Chapter 434 - Shipwrecked (Patreon)

The crash was a little anticlimactic. Instead plummeting to the earth, it listed lazily, losing altitude for hours until it settled into a verdant valley. The dell was home to a gentle stream and a few scattered deer, but there were no obvious threats. The kobolds who’d guided the ship to the safest landing possible immediately started trying to repair the ship. However, it was already apparent that it was unsalvageable. The planks from which it had been built were easily replaceable, but the intricate runes that enabled flight were anything but.

“We really need to find some enchanters,” he said to Eveline. “Or at least someone who can teach the kobolds the basics.”

They’d made some rudimentary attempts at runecrafting, but none of them had shown much of a knack for the delicate art. If Zeke’s own knowledge of runecrafting hadn’t been primarily based on his Path of Runecrafting that had been absorbed into the Path of Arcane Destruction, he might’ve been more help. However, he’d always leaned on the instinctive understanding granted by the path, and so he had no idea how to start them in the right direction.

“You could always find someone to curse them so they were forced to pick the curse runes apart like you did,” Eveline suggested. “You might lose a few dozen of them, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Zeke let out a mental sigh. “I am not subjecting them to that.”

“I’m just saying that you would…”

He tuned her out, instead focusing on the surrounding wilderness. Just because the valley looked idyllic didn’t mean that it actually was. There could have been any number of hidden dangers out there.

Eveline said, “Not every place is filled with horrible things.”

“That’s not my experience,” Zeke responded. Indeed, he’d seen enough of the Eternal Realm to recognize the inherent danger of the wilds.

And the cities.

Everything in between, too.

The world was a harsh place where the only safety came from the tyranny of power. So, Zeke knew better than to let his guard down anywhere but in his own tower. That way, he couldn’t be surprised when the world and its denizens inevitably tried to kill him. With that in mind, he kept an eye on his surroundings.

But to his surprise, no giant monsters came barging out of the forest, and there were no snake people in the river. It seemed that, aside from the few deer they’d seen from above and a couple of squirrels, the valley was as empty as it appeared to be, which left Zeke with no idea what to do.

While he felt reasonably sure that the ship couldn’t be repaired, he was willing to let the kobolds give it a shot. That was going to take some time, but not nearly enough for him to devote to either building new skills or evolving old ones. Nor was it enough time to get anything done in the Hunting Grounds, and he was in nearly peak physical condition, so he didn’t need the Crimson Spring.

“You need a hobby,” Eveline remarked. “Or a girlfriend. You had one of those before, right? You should find her.”

“You know why that’ll never happen,” he said.

“Then move on. I’m sure one of the former slaves would love to show their gratitude for their big, strong savior. Or the beastkin, if that’s what you like. No judgement here. I once went out with a satyr. Nasty little guy. But he was the right kind of bad, you know? Fun times.”

“I’m not listening to you anymore,” Zeke insisted.

“Sure, sure. Now, let me tell you about the time I was courted by a lower demon…”

Once again, Zeke tried to tune her out, but she kept droning on. To distract himself, he told the kobold in charge – a centurion named Eska – that he was going to look around. The hulking warrior said, “Yes, Ak-toh.”

So, Zeke leaped over the railing and fell to the ground below. The turf was soft, and the air temperature was pleasant, so Zeke was in no hurry as he strolled toward the nearby stream. Once there, he knelt and cupped a bit of cool, clear water into his hand and took a sip. Afterwards, he let out a long sigh and looked around.

Behind him, the kobolds continued to work, dragging planks of wood from the gate to replace the ones that had been burned. But like was the case with Eveline’s annoying recitation of her love life, Zeke ignored them. Instead, he simply basked in the pleasant atmosphere. But he didn’t relax. He couldn’t, because he half expected that the moment he let his guard down, something horrible would jump out and attack him. After that, a knock-down, drag-out fight would commence, and he’d narrowly come out on top.

Or if the recent battles were any indication, he would easily subdue whatever creature was stupid enough to pick a fight with him.

“Is that your issue? Are you upset because you haven’t been challenged lately?”

Zeke pushed himself to his feet and waded across the stream. It was only calf-deep, so he managed it without issue. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Maybe?”

The last time he’d been really pushed to his limits was in the dungeon, and even that had mostly just been a test of his endurance and pain tolerance. He’d always excelled in both, so it had been a challenge he was always going to meet head on. And while the war had had its ups and downs, no one had stepped up to really test his mettle.

So, perhaps he was so paranoid because he wanted something to attack him. Maybe that was his life’s only defining characteristic, which would be a depressing realization indeed.

“Like I said, you need a hobby,” Eveline said. “Or maybe a purpose. You can’t live for fighting alone. You need something else.”

“You sound like you’re speaking from experience,” he remarked, indulging the conversation as he crossed the dell toward the tree line. He glanced up at the bright, blue sky. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. “What was your purpose? What kind of hobbies did you have?”

“Other than torturing my minions into submission?”

“Be serious.”

“I am.”

“You’re definitely not,” Zeke said. He knew Eveline well enough by that point to recognize that she was not the cold-hearted demoness she pretended to have been. There was more to her than that.

“Fine. I liked flowers,” she said. “And not the bitey kind, either. The pretty ones that smelled good. We didn’t have many like that down in Hell, but there were a few. I used to tell people they were for brewing poisons and such, and they were great for that. But the real reason was that I liked the way I felt when I looked at them. The smell made me nostalgic for a time that never existed.”

“Maybe it did in your old life.”

She gave a mental shrug. “Perhaps. I don’t remember it, though,” Eveline admitted. “Even if my soul hadn’t been shattered, demons tend to forget the lives they left behind. I think it’s a self-defense mechanism. We can’t miss what we don’t remember, right? It makes it easier to endure our new lives.”

“Eveline, I…”

“It’s okay. I can’t imagine my first life was anything good, especially if it ended with me in hell. It’s better that I don’t remember it,” she said. Then, adopting a tone of faux happiness, she added, “But back to you and your potential hobbies. What do you enjoy?”

“You’re in my head. You tell me.”

“Hmm. I need to think about that…”

“Pie.”

“What?” she asked, surprised.

“I love pie.”

“Eating pie is not a hobby,” Eveline stated.

“No, I know that. I was just thinking…no, it’s stupid. Never mind. Maybe I could get into curing meat or something.”

“Tell me,” Eveline prodded, a bit of mirth in her voice.

“Well, not if you’re going to have that tone,” Zeke responded, trailing his hand along the trunk of a tree. A squirrel chittered from the canopy, though when he looked up, he couldn’t see the actual animal. “Do you think the squirrels here are super high level?”

“There’s a difference between animals and monsters. You know that,” Eveline said. “Now, tell me about pie.”

Zeke sighed. “You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Fine. Okay, so back on Earth, my mom used to get really worked up during the holidays. Like, it was all she could think about. Kind of a manic episode sort of thing,” he explained. “Well, she would always channel that into making desserts. Specifically, pies. Even when it was just us, she’d make like ten pies every Christmas, and all different kinds. And they weren’t even any good. She was so worked up that she would forget ingredients or use too much of something or whatever. They were terrible.”

“And yet, I sense that you remember this fondly.”

Zeke shrugged, circling a dense copse of trees. “Yeah, I do. She wanted the holidays to be special so badly that she just…I don’t know. Short circuited, I guess,” he said. “But I don’t care about how terrible those pies were. I care that she tried so hard, you know? That was love.”

“If it doesn’t cause crippling anxiety and manic episodes, is it even love?” mused Eveline.

“I wouldn’t know about that,” he stated. His childhood had been anything but easy, but his mother had tried her best to make him and his brother happy. A lot of the effort had gone to waste due to his father, but that didn’t negate the fact that she’d tried. And for that, Zeke would be eternally grateful.

“So, where is this going?”

“You can literally read my mind,” he said. “You tell me.”

“Is it so wrong that I want to have an actual conversation? Humor me.”

Zeke suddenly felt a bit guilty, so he said, “Fine. I want to learn to do it right. She tried to teach me once. When I was a kid. My dad…he didn’t like that. Said boys shouldn’t do things like that.”

“Cooking?”

“He said it was women’s work.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“That sounds about right for basically everything he ever did. He was not a good person. If there’s any justice in the world, he ended up on your side of the fence, then got eaten before he could make it past level one.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just that surge of anger. It makes me realize why you’re so well-suited to your demonic side is all.”

Zeke sighed. “I don’t want to think about or discuss my dad, okay? He was an asshole, and I’m glad I’ll never see him again,” he said. Before his experiences in the dungeon where he’d had to fight the Mirror King, Zeke hadn’t even thought about his father in months. Now, though, it was all at the forefront of his mind.

He wanted nothing more than to shove those memories into the deepest abyss he could find. But that just wasn’t possible. Nothing but time would put those thoughts of his father back where they belonged.

“Anyway,” he continued. “I’ve always loved pies, and I think I could be good at making them. It’s just following directions, right? But I don’t know any recipes, and the ingredients we have around here are sorely lacking. We don’t have any chickens, so no eggs. We don’t grow sugarcane, so none of that either. We also don’t have much in the way of fruits. I don’t know. It’s kind of dumb, I guess. Maybe I can learn to whittle or something.”

“No, pies are good. You don’t have to do it right now. Maybe the next city we take, you can get some of those ingredients. Plus, I’m sure some of the beastkin or elves we’ve freed were cooks. I’m sure someone knows some good pie recipes,” Eveline said.

“Maybe,” Zeke said with a shake of his head. He continued on through the woods, and Eveline continued to encourage him to pursue what she kept calling his “dream of making the best pies in the world.” Strangely, her teasing made the idea easier to swallow.

In the meantime, he kept an eye on his surroundings. His instincts told him that something terrible was going to happen at any moment, and he wanted to be ready just in case. Still, nothing happened, and he soon arrived at a wide lake.

“More of a pond, really,” he remarked aloud. “Odds there’s something huge and monstrous in there? Maybe a giant frog? I told you about that time I almost got eaten by one, right?”

“You didn’t.”

“Not much to tell. It grabbed me with its tongue and pulled me underwater. It tried to eat me, and it would have, too, but I guess I didn’t taste so great, so it spit me out.”

“A riveting story.”

“You asked.”

“I most assuredly did not.”

Zeke shrugged. “It feels like you did,” he said. “Whatever. I’m going for a swim.”

With that, he tore his shirt and pants off, then waded into the cold water. It wasn’t frigid, but it was anything but warm. To his surprise, nothing attacked him, so he spent the next hour or so just swimming and relaxing. Until he heard someone calling his name.

“Ak-toh!” called Silik from the shore.

Zeke answered, “What is it?”

“The crafters have repaired the ship as best they can,” the kobold general explained. “It is no longer capable of flight, though. We must proceed on foot.”

That was within Zeke’s expectations, so he just let out a tired sigh before swimming back to shore. Then, he dressed and said, “I guess it’s back to work.”

“At least you have piemaking to look forward to,” Eveline responded.

Silik, pointedly, remained silent. Zeke had tried to get the big kobold to come out of his proverbial shell, but he’d yet to be successful.

Soon enough, they had returned to the ship, where Zeke found a full talon of kobold legionnaires, complete with a handful of centurions and an entire cadre of scouts waiting for him. It seemed that he would have plenty of company on his trek through the wilderness.

“It’s good for you. You don’t need to spend too much time alone,” Eveline said.

He couldn’t help but grin at that as he responded, “I’m never really alone with you around.”