Announcing the winner of the 2022 Creepy Crawlspace Award! (Patreon)

Congratulations to ME.

This weekend I moved into a basement apartment (charitably referred to as a “studio”) whose layout I hadn’t ever actually seen except on a grainy video that looked like it was shot around the time Cabbage Patch dolls were really taking off. Everything went fine with moving my six possessions in, until I spotted a square in the wall toward the back, about three feet off the ground.

“Sweet, a SECOND window!” I thought, preparing to bask in utter luxury. So I undid the latch on the door, opened it, and… well, this video I took tells the story.

Now, I have always prided myself on rolling with whatever circumstances are presented to me—hence my general disinterest in, you know, looking at the place I gleefully signed a lease on. But my imagination was simply not built to conceive that there might be a crawlspace in this world that is almost as big as the apartment it’s attached to. At that point, we've crossed a line into catacomb territory. 

Needless to say, I immediately buried the door behind three separate stacks of books and games, and crayoned little crucifixes all over it. That door is all that now separates me from the hordes of Frankensteins, Babadooks, and Nazgul which may even now be replicating in every nook and cranny of the Pit Beyond the Latch.

On the bright side, my kitchen faucet has a little button on it that turns it into a veritable light saber of water pressure—an excellent weapon against all that tough cakepan grime that I will never see because I don’t really bake.

If the video won't play, that's probably the influence of the Great Crawlspace Evil; here's the link: https://youtu.be/qlQ5mUS-Rvg