New Reward Tiers! Prioritize Me, Patrons! (Patreon)

Happy holidays one and all, here's a gift you can unwrap early. New reward tiers for you to throw your patronage at and sink your content slurping canines into!

Welcome to the clown show, go ahead and slip your dollars into my comically oversized footwear for a special little song and dance. I've got a magic Santa sack of miracles and I'm handing out heart's desires this yuletide season and beyond. 

Incredible Bonuses, Fantastic Crap! Endless Entertainment and... Stuff! All this and more awaits anyone pure of heart and courageous enough to pay for it!

I've been locked away in my mad-science dungeon for months, experimenting to create a criterion collection of cool crap in time for Christmas, and produce the most powerful presentation of perks possible. All this to achieve my ultimate creative potential and maximum motivation for the year ahead, as well as being able to pay for stupid boring bullshit like food to keep me alive and car insurance to keep me pissed off. 

These new reward tiers aren't just a great stackable pile of presents for you, they're also a way for you to directly influence the kind of content I make here. I'm hoping this will help me know were to focus my energy while also clearing up time for bigger projects I want to do, instead of aimlessly overworking myself to tediously edit 300 hours of lets play footage every month, which happens to be slowly killing me. I've put all my mental power into devising a system that benefits you as much as it does me, so i really hope you check out the new rewards and get as much out of them as possible.

All this and more is discussed in excruciating detail in the accompanying video. So please enjoy this hour long presentation where I nervously over-explain everything while spiraling into an anxious cowboy panic over every possible way it could go wrong, because if there's one thing the internet has taught me it's that absolutely nobody can be trusted to act right and everything good I do will inevitably be ruined by maniacs. Oh what a Christmas miracle it would be for that cynical outlook to be proven wrong for once.

Don't have time for a video right this moment? No problemo, you can just go ahead and peruse the tier descriptions yourself by clicking on the membership tab or looking an inch to your right, or something. I know they're somewhere.

What's that? You don't wanna watch a video or exert yourself reading too many big paragraphs? Alright fine, here's an abridged, abridged, abridged version that your peepers can scan in 3 seconds or less. You can stay where you're at currently, or go even higher and stack these bad boys like burgies on a bun.

1 Money - You're already here. Standard admission to see my stuff.

3 Dollars - bonus post full of manic misadventures and stupid stories.

5 Buckaroos - discord and community perks, voting on stuff

10 Doubloons - extra video post full of bonus content 

15 Dollaridoos - request a movie review

20 Dollarinos - i do a dope freestyle rap 4 u

25 Presidents - request a podcast topic

30 Rupies - request an anime review, or any kind of show i guess, whatever.

35 Gil - force me to record a real rap song and also request an album review.

40 Bottle Caps - I'll post some old stuff, just for you. Very special.

50 Big Ones - Choose a topic for me to make an actual scripted video essay about

There, that wasn't so hard. But for some reason I still felt the need to spend a thousand hours making the actual descriptions funny and cool so you should still go read them, and if you want to hear me describe them further in neurotically obsessive detail, that's what the video is for.

Consider this a test run for my new "Freshly Squeezed" business model, which involves actually trying. I'm the Orange Cassidy of e-buffoonery. But all self-deprecating nervous tics of filling the air with wrestling references aside, I hope these new tiers are to your liking. 

On a more serious note, i want to challenge myself and get back to feeling more confident about making great stuff again. Not just because I'm poor and need to, but because of my Saiyin pride as well. I love doing funny lets plays and podcasts and stuff, and that isn't going away, but for those of you who miss the old Endless One who regularly put out more thoughtful, creative, or elaborate stuff, I'm right there with you. Although I don't particularly miss embodying that version of myself.

I miss giving it my all creatively, but not as the preening heel i once so naively tried to be, or the crumbling cartoon character I let myself become. That 20-something overqualified underachiever was a stupid idiot compared to the mature and heroic grownup I am now. I know I can make real art that's funnier, smarter, and bolder than any dumb bullshit I've done before, so I appreciate anyone who's been here in my corner and continues to be. I continue to evolve and regenerate, and as long as you're here so too will The Endless One. 

Don't just throw money at me if you're struggling yourself, but if you feel like springing for the higher tiers, know that your pledge won't only go toward paying my rent and filling my freezer with discount pork chops, it will also prioritize me toward making more of the content you want to see, and bigger, better art in general.

These reward tiers are fluid and if I come to find any of them aren't working out or are getting too hard to stay on top of, I'll make the necessary changes and let you know. I came up with a shitload of cool rewards and only a handful made the final cut, so there's always the chance some could be rotated in or out depending on how I'm feeling about them down the line. But no changes will be made without being announced and nobody's gonna get the rug pulled out from under them, you'll always get what you pledged for before anything gets altered.

God i hate being serious. I've been stressing out about this crap for months. Time to end this post, see how it goes, and get back to the funny. You can choose to reap the benefits and bonuses of these wondrous new tiers at any time, but if you do it now i might actually be able to afford a Christmas tree, and presents to put under it for my spoiled cat.