Getting Catfished (Patreon)

There are many different types of mermaids. There are the shark mermaids, the salmon mermaids, the piranha mermaids, the goldfish mermaids, there are mermaids for every type of fish and aquatic creature. So many mermaids of so many different types, and one place in the sea had all of them.

In the place where all the ocean currents met was Seafoam City, a large sprawling city inhabited only by various types of mermaids. Seahorse mermaids swam the same currents as jellyfish mermaids. Orca mermaids shook hands with seal mermaids. So many mermaids of so many different types could be found, and yet...

"WHY CAN'T I GET LAID!?" Goldie, an orange catfish mermaid, complained to her friend Nessa about not being able to get a date.

"Well there could be multiple reasons." Nessa, a great white shark mermaid, listened to her friends troubles. "Maybe you're just not speaking to enough people. For me it tends to be as easy as just speaking to a cute guy or girl."

"The last fifteen times I tried that I was rejected to my face."

"I'm sure if you're just nice merpeople would flock to you like piranhas."

"If that were the case I'd have gotten a date back in middle school."

Nessa started to think about it a little bit.
"I don't know. You have a great personality and you can often be really funny as well. And you look... fine... so you should've gotten a date already."

"It's because I'm ugly, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't exactly say..."

"Don't sugarcoat it." Goldie sighed. "I've seen myself in a mirror, I know what I look like."

Goldie put down her face in disappointment. She wasn't picky, or at least she didn't think of herself as picky. She went out with all sorts of guys, and even girls too. She didn't discriminate against mermaid species, but when even the blobfish mermaids turned her down every time she knew she had to look horrible.

"Finally someone realized how horrible she looked." Goldie looked up in disgust. A snarky comment like that could only belong to the red catfish mermaid Scarle. "If only she could realize she's exactly the same on the inside as well."

"Says the only mermaid that looks like a rotten fruit," Goldie snapped back. "With a character that hideous and a face that's even worse it's no wonder you've never gotten a date!"

"Look at the orca calling the penguin black! Besides, I could totally get a date if I want to, I'm just not in the mood."

"That's what they all say! I bet others run away as soon as they see you! Even I can get a date easier than you!"

"Wanna bet? Let's see which of us gets a date first, and the loser will have to do whatever the winner says for an entire lunar cycle. Deal?"

"Of course it's a deal! There's no way you could ever beat me in this!"

Scarle swam away, she and Goldie glaring at each other until they were out of each other's sight. The moment Scarle was out of sight though Goldie immediately began to panic.

"Why did I say that!? Why did I say that!?" Goldie clutched her head with her hands, completely breaking down. "I was too caught up in the moment, and now I'm going to lose a bet with Scarle of all people! What do I do!? What do I do!?"

Nessa just sighed.
"I guess if you're really desperate," she said. "There's one place I know. It's not the best but..."

"Just tell me! Please!?" Goldie begged and pleaded. "I NEED it right now!"

"Alright. Don't say I didn't warn you."

The duo swam through the many coral buildings of Seafoam City, until they ended up on one in particular. This building was made of bright pink coral and had a heart-shaped sign at the entrance. It read 'Flounder', and with a motto like 'Let the Flounder find your perfect match' it seemed like the right place for Goldie.

"These guys run a match-making service," Nessa explained. "They're not the best, but they should help you meet some merpeople."

"Thank you thank you THANK YOU!" Goldie hugged Nessa so much she was afraid she'd break her spine. "I'll start right away."

The sign-up fee was rather costly but in Goldie's eyes it was a small price to pay for happiness. After paying this fee she was immediately given a consultant: some seahorse mermaid that looked too bored to be there. Most of the staff looked like they couldn't care less to be there but this consultant looked like he was dying of boredom at time. Even if it came across as sketchy to Goldie she still decided to give it a go.

"So it looks like you're a first time customer," the consultant said. "Do you have a portrait of yourself to show off to the masses?"

"Yes actually." It was a complete coincidence that Goldie had her portrait painted just earlier that day, with multiple copies made of it as well. She intended to update her id with them but she had enough extras to use one for this. "Here you go."

"Good." The consultant didn't even check the portrait before stashing it away, instead just handing a form to Goldie. "Now fill this out."

Goldie found the form rather interesting. It had diagnostic information like her name and gender and the type of merpeople she was interested in, to more personal things like her hobbies, likes and dislikes, and her favorite type of sushi of all things.

She handed the finished form to the consultant and he left the room with it, later coming back with a stack of papers and portraits.

"According to your info these are people you match well with," he explained. He spoke with a tone so dry it was like he was lazily reading a script. "You can select any of them to converse with as pen pals, and if they agree the two of you will continue to chat as much as you want. Other merpeople can also see your information and request to be your pen pal, and maybe you'll be able to become a happy couple. So pick your perfect match."

Goldie beamed with excitement. If she knew finding a date would be this easy she would've come here sooner! After picking out the cutest girls and most handsome guys from the pile she dashed back home with immense excitement. Night had fallen before she knew it so she covered her jellyfish light and went to sleep, still restless at the thought that she'd finally have a date.

The next day arrived, and she got mail from Flounder. She excitedly opened the letter, ready to write to her new potential dates, only to just receive a long list of the merpeople that rejected her.

Goldie didn't realize it, but this was about to become her routine. She'd make many many requests to become pen pals with other people using the service, and all of them would reject her. It got to the point where she was accepting everyone she saw, hoping one of them could accept her, yet all rejected. And not even once did she receive a request herself. Was this all because she was ugly!? Did her awful looks actually affect this much!?

But what if it didn't have to be this way? None of them were actually seeing her in person, they were just seeing a portrait of her, so what if they saw a better portrait than that? Goldie took some art classes back in the day, she knew how to fake an image if she needed to. She could easily draw a catfish mermaid with her golden hair but with enormous tits and a nice as and most importantly a stunning face. It felt like fraud, but at this point she had no choice.

She requested to replace her identification portrait, and just like before the consultant didn't check the photo before taking it. Goldie hated that attitude at first but right now she was incredibly thankful for it. Immediately after she made that change she saw a difference, with most of the people she requested for actually accepting the pen pal requests. She actually started to receive pen pal requests of her own in the mail this time, and the number of merpeople that wanted to write to her quickly became overwhelmingly large. A part of it made her a bit sad, she would've never gotten here with how she normally looked after all, but she was just too happy to finally be noticed to care.

There were just so many merpeople to keep track of though, she needed to whittle it down somehow. There were a few merpeople that had her attention compared to the others, and one of them was named Scarle. This person did seem to share a name and hair color with that awful catfish bitch, but that seemed to be where the similarities ended. Scarle was the most gorgeous woman she had ever seen, to the point that she couldn't help but blush looking at her. As pen pals they also got along incredibly well, like the two of them were just meant for each other. Not to mention she thought it'd be pretty funny if she won Scarle's bet by dating the clearly better Scarle. Such irony was hilarious to think about.

After a week of writing to each other the two agreed to meet for a date at the nearby park. The park wasn't incredibly populated this time of year, a result of cold waters flowing through those currents around this time, so it was going to be easy for the two to spot each other. Goldie did note some concerns about how she looked 'slightly different' from her portrait, but when Scarle told Goldie it was the same with her she was able to laugh it off. She couldn't wait for the day of her first date, it was going to be great.

Goldie swam into the park with a confident smile. As ugly as she was she was finally going to get herself a date. She kept one of Scarle's letters in hand as a good luck charm, and went in search of her mermaid crush. The only problem was that instead of the beautiful Scarle she had as s pen pal, she found the ugly Scarle that she absolutely hated.

"Just who I didn't want to see," Scarle groaned. "It's the ugly clownfish!"

"Very funny," Goldie groaned. "I just hope you're ready to lose the bet."

"Sorry to get your hopes up but it's already over. I have a date, and she's coming today."

"What a coincidence, so do I. Considering your face you probably paid someone to date you, so your case should be disqualified."

"Very funny. There is no way you have a date. You'd have to cut your face off before someone dated you."

"Then just wait and see, because my date is coming here any moment now."

The two waited, a long and silent and awkward date. No one seemed to be coming. Not a single other person came to this park. The two of them were the only two there.

"Are you sure someone actually accepted a date with you?" Scarle jeered at Goldie. "You must've imagined it because no one else is here!"

"But there is no way you think you actually got a date," Goldie said. "They must've said yes just to shut you up and ran away right after!"

The two growled at each other, lifting their fists out of their pockets like they prepared to punch each other. The pocket was where Goldie kept her letter from Scarle, and it flew out the moment she did that. Another paper flew out of Scarle's pocket when she did that, and Goldie recognized it.

"What's that!?"
"Gimme that!"

Goldie snatched Scarle's paper, ignoring Scarle snatching her own. She knew this exact handwriting, and could tell what was in this message from her heart. This was her letter to Scarle, the beautiful Scarle, or at least who she thought was the beautiful Scarle. There was never a beautiful Scarle, it was always the exact same Scarle that she was always fighting with, and Scarle was realizing the same thing about Goldie.

"You lied to me..." The two glared at each other, overflowing with rage. Was the merperson they hated so much just mocking them, just using this as an opportunity to laugh at them? Laugh at how no matter what they tried, no matter what they did, dating was simply impossible for them? How? Why?

Scarle slapped Goldie, the sound loud enough to be heard many knots away. Goldie slapped back, and the two simply slapped each other over and over again. They soon grabbed each other's clothes and ripped them to shreds, angrily slapping and pinching any body part of their accursed rival.

They grabbed each other's tits, the tits that they pretended to be much bigger than they actually were, and squeezed them as much as they could. They intended to cause pain far more than pleasure, yet somehow both came. Their nipples were pulled, their breasts were crushed, and they left each other's skin a sore red, yet the only words that could come out of their mouths were "I'll kill you" and variations of them.

Goldie attempted to shove Scarle into the ground, her small breast pushing into her rival's own. It was like a message was unconsciously sent to Scarle, that Goldie still thought herself superior in looks despite all of the lying. Scarle immediately fought back, making them twirl in the water, immediately sending the opposite message to Goldie. The two twirled around in the water, desperately attempting to dominate each other with their nipples. They clawed at each other's backs, bit each other's shoulders, yet at the end of the day their nipples gave them too much pleasure. They tried to resist, thinking this was an inappropriate place, but both of them came from the stimulation. An intense pleasure filled the two as they momentarily separated, the two unable to stop themselves from feeling a great orgasm. They shook wildly and uncontrollably, completely unable to keep it in.

As they saw each other orgasm, disgust filled their minds. Was their rival actually getting off to this? Was this a game to them!? Was toying with their feelings just a game to them!? If they were going to just climax to getting beat up, they'd at least give them the most fierce beating they could in the meantime!

And so the two continued to fight, each orgasm only encouraging them to fight harder.