An Odd Distraction (Patreon)

The moment that the clouds parted, granting the sun an opportunity to light up the afternoon sky, I left my house and started on a voyage of sorts. Needless to say, after a week of heavy winter rains, I wanted to get out and walk around my small town. Everything looked so fresh and vibrant after a downpour, but I didn't look up often from my phone because there was a special event going on in my favorite app. Ask the average person and they'd probably say "people still play Pokemon Go?", but it was my favorite way to spend an afternoon and I wasn't alone. A modest, but fairly sizable community was online.


Scrolling through the subsection of the Discord app, I found my town's raid reporting spot. It was a place where members of the Pokemon Go community could post raid updates and coordinate with others to take down Legendary Pokemon. There was quite a few raids going on around the countryside, but I didn't want to spoil the first sunny day, in over a week, by driving around in my car. Such days as these, filled with fresh air and warm sunshine after a cold storm, were meant to be enjoyed.


I was about to close the app and return to the main game when a picture popped up with a large silver egg that dominated the image. A timer was frozen, reading ten minutes and fifty seconds. Obviously, the Pokemon would hatch in ten minutes.


"Anyone down for comics?" Was posted beneath the image.


I quickly replied that I could head over to the comic store and continued to walk with the Pokemon App running in the background. It seemed that the majority of the community was more interested in the other far-flung raids that were no where near my sleepy suburb, but finally someone tagged me, asking me what my ETA was.


"Fifteen minutes." I replied.


Since there was some interest in the legendary raid, I decided to  change my course, opting to follow the avenue that bisected my part of town instead of heading down towards the highway, where a few pokestops dotted the area. I could grab those items anytime I wanted, but a Kyogre or Groudon awaited me if I played my cards right.


Three twenty five in the afternoon. That was the time the legendary tier five egg would be hatching from what I could determine from the gym that suddenly appeared on my screen. It was still a good block or two away, but I knew that I'd be on time.


As I made my way through town, I caught a few Aron or Mudkips which popped up. Gotta love the Hoenn event which coincided with the Legendary duo.


Another quick glance at the Discord revealed that, aside from a user named "Salty Sarah" and "MysticMstr", there wasn't much activity about the comic book raid. A vibrating sensation got me to close the window and resume my Pokemon hunting.


Normally, I'd just turn around, but I was so close to the comic book store at this point in my journey. One more block separated me from the raid, I'd be foolish to not check it out. Sometimes people lagged or showed up without notice.


I caught a few Tallow and Zigzazoom as I entered the strip mall. There was two ways to reach the comic store which stood in the middle of the modest plaza. You could walk in front of the store fronts, going in an "L shape" or you could simply walk in a straight line down a small service road that had parking along it in the back of the stores. I always chose the shortest route and today was no different.


The strip mall was an interesting place, populated by various mom and pop stores that could never make it in a mall, but did well enough to survive here. As I walked behind these businesses, my nose was assualted by the smell of nail polish which soon faded as I passed the rear entrance of a dry cleaner. A powerful scent of fish wafted throughout the area, accompanied by loud, Mexican music which told me I was going by the "Koki's Sushi Extravaganza" restaurant. The combination of seafood and south of the border tunes told me all I needed to know; I was close!


I rounded the corner, entering a covered corridor which gave access to the employee parking in the back of the plaza. It was my "locals only" shortcut, my secret passage if you will. My footsteps echoed when I entered in the tunnel like stretch of walkway, but my foot steps didn’t echo for long. A series of loud gurgles and bawling caught my attention, mixed with the excited tones of both children and adults.


'It was going to be one of those raids..."


As I exited the corridor, my eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight and right in front of the comic store was a semi circle of oversized prams, each one occupied by a sprawled out woman. The baby women ranged in age from out of college, all the way up to their earlier forties. Although each woman was dressed differently, some wearing onesies, t-shirts or nothing at all, each one wore an unmistakably large disposable diaper which protruded out from their crotches.


The media never used this word, but by simply gazing at the women, I could see that they were, for all intents and proposes; retarded. Their eyes were devoid of thought, lacking even the most basic spark of intelligence. Their bodies compelled by a base urge to wriggle and squirm when their muscles saw fit to do so. However, the mainstream preferred to call these poor women "Maturity Challenged".


Regardless of what title you gave them, they were the remnants- No, victims- of a terrible strain of flu which had swept through the nation little over a year ago. No one knew why the mysterious sickness caused mature, adult women to suddenly revert back to their most basic state, but literally overnight, entire cities were filled with a new class of citizen; "baby women".


Some families obviously stepped up, husbands taking care of their wives while the mother's in law interrupted their retirement to reraise their daughters. Well, reraise isn't exactly the best phrase since it implies that the women could be raised again. Still, while a lot of families were able to alter their structure to accompany the poor women's plight, not every family could do so. The unluckiest of the unlucky class of women were put into adult orphanages, given up by their own families due to financial difficulties or sometimes, due to the fact that they had no one who could devote time to care for them.


Even though afflicted, cursed with the fate of reliving infancy in their adult bodies, the women who laid comfortably in front of me, were perhaps the most lucky of all the baby women. Their families had acclimated well to the concept of caring for the adult babies and didn't have any problem taking the women out for a nice day in the sun. Flanked on either side of the prams was the woman's daughter or their mother.


It was odd to say that I recognized some of these women from before their transformation, but I did. These women used to belong to the Discord and they used to play Pokemon Go. It was never easy to witness these once independent and strong women in this state, some playing with the plastic toys that were hanging from the covers of their prams while occasionally kicking their legs in excitement while one or two cried out in babyish whines.


These Legendary battles were always the most annoying since it was a family affair. You had multiple generations playing Pokemon Go while the baby women just laid there in their prams. From what I've heard from husbands of the women, on Discord, the baby brained moms liked to be apart of the outings. Some even claimed that their wife's eyes would light up if you showed them a new Pokemon you caught. The poor fools were that delusional that they thought these brain dead tards could recognized a Pokemon when they couldn't even tell the difference between a shitty diaper or a piss filled one.


Ultimately, I was here to catch a Legendary Pokemon, not gawk at middle aged women pooping their pampers. And, if I was lucky, I might get through the raid without one of the women crying which almost always set off a chain reaction of bawling baby women, crying out for their mothers which normally resulted in a massive display of public changes or a nipple or five to be sucked on. Knowing me luck, one of the middle aged brats would probably wait until after we defeated the thing to cry her head off.


Ignoring the rambunctious scene in front of me, I checked the game and noticed that a Kyogre had just hatched from the egg. 'Great. The hardest Pokemon to catch and I'm surrounded by a legion of grannies, their baby women and the kids that decided to play their mom's accounts. Oh boy.'


I wasted no time snapping a screenshot, quickly posting it to the Discord and adding a message: "Kyogre at Comics."


Once it was documented, since few would do that in this group, I had to coordinate things. I noticed a guy around my age, standing away from the assembled pram show and I happily started to chat with him.


"How many accounts?"


"Three. Two are mine and one is my sister's."


"Cool, we should only need like six or seven to take this bad boy down, but I had to check since you never know how many people are playing when you have a group like this."


I explained, looking at my phone to see that a few people had already jumped into the lobby.


"So true."


"So, where's your sister?"


"Over there." He pointed out towards a young brunette who was deep throating the head of a plastic rattle, the mother sat next to the girl, holding her own cell phone.


"Oh, I see."


"Yeah, my mom plays for her. Seeing all the Pokemon cheers her up."


'Another one...'


"So, we waiting for anyone or should we jump in?"


"I say jump in. There will be more than enough for a second raid if you want to wait."


"Nah, I would rather just get it done and get out of here."


I noticed the guy scowl slightly, probably due to my comment. These social landmines were everywhere nowadays takes to that damn flu. Well, since things were already at the pinnacle of awkwardness, I decided to retreat to a bench which was still in range of the gym, but far enough away from the offended man.


'Just focus on the game.'


That was easier said than done thanks to the laughter of the baby women's kids which occasionally drowned out the annoying cooing that was coming from the over the hill moms who shook rattles in front of the faces of their brain dead adult offspring.


"Who's my smart girl?"


A middle aged woman rhetorically asked her rather hot daughter. Well, despite the oversized pampers size thirteen, she had a smoking body. I guess granny decided to dress her daughter in only a disposable and a bib due to the hot day, leaving nothing to the imagination. Her body was well accustomed to the sun, lacking tan lines and, even though she was probably toothless, she was still easily a nine out of ten on any guy's scale.


'Shit! The fight started!'


I stood up, walking away from the twenty something playboy centerfold turned pamper packer and started tapping on my screen with everything I had. My electric Pokemon, Jolteon, wasn't anywhere near my strongest creature for the task at hand, but I had few options unless I wanted to use my Rhydons. Hell, that'd be a waste of time since water destroys rock.


The timer ticked by agonizingly fast while the health bar slowly drained. You'd think two hundred and sixty seconds would be more than enough time to tackle this beast, but in this group of players, time was a luxury.


After about two minutes, or one hundred and sixty seconds, we finally conquered the Legendary ocean dwelling Pokemon. I took a seat on another bench, absentmindedly joining another family, as I watched all the goodies I won appear on the screen: Ten Thousand XP, a shit load of Golden Razzberries and an opportunity to capture Kyogre!


Right as the beast appeared on my screen, the almost sixty year old gal I was sharing the bench with decided to start talking to another woman seated across from us. They both were tending to their oversized bundles of joy while they started their conversation.


"You know, I bought over eight thousand dollars of dental work for Denise here. Now, it's all gone."


The woman lamented.


"I can top that, my husband and I leveraged our house to send this one to college. I wish I would've known that she'd just end up being mommy's little shit machine again, I never would've went through the trouble of potty training her."


The younger woman explained with a smile, shaking a set of plastic keys in front of her twenty eight year old daughter. The baby woman wore a dark green onesie and stared at the keys with a far off gaze.


The sixty year old woman chuckled.


"Good point. At least that flu gave me my maternal instinct back. Plus, my bra has never felt fuller."


"I bet you're glad you don't have to worry about her teeth anymore."


The old lady laughed.


“Yeah, that's true. Her lips are so strong though. One of these days I worry that my nipples will be as long as my thumbs.”


'You gotta be kidding me. They seriously breastfeed these tards??'


I did everything I could to focus on the giant blue Pokemon on my screen, popping a Golden Razz and waiting for him to get into position. The fucker just wouldn't hold still, always swaying up and down before moving side to side. He really was a tricky Pokemon to catch and half of the challenge was timing the throw. I found myself forced to wait, unfortunately hearing more of the conversation while doing so.


"That's a darling onesie you have for little- what's her name?"


"MacKenzie, and yes, I try to buy only the best clothing for her."


The younger woman replied, patting the crotch of her mentally drained daughter's onesie.


"That's a nice idea, but I find that such lovely outfits get ruined far too easily. That's why, after raising this one and taking care of her kids, I rather just let her crawl around in nothing but her huggies."


'What?'


I looked up from my phone and turned my head to see what they were talking about. What met my sight, beyond the sixty year old woman, was a middle aged, drooling wreck of a former housewife. Her blond pigtails were obviously messy from playing and, as if proving the old woman's comment true, the middle aged baby woman's breasts sagged something fierce. Needless to say, she hadn't worn a bra, or anything else, in a long time.


I quickly averted my gaze, looking around for another place to sit. Thankfully, this game let you take your time when catching the Pokemon, but I didn't want to wait too long. After years of playing, and what my experiences told me, you had to be quick or the algorithm that allowed the Pokemon to be caught would be turned off once enough players caught the thing during the raid.


Jumping up, I made my way over to another bench, not caring about the young girl, her granny or the pram which stood beside them.  At this point, I only cared about two things: That the baby woman was fully dressed and that there was a kid present so the granny wouldn't start talking about gross things. Oh, and catching Kyogre of course.


It seemed that as soon as I sat down at this particular bench, Kyogre calmed itself, letting me get in a decent throw on screen. I landed the curveball and watched it shake twice, popping open.


'Fuck!'


Well, I never catch these things on the first throw. The day that happens, I better buy a lotto ticket.


Another throw and a miss. My third ball out of eight landed, shaking three times before releasing the magnificent bastard.


'No stress, you got five more.'


I swirled the ball with my finger, waiting for the perfect moment to throw. Kyogre finished his attack and I arched my finger, sending the digital replica of a premier ball sailing through the artificial sky. It hit the beast, trapping him inside the sphere.


It shook once.


'Come on!'


It spoke twice.


'Just two more shakes!'


The ball busted open.


"Mother-"


I clenched my teeth, just in time to cut off my impending swearing fit. The granny and kid looked at me and I blushed slightly before returning my gaze to my phone.


'Seems like the kid is playing too'


"I caught a shiny!"


A loudmouth brat yelled out, disturbing most of the baby women who were just fine before he had to announce his luck to the group. In a matter of seconds, wails and cries rang out, even the well mannered adult baby I was seated in proximity to was starting to tear up. The old lady seated next to me quickly pulled out a large pacifier from what could only be described as a duffel bag sized diaper bag.


'Damn, that thing is big'


I couldn't help but gawk at the giant bulb which stood out from the rest of the pacifier. It was huge!


'There's no way that thing is going to fit inside that bitches' mouth.'


Just as soon as the crying started, the old lady inserted the large soother, almost silencing the overgrown infant. I could still hear the muffled cries coming from the thirty something year old lady, but it wasn't as bad as the others who were downright screaming their lungs out.


"Mommy!"


The youngster standing in front on us piped up.


"I caught it, look!"


The preteen girl held the phone up to where her baby of a mother could see it. Her muffled cries instantly vanished and the "nuk nuk" of suckling started in earnest.


'I guess there's something to this whole thing.'


Despite the fact that the adult baby closest to me was content, I was still practically seated in a sea of petulant, middle aged brats who were crying their eyes out. Concentration was virtually impossible in this environment. However, the worst was yet to come.


"Granny."


"Yes, Kayla?"


"Mommy's wet."


'Fuck that! Where's the playboy bunny baby?'


It was one thing listening to fossils talking about their spawns like they weren't there, but I was not going to sit next to a woman who was a teen during disco, change the diaper of a mother who was a teen during the age of boy bands. With that said, I quickly beat a retreat to my original spot where the nine out of ten woman was being tended to by her mother.


'This is much better. She ain't crying and her mom is actually pretty hot too. Plus, no weird ass conversation because no one's over here.'


With three balls left, I zoned out, trying to block out the few remaining bawling bitches.


Another bad throw sailed over the blue beast. I was down to two balls left until Kyogre got away. I took a breath, inhaling the scent of baby powder which seemingly was wafting over here from-


'Don't look!'


I stared at my phone and tried again  Due to my overzealous throw prior to this attempt, I took my time. Winding up the ball, swirling my finger until I felt confident to throw it. with a flick of my finger, the ball flew towards the Kyogre and hit him!


One shake.


Two shakes.


Three shakes!


*POP*


'Son of a bitch!'


"Vickie thirsty?"


I heard the mother of the mother I'd like to fuck, coo to the tan bombshell. Something told me that this was going to get very interesting, very quickly.


I had one ball left and I was not going to be distracted. I slowly started to swirl my finger around the middle of my screen, timing it just right. For some reason, the damn Kyogre kept attacking and moving around the screen now.


"Mommy knows what you need. Here, have some boobie."


That comment broke my entire wall of concentration! My finger left the screen far to early and the premier ball dropped to the ground. However, what I saw across from me was a far better treat than capturing a Kyogre.


Seated in front of me was one of the hottest women I have ever seen, suckling greedily from the tit of her mom, who was definitely the hottest forty year old I've laid eyes on. How I failed to notice it earlier was beyond me, I guess I was just too absorbed into the game to take notice of my surroundings. Sometimes that notification in the beginning of the game should be listened to and today was definitely that day.

The End