Scenes and Invite! (Patreon)

Hail all! Here are the scenes for tonight's "semi-audition" at 6:30 pm Central time, even though it's not that big a deal, as there are as yet no parts, just trying to get an idea of what folks can do!  So that said, here are the various lines.  Everyone will read maybe a minute to two minutes, but we'll be moving quick, I don't need to hear all that much, just getting an idea of what people can do, and as soon as I get that idea I'll stop you, so don't take it personally, I will stop people who are great as fast as I'll stop someone less great, once I have an idea if you can read scenes cold I'll move on!

Here's the invite link:

https://discord.gg/Wm7ZRv

And here are some lines (though you can also read something of your own, though not more than 2 minutes MAX):

 SCENE ONE

NARRATOR:

At that moment, an attractive Latin man strolled into the room with a drink on a silver tray.

RAOUL:

Pardon me Mrs. Chandler, but I made you your morning tonic.

CHARLES:

Morning martini, to be more precise. So early in the day, Mildred?

MILDRED:

It must be happy hour somewhere in the world, Charles. Thank you Raoul. Whatever would I do without you, you sweet man?

RAOUL:

It is my pleasure to serve you, Mrs. Chandler.

MILDRED:

You see Charles? His pleasure is my pleasure. At least one man in this house is concerned with my pleasure.

CHARLES:

What do you mean? I offered to send you alone on that cruise next month. I told you I'd pay for you to holiday in Switzerland without me. I even promised to ship you to Borneo during my trip to France. I care about your pleasure Mildred.

MILDRED:

You only offer to send me away!

CHARLES:

Oops. I forgot. That's my pleasure. Sorry, I got confused.

MILDRED:

Very droll. Tell me, would you send me away if you were Mr. Chandler, Raoul?

CHARLES:

He wouldn't be Mr. Chandler in that scenario Mildred, you'd be Mrs. Rodriguez.

RAOUL:

No Mrs. Chandler, I would want you to stay here so I could take care of you.

SCENE TWO

JOHN:

Let's hope there's someone home Martha. I'd hate to go to all this effort for nothing.

MARTHA:

I thought I saw a light in one of the upper towers. All we can do is ring the bell and cross our fingers.

JOHN:

Yeah...I think I'll skip the crossing part if it's all the same to you. It's a silly superstition anyway. Well, here goes nothing...

(HUGE DOORBELL SOUND)

Now that's what I call a doorbell.

MARTHA:

Like in “Young Frankenstein” when Gene Wilder says “What magnificent knockers!” and Teri Garr says “Thank you Herr Doctor”.

JOHN:

Yeah. Mel Brooks is hilarious... wait a minute...I think I see light creeping out from under the door...

(FOOTSTEPS)

MARTHA:

Listen! Someone's coming! Oh, I do hope he'll let us in!

JOHN:

Look pathetic and miserable Martha.

MARTHA:

And hungry John!

JOHN:

Yes...definitely hungry...

SCENE THREE

When I got there I saw a grand piano sticking up out of the sidewalk. A body was underneath it, just the legs sticking out. It looked like a piano out for a stroll got tired and sat down. My partner Tom Bender was already on the scene, and when he saw me he laughed and shook his head.

TOM:

Here's one for you Dex...what's black and white and red all over?

BOLT:

A piano on top of a stiff having a bad day. Who is he anyway?

TOM:

Enzo Ricco, an opera singer. Big one too.

BOLT:

Aren't they all?

TOM:

Not big fat, big famous. Though he was pretty fat too. Get this – he was rehearsing up on the 40th floor, rehearsal's over, he leaves and as he exits the building he gets smashed by the very piano he was rehearsing on.

BOLT:

Quite a coincidence. Any suspects?

TOM:

Yeah...a fat lady, a clown, and a mouse.

BOLT:

You left out Wile E. Coyote.

TOM:

No I didn't. He had an alibi.

BOLT:

Quit kidding around Tom.

TOM:

My hand to God Dex. A fat lady, a clown, and a mouse. See, this kid is going down the hall to visit his daddy at work. He's got a mouse in a paper bag he caught in the garbage can, he wants to show it to his Dad.

BOLT:

I sure would.

TOM:

Who wouldn't, it's swell, right? Problem is, a clown was entertaining the kids on the Howdy Doody in Studio B, clown comes down the hall, rounds the corner, scares the hell outta little Timmy. Timmy drops the bag, mouse runs down the hall and into the studio where Enzo was rehearsing. The fat lady he was singing with sees the mouse and jumps into the piano. Sadly she weighs almost as much as the piano, it gets knocked through the floor to ceiling window, and falls on our friend here. He went out on one sour note, brother.

BOLT:

Yeah. B-flat. Very flat.

TOM:

He couldn't help but be flat after that thing hit 'em.

BOLT:

So basically an accident then?

TOM:

I'm leaning toward charging the mouse, with Timmy as his accomplice.

BOLT:

Fingerprint the mouse, and put out an APB on Wile E. Coyote. It's his M.O. for sure.

TOM:

That piano ain't Acme Dex, it's Steinway.

BOLT:

Guess that clears the coyote. Too bad...I've been wanting to nail him for years.