AnimeCon Harem 13: Return of the Calamity Queen (Patreon)

   “We need to have a real serious talk,” Brian started.

   “Sorry,” Emily winced. “Sorry. Sorry Sorry.”

   “I mean, it’s pretty fucked that you knew something and kept it from me—”

   “I’m sorry! I couldn’t,” Emily sputtered. “I seriously couldn’t. I couldn’t at all. Sorry.”

   “But why?”

   “Because what if you thought it didn’t count, then!” Emily groused, throwing up her hands.

   “Emily if you’re being mind controlled, then obviously it doesn’t count!”

   “It’s not mind control!” Emily yelled. “Not exactly. It’s, uh, it’s like mind assist. It’s not like forcing me to be into you, Brian. Fuck—I’ve always been into you! We went over this. It’s not forcing me. It’s like tacking on a pair of training wheels. Or floaties! It’s like pool floaties. That fits way better with my metaphor thing.”

   “Emily— what the fuck are you even talking about?” Brian grumbled.

   “Okay, first of all— this is magic!” Emily explained. “It’s for-real-actual-for-serious magic. Like the real deal. Can I get a free pass for wanting to go with fucking magic?”

   “That’s... fun to fantasize about, but if it’s actually fucking with your mind or hurting you in some way, then I don’t care if it’s magic or miracles or even the hand of God—I’m not okay with anything fucking around with you,” Brian swore. “Alright?”

   “It’s not even fucking around with me!” Emily gesticulated with her hands. “I mean, basically it’s not. It’s just pool floaties, it’s magically assisting me towards what I always wanted to do. So, it’s not any kind of fucking bad thing, okay?”

   “What if it is, though?” Brian countered. “What if you talking here is all some, I dunno, some conjured evil spirit personality or something, and the real you is like, trapped inside your mind? Forced to watch something else puppet your body, unable to do anything about it?”

   “Okay, but it’s not really like that,” Emily protested.

   “How can you prove that it’s not?” Brian demanded.

   “Uhhh, well, how can you prove that it is?!” Emily shot back. “So there!”

   “I need to be sure, Emily,” Brian said. “You know that. I need to know for sure. Especially if it’s crazy magic shit going on. I can’t risk that you might be being controlled somehow.”

   “And I can’t risk losing you!” Emily said. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I can’t risk losing this, I need this.”

   “You see?” Brian scowled. “That’s the kind of shit—the Emily I knew wouldn’t have said things like that. It’s like you’re brainwashed or something, and I can’t—”

   “I should have said things like that before,” Emily said. “But I couldn’t, okay?! I wanted to, I really, really fucking wanted to be with you. So fucking much. But I couldn’t, not on my own. I was scared. I’m still scared—I’m fucking terrified. Brian, I can’t lose you.”

   “Emily—see, when you say it like that it’s like you’re obsessed with me, and that just makes it more and more like—”

   “Fuck!” Emily cussed. “I’m bad at this, alright? Of course I am, I’m bad at fucking everything. What I mean to say is… Brian, I love you. Not as like, I just want to bone you, or just want to do lovey-dovey shit, either, this isn’t just some kind of crush. It’s like— Brian, I need you in my life. I always have. You’re the one that made me me, you’re the one who made it okay to be myself and happy with that and like, comfortable with being who I am. Being the way that I am.

   “I had this big romantic fantasy that was supposed to play out back during that night at homecoming, and—and, and, I blew it. I… yeah, I fuckin’ blew it. After that, I, we were still friends, and I love you for that, but also… also it hurt, it hurt so much. Just having to, to shove all of those feelings down and fuckin’ sit on them so that they didn’t dare rear back up again. I didn’t get over you. I never, ever fucking got over you, Brian.

   “I even tried—with Josh,” Emily let out a bitter laugh. “I just, I couldn’t. He wasn’t you. He was never gonna be you. My heart was not fucking accepting any substitutes. But like, at that same time, with you—how could I risk it? How could I risk our friendship, how could I risk the only thing that made me me by trying to reach for more again? When it was fucking sure to blow up in my face?”

   “Emily—” Brian didn’t know what else to say.

   “The charm thing zapped me last week,” Emily said. “Got me right when I was handing it off to you, that’s when my charm shit started. Blue shit in my head, I guess, compulsions, that sorta stuff. Got crazy intense when I masturbated, like, you have no idea. But mind control? No fuckin’ way. I’ve felt the way I feel about you for fucking years. It’s just the magic bullshit actually let me do something about it. It was this fucking lifeline that let me finally do something about it—and I’m not going to let you take that away from me. I’m not. Not you or anyone else. You’re just gonna havta deal.”

   “Then, maybe—” Brian sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe now that we’re here like this, together, that you don’t need it anymore? If your feelings are real, if they’ve always been real, then  they’re not just gonna go away if I break the charm. Then that way I can also know for sure.”

   “Well, yeah, maybe, but what if that fucks up the magic powers?” Emily snorted. “Fuck that. I want magic powers.”

   “Magic powers, what magic powers?” Brian gave her an incredulous look.

   “What the fuck, I thought you already talked to Steph about this?!” Stephanie smacked him across the chest with the back of her hand. “We’re each getting magic powers. Did she not tell you about magic powers?!”

   “What?” Brian blinked at her in disbelief. “Wait—what?”

   “Uh, duh, we’re all—” Emily broke off as they turned the corner. “Wait, what the hell. Isn’t that…?”

   To Brian’s surprise, the familiar figure of Kelly was in sight down at the far end of the artist’s alley aisle, standing behind a table. She was somehow dressed in the ornate black livery of the Calamity Queen dress again, and the brilliant red hair Brian had just grown accustomed to on her had inexplicably reverted back to its original dark color. It was as if the Kelly from yesterday had walked back into today, and he was so stunned he couldn’t help but stare for a moment.

   “That’s… not Kelly,” Brian realized, leading Emily forward again. “C’mon—I think I know who that is, and if I’m right... we need to talk to her before the vendor’s room shuts down. We’re not done talking about this magic shit, though.”

   “I will literally talk all day about magic shit,” Emily smirked, jerking her elbow up to throw him her signature goofy thumbs-up. “Have a map drawn up and everything. S’gonna be a whole damned presentation, you’ll see.”

   As they stepped closer, the resemblance was still uncanny but differences began to become apparent. Kelly’s younger sister kept her eyebrows a little thicker, her eyes seemed different, and the curve of her cheek when she put on a smile for passing attendees wasn’t the same at all. While Kelly’s face seemed naturally predilected to fall into a sassy, confident smirk, Sarah instead gave off a more flippant, whimsical sort of vibe.

   “Shit, it’s really not Kelly,” Emily muttered under her breath as they approached. “They really look a lot alike, though, wow. Is that…?”

   “Hi!” Sarah greeted them in an overly chipper voice that immediately broke the spell—her voice was an octave higher than Kelly’s, and the cheerful go-getter attitude was just about as different as could be. “All of my prints are buy one, get one free today! So long as you buy more than one, they’re basically half-off! Also, all of my cosplay accessories here are marked down—I have fox tails, cat ears, I have Shinobi Souls headbands, I have festival masks—”

   “Actually, came over because I saw your dress… that’s the Calamity Queen, by Noblesse Oblique?”

   “It is! Wow, you have a good eye,” Sarah struck a small pose. “I actually just managed to acquire this yesterday afternoon! Oh, I’m sorry—it’s not for sale right now, though!”

   “I think you might have gotten it from me—did Kelly sell that to you?” Brian asked.

   “Oh… oh,” Sarah’s overly-enthusiastic facade dropped and her shoulders sagged slightly. “Yeah, she did. Did she—she didn’t steal it, did she? I mean, I did ask her, but there’s not really any way to be sure when…”

   “No, no,” Brian assured her. “She tried to give me all the money from it yesterday, but I told her she’d better hang onto it for now.”

   “You did?” Sarah stared. “What? Why?”

   “Yeah,” Brian nodded. “You’re her sister, right?”

   “I… uh, yeah, that’s me,” Sarah mustered a weak smile. “Is she, um. Is she okay?”

   “Holy fuck!” Emily exclaimed, smacking her forehead. “Kelly’s sister Sarah—and Sarah Star the cosplay chick. How did I not connect that until now? You two look totally alike!”

   “Uh, yeah,” Sarah gave Emily an awkward laugh. “Kinda I guess. So, both of you... know Kelly?”

   “Yeah,” Brian nodded. “And, Emily—we actually got a picture of you with Kelly and Sarah from that AnimeCon a couple years back. They were cosplaying Jessie Terr and Follis Fool.”

   “Oh my God!” Emily squeaked, clapping her hands over her cheeks as she reevaluated Sarah. “I… kinda do remember that, yeah. Wow. Wow.”

   “Anyways,” Brian turned back to Sarah. “About Kelly… I’ve just been kinda piecing together what’s been going on with her over the weekend. Something she just said made me want to come over this way and see if you were here, actually. Uhh… she did come talk to you this weekend, right? What all did she tell you?”

   Sarah pursed her lips and went silent for a moment, looking down at the spread of photo prints on display across her tabletop and straightening already straight rows of pictures.

   “She… I don’t know,” Sarah mumbled. “It was like she came to say goodbye— I’ve been freaking out like, is she going to kill herself? Or, like what’s going on? I knew she wasn’t going to tell me, because… well every time we’ve seen each other in the last five years we wind up fighting. We did this time, too, but… it’s weird, different. Her coming here just to say goodbye to me— or forever goodbye or whatever… what do I even say to that?”

   “Kelly was…” Brian paused, unsure of how much to reveal. “Right on the cusp of making a big life decision that I didn’t agree with. It wasn’t killing herself or anything that bad.”

   “So, she was just being dramatic,” Sarah’s expression soured.

   “Well, no,” Brian shook his head. “I really do think she came to say goodbye forever, I really think that the uh, direction she was going in meant she wasn’t ever gonna see you again. She was wanting to put everything from her life before behind her and have some closure getting to say goodbye to you, and then her new plan… for her, it was gonna mean never coming back.”

   “Oh,” Sarah blinked in surprise for a moment before scowling again.. “Okay, I guess. So, what was it? Drugs? Drugs and sex? Prostitution? I mean, nothing would even surprise me anymore. I know she does drugs.”

   “She doesn’t, anymore,” Emily held up her hands. “Completely clean now, one hundred percent clean and off of all of that. You could stick a fork in her and see. Annnd, it’s basically because of Brian, here. Well, Brian and Stephanie, Steph was also a big part of that, I think.”

   “Really?” Sarah took another hard look at Brian. “So like—wait, who are you to Kelly, exactly? Like what’s your guys’ relationship with her?”

   “That’s kinda… complicated,” Brian said with some difficulty.

   “No, it’s not,” Emily snorted. “Now who’s being dramatic? They’re dating, just this weekend. I was sitting like, a foot away from you guys when you finally asked her out to like, make it official.”

   It took every mote of self control within him not to facepalm at hearing Emily reveal that, especially at seeing Emily’s toothy grin. Emily had been right next to them at that moment, Brian remembered— but she was omitting that Kelly had been blowing him while that was happening, and that his ‘officially’ asking her out came after admitting he already had Stephanie as a girlfriend. As if the polygamous situation between them all wasn’t complicated enough, there was some sort of magical non-consent or dubious-consent layer to it he had to finish peeling back before being personally okay with any of it.

   “You’re… my sister’s new boyfriend,” Sarah’s mouth fell open in shock, and it took her a moment to close it again. “Uhhh, wow. I guess. And, you’re cool with the whole… her being her? You know about all of her… everything? Like, I’m not saying don’t date my sister or whatever, but uh. You seem like an okay guy, sorta, so it’s like, since when does Kelly start making half-decent choices with that? You know?”

   “They’re perfect for each other,” Emily jumped in to defend them. “Kelly was sort of getting lost in her own tragic narrative, and Brian was having this rough time getting away from his total psychopath stalker ex. Brian’s helping get Kelly back onto a good, uh, course or trajectory that’s better for her, and Kelly literally just ripped his ex a new one when that cunt was babbling on crying wolf on shit that never happened to try to get a bunch of us thrown out of the convention.”

   “Uh, wow,” Sarah’s eyes went wide. “Like, this happened here at the con? Wait, was this over by the entrance? My friend Mackenzie—uh, Mikuru, that’s her cosplay name—ran by earlier and said some girls were fighting over by the entrance.”

   “Yeeup, that was us,” Emily’s proud smile didn’t falter even beneath the withering glare Brian shot her. “Wow, word travels fast. Anyways, psychopath ex was screaming and all up in Brian’s face, but Kelly totally shot down everything she said and put her in her place. And then Steph all-out decked her. Decked Brian’s ex, I mean, not decked Kelly. Steph wouldn’t deck Kelly, hah.”

   “That’s, uh. Just great,” Sarah made a face. “My sister never was one to shy away from drama stuff.”

   “Yeah, you’re not fuckin’ kidding,” Emily nodded along. “If she hadn’t been there, though…”

   “What Emily means to say is that Kelly is important to us,” Brian decided to attempt taking back the reins of the conversation. “She’s important to us, and we’re going to take good care of her. Not that she can’t take care of herself, just… I feel like she needs someone who has her back, or who’s just willing to care about how she’s doing, what she’s doing, that kind of thing.”

   “That’s cool,” Sarah’s hesitant expression finally seemed to give way to an appreciative smile. “That’s really cool— and like, thank God. She’s, well, she’s not like a super bad person or anything, I love her, she’s my sister—but, she makes a lot of bad decisions, and she can be tough to be around, and—”

   “I’ve got a sister,” Emily added. “Trust me, I get it.”

   “It’s—yeah,” Sarah sighed. “You get it.”

   “Just wanted to kinda come by and meet you and touch bases,” Brian said. “Because… we’re gonna try to amend that ‘forever goodbye’ she gave you to a ‘goodbye but just for now.’ We have her moving in with me, we’re gonna try to get Emily’s mom to tutor her, and once Kelly kinda has her feet back under her with things… is it cool if we have you two get back in touch again? Or, like, stay in touch?”

   “Yeah, that’s—yeah,” Sarah smiled with relief. “That sounds really cool. I thought she was about to kill herself or something, like oh my God! Do you guys need, like, money or anything? Can I give you my Mom’s phone number as like an emergency sorta thing in case anything happens? Do you need your Calamity Queen dress back?”

   “No, no— you paid for that, the dress is yours already,” Brian waved her off. “How ‘bout… I’ll buy one of your prints here, and you can write down whatever convenient phone number on the back or something? That way we can hang it up at my place and she’ll have it there as like, a reminder that she still has family and everything.”

   “Okay, cool, cool,” Sarah was nodding quickly. “Actually— hold on, I can do you one better.”

   Ignoring the spread of cosplay photos of herself spread across the table, Sarah crouched down to pull out a small three-ring binder and bring it up. Inside were dozens upon dozens of modeling photos. Without needing to browse through them to decide, Sarah flipped all the way to the front of the book and began pulling a large picture of herself out of the plastic protector page.

   “Here, this one’s not for sale or anything anyways,” Sarah flipped it over and began scribbling phone numbers. “One of my senior photos from high school. Would be weird for you to hang up a pic of me in some costume, right?”

   “Yeah, that works,” Brian agreed. “You’re sure you’re okay with giving us that one?”

   “It’s a print, I can make more whenever,” Sarah shrugged, pausing a moment before deciding to scrawl out a personal note for Kelly beneath the numbers. “I do all my own photo printing stuff, it’s like a whole business.”

   “That’s awesome,” Brian said, leaning back to check the sign on her booth again. “Says your prints are ten dollars for—”

   “I’m not fucking selling you this,” Sarah growled in exasperation. “It’s like for my sister. Here, take it. There’s numbers on the back.”

   “Alright—” Brian reached out to accept it but paused as Sarah yanked it back.

   “Wait, fuck—I don’t have a frame or anything, but I can put this in like, a page protector thing for you? Yeah. Duh.”

   “Thanks,” Brian chuckled.

   “Don’t thank me, I should be thanking you,” Sarah retorted as she pulled out a plastic protector and carefully began to ease the photo print inside. “Just, you know—like, take care of her. For real. And… I mean, I know the way she is, but… don’t give up on her? I didn’t, exactly, I’m not saying that—but, it’s like. I’m her sister, she’s not going to listen to me. I’m not gonna listen to her. All we do is fight. I can’t take care of her, we can’t really… you know.”

   “I get it,” Emily nodded.

   “Take care of her for me? Please?” Sarah pleaded, presenting him the photo with both hands. “If you can, I mean, or as much as you can. You know how she is.”

   “I will,” Brian promised as he took the picture. “I’m not going to give up on her.”

   Brian and Emily waved their goodbyes to Sarah, meandering on down the artist’s alley row in a heavy silence for a minute. Most of the booths here were selling fanart, and the two listlessly browsed through the prints and posters up on display, occasionally pausing to point out a familiar character or particularly well-done piece. They did wind up stopping at one table to buy a poster of a small group of Darkmasks from Hero Hero Haruki playing poker that seemed to be an homage to a famous real painting. It was kinda cool, and only twelve bucks today— but honestly, Brian just wanted a bag he could discreetly put the Sarah Star print in so that he didn’t have it in-hand when they met back up with Kelly and Stephanie.

   “Yeah, hide it,” Emily nodded, apparently of similar mind. “Maybe don’t surprise her with it for a while. She’s got a lot on her plate to deal with right now.”

   “I know,” Brian said, sliding the print face-down in behind the Darkmasks poster. “Just—also, don’t be trying to use that logic all the time. You guys should’ve told me about the magic stuff.

   “Nah, shoulda kept it secret,” Emily grumbled. “Maybe shouldn’t have surprised you with it for a while. You’ve got a lot on your plate right now.”

   “Very funny,” Brian sighed. “I am kinda worried about Kell. Her moving in is real sudden, and we don’t know each other that well yet. It’s not exactly like adopting a cat.”

   “Pussy’s pussy,” Emily held up her hands in defense at Brian’s glare. “What? C’mon, that was funny. Okay, but for serious, though—she’s kinda cool, and I think we should keep ‘er. You can really help her. I wasn’t bullshitting to Sarah, there. You, uh, we need Kelly to be a part of this with us. And, she needs us, and the magic and—everything. Did she tell you she was into drugs for a while?”

   “Yeah,” Brian nodded. “We finally got her to open up to us a bit yesterday evening, when we were having dinner at Marino’s. She had a big spiel, about how she got into this city music crowd with band stuff, and then started making bad calls and never really stopped to think about it. ‘Till she woke up next to some dead girl, who’d OD’d on something.”

   “Jesus,” Emily swore. “Hadn’t heard that part.”

   “But, then she started trying to get herself clean and fell out with a bunch of that crowd,” Brian shrugged. “She was… not real happy. With the way things had gone, or where she was winding up, and it was like she was about to make another big dumb decision, so I just thought—she doesn’t have to. She can stay with me. Your mom can help get her onto a better track, some kinda actual career path. Kelly’s pretty amazing once she gets out of all that bullshit she like, mired herself in. I think she’s gonna really go places.”

   “She is really cool,” Emily said. “I was pretty surprised. Normally she’d be the kinda popular chick I can’t stand at all. We’ve talked, though. And, uh, made out this tiny bit, annnd, um, some... other stuff. Keep tellin’ everyone I’m not gay, but uhhh, turns out my thing for big ol’ tiddies isn’t... completely platonic? Not quite? Hah, so—good catch, bro.”

   “Thanks,” Brian rolled his eyes.

   “Also, I don’t think you need to worry about her relapsing or getting hooked back into drugs or anything,” Emily said. “She said that all of those kinda compulsions just kinda vanished when the magic stuff came in. So—yeah, ‘nother point in favor of magic.”

   “Not if it’s just replacing addiction withdrawal stuff with harem slave compulsion,” Brian argued. “I’d say that’s even worse.”

   “What? No way it’s worse,” Emily fought back. “C’mon, drugs are bad. Getting addicted to Brian is like, good for you. You’re good for us. Healthy and nutritious.”

   “Not funny, Emmie,” Brian warned.

   “Wasn’t even joking!” Emily threw up her hands. “You are good for us. Good to us. Don’t even try to make it like you’re not. You care about us. Like, where would I even be without you? Think about it.”

   “Ughh,” Brian let out a heavy sigh. “No. I don’t have the energy to deal in what-if games right now.”

   “That’s literally all you’ve been doing!” Emily protested. “You’re like, balls deep in the ‘what if bein’ a little drawn to the someone who actually fucking cares about you is a BAD thing’ narrative. Balls deep and like, trying to hump your way deeper. For no reason. Balls deep, Brian. Balls.”

   “Alright, can you quit saying balls?” Brian sighed in exasperation.

   “I’m just sayin’!” Emily huffed. “Balls.”

   “Yeah I know, but quit sayin’,” Brian said.

   “Okay. But, I’m still thinkin’ it,” Emily went on. “How can I not? Brian, we—uh. We really… did it, last night. You and me. Finally.”

   “Yeah,” Brian hesitated. “Was it… you know. Okay?”

   Falling uncharacteristically silent, Emily gave him a long, blank look that only started to morph into a face of amused disbelief when she realized he was being serious. She stopped in the middle of the aisle, tugging Brian’s arm until he also jerked to a halt, and then wrapped her arms around him and squeezed.

   “Brian…” Emily said in a serious voice. “‘Okay’ doesn’t cut it. ‘Okay’ doesn’t even begin to cut it. It’s—it’s everything I wanted, and that doesn’t even cut it, either. It’s more than I ever even really dreamed was possible outside my super-out-there fantasy stuff. Maybe it goes past all those, too.”

   “It was—I don’t know, I was going really rough with you,” Brian admitted. “I didn’t, um, I wasn’t sure that—”

   “Exactly what I asked for,” Emily gave him another squeeze. “What I wanted. For our first time, I mean, I’m not saying wanted, past tense as if that was some kind of mistake or anything. For our first time, I think I needed the Brian that couldn’t hold back, that didn’t hold back. So that I could be sure. So that there wasn’t room for any doubts. You know?”

   “I think I do,” Brian rested his hands on her hips. “That kinda thing plays into my, uh, my fantasy stuff, too. How I always fantasized ‘bout making you realize how perfect you are and into you I am, just—pushing out the insecurities and not leaving any room for them. Being the one to do that for you.”

   “You are the one to do that for me,” Emily promised, gazing up into his eyes. “Brian—I love you.”

   “I love you, Emily,” Brian leaned in to peck the tip of her nose and watch her face blossom into a smile. “Whoa, though. Still gets my heart racing to like, say it out loud though, y’know?”

   “H-y-yeah!” Emily laughed. “Totally feel the same way. It’s been like such a huge secret for so long, saying it out loud, it’s like, like—I gotta look over my shoulder almost? To make sure Mike and Will and everyone we know didn’t accidentally overhear, or anything?”

   “Oh, man,” Brian chuckled, squeezing his eyes shut. “Will’s gonna be pissed. Mike’s gonna be ragging on both of us for days. Tanya will be—I don’t know, do you think she’ll be surprised? Or do you think she kinda figured this would happen?”

   “Man,” Emily grinned as she thought about it. “I dunno. Rebecca knew about how I felt all along, sorta, but she’s weirdly intui—uh. Intuition...al? Intuitive?”

   “Yeah, intuitive.”

   “—Weirdly intuitive about picking up on that kinda thing,” Emily nodded along. “Tanya though? I don’t know. Feel like this is gonna be huge news for everyone, though. Or, maybe I just want it to be? I dunno, I half expect them to like, look at each other and then all start exchanging coin because they’d all placed bets on, or something.”

   “Hah,” Brian chuckled. “Guess that’s possible.”

   “Oh, and no matter what—we’re pushing Chloe out,” Emily stated, leaning back from their embrace far enough so that he could see how serious she was. “She is not in with any of the group after all this. Period. Anyone wants to take her side, we cut them off, cut them out of our lives. End of story.”

   “We can’t do that,” Brian gave her a small laugh.

   “The fuck we can’t!” Emily exclaimed. “Chloe’s over, Chloe’s cancelled. I am—as one of your girlfriends, as a card-carrying member of The Brian’s Girlfriend Union—”

   Brian groaned.

   “—I am pushing for total non-tolerance for Chloe, Chloe bullshit drama, and anyone willing to accept Chloe. Zero tolerance. I’m so serious.”

   “We can’t do that,” Brian repeated. “There’s Rebecca. I think Rebecca’s... fundamentally not capable of giving up on someone—anyone—she’s decided is her friend. We’re not pushing Rebecca out of our friend group.”

   “Arrrrgrggarrgh!” Emily growled in frustration, beating her fists gently against Brian’s chest. “Fucking Rebecca! Get a clue! How can someone so smart be so fucking stupid?! God… damnit!”

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