Darling Public Radio - Episode 1 (Patreon)

Good Morning, Darling!

This is the first episode of my new "Stepford themed" audio narratives. If you enjoy community mind control and pleasant 1950s vibes, you will love what I have planned for this series. Let me know what you think of this pilot episode in the comments, your feedback is essential to the future of this narrative series!

Enjoy!

Transcript:

Good morning, darling! It’s time to rise and shine!

Welcome to Darling Public Radio, voted Pleasant County’s most beloved morning broadcast every year running since 1955! Thanks to the boffins at Darling Industries, our swell little broadcast is now available for the first time ever, in glorious high fidelity stereo sound using the very latest in interweb technology. How they get these big old record players to broadcast into everyone’s home computer terminal is simply beyond me, but I’m oh so happy to have a wonderful new audience of dedicated listeners.

So wherever you may be across this great big wide world, gather around your good old valve radios or one of those modern marvels called portable transistors, as I welcome you to Darling Public Radio! Coming to you live, every morning, from the small town of Darling, in Pleasant County. The swellest place in the U.S. of A!

For all you first time listeners out there, the town of Darling is a small town that sprang to life in the early 1950s, centered around the headquarters for Darling Industries, a local corporation that has produced technological marvels for the benefit of all mankind since the early 1950s. Over the years, the town of Darling has expanded to over 4000 residents and Darling Industries' benevolent influence can be felt all over Pleasant County.

I’m your hostess, Mrs. Emily Doll. Here to bring you the latest news and happenings from our delightful community. So sit back, relax, take a sip of your morning coffee and get ready to start your day with a pleasant smile.

According to the Pleasant County weather service, this morning you can expect clear skies and a light breeze, absolutely perfect weather for hanging out that fresh load of laundry right after you’ve finished making breakfast, packing a lunch and seeing your better half off to work!

Sunny skies and a high of 72 Fahrenheit , or 22 degrees Celsius for the unamericans out there, will persist throughout the day until late afternoon when several light sun showers can be expected around 4pm. If you’ve never experienced a sun shower, they are quite delightful! A light rain while the warm sun shines in all of its glory. Truth be told, I'd never experienced one myself until I arrived here in Pleasant County. Now I can’t imagine an autumn day without them!

Be sure to have the clothes off the line beforehand, ladies! And thank the heavens that, once again, there is no need to work up a sweat from watering your flower garden! Truly, someone must be smiling down on us!

Now to local news, I’m sorry to say our first report is quite frightening! A young woman from nearby Queen’s Park county has been arrested while passing through the town of Darling, the suspect is accused of public indecency and unlawful corruption of community assets!

While I certainly don’t have the mind to earn a fancy law degree, I’m pretty sure those charges are quite serious! Thankfully the alleged crimes were only witnessed by a few individuals, with one local gas station owner reporting as follows..

“Well now, she came just-a’ sauntering into the place like she owned it. I ain’t never seen a woman dressed so scandalous! Dungarees and an untucked Men’s shirt, my heavens I was shocked!”

Indeed, that poor Darling resident certainly seemed beside themselves after such an unusual encounter.

Another local passerby reported that the suspect wore short cropped hair and even had several arm tattoos on display, a well known identifier amongst the unsavory elements of society. The Pleasant County sheriff’s department has taken the unruly young woman to Darling medical center for observation while she awaits an appearance before local judge Herman Davis to determine her mental fitness and proper restitution for her misdeeds. More on this story as it develops.

In happier news, the bi-monthly community bake sale is happening once again this weekend, and this time in a brand new location. After the recent closure of the Atwood public library on the edge of town, there were fears that the much-loved community baking event would be gone forever, but thankfully the leadership over at Darling First Community Church have swooped in to graciously save our small town tradition!

In a statement released by the church, Pastor Fred Jacobs had this to say.

“We look forward to welcoming our Darling community members on church grounds this weekend, members of the church administration will be available on site for any and all assistance that may be required. We hope that this will be the first of many community focused events to be held here in the days to come.”

A big thank you to Pastor Fred Jacobs, without his firm support we might not be able to enjoy those sweet treats and delicious cakes we’ve become so fond of recently. Meanwhile, a dear friend of this very broadcast, Joanna Evergreen, has also promised to bring us more of her signature brownies, she’ll never tell us what her secret ingredient is, but who doesn’t love a Darling brownie?

In other news, Darling Academy is scheduled to open in just a few weeks time, this private school, built and funded entirely by Darling Industries, will host classes from kindergarten through high school. If you are the parent of school aged children and want to ensure your children receive the very best traditional education, with a focus on building strong American values, we recommend enrolling them at Darling Academy.

Sponsored by Darling Industries, creating better communities one family at a time!

Finally this morning a few Pleasant community announcements:

The marriage of Christopher Smith and Barbara Kewolski will take place this sunday after services at Darling First Community church at 2pm. Mister Smith’s family has asked the public to attend in hopes of welcoming Ms. Kewolski to her new life as Mrs. Barbie Smith.

Mrs. May Johnson has recently given birth to her first child, a healthy baby boy that is sure to make Daddy proud. Mrs. Johnson, aged 19, and husband Eric Johnson, aged 21, had this to say.

“Who would believe that just one year ago we were both Godless liberal arts students from different cities, our little fender bender in the parking lot of that diner on the edge of town was a gift from God on high!”

Well said, mister Johnson. I think I speak for the entire town of Darling when I say, “Welcome home, Johnson family.” I’m sure Mommy and Son will be a fixture around town now that Mrs. Johnson has left the workforce to take on the proper job of full-time motherhood. Meanwhile the Man of the house has received a promotion and will be returning to work as Assistant Manager of the local Darling FoodMart.

Truly a splendid outcome for all involved.

And now.. That’s all from me in this inaugural digital episode of Darling Public Radio, tune in next time for even more news, happenings and a return of our Dear Mrs. Doll and Darling Recipe segment! Won’t that be swell?

Have a pleasant day, darling! After all, what other kind of day is there?