Tutorial Rewrite 38 (Patreon)

This is… Is this…?

Does this mean that I was supposed to get caught by the army? Or would I still have gotten this if I killed them all? More importantly, since I was the last one to get dragged out of the forest, does that mean that I technically completely cleared the stage? I mean, really, you don’t get into the secret bonus stage unless you did something right, so…

Whoopie, I’m gonna beat the super secret hidden true boss! I’m such an awesome gamer! Take that, Moleman! Bet you didn’t get to fight the goblin king, hahahah!

Ah, it seems the goblins didn’t like my expression of pure glee. Whoops. But who cares about the opinions of mob enemies? I certainly don’t! Hehehehe.

Kill a king… easy peasy. I mean, it’s just one goblin, right? A single goblin. That’s no problem at all. Even if he has a few guards, that’s no trouble. Just gotta go for the arteries, that’s what my old mother always used to say. Actually, that’s a lie, she never said that. I don’t know why I lied about it.

By now the Chain thing has worn off so I’m back to walking on my own, but apparently, I got stuck really deep in my thoughts, cuz I almost walked right into a bunch of goblins.

Hey, what’s the hold-up for? Let’s go to the castle already, I wanna kill—errr, meet your king! Meat your king… hehehe. I wonder if goblin king meat is tastier than even gobling meat? You never know. That said, I still have no idea why we paused.

Since I’m almost a full head taller than most of these green rubes, I have a pretty good view of what’s ahead. Ah, it looks like the head honcho commander goblin has taken a brief pause to talk to some dude. Another goblin. Now that I take the time to look around, this isn’t exactly the wilderness. For one, we’re walking on a road. I couldn’t really tell by the texture since my stumps hurt equally much whether it has to do with grass or gravel, but now that I’m actually focusing on it, I can tell that a fair amount of dirt, dust and gravel has made its way into my flesh and blood. Great. The dust is at least making sure I don’t bleed anymore, but the small rocks are doing a number on me.

Honestly, though, I’m much more interested in what’s happening far ahead. As mentioned, the head commander is talking to someone who is pretty well-dressed, all things considered. He looks old though. Saggy green skin, like a certain famous alien. After talking for a few minutes, the old guy hands the head commander a rolled-up piece of parchment, and then we continue our trek.

After half an hour or so, we reach a village. Or maybe what used to be a village, because it’s completely empty. There’s a mill and a few houses and the ground around it is tilled, and some of the plants being farmed are even blooming, though they aren’t anything I’m familiar with. But there isn’t anyone here. Nobody that isn’t wearing military garb, though.

It seems that the army had set up camp here. There are a few tents, and a few flags are raised. I’m trying to put them to mind so I’ll know to kill the right king, but it’s a very ordinary flag, with a weapon shield on it portraying a bridge and some water and fish.

There’s a lot of stuff here, though. Most noticeably, a relatively large cage on wheels. Like, large enough to hold a small t-rex. And right as I start to wonder what they’re supposed to use it for, they lead me into it. Uhuh.

The inside is pretty big. Large chains with massive clasps are hanging from the roof and even more chains are stuck to the floor. Right as I start to wonder how to best escape this situation, three heavier goblins push me to the ground and undo the chains I’m already wearing, but before I can even consider fighting them…

<Chain.>

<You have learned:

Divinity Tolerance Lv.2>

Damn it, this again. Once my eyes find the priest, I glower at him. Weirdly enough, he stands his ground.

As I wonder what they’re about to do to me in my poor defenceless state, they do the one thing I had hoped they would have forgotten about. They remove my goblin disguise completely. At the start they tried cutting it off, but then they found my tooth clasps, and after mumbling something, they undid those and removed my beloved goblin hide. Apparently, the sight of my completely nude body was too much for them to take, because they quickly retreated, though not before chaining me inside the cage.

Most of the clasps are too big for my wrists and ankles, so they chain up my abdomen and my arms and my neck and my thighs. I feel like this might be too much, I mean, I can’t even break out of a single one, so what’s the point of having a dozen? But I can’t exactly ask them, so instead, I just give them a slight raise of the eyebrows once they’re done. They don’t react.

Reverently carrying the skin and the teeth, they exit the cage and lock it behind them with several locks.

Damn. This is probably the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me. Not counting most of my life until this very moment, of course.

With nothing else to do, I let my eyes follow those goblins as they bring the skin to the head commander. He looks it over, mumbles a few words, and tells them something before pointing away. It’s hard to see what they’re doing since I’m chained in a weird position where I can’t move all that much, but I’m pretty sure they just went and dug a grave for the skin. Interesting. But such a waste.

Maybe they just wanted to spite me? It’s possible.

Because of the way my chains are, I can stand and sit up and walk a foot or two in either direction, but not much else. I could probably escape the clasps on my limbs if I broke all of my bones, but the ones around my midsection and neck are too much. I’m stuck. There’s basically nothing for me to do but wait for them to bring me to wherever the king is. Assuming that it won’t take more than…

<Top—Status—Community>

<12:03:12

Day 76>

<The fourth attempt will begin in

14:11:57:48>

…Around 14 days, I should be fine. I really don’t want to have to redo this kind of quest. Hunting all of the animals was thrilling, but kind of boring compared to hunting goblins. Besides, I might only have a single chance at doing the secret boss. You never know.

Man. I’m starting to feel really bored here. Are there any tolerances I can try to increase in here? Probably.

Speaking of this place, I’ve noticed an interesting detail. Sure, it’s pretty obvious that this cage is meant to transport big live monsters, but I can’t for the life of me understand the point of the tiny cage a bit ahead. It’s closer to the front of the cage, stuck to the ground, with a—get this—tiny chair inside of it. Just a chair. I have no idea what to make of it. Seriously.

Since there’s nothing else to look at on the inside of the cage, I let my attention move outside, to the goblins.

Oh, they’re having a lunch break of some sort. Yeah, that makes sense, actually. I think I can smell it. This is the kind of situation where I’d expect stew, but it smells creamier than that. Pea soup? Is that what it is? It’s something similar, at least. Lunch break. Mobs are eating lunch. That’s very silly.

…I hope they finish lunch soon so we can go. This smell is starting to make me feel a bit…

<You have learned:

Starvation Resistance Lv.8>

H-, hey, I’m not that hungry! I ate just a few hours ago! I’m fine. There is nothing for me to worry about. I don’t need to eat. Yup. Not at all.

Sniff sniff.

…Someone’s approaching.

I try to turn my neck but the iron brace is making it hard, so I have to turn my entire body, but I don’t even have time to do that before,

<Chain.>

Oh, of course it had to be this guy. Damn it. Such a bother.

Alright priest, wadduyawant?

He looks at me. I look at him. He’s holding a bowl of whatever soup it is they’re eating. His whole face just exudes hatred. Wow. Not one to be defeated, I give him the kind of look you give when your sibling snitches on something you both did wrong and because they snitched they didn’t get punished for it.

The priest doesn’t say anything. I can’t really move, so I don’t say anything, either.

<You have learned:

Immobilisation Tolerance Lv.3>

Slowly, he circles around me until he’s in front of where I’m sitting. He’s been keeping eye contact the whole time, and I’ve dutifully been returning it. Even then, I can’t help but give him a closer look. He’s pretty young. The robe he’s wearing, although it appears plain, is actually finely woven, with a few embroidered details that must have cost a pretty penny. His blond mane is braided in parts and seems very well-kept. For some reason, as I’m mentally judging him, it seems like he’s doing something similar to me. What are you looking at, huh? Got something you wanna say, punk?!

“...At.” Saying so, he puts the bowl in front of me, at a small distance. I don’t take my eyes off him. He doesn’t take his eyes off me.

After having a staring match for almost a full minute I accidentally blink because I got sand in my eye which means I lose. The tension breaks and he leaves, locking the gate behind him. Shoot.

I almost want to growl at him like a proper caged animal, but I think I’ll avoid doing so.

I glance down at the bowl.

If they think they can kill me by simply poisoning me, boy do they have something else coming. Had I been some ordinary animal, then yes, a bowl of poisoned stew would absolutely have killed me. But I am not any ordinary beast. I am a gamer. Poison doesn’t work on me. In fact, should this increase the level of my Poison Protection, that only strengthens me. It’s your loss, goblins! Hahahah!

Grinning because I’ll be proving those bastard green-scalps wrong and absolutely not because I’m hungry and had forgotten how good food tastes, I dig in. But since it's soft soup, I can’t exactly use my hands, so I just bury my face in the bowl and gulp and gulp and gulp and gulp and gulp and gulp and gulp.

<You have learned:

Drowning Tolerance Lv.1>

<You have learned:

Choking Tolerance Lv.2>

<You have learned:

Oxygen Deficiency Resistance Lv.5>

Haah, haah, haah, haah, haah… Okay, uh… Um… Yeah… Uh… Right.

I think, maybe, possibly, within some definitions, in some situations, that, maybe, just maybe, I prefer stew cooked by goblins to raw goblin meat. Maybe. Possibly. I’m just… I’m just suggesting it, okay? There’s a certain possibility that this is the situation. It’s plausible. I mean, when you think about it, it’s not like I had any spices for the raw goblin meat, and I didn’t exactly cook it either, but…

Even if I had…

—No, that’s not important. That just a—a hypothetical sort of situation that hasn’t happened yet, or maybe even ever. Also, just so we’re clear on it, unless a food gives me some sort of tolerance, what’s even the point of eating it? Yeah.

S-, so, by that definition, um… If they gave me more food, since it gives me, uh, tolerances, then… Yeah. I’d better eat it. Because, you know, they might try to do that sort of stuff to me, so I’d better, uh… Keep on my toes. Yeah. Yeah…

I look down at the bowl in my hands. It’s completely empty, except for one little spot. Without really thinking, I lean forward to give it a lick.

<Chain.>

Oh, damn it, you…!

The door to the cage unlocks and the priest stomps right on in and is just about to grab the bowl out of my immobilised hands before he notices my fiery eyes. We have almost a full minute of silent staring.

“...Sere,” he says with a sigh. I have no idea what that means. As I look at him in confusion, he steps over to the bars, still keeping his eyes on me, and when he’s too far away for me to even consider doing any clownage…

<Chain revoked.>

I can feel my body turn mobile again. Honestly, I almost drop the bowl, but I’m able to keep it together.

He crosses his arms. “Gur? At.”

Well… If you say so.

I lick the bowl. I briefly consider if I can throw it at him hard enough to break his skull, but even if I did, it’s not like I’d be able to escape.

He points his finger at me but I’m way too tired of suddenly being totally immobilised, so I just hold up the bowl to him. Come on. Just take it, man. It’s not like I’ll win anything by killing you. I think…

His eyes widen slightly, but after a second or so of hesitation, he still magics me.

<Chain.>

My body freezes. Damn it. That’s what I get for being nice, huh? Next time I see you, I’m tearing your face open, okay? I’m going to steal your nose and wear it as a necklace with your guts as string. That cool with you?

He steps up to me and slowly takes the bowl out of my hand. “...Takk.”

And off he goes.

But before he totally leaves, he turns around and…

<Chain revoked.>

I stare at him as he leaves.

But he isn’t gone for long. It seems the lunch break has now formally ended, because less than an hour after he came to take the bowl, the whole army is back at it again, all up in a hubbub of movement and things. A bunch of weird lizards are tethered to the front of my cage, which the system categorises as Pull Drakes, with an average level of 7. Four of them are needed to pull my huge cage, but right as I thought we were about to finally get moving, I finally learn what the purpose of the tiny cage at the front is.

The priest climbs into it from below. He takes a seat on the chair.

…Am I seriously stuck with this guy for the entire damn ride?