Journal Comic - I'm Functional (Patreon)

Narration: I've been having pretty significant bipolar swings the last couple months, so I  checked in with my psychiatrist about my meds.
Psychiatrist: So, how are you doing?
Erika: I'm functional.

Erika: I go to work. I make jokes with my friends. I have a good relationship with my husband. I  can perform like a normal person for the most part,

Erika: I'm not suicidal, I'm not going to hurt myself, I'm not a danger to others, and I just feel... <Stuff that isn't safe to share on the internet.> ...The feelings are more intense right now, but...

Erika: But I'm functional.

Psychiatrist: And what do you do when you find yourself thinking those kinds of thoughts? How do you snap yourself out of it?

Erika: I... I don't? It's just a room that I live in every day.

Erika: But I can still act like a person. I can perform my responsibilities. I'm functional.

Psychiatrist: Hm. Ok. So either...

Psych: ...I want you to enroll in an Intensive Outpatient Program right now--

Erika: What?

Psych: --or I'd like to have you hospitalized.

Erika: WHAT?!

Erika: But... But I'm functional!

Erika: Hospitals and outpatient programs, those are for people who can't take care of themselves! They can't work or maintain their relationships or... or... or FUNCTION.

Erika: *I* can *function*!!!

Psych: *Can* you?

Erika: I mean... Except for the days when I can't...

Erika: ...Would they even let me in? I pass as a normal person, I'm super high functioning, I've mostly got my shit together.
Psych: It's for people struggling with mental illness at lots of different stages and intensities.

Psych: You're <A description of your mental illness, trauma, and triggers that are not safe to share online.> Yeah, I think you qualify.

Erika: Uh. Wow. Haha, sorry. I feel like you just held up a photograph of me naked and I, uh, I wasn't expecting to see me naked, you know? Haha.

Psych: Haha, sorry. Did it sound accurate?
Erika: ...yeah...

Erika: Yeah. Fine. Ok.

Erika: Gimme the info for the outpatient thing. I they can help...

Erika: I'm up for anything that might make a difference.

Erika: I can't keep living like this.

Erika: I need help.

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I'm taking IOP (Intensive Outpatient Classes) two days a week at my hospital and I ✨love✨ it so far, but I've only gone for a week so maybe the shine will wear off. I have turned so many donated magazines into collages about my feelings. If this "comics" thing doesn't turn out, I'm gunna switch gears to being a Feelings Collagist. WATCH OUT WORLD.

Without putting any pressure on myself to follow through, I'm hoping to produce a few more comics about my time there. Because what's the point of going to IOP if you can't mine it for comics content? That's... that's why everyone else is there, right?

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Before Commenting:

I appreciate that folks may get excited and want to share advice with me or analyze the  conversation I condensed into this comic, but I do not have the mental or emotional bandwidth to take on suggestions from people outside of my care team, or to explain, defend, or justify what little information I've included here. Real life is far more complicated and elaborate than I could ever fit into a coherent, simplified three page comic, but please feel confident in knowing that so much more was discussed and evaluated than what I've presented here. Thank you so, so, so much for understanding and for not making suggestions about, or challenging, my care. Thank you!!!