My Instagram Perfect Home (Patreon)

Lest I have created the illusion that I live in an Instagram-perfect house that overflows with vibrant plants, whimsical dildos, and a plethora of inventive handmade crafts, allow me to introduce you to our refrigerator, which requires the support of a long ago abandoned kettlebell to remain fully closed because the airtight seal doesn’t work any more. 

I’m not even sharing with you guys how we taped paper over the bottom half of the windows on the back door so Flapjack can’t see the neighbor Cat because it makes him “mark” inside the house to reaffirm his “territory”, even though that other cat is OUTSIDE so if you’re gunna reinforce your borders with concentrated stinkpiss shouldn’t you ALSO do that OUTSIDE? Where the intruder is intruding???? Oh, also, our house smells like cat piss. Just a little. A delicate hint remains after our various cleaning efforts. 

WELCOME TO MY PERFECT INSTAGRAM HOME.