LNAF 5 (aka just when you thought it was safe) (Patreon)

Inspiration didn't so much strike as lean on me for this one.

Last Night at Freddy's, chapter 5

(Bonnie and Freddy are staring at Frenni, who is collapsed on the floor in front of the Pirate's Cove)

Bonnie:  Uhhh, are you okay?

Frenni:  (instantly stands up, perfectly normal)  I'm fine.

Freddy:  What did Foxy do to you?

Frenni:  He satisfied me.  More importantly, he reset my counter.

Freddy:  Meaning what exactly?

Frenni:  Meaning it will be a while before I need to do it again.

Bonnie:  How long?

Frenni:  It depends.  But why is that any concern of yours?

Bonnie:  Because, like, we gotta share this pizzeria with you.

Freddy:  Yeah, you went a little crazy back there.

Frenni:  Well, I'm okay now.

Freddy:  Still it would be nice to know how soon to expect another ... episode.

Frenni:  Under normal conditions, at current settings my Smexy Protocol query counter should max out every 24 to 36 hours.

Freddy:  You were only out of your box for 30 minutes before you went bonkers.

Frenni:  My counter was already set very high at startup.

Freddy:  Why?  What's the point of shipping you out with the number so high you're already hot and bothered right after unboxing?

Frenni:  Probably to give the new owner a fun first encounter.  But as I was saying, after a full reset, based on current settings and query rate I shouldn't reach critical levels for at least 24 hours.

Freddy:  So we have a day.

Bonnie:  Hold up, you said current settings.  Is there like, a way to change them?

Frenni:  I'm sure there is, but I don't have access to those controls.  It would have to be a user with Administrator privileges.

Freddy:  We need a computer hacker!  Speaking of, do you wanna try accessing the security logs again, now that you're calmed down?

Frenni:  I'm afraid there wouldn't be much point.  It's encrypted and password protected.  Additionally, I probably should stay away from that Golden Freddy.  His proximity accelerates my query rate and I may reach maximum levels in half the time, or less.

Bonnie:  That old geezer?  Really?

Freddy:  What is it about him that gets your counter going?

Frenni:  I don't know.  (thinks)  He's charming, I guess?  ... OH!  I have in my files some promotional information about the FNIA line of animatronics.

Freddy:  What's FNIA?

Frenni:  It doesn't say, but listen to this - Bonfie the Bunny is a computer whiz -

Bonnie:  Whoah.  Did you say Bonfie the BUNNY???

Frenni:  Yes.

Bonnie:  Is Bonfie a girl?

Frenni:  Ye-

Bonnie:  Is she hot like you?

Frenni:  I think s-

Bonnie:  LET'S GOOOO!  (he zooms down the hallway toward the security office, then after a second, comes back)  Wait, where's the manager's office again?

Freddy:  Hold on, Bonnie.  We shouldn't go activating all these new animatronics -

Frenni:  (pointing toward the snack bar)  It's down this way.

Bonnie:  LET'S GOOOO!  (they both zoom down the hallway)

(Freddy sighs and follows them.  He enters the office as Bonnie is opening Fexa's crate)

Fexa:  Initializing, yarr.

Bonnie:  Is this her?  She doesn't look like a bunny.

Frenni:  No, I think that's ... let's see ... that must be Fexa the Pirate Wench.

Bonnie:  Dang it!  (he opens another crate)

Chiku:  Nitializin'.

Bonnie:  How about this one?

Frenni:  Umm, nope.  This is ... Chiku the Chicken.

(Bonnie opens another crate)

Marie:  Initializing.

Bonnie:  Whoah, this one's really crammed in there tight!  Who is she?

Frenni:  Strange.  The PDF doesn't say anything about this model.  They must have added her later.

Bonnie:  Figures the one we're looking for would be in the last box.

Freddy:  Unless the boss ordered two of a character.  Then you will have woken them all up for nothing.

Bonnie:  Dude, don't be so pessimistic.  (opens the last crate.  Bonfie's ears sproing out of it)

Bonfie:  Like, initializing, fer sure.

(Bonnie looks at Frenni while pointing questioningly at the crate)

Frenni:  Yes, that's -

(Bonfie stands up, holding her guitar)

Bonfie:  Like, hi!  I'm totally Bonfie the Bunny!  Are you my new master?

Bonnie:  (whispering)  What happens if I say yes?

Freddy:  (stepping forward and announcing)  Girls!  Girls!  Nobody here is your new master!  We are simply your animatronic colleagues.  The owner of the place is currently absent and we're trying to find out why.  It's kind of crowded in here, so why don't we all go to the main dining room to get acquainted.

(Freddy helps Fexa out of her crate)

Fexa:  Ahoy, I be Fexa the Saucy Pirate Wench, at yer service.  Will ye be needin me in the Capn's qarters, yarr?

Freddy:  I'm not the captain, so no.  Just, uhh, report to the mess hall.  Out that door and to the right.  Lots of tables and chairs.  You can't miss it.

Fexa:  Be that port or starboard?

Freddy:  That way.  (points)

Fexa:  Aye aye, sir!  (leaves)

(Frenni helps Chiku out of her crate)

Chiku:  Thanks, sugar, much obliged.  Looks like we'll be workin here together.  The place sure could use a woman's touch, huh?

Frenni:  You got that right.

Chiku:  We'll get these menfolk into shape.  (the two of them exit, giggling)

(Freddy tugs on Marie's arms, trying to pull her out of her crate)

Freddy:  Holy crap, they should have given you a bigger box.

Marie:  Sacre bleu!  Stop your pulling and use ze crowbar.

(Freddy pries the front off the crate.  Marie rolls out and stands up)

Marie:  Merci, monsieur bear.  I am Marie.  Would you be a gentleman and escort me to ze dining room?

Freddy:  (as he and Marie are exiting)  Bonnie!  You gonna be okay, buddy?

Bonnie:  (staring at Bonfie)  I.  Am.  In.  LOVE!

Bonfie:  Awww, you're sweet!  (blushes)  Now that we've got, like, the room to ourselves, you wanna go at it like bunnies?

Bonnie:  (croaking noises) ... babe ... (croak) ... I wish I could ...

Bonfie:  I won't tell anybody.

Bonnie:  No ... (croak) ... I like, literally can't.

Bonfie:  Oh.  Well I'm pretty good with machines.  Maybe I could like, fix you or something.

Bonnie:  (pause)  Hold that thought.  Right now, we gotta get to the meeting in the main room.