The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0074 (Patreon)

EDWARD: Anonymous asks: Did you date any of your secretaries when you were a private investigator?

Not as such. You see, while dating a sharp-tongued secretary might have fulfilled every red-blooded man's dream of being the hard-boiled private detective, the secretary in question needs to be amenable. Mine were not. That's not to say we didn't get along - most of the time. For example, Wanda was as nervous as a lab rat. I had to keep conversation to a minimum for the longest time, to avoid spooking her. Query and Echo, I think, spoil me in that respect. It's far too easy for me to assume that any woman I meet will be able to throw me off a building if I cross her. Fortunately, by the time Wanda came along, I'd already dealt with Mabel, and she'd managed to reintegrate me into society a little. Ah, Mabel. She's working for Goldrock Fuel these days, I understand; according to her last letter, it's a refreshingly straightforward nest of vipers, and the backstabbings are nice and routine. It seems to be all she wants - at least, for the immediate future. Spending a year as my secretary was more than enough to shy her away from the more colourful forms of crime. Which is a pity, since she was a holy terror when she was in my employment. Knowing where all the paperwork is filed is just another version of knowing where bodies are buried.