Tutorial Rewrite 66 (Patreon)

—Dy. Well, well, well. Here we are again.

<To repay your debt,

your inventory has been sold

for 32 points.>

That’s—that’s actually really sad. My entire collection of several thousand bats was only worth that little? 30 measly points? And now that I check my inventory properly, everything I took from the minotaur is gone, too. I guess Want, in her eternal graciousness, couldn’t bother to protect my ugly low-quality no-good cheap second-hoof minotaur hide, huh? Well, whatever. Let her do as she pleases. If she doesn’t understand my sense of fashion, then that’s her problem!

<Current debt:

28 742 points.>

…Is this what my life has become? Debt upon debt, piled like stones atop my chest? There really is no win for the little guy. The whole system is rigged against me. I wonder if there’s some way to tear down the system? Sure, the ones I’m trying to tear down are literal gods, however, unlike a certain someone else, they aren’t actually omnipotent.

That means, as long as I keep my hands in my pockets, there’s a chance I can do something. Something cool.

…Nobody’s gonna react to my joker speech? No one? Oh, well.

<Top—Status—Community>

<13:05:01

Day 118>

<The fifth attempt will begin in

2:10:54:59>

<The fifth floor will open in

23:59:12>

Hm. I see I’ve found myself in somewhat of a situation. When the next floor opens, I’ll only have a little over a single day to beat it. That’s… not a lot. From what I can remember, almost every floor I’ve completed so far has required over a week of time to beat.

My eyes slowly lift to take in the horrible WHITE around me.

—I absolutely can’t stay here. If I refuse to go into the floor, I’ll have to stay here for an entire month. I can’t do that. If I do that, I might actually find some way to kill myself even in the lobby.

I really don’t have any choice but to enter the floor, scout it out for like a single day, and then come back. This one will be a bit weird, I guess, but this will probably happen again, so there’s no real use in mulling over it.

…But before I do anything else, this lobby really needs a makeover. And I know just how to do it!

Four hours of painting later and I’m left with a wonderfully mellow RED covering every inch of the floor. Wonderful! Is there anything better?

<You have received a message.>

…I can’t be sure if this is a hate message or something else, but I’m feeling frisky. Sure, system, show me what’s up.

<SuperMoleman[F33]: Hey, sorry about the delay,

I wanted to wish you good luck with the

fifth floor, but it seems like I’m a little late, haha.

How did it go? Did you beat the Minotaur?

It’s pretty chaotic on my side.

Apparently, Floor 34 marks the end of the

first part of the tutorial, and since

one of my party members has gotten it

into her head that we’re way too underleveled

to face whatever’s there, she’s having us

grind like mad on the 33rd floor. It’s crazy.>

He’s already at floor 33? How the heck is he climbing these floors so fast?!

Man, these Easy-difficulty guys really have it on a platter, huh? I’d envy them if I didn’t pity them so badly. Anyway, we’re both online, so I guess there’s no reason not to respond.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: ya aktually

i DID beat da minotard cuz he ws a

CHUMP n so is evry1 who cant beat him

they r also CUMPS bt lolz ya flor 5

ws ttly super hard i aktully fell

an splettred my brainz at 1 point

an it rlly hurt bt i live>

After a minute or so, an answer dings in.

<SuperMoleman[F33]: I’m glad you

survived! Be more careful in the future,

alright? I’d love to hear how you defeated

the Minotaur. I’ve got a feeling nobody else

will be able to implement your strategy,

but I’m still very curious.>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: droppd

cow off cliff>

<SuperMoleman[F33]: Haha,

that sure sounds like you!

Good luck with Floor 6, it

isn’t too bad as long as you bring

a few potions. Best wishes!>

I literally can’t buy anything but okay.

Best wishes… How do you typically reply to that?

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F6]: thx u2>

There. Perfect.

And now I just need to waste around twenty hours doing menial harm to myself. I’m actually pretty happy I was able to unintentionally get my brain damage tolerance all the way up to protection, ‘cause I really don’t think I could raise it in a safe and appropriate manner. Anyway, back to mauling myself, I guess.

Sooner than it feels, the floor opens.

<Floor 6 has opened.

Do you want to enter?>

<Yes/No>

I press Yes.

And then, just like so many times before, the world around me shifts.

I step down into a patch of disgusting mud and within only seconds of slipping and sliding on top of the gloopy gross goop beneath me, I finally just fall right on over, splashing into the mud face-first. Ugh. Everything is cold and goopy and slippery and I’m sure my beloved leopard hide is completely soiled now. Wow. Great. I love this floor already. Ah, wait, my leopard hide just slipped off. It’s just gone. I can’t find it because it seemingly conjoined with the mud to a most literal degree. It’s just me and the mud now.

I try to stand up, but every time I move even slightly, I just wind up slipping again. At first at least maybe a single square inch or two of my body remained clean, but now I’m just completely covered. From afar, I’d probably look like some sort of mud monster. If a particular mystery-solving great dane had seen me now, I’d probably get my face ripped off.

And, to make things just a step worse, it’s hailing. And I don’t mean that it’s almost snowing, no, I mean hail. Hail that can be likened only to a machine gun in the sky, firing pellets of ice and death onto my back hard enough to scrape off my skin entirely.

It’s a very simple process, really. First it freezes my skin. Then it tenderises my skin by pelting it. And then, after enough of that, the skin on my back just slips off like a wet blanket.

And since I’ve yet to even stand up yet, there is basically nothing I can do to stop this. Ah. That really hurts.

<You have learned:

Cold Resistance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Hypothermia Tolerance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Hypothermia Tolerance Lv.3>

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

It feels like my back is on fire, but at the same time, I can vibrantly feel every single ice crystal slowly forming in my back like a little fly maggot worming inside me.

In that sense, the mud is a good thing. It isn’t frozen, even though it is far colder than me, so it acts as an insulating layer. And even though it hurts even worse than just not having skin on my back, I grab a blob of mud and slather it onto my back. Saying it stings is like saying the Fat Man had an adverse effect on the population of Nagasaki.

Hissing in pain, I’m eventually able to pull myself up to stand on both feet. No matter how much I’m trembling, the fact that I’m standing is good enough in my book.

<Tutorial stage,

Hell Difficulty Fourth Floor:

The Eternal Rain.>

<[Clear Condition]

Pass across the marsh

to reach the lair.>