The Rest of The Fuckin Horizons (Patreon)

Screw it, here's all 4 of the remaining Horizon videos because i'm sick of this game and i'm sick of this series. I'm sick of looking at it, I'm sick of posting it, and if you're sick of watching it now's the time to rejoice because i promise you'll never have to watch another stinky Horizon Zero Dawn Lets Play from me ever again. 

This is my way of saying August kinda sucked and i didn't get anything done content wise, too much life shit. I had a big project planned but it sort of fell apart. I spent all the spare time i could find over the month filming it, but the fickle cunt Gods decided it was not to be, and struck me down for my hubris. 

It was gonna be a classic Endless Jess style clusterfuck. One of those real overly long, super indulgent, vlog projects that spiral out of control and devolve into complete stupid insanity by the end. Exactly the kind of pointless time wasting nonsense everyone use to love from me. 

But i don't know what the heck happened. I filmed it all on my laptop webcam, which was in a weird file type that wouldn't load in the editing software. So i handbraked it and converted it to the proper file type. Well that made it go in on the timeline there, but now it makes the whole damn program crash every time i open it up. So even though the damn thing is all filmed, I can't keep the project open on vegas long enough to edit the fucking turd without it crashing. 

If none of that editing lingo makes sense to you, the point is shit don't fuckin work. So screw it, project abandoned, computer tossed in garbage can, my own mortal self suicided to death in car explosion, life finally over, typing this from the afterlife where i've been reincarnated as myself in the exact same place and time but with more weird moles and skin tags. As afterlifes go I think i'd have preferred the lake of fire. 

So to shame myself for failing to deliver the big stupid video i worked on all month, i'm gonna make it up to everyone by mercifully putting an end to this ongoing Horizon marathon i've been posting since like Febuary, which honestly is a far greater shame in and of itself.

This is the most mediocre AAA nothing game ever created and its existence defies the very notion of creativity. But i already said all that in the previous 9 posts about it. Blah blah blah dinobots blah blah hipster beards blah blah fuckin baby tutorials. 

Part 5 - Where Horizon Girl Yells At Her Dad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a7eqyCv964

Part 6 - Horizon Girl Arrives In Hipster Town

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnzqF1jSIy0

Part 7 - Some Stupid Initiation Ritual or Something I Don't Know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QLHd_IXc98

Part 8 - The Last Of This

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYGNZN4P0I0

There, thats it, thats the end. No more stinky Horizon Ever. For Completeness sake here's the ones i already posted as well. 

Part 1 - Obligatory Baby-Shit Tutorial

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icKVGzMF5xo

Part 2 - Unlocking The "Actual Gameplay As Advertised" Perk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_RWvp14Mhc

Part 3 - I think A Boss Fight Or Something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3cDjp_GOuM

Part 4 - I Don't Remember

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZF_1BissAtU

And so ends the saga of the time I uploaded an 8 part series of Horizon Zero Dawn Lets Plays for like half a year. Let us never forget, and let us work to make sure this never happens again. Future generations have to be spared from Horizon: Zero Dawn. This game is forbidden Machina. A future-relic of technological decadence that led to Man's downfall. 

A lot of games have lore. But only Horizon Zero Dawn manages to be its own lore. Horizon: Zero Dawn is the Horizon: Zero Dawn of Horizon: Zero Dawn. Surely that can be considered some kind of accomplishment, some kind of unique achievement that sets it apart and lends it some value as an artistic work?

No. Game sucks.