[MA] 254. Not Omnipotent (Patreon)

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Shen frowned. Was that the truth?

The drow continued, "We can discuss what was said later. First, I want to reinforce something I taught you before. In combat, you need to discern truth from lies using your knowledge and hints that are often obvious, but you might miss. Did you see the System Administrator invade my mind?"

The cultivator nodded unwillingly. Most of himself screamed for him not to get fooled, but the smart man inside him insisted he should listen to Liya. Adults discussed things instead of throwing tantrums. Even if she lied to him, he should talk about it or end their almost-relationship, not anything else.

Liya continued, "She bulldozered through my mental defenses as if they weren't there. It reminds me of my talk with the Void... but we'll talk about it later. So, she herself provided evidence about her ability to affect people's minds."

Shen could see where it was going, and he didn't like it.

"Also," she added, "I didn't get into details on my Path during our conversations, but I shared with you that it's about justice and that if I commit too many injustices, I'll die. If I die, my Path dies with me. But it's more than that. Just like honor is part of your essence, so is my perception of justice part of me. Killing you out of greed for my Realization's advancement is one of the worst offenses I can commit because we have such a strong connection with expectations based on promises. It would crush me. Destroy me. Utterly obliterate me. Your Path might not crumble if you did something like this, but mine would."

Shen definitely didn't like where it was going.

"Still, you believed I might do it," she concluded. "Either you're a moron or believe I lied to you. Which one was it?" Liya crossed her arms, looking demandingly at him.

Shen wasn't ready to swallow his ego and admit his wrong-doings."You said you would choose your Path over me. You admitted to it at the beginning of this very conversation."

"The System Administrator asked me if I would give up on our relationship if it were the only way to preserve my Path. Yes, I would. I might die to protect you in a fight, but romance doesn't mean giving up on what makes me, me. Wouldn't you do the same in my place?"

Liya might be lying, but why would she? Especially after she had said they had been found out? She had nothing to gain by doing so except maybe ensuring he wouldn't resent her. Moreover, she would've had to start planning for this lie back when they had discussed their future in the Blooming Heart Terrace. She would've had to lie about justice being a part of her. It was very, very unlikely.

Shen, on the other hand, would lose a lot if he let his future be shaped by the admin's lie. Even his feelings toward the drow race, which he depended on, might sour.

Liya's reveal would benefit him much more than her and had greater chances of being true than a lie. The argument about mind invasion was undeniable. The System Administrator could obviously invade his mind if she could invade Liya's.

In fact, the damn sneaky cat had said he could resist her to purposefully make him arrogant!

Being tricked by the admin didn't decrease Shen's guilt. He should've known better; he had been trained for it. Even the excuse of "it wasn't in a battle, and I was trained for combat" didn't fit because Liya had been attacked, so he should have considered everything combat!

"Fuck," Shen cursed, paradoxically feeling angry that his anger was dissipating just like that.

"I'm also curious about makeup sex," Liya said jovially, "but we're about a hundred Standard years too early for that."

That answer stunned Shen almost as much as everything else. "Aren't you upset?"

She chuckled. "Of course I am, but what you did after hearing I would kill you for my Realization makes up for it, doesn't it? Despite how much you must have been hurt, you thought of me first when it mattered the most. And you listened to me explain myself despite all your anger. I have little personal experience with relationships, but from what I have seen and heard, it makes you kind of a good catch." She winked, then moved to a sofa and sat down. "We should share our perspectives on what happened." She gestured to the sofa facing her.

The gesture was filled with meaning. Liya was giving him the space he requested when he stepped back from her—and more. She didn't blame him for everything but was also hurt. For now, she would rather avoid physical closeness.

Shen, feeling like an idiot, sat as suggested, fully conscious of the exact ten yards between them.

"I'll start," he declared and explained everything he had seen and heard while the admin was in the Summit.

= - = - =

While Shen spoke, Liya asked a few questions here and there, focusing on what he was thinking and feeling while things happened. She was obviously worried about his mind being manipulated, but her verdict was favorable.

"As far as I can tell, your mind is untouched. The System Administrator only manipulated light and sound. She changed the questions and answers you heard after I denied her for the first time."

As Shen reviewed what had transpired, he felt even more of an idiot for not realizing the truth himself. Liya's very first answer, when she refused the admin, completely contradicted the following ones.

Liya had started saying she wouldn't accumulate negative karma with Discontinuity, who had shown goodwill towards her. She had said that releasing the admin would mean negating herself, and she wouldn't do such a thing. Then, she weirdly proceeded to say she would kill people for her Realization, including Shen and her race. In hindsight, it made no sense.

Liya sighed. "Now, let me tell you what really happened.

"The Administrator's first question after my refusal to release her was whether I would remain true to my Realization if it meant the drow race's extinction. I replied that, yes, I would. But I completed saying I would be justified because I walk the Path of Karmic Balance. I owe them too much. For us to reach a point where I wouldn't be affected by their death means everything changed, and they aren't the same race that raised me. Their death would be justified.

"Then, she tested me. Would I kill the drow to advance my Path? I said only in self-defense. Would I kill you? I said the same. She praised me for my answers and tried to buy me out. If I released her, she would help me reach S-rank. When that didn't work, she threatened to prevent my Realization from becoming a set of Laws. After I refused her, what you and I remember are the same; she made it seem like she was merely testing my conviction from the beginning."

Liya sighed. "She talked to Propriety after. They reached an agreement, and you remember everything correctly. I already confirmed it with him. I remember the same."

Shen was frowning by the end. "Why would she do this to me?"

The drow shrugged and lay back. "I can think of many reasons. One of them would be to test you, too. You failed. It was probably also a way of saying she knows about us and that we should separate."

The cultivator closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then, he looked apologetically at Liya. "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "Me too. I was too self-absorbed in the psychological attack I received. I should've worried about you."

He shook his head. "You were tortured. How can I ask you to worry about me while recovering from that?"

Liya chuckled and smiled sweetly at him. "I'm not a commoner, Shen. I'm B-rank. Believe me, I can write poetry while being tortured, as long as my mind isn't permanently damaged. Even you might be able to do that after reaching C-rank. I should have thought more of you."

Shen smiled back, but his smile was filled with sadness. "It speaks very poorly of me that my almost-girlfriend thinks she owes me apologies for not writing poetry while being tortured. You suffered, Liya. I don't know exactly what happened in your mind and soul, but I saw what it did to your body. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you are supposed to. You were so hurt that you cried before me for the first time. When people are in pain, they should be taken care of, not care for others, regardless of their rank."

Her smile disappeared as she crossed her arms and looked sideways. "I'm not a commoner," she repeated firmly.

"You're not omnipotent either," Shen said as softly as he could. "A wise woman once told me that not seeing me for what I truly am would be my death. It's you we're talking about, Liya. You took weeks to get back to yourself. Would you take so long to recover if things weren't truly horrible? Don't let your pride be your unmaking."

That was the crux of it;. Liya was too prideful to admit she had suffered a lot. Her belief in her strength was a core part of her self-identity, and to her, strong people couldn't ever have a moment of weakness. She believed crying, especially in public, was a weakness her enemies would exploit. Likewise, being so hurt that she didn't function at peak effectiveness was a weakness.

The strong might suffer a defeat but not let it affect them afterward, lest they never move beyond that loss.

That made sense, of course. But she was being too radical. Having some time to recompose herself after what she had gone through was only natural.

Liya said nothing for a few minutes, and Shen sighed, "Even if—and I said if—you were wrong to get too self-absorbed—and you weren't—aren't you just doing it again? That's not you. Just ignore your feelings and pretend everything is alright while with me. Or, and that is my suggestion, just admit you were wrong. Your understanding of psychological strength was flawed by your lack of comprehension of the horror of being a victim of a truly hideous assault. You're brooding, and it only proves I'm right. Being a survivor isn't a weakness. Taking some time to balance yourself isn't a sin."

Still nothing. Shen sighed again and tried one last thing. It was cheap and too in the face, but it might work.

"See it as a unique opportunity to improve your Realization. Isn't it related to justice? You believe you offended me by negligence. I disagree. What do you think? Should you accrue negative karma regardless of my opinion? Do your circumstances make your 'negligence' inoffensive? Am I just being an idiot? Whatever the answer, you should pursue it scholarly instead of letting your ego get in the way. For your Path."

Once more, he didn't get a reaction–for hours. Eventually, he smiled sadly and apologetically, stood up, and went through one of the doors.

Shen was curious about what exactly Liya had gone through but realized he would never know. It had truly marked her. He would be a jerk to ever ask her about it or demand details if he ever shared it with him on her own.

The door led to a rustic bedroom with an enormous bed. It had been a while since he had last slept. So much had happened to him that he felt like losing consciousness for a little while. It would help his mind refresh itself. He had experienced its benefits after the tutorial.

No matter how much he controlled his existence, he couldn't replicate the uniqueness of a naturally reached sleeping state yet. Even his father, an Ethereal Harmonization cultivator who could replicate it, used to sleep every now and then.

So, Shen threw his body into the comfy bed and relaxed until sleep found him.

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