Tutorial Rewrite 26 (Patreon)

By searching around on the community boards, I’m quickly able to find the following post. I don’t know how trustworthy it is considering that it was uploaded by these guys, but, you know. Still.

<OrthodoxPox[F3]: Information From

The Guild Of Representatives.

It has recently come to our attention

that some doubt the justification of

our presence. This is a ridiculous notion

based not in fact, but rather on some

superstitious idea that everyone here

has the same abilities and resources in

clearing the tutorial, have access to

the same information, and is able to procure

what they need in order to do the above. This is wrong.

The Guild of Representatives have only been

here for as long as you have, but our goal is as simple as any.

We simply want peace and security within the lobbies

and community boards. To do this, rules must be decided upon,

followed by, and enforced. That is simply how society works.

If we have no rules, and if we have no punishments for

breaking them, then this society we call the Tutorial

will fracture and die. In order for this all to work,

for all of us, we must follow the same rules.

Representatives, Executives and all the rest of you alike.

In order to do this, the Representatives who remain

in the Lobbies must also be able to eat and drink.

You, as challengers, will easily be able to gain enough points

to feed both yourself and others. This is not a matter of us

“taking” your precious resources, but rather that you pay us

for our labour as Representatives and Executives.

Furthermore, we are also collecting gear and points to be invested in

stand-out challengers who need the resources to climb higher.

The allegations that many of these stand-out challengers

happen to be part of the GoR or affiliated with us is

strictly untrue. Furthermore, suggesting that constitutes

as treason and your Representative may judge it as such.>

Then the post continued on for waaaay longer about how this was for the best and we all follow the same rules, yadda yadda yadda. It was all a very weird way of saying “follow our rules or else”, but if I’m getting this right…

These guys are taking food and water from the challengers? And also gear? I mean, sure, it’s for the good cause of clearing the tutorial, but do you really need to steal from unwilling challengers in order to do it? I have a choice in this matter because they can’t physically force me to join, but these other guys… I don’t know. It feels icky. If these stand-out challengers can’t clear the tutorial with their own merit alone, I don’t think they deserve the sponsorship, frankly.

But, that all aside, what really interests me is what came at the bottom.

<...There have been rumours circulating regarding a so-called

“Day of Grand Conference.” Many of these rumours are unabashedly

false, while others are close to the truth. In order to uncover what

this is actually about, Normal Challenger PetrifiedEggs[F11] used his

exclusive, one-off Wish to ask for information regarding this event,

after which he graciously gave it to us so that we may spread it further.

The Day of Grand Conference will be held on the last day before the Fourth Attempt.

It will include all challengers from all difficulties on all floors, including the first.

We will all meet. The purpose of this meeting is unknown, but it will last for a total

of 24 hours, during which time we may speak to each other and mingle

properly. This will be an important moment, and the GoR will

for this special occasion demand that, on the Day of Grand Conference,

a ceremony will be held to swear in a special surprise guest as our

formal ruler and leader. He will lead us from now on, in sickness and in health,

through every Floor and every Lobby, until we can all beat it, together.

This will be a special occasion and marked as a future holiday.

Attendance is mandatory.

Thank you for your attention.>

…Okay. That’s… a lot.

But I get the gist. We’re all gonna meet, and while they do, they’re also gonna publicly execute me because I called RedHanded a dumb and a dumb. Makes sense.

Frankly speaking, I kind of hate it. Don’t get me wrong, the whole being-executed thing also upsets me, but… Mandatory attendance? Just to come watch these grease-tongued sacks of corporate manure swear in our new almighty leader?

I hate mods. I bet their first order of business will be to put a complete ban on free speech. Oh, alongside executing me.

But aside from that, this is actually kind of worth the excitement, if only for one specific reason.

That person in the Hell floor 1 lobby that stayed behind. Assuming he’s still alive, that is.

<Status—Community—Top>

<Asia Server>

<Easy Lobby: 390/922

Normal Lobby: 78/200

Hard Lobby: 17/33

Hell Lobby: 2/2>

Yeah, he’s still alive. Great.

Because, in that case, we have a chance for the Hell difficulty to not become a veritable bloodbath. This is the kind of game where information is key. Sure, even if I’d known exactly everything there was to know about the first stage, I would still have had a Hell to endure. But if I’d known to use an axe to shield my head and chest from the start, and to try to increase my resistances as much as possible, and to make sure to move clockwise around the hill, then maybe it wouldn’t have taken an entire month, and maybe I would have come out of it with something better in hand than Fetal Position Blowover.

<The God of Cowardice

huffs at the nerve of youths nowadays.>

Yeah, yeah, I get it, so shut up already.

If I can make sure that people in the first floor lobby can receive this information, then they may have a chance of surviving this place.

But, well, I can’t really do that if I’m dead and executed. As it is, frankly, I just don’t have enough information to make sure that this doesn’t happen. It’s a weird thing to say, but I have no idea how weak or strong I am compared to the other people in the tutorial. In the time it took me to get to floor 2, they were already doing floor ten and beyond. They could be like human-shaped bear sharks at this point for all I know. As unhappy as I am to say it, what I need right now is information.

And, unfortunately, I know just who to talk to. But I certainly won’t like it.

<HookedOnBach[F5]: Yeah but it’s still your wish.

You should be upset. :(>

<SuperMoleman[F21] It’s okay, really. If

it helps them share the information with more

people then it’s all for the better. My post wasn’t

getting much traction anyways.>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Dude mole

you should totally take a breather

you’ve been doing nothing but

challenging floors for like the past

half a month>

<SuperMoleman[F21]: I’m fine.

The GoP lost us at floor 18 but I have a feeling

that they won’t stop there. We need to keep moving.

It’s that simple.>

I crack my knuckles. Time to intervene.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: hey moleNERD

gimme info im gona b exercise>

<SuperMoleman[F21]: Nice you see you again

Night, congrats on beating the second floor.

What can I help you with?>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Moleman PLEASe

let me ban this guy he’s obviously

just a troll>

<HookedOnBach[F5]: Yeah you know

Mole for once I have to agree.

This guy is kinda mean. :(>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: mole i need u

2 tell me hw strong u r>

Simple question. Anyone can answer that, assuming they aren’t being unnecessarily mean like these two dumbos are. What’d I ever do to them?

<HookedOnBach[F5]: Mole don’t.

Don’t answer that one. :/>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Ok lol tbh if

this guy wants to try and take on Mole

at the conference then sure like why not

I really wanna see him get his *** beat>

<HerringFerry[F3]: hey guys whatd I miss?>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Lmao Ferry this guy’s

at floor 2 and he wants to try and

take on Moleman>

<HerringFerry[F3]: haha yeah thats

pretty funny i wanna watch.>

I am writing a list. I am checking it twice. On the day of grand conference, I will complete my hit list. Whether they like it or not.

<SuperMoleman[F21]: It’s alright, everyone.

I’m sure he has a good reason. Having a

goal in this tutorial aside from clearing it

is far from a bad thing.>

<SuperMoleman[F21]: That said, I am currently Level 42.

My stats are well-balanced, with an

obvious focus in Magic Power.>

Level 42… that’s, um, that’s kind of high, isn’t it?...

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: ur lyin>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Hahaha and

now he’s backing out, classic

troll coward move>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: i m NUT

a cowurd SGHUT UP>

<HerringFerry[F3]: ooohh troll is mad lol.>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: NUT A TROLL
FUKKKK UUUUUUUUUU>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: I’ve

changed my mind this guy can

stay he’s great lmaooo>

<HookedOnBach[F5]: I just checked

Miss Kitty’s post history and um guys

we need to stop misgendering her.

Sorry about assuming you were a

man Miss Kitty. :)>

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: M NUT WMN>

<HerringFerry[F3]: shes speaking in code now.>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: Let me decipre.

“I am a big stinky woman who loooves

to eat flowers and hallucinate all day.”

I can feel my vision begin to tremble.

Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. I need to kill these people.

They must die by my hand.

But I can’t kill them as I am. I’m too weak. Only level 9 won’t hurt them. I’ll need to level up as much as I can on this floor. That’s my only choice. I’ll level up to the point where I could wipe the floor with a winged T-rex and then some more. Moleman is level forty-two? Hah, I’ll be level forty-THREE! He won’t stand a single chance against my superior and incredible skill.

I will defeat him. No, even more than that, I will destroy him.

<PrissyKittyPrincess[F3]: jus u wait moleman.

jus u wait.>

<LionMawMadness[F8]: We’re really quaking

in our boots now, soooo scared>

<SuperMoleman[F21]: See you at

the DGC, Night! If you really want it,

I wouldn’t mind a duel. I’ll see you soon!>

Damn that Moleman. Why’s he always gotta be so cheery all the time?

That aside, now I know the range I’m aiming for.

It’s high, but if I hurry like heck, I might be able to beat floor 3 and 4 before the conference. I mean, how hard can it be? I’ve done a little speedrunning before. Mostly Tamagotchi Death any% but, you know. Potato potato.

Let’s see, what’s the time…

<Top—Status—Community>

<9:49:30

Day 70>

<The fourth attempt will begin in

20:14:10:30

Floor 3 will open in

11:32>

Perfect timing. Almost so perfect it scares me…

I guess I’ll just meditate a little until the pop-up arrives.

And within only a little more than ten minutes…

<Top—Status—Community>

<10:01:02

Day 70>

<The fourth attempt will begin in

20:13:59:58>

<Floor 3 has opened.

Do you want to enter?>

<Yes/No>

Without so much as a hint of hesitation, I press the Yes button, and the lobby disappears.