My Beet Sketchbook and Text That Has No Relation to It. (Patreon)

A friend recently commented to Matt and me how he doesn’t plan on having children, so he’s really looking to invest more deeply into his friendships as his getting-old-and-having-a-support-network-who-will-take-care-of-him-and-vice-versa plan. 

Hm. I mean. That sounds kind of mercenary when I write it out like that? He worded it better. It was very sweet, actually, because he was talking about our friendship, and how there’s… there’s a solid root here. We all care about each other a lot. We’re not all, like, a PERFECT MATCH or anything. You know, how you meet somebody and you’re like OMG WE’RE SOUL MATES? It’s not that. There’s stuff about us three that doesn’t all jive, we get on each other’s tits on occasion (It's ok, we talk about!).

But. 

There’s a lot of our relationship that DOES fit, like little puzzle pieces all slotting together. 

And. 

I think about family a lot. A LOT. (You’ve probably noticed)

I cut off all contact with my mother about eight years ago, I have limited contact with my father and even less with my brother. I ran away. I had to. 

And I have this mindset that if I am the kind of person who can abandon my family, my flesh and blood, then I am the kind of person who can abandon my friends. And. I am. I’ve done it. …Wait, this isn’t supposed to be a post about ending friendships. That’s a different post. I’ve written about it before.

What am I even trying to say? 

I don’t have a biological family and I’m 97% sure I’m not going to have kids (feel free to dredge this post up should that ever change and we can all have a good laugh about it together) and… Dude. What happens when Matt and I are old? Who’s gunna give a shit about us when we’re decrepit creaky old husks who can’t leave the house? 

Our friends. Our friend-family. 

Uhg. I’m sorry. I’m not explaining this quite right. First I tell you that I’m the kind of person who has walked away from friendships and then I’m like “MY FRIENDS ARE MY FAMILY, WE’LL BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER WHEN WE’RE OLD” I have words to justify this, experiences that back this up, but my brain is just too scattered to piece it together into a coherent narrative I can share with others right now. 

Ok. Start over. Pretend you didn’t read everything I wrote after that first paragraph. Boop, deleted.

I love my friends. I mean, I love my friends the way normal people love their families. You entertain each other, you drive each other crazy, and you take care of each other even when it’s inconvenient because you fuckin’ love each other, including all your strengths and flaws. 

He came over last night, our friend I was talking about earlier. It was a spur-of-the-moment invitation, and he and Matt played Star Wars Rebellion (the board game) while I sketched on the couch in front of the fire and at some point I dozed off and it was… everything. 

We three, we were warm and we were happy and sometimes we get on each others’ tits and that's ok because we talk about it and we will be there for each other as we grow old. 

PS: MY BEETS ARE GETTING SO BIG!!!! I mean, they're still tiny. But they're BIG tiny!!!!