The Pointless Adventures of Captain Fireman (Patreon)

Sick of me playing Dark Souls yet? Well tough tit, cause you haven't seen me play Dark Souls 2 yet. Or maybe you have, i don't really know. This time i'm a fireman character or something. It's all very wacky, probably. Or it's normal. I don't remember. I've played so much Dark Souls it all bleeds together into one formless, shifting, wasted decade, as if i spent the whole time dreaming, while slowly losing my humanity. Oh wait, that's exactly what i did.

Oh what's that? Dark Souls 2 is the worst one, you say? I know that, fool. That's why i like it so much. Never question my ways. I am the great Captan Fireman, too hot to handle and too warm to swarm. The perfect warrior for hacking his way through the daily dogpile of cowardly foes that crawl about in packs of 17 all throughout the Hell-hole called Drangleic.

I don't know what else to write here, it's Dark Souls 2, what do you want? It's me, playing Dark Souls 2, and talking over it. I'm just doing my job, people. My one day a month job that i repeatedly insist on putting off until the last possible minute because i'm a thrillseeking comedy monster who thrives on chaos. 

I'm supposed to walk my sister down the aisle and give a speech in two hours and instead of preparing for that, I'm sitting in a full tuxedo at Mcdonalds writing about my Dark Souls 2 fireman character, because i need the wi-fi, and also the nuggies. So I'm sure my performance tonight will be every bit the rambling, burping, incoherent stream of consciousness that these posts are. I'll probably get confused and start talking about Splatterhouse, which at the very least should distract people from the sweet and sour sauce trickling down my beard and forever staining this lovely rented bow tie.