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Burnside eagerly raised her machete. (Patreon)

Published:
2023-06-29 00:50:35
Imported:
2023-10

Content

"Ooh, ooh, pick me," she insisted.  "I volunteer for this here dangerous deep cover mission!  For the good o' the cause I'll valiantly place my life on the line!"

I raised my eyebrows and looked hopefully at the other three.

"I can't go!" Gretchen squealed.  "Please, my Lord, don't send me out there.  That angry mob almost killed Petunia and me!  It was terrifying!  I'll never have a good night's sleep, ever again!"

Clearly Gretchen was too skittish for this mission.  I looked at Petunia.

"I mean, I maybe could do it, I guess," she shrugged.  "But I'd rather, like, get some payback, y'know, kicking ass, casting spells and throwing hexes or whatever."

Nope, Petunia was calm but definitely didn't have the right energy for this.  Plus, her manner of speech didn't resemble Didelphis' at all.

"What about you?" I asked, turning to Chloe.  "You can fly away if things go wrong."

"O-oh!" she stammered.  "I could, th-that's true.  I've known Didelphis for a while.  I-it's just that I've, uhh, never done anything like this before.  D-deceiving an entire town, that's, that's something!  And what if, what if I make a mistake and g-get everyone killed?"

She wasn't panicking like Gretchen, but she was obviously nervous.  I wasn't confident that Chloe would hold up under pressure.

"Are you absolutely sure I can't do it?" Rebecca asked.  "I should be able to pose as Didelphis without lying if I practice at it.  We have two days."

"Enough yappin!" Burnside snapped.  "Are you really gonna send these li'l girls out to do a grown femme's job?"

"Little?" Rebecca repeated, scowling down at Burnside.

"Height ain't everything," Burnside sneered.  "Unlike the rest o' yall, I am an experienced agent.  Believe it or not, I am capable of tact an subtlety.  Just ain't my first choice, is all.  Gonna be a disaster waitin to happen if'n you send any o' these greenhorns out on a mission with no trainin or nothin."

"You're a disaster waiting to happen," I pointed out.  "I've known you long enough to say that with confidence.  Can you restrain your violent impulses?  Besides, Didelphis has distinct mannerisms and traits you'll have to mimic.  You only met her once."

"What's there to know?" Burnside exclaimed.  "That ol' crone only has four personality traits:  She's proud o' bein old an ugly, she's obsessed with bakin, she cackles constantly, an she hates Oonagh."

"What if they ask you about Didelphis's past?" I countered.

"Why shoot, you been teachin Rebecca how to use Elfmind.  Reckon now's a good time to put it to use.  Just glamer her up to look like a random townie, an if there's history questions she can feed me the answers mentally."

"Yes!" Rebecca blurted excitedly.  "That's an excellent idea!"

"Huh," I grunted, looking at Burnside with newfound ... admiration wasn't quite the word ... "That might actually work.  Excuse me for a moment."

I lifted the Mumble-Mug to my face and tugged on the string.

"Ash, are you still there?"

"Can't dawdle about for much longer," Ash complained.  "Have you selected someone else?"

"Burnside has volunteered," I stated flatly.

"Excellent choice!" Ash declared.  I could almost hear him beaming through the mug.

"You really think so?" I asked.

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Comments

Anonymous

Excellent choice! There's nothing that can go wrong, at least not in ways that won't be morbidly entertaining!

Anonymous

>Ash: Yes, you really think so. Burnside is the most experienced person currently in Adler's employ, aside from you and Lana, and is therefore the most logical choice. Also, she is an elf and inherently more valuable and most likely to succeed. And if things go sour, Burnside's combat experience will allow her to extract Oonagh and Didelphis and escape. Since the end goal is to rescue them both, that will still be a successful mission. >Adler: But Oonagh's reputation will be forever tarnished. She'll be permanently labeled a witch. She'll never be able to show her face in civilization again. >Ash: Yes, but Adler should have thought of that before putting her in this situation to begin with. He should take this as a lesson to THINK before he acts. He cannot always expect that others will be able to step in and clean up his messes. With you presiding over the trial, the odds are stacked in Adler's favor. Now then, if you understand correctly, the plan Adler wishes to enact is: Burnside will show up at the trial in a dramatic reveal disguised as Didelphis and, without actually lying, imply that child Didelphis is her relative having an out of control tantrum, then O'Hoppity, if he knows what's good for him, will step forward and declare he was mistaken. The mob will be diffused and all charges against Oonagh will be dropped. Then you can all sweep this incident under the rug and get back on track. Is this the plan Adler wants to go with? After this call is finished, there will not be enough time to change course. >Adler: The fact Ash is happy with you selecting Burnside is making you have second thoughts. Is he playing mind games with you? Should you choose someone else just to spite him? No, that's petty. And doing the opposite of what he thinks you should do is still letting him control your actions. You need to pick a path and stick to it regardless of what he thinks. >Ash: Well? Time's running out. You both have preparations to make. You have already conceded that Adler is in charge here. What does he want to do? >Adler: Yes. This is the plan you want to go with. >Ash: Very well. You will make sure the members of the jury are favorably disposed towards Oonagh and you will make sure O'Hoppity knows what is expected of him. The trial is in two days. Adler should have an ixie tail you so you can send word when the exact time will be once everything is finalized. Adler should spend that time getting Burnside up to speed. >Adler: You will take care of it. >Ash: Excellent. It's always a pleasure to talk to him. Take care. >Adler: As the line goes silent. You lower the mug from your ear. The worst part about speaking with Ash is even when he says you're in charge, it always sounds like he thinks he's speaking to a child. You look over and see your entourage looking at you expectantly. >Rebecca: What does he want you all to do?