I Reincarnated as My Waifu, What Do? 4 (Patreon)

They say every man has his price.

This is incorrect; I can tell you right here and now that everybody has multiple prices. No two men have exactly the same price, no two warriors will have to shed the same amount of blood, sweat and tears before they consider the other a brother, and no politician accepts only one kind of bribe.

Needless to say, when the grand majority of the politicians and vultures circling the royal palace were old men, there were certain advantages to my appearance, position and my father's reputation. Few, if any, thought of me as anything but the blessed bimbo that I appeared to be from a distance.

After all, I am blonde, my breasts are enormous, I'm short and despite how much I try, I can't put muscle on my body - even as I find myself growing alongside the royal guardsmen whose training I have joined.

In many ways, people assuming I'm a brainless twit is a tremendous advantage. Especially as I move about the court, as those who seek to curry favor with my father approach me.

In particular, today I'm responded to an invitation for tea from an ambitious Earl who governed lands east of the capital. I'd been invited after an audience with my father; as I had pretended to be distracted. In particular, I'd struck conversation with the Earl Amon's wife, Duchess Ginevra of Garand.

The Kingdom's nobilical hierarchy was confusing at first, but once I understood it, it came a bit more easily. A baron was effectively the mayor of a small plot of land, several such plots would be conglomerated into an earldom, and a handful of earldoms were in turn a dukedom. All the duchies together made up the Kingdom of Trom.

A chain of leadership, going from the lowest of landed nobility, to the highest. Not quite how I expected it to be; but simple and logical. What meaning, after all, did titles have, but the meaning we gave them?

The Earldom of Garand was full of fertile lands, farmlands that fed much of the lands around them, and they were home to a large portion of Trom's population. Certainly among the most important, and the Duchy of Garensis in general was the second most prosperous and wealthy part of the Kingdom in general - after the Capital City, ruled directly by father, of course.

Traveling here took a full day, by carriage, and I considered it certainly worth the time and effort.

After all, I suspected Earl Bernard of Garand of not being particularly honest or open about the state of his lands.

"Are you certain of this, Princess?"

Jeannette, ever the faithful servant, had accompanied me at my request. I wished to not be alone in potentially hostile lands, beyond the guards that followed me and were part of my entourage everywhere I went. 

Sir Otto's chosen few, whom he trusted not only to keep me safe, but to keep their lips shut about anything that they saw. Not that they'd talk, they were just as deep in my pocket as the One Armed Beast was. 

I blushed slightly, as I thought of the methods through which I ensured the loyalty of the driver of our carriage, and the man who sat beside him keeping him awake with chatter and diversion, as well as the three men who rode on individual horses around the carriage.

"Are you running a fever perhaps?" Jeannette asked.

I shook my head. "Hardly, I am merely lost in thought."

"Careful," she said, cheekily, "ensure you're not gonna think yourself into a stupor."

I rolled my eyes. "Jeannette, we might be getting into real trouble here. This man, I fear his loyalty is not to the Kingdom, not to my Father, and certainly not to any good end."

As I talked, Jeannette nodded. "If you're sure of that, Princess..." she said, scratching her chin. "Still, what are we doing here, if you think him a traitor? Wouldn't it be better to expose him?"

"Would that I could just do that," I lamented, "but he has not done anything overtly treasonous, I merely caught him in a lie. Could not prove it, but I've seen the reports submitted by the duke of Garensis, and there are inconsistencies and incongruency between it and what the Earl spoke of."

"So he's basically been lying to evade taxes? Don't all nobles do that?"

"That's just it, by the rumors I've heard, there's been strange movement about the lands, brigands have been attacking caravans, stealing grain... yet few, if any murders or injuries. No homes, houses or villages pillaged. The theft is always of the caravans meant for the capital, never of the silos or storages bound for the duchy's own consumption and use..."

"That's strange, if they're that vulnerable you'd think they'd be getting attacked everywhere, right?" Jeannette asked, confused.

"Precisely," I said, frowning. "Furthermore, he has not requested aid from the Duchy or the Kingdom, and the Barons who respond to him have sent no messages either... In truth, it's all very suspicious, that this is happening. Either he's letting it happen, or he's complicit."

Jeannette shrugged. "I'm not really the type to worry overly much. Do you have plans here, princess?"

I nodded. "I do," I explained. "I intend to stay here for a couple of days, and under the cover of the night, you and I will attempt to discover evidence of his dealings. We shall search his files, his study, his office - wherever we may get to," I said, "and then we're going to tip off someone who can deal with this without our involvement becoming too obvious."

She nodded. "Sounds like an idea, princess. I'm in!"

Indeed... we would arrive at Earl Bernard's house within that day, and he and his wife would receive me and my party with open arms, housing us in his manor. Needless to say, they spared no expense, currying favor with the King's beloved daughter was after all a simply logical course of action.

A blessed princess, bound to be Queen, and an influential one at that... Well, it wasn't shocking that they sought my approval.

I was able to utilize the power of my skill to follow the men stationed around me for protection, and through the sight granted to me by my Imperial Privilege, as I asked them to position themselves around the mansion, I was able to keep an eye on the Earl and his wife as they went about their day.

This meant that I had plenty of opportunity, alongside Jeannette, to check the house. 

Unfortunately for me... the Earl apparently had some sort of skill that warned him that there might be incoming problems, because my awareness of the mansion soon told me that Bernard was headed to where Jeannette was located.

Jeannette was currently in the Earl's personal library, and based on what I could see through her senses and through my skill's power, she was certainly on to something - checking a hidden room behind one of the bookshelves.

Which meant... I had to go buy her time.

Joy of joys.

I dashed, lifting my heavy skirts with my hands, and thanked my insistence on not being a delicate little flower for the physical abilities, for the enhancement to my Perfect Body skill, that allowed me to cut the Earl off as he headed towards Jeannette.

Well, it was time.

Earl Bernard was a regular sized man, with a bit of a gut and a thick beard. He had a full head of hair, but much of it was tinged silver. Apparently a man of action in his youth, and still possessed of some degree of martial skills. Information available to those loyal to me was information available to me, and I could see what my people knew of this man thanks to my Privilege.

And more importantly... 

His beady, dark eyes focused on my heaving breasts as I hurried in his direction, and I knew exactly what to do, affecting a tone of mild distress. "Oh my, Earl Bernard, how happy I am to see you, you would not believe!" I said, injecting a bit of my very real nervousness into my voice. "I was admiring your delightful artwork, that wonderful statue, and then I was distracted by that large quilt depicting the conquest of Rubidion, and by the time I knew what was happening, I was in a totally unfamiliar part of your manor!"

The man seemed to relax, then, as his eyes never left my tits.

"Ah, your highness, then I am glad to have found you," he said. "please, allow me to escort you to the guest quarters, if you would?"

I smirked within, while offering him a vacant smile. "That would be wonderful, thank you," I said, curtseying as I had been taught to. 

"This way," he said, and gestured for me to follow. As he walked me to the guest quarters, I asked him about anything I could - the history behind a vase, the details of the art decoration choices, and even what kind of windows he preferred - anything, so long as it bought Jeannette more time to find what we were looking for.

Unfortunately, by the time we reached my room, she was still very much still looking for anything that would lead to a discovery. 

And unfortunately, it meant that I needed... to do something drastic, lest he go back to listening to whatever skill it was that was sending him signals about his private places being disrupted.

The Earl was not attractive in any way, shape or form - he was a rotten man, in poor shape and whose hygiene was at best questionable. He did not have an overtly bad smell, but the fact that his regular scent was comparable to the guardsmen when they'd been hard at work all day, should give you a bit of an idea of where we stood here.

Unfortunately... he was also yet another one of those men who saw me as a piece of meat, who saw my body first, second, and only. And that meant... there was an easy way to distract him.

First, as I entered my room, I angled my foot so that my shoe caught on the carpet and, with a painful thud, fell on my front. The man almost panicked - my father's tantrums whenever I got so much as a scrape were a bit of a legend - but I was hardly done then.

I was quick to scramble to my feet, but I ensured that I did so in such a way that would show off my physical form, as much as my dress with its thick skirts would allow - it rode just low enough that the curve of my butt could be seen from the right angle, pushing against my skirts. I then sat on the bed that had been provided for me.

"Owwie," I whined, rubbing at my chest. "That really hurt!"

Bernard's eyes almost bulged out of his skull, as I did so in front of him, taking good care to massage my breast in the closest way to 'innocently lewd' I could muster. I wasn't very good at lewd things yet, and had been mostly coasting on this body, but I thought the Earl would do most of the job, and I was right.

I turned to him. "I think the floor's okay, the carpet was soft and cushioned me!" I said, giving him a bright smile. "I think I hurt my chest though."

"H-H-Hurt, hurt your ch-chest how, princess?" the man asked, swallowing suddenly thick saliva.

I hummed. "I think I might've gotten a nasty bruise," I said, as I grabbed at the decolletage of my dress, the plunging neckline meant to draw attention to my cleavage and remind everyone I'm a big breasted blonde that obviously could not possibly be planning anything shady, and pulled it aside, letting one of my oversized breasts pop out of its cover, grabbing at it with the other hand.

"Right here," I said, pointing at a random spot, "it kinda hurts real bad!"

He approached. "Ah, ah, your highness, I, ah, need to take a closer look..."

He did, in fact, take that closer look, approaching my chest with unashamed and naked lust, sitting beside me.

"It looks okay to me," he said, salivating at the sight.

"It still hurts," I said, part of my attention on Jeannette as she continued running through every document she could find. "At times like this, when I got hurt or something, Father would kiss it better, and then the pain would go away!"

I am fully certain, the man could not believe his luck. 

"P-Princess, w-would y-you like m-me, to, t-to, to kiss it b-better?" he asked.

Jeannette, hurry!

"You would?" I asked, feigning enthusiasm, then puffing out my breast and showing him the 'area' that 'hurt'. "Please!"

Needless to say, he took the opportunity, and he took it with both hands, and he grabbed onto it with his mouth as well. His arms moved of their own volition, I'm sure, and grabbed at my left thigh and upper right arm, not quite pinning them in place, just... there. His mouth, rather than the spot I indicated, closed in on my nipple.

Despite myself... my body reacted. "O-Oh, Mr. Bernard, that tickles!" I said, faking an innocent air.

"Don't worry, Princess, that's just- that's just my skill, yeah," he said. "I have a skill that will help me heal you, but you must do everything I say, alright?"

"Sounds great!" I said, as if I believed him even for a moment. "What should I do?"

He grinned nastily. "I have to make a special juice that will help you heal, would you like to help me make it?"

I nodded. "What do I need to do?"

He took one of my hands in one of his, and took it to his crotch, where his very  normal penis was stretching the crotch of his pants. I faked a gasp, which almost turned into an accidental yawn, though I was able to contain myself.

"Oh, Mr. Bernard, this feels strange... it's hot, and hard, but it feels nice..."

Jeannette's excitement was building, and I realized she was likely approaching the point of finding something useful. Just a little more.

I began to stroke him, as he instructed me. 

As I did, he continued playing with my breasts, both my exposed left boob, and my covered right one, sucking onto my nipple.

The hand that was playing with my covered tit began to descend, trailing down my flat tummy and to my lap. Without hesitation or shame, he pulled up my dress, enough that it bunched up and revealed my lacy white underthings.

I opened my mouth, thought better, and shook my head. "Mr. Bernard, that's not the spot that hurt..."

"It's just what I need to do to produce the healing juice, you just continue stroking that rod okay?"

I nodded, shakily, as his fingers began to ghost around my covered mound with disturbingly effective motions - practiced ones, this man was no slouch with his hands, I began to realize, even as his ghosting and light touches became more furtive, more insistent caresses.

Soon, he made me remove his pants, revealing his... completely normal, and surprisingly not smelly, penis. I think he could not really see it below his belly, however it didn't really matter.

He could feel my hand on it, no doubt, and he could feel my strokes. I was not really that good at this, and it helped sell the image of an ignorant, virginal and foolish princess.

Unfortunately, another thing that made me look like a virgin, as much as it played to my advantage, was the fact that he was really, really good at playing with my vagina, and I hated it. I hated that this gross man was making me feel good...

And it became a thousand times worse when he plunged his fingers under the waistband of my underwear, and began playing with my genitalia directly. Even trying to keep myself thinking of this as a purely clinical transaction, dry and without passion, I could not help but be forced to gasp, moan and openly express my satisfaction.

"That feels good, Mr. Bernard!" I encouraged him, knowing that I hated the truthfulness of it, and kept part of my mind focused on the information streaming at me from Imperial Privilege.

Soon. Soon. Jeannette, please, please hurry, I don't want to-

"Aah, princess, princess, your hand is so soft and nice, and your pussy's so wet and warm, I've never felt anything like this, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make the healing juice soon!"

What?

What!? 

He... he was gonna orgasm, that meant he was orgasming, right?

He then removed himself from me, and stood before me, as I was still seated, this meant his waist was close to level with my face, and he was standing with his dick in hand, stroking furiously.

I was a bit shocked at the sudden loss of stimulation still, my brain not having quite caught up with the events, as he growled, "open your mouth, princess!" and I followed his instruction automatically, half on autopilot.

His cum was hot, bitter and sticky; and I was glad that I didn't have to fake choking on it and spitting it out. It tasted bad, and I didn't have any sort of incentive to pretend I was enjoying it either - after all, I was playing a virginal and innocent girl here!

He grinned. "If you don't drink your healing juice," he said, "the pain won't go away!"

"I think I managed to swallow some of it!" I said, even as I wiped at my mouth. "The pain is gone!"

Unfortunately, that pain was replaced with frustration.

How dare he, how DARE he, just cum on his own like that?! I was so close, too, I was actually feeling good!

And as I noted, Jeannette with a wide grin, was leaving the room, leaving everything intact, as if she'd never been there. 

Success!

"Well, Princess, if you ever need me to help, ah, soothe your pains... you know where to find me," he said with a pretend-charming wink.

I almost wanted to slap him, but I bid him a falsely grateful goodbye as he left, and settled to await Jeannette's report.

Well, that'd be delayed a bit. Jeannette would spend the following hour after her return with her head stuck between my legs, because I was left so frustrated by that selfish asshole that I couldn't even think straight!