiled at me. I was confused and scared but I was just too… in love to leave.

“Follow me upstairs. I know you don’t believe me yet but you will,” he said, and headed upstairs while I followed him, kinda scared. Part of me wanted to run away because I wasn’t sure if Shane had turned into some kind of kidnapper but my heart just commanded me to follow him. While we walked upstairs, I noticed he was still breastfeeding the two babies he had in his arms and the one in my arms was falling asleep. Then, he opened a door and got in a room that I figured was his room. When I walked in, I froze for the tenth time that day and again, part of me wanted to run away.

The floor was covered with toys, there were 5 cribs and a king size bed, but that wasn’t what got my attention. Shane got closer to some of the cribs and placed down the two babies he had in his arms. The babies were asleep and then he came to take the one I had in my arms and placed him down in another crib. The two additional cribs were already occupied by two more babies. Then I looked at the king size bed and I saw several more kids of different ages, all soundly asleep. I looked at each one of them and they also looked like copies of Shane.

“These are my kids too. I’m not sure if you believe me now. I’m not sure if you’ll ever believe me, even with a dozen proofs in front of you but this is my truth. This… secret is what I wanted to tell you that day on the hill. I just needed to know if you would love me the same even if I was a freak and now you know it so… you’re free to leave. My heart will be forever yours but I can’t make you stay. I can’t get you into this mess,” Shane said, and started crying again. I looked at him for a minute and then I got closer to him. I grabbed his hands and kissed his cheek.

“I’m not leaving but I need to know the whole story. I’m not leaving this place without you and I really mean it but I have some questions. This is a lot to process so you better give me the details for me to understand it better,” I said, and he hugged me.

A few minutes later he took me to the room next door where there was a twin bed and a few boxes on a corner. Shane sat down on bed and I sat next to him. I couldn’t take my eyes away from his pecs even though he had covered them again. He noticed and he just smiled at me. Then, with his hand he lifted my head up so I was eye to eye with him. I was hypnotized by his handsome face.

“My eyes are up here, Scott. Well, I can’t blame you for looking at my freaky tiddies. I’m pretty used to them by now but I guess it’s pretty shocking. Part of the blessing… or curse of being a freak and a parent. Well… I already told you about the condition I have and… all of this started exactly 5 years ago, the day you broke my heart. When you left me alone on that hill. I stayed there for a few hours because I had no idea what to do. I thought about following you but you were mad and I was hurt so I stayed there and when I went down that hill, I started a nonstop road of mistakes that led me to where I am now. You’re not the one to blame for any of this, at all, it was all me. Stupid me making the same mistakes over and over again. Let me explain…”

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