Kiss Me, Bro! (Patreon)

I’ve wanted my best friend from the first time our eyes met, all the way back in high school. It was just my luck that I’d fall for a straight guy and one who didn’t have an ounce of sexual curiosity in him. It didn’t matter that of all the jocks on the baseball team I easily had the best body, he never saw me as anything other than his best friend. I was even capable of swaying some of the other guys on the team to at least try out a little guy-on-guy action but unfortunately, despite my best efforts, Doug simply wasn’t interested and instead continually pursued girls who always left him heartbroken after a few months. I knew I could treat him right and it was frustrating that the world had conspired to make us incompatible in such a fashion. 

The news story that thousands of people around the world had seemingly switched bodies at complete random almost went over my head, I was so distracted in chatting up my latest Grindr hook-up who would no doubt leave me disappointed when I thought about how much better a match Doug would be for me. Of course, it was a pretty wild news story but interesting shit like that didn’t happen in my life so I put it out of mind and sure enough within a couple days I had completely forgotten all about it. I was living my life like normal, pining over my best friend and flatmate while pretending not to have a crush on him at all. I didn’t want to jeopardize the friendship we shared by cluing Doug in to how I felt - that was too damn risky a move.

It wasn’t anything unusual for Doug to join me for a couple of beers and a few games of Call of Duty, nor was it even that unusual for him to grab me and attempt to tickle me when I got in a few too many kills on his character for my liking. As such I didn’t even start to notice the oddities in his behaviour for a few  more weeks. Every time he slung his arm around my shoulder or even pressed a rough kiss to the side of my temple I made an excuse for his behaviour. Maybe there’d been another girl to break his heart, only that didn’t seem accurate when I put thought into it. He’d stopped bringing girls over for late night romps, in fact he’d stopped talking about them altogether which I was truly thankful for. I’d never really cared what Tiffany or Amy or whatever bimbo he was dating that week had a dream about or what new diet fad she was trying out. The only reason I ever even tolerated those conversations was because his voice was smooth like chocolate and watching his lips was a sensual experience in itself.

When I started waking up to cooked breakfasts and being offered back rubs after long days at work though, I finally began to suspect that something was up. Doug was a nice guy but he was never that and considerate. Sure, I appreciated what he was doing for me, but the thoughtfulness and consideration felt somewhat suspicious to my cynical mind. When he finally started sporting a tank top with the words “KISS ME BRO” in rainbow styling though, I settled upon my answer: Doug had been involved in the global body swap and whoever it was in his body now was definitely less straight than he had been!

Once I knew what was going on it was impossible to ignore. I could see the intensity in his eyes whenever he looked at me; the eyes whispering dirty secrets that made me weak at the knees. Doug would never look at me like that, that was for damn sure. Whoever it really was behind that familiar face though was getting more and more confident by the day, which often meant wearing less and less. Seeing that perfectly sculpted body on display so regularly was as torturous as it had always been but knowing that Doug wasn’t present to drop a disappointing “no homo” in the middle of our flirtatious banter only made things more complicated.

The right thing to do would have been to call him out and explain that I knew he wasn’t really Doug. Scientists were trying to find a way to undo the swaps and even though they hadn’t made much progress they were asking for the mismatched pairs to come forward. It would probably take time but there was a chance that I could get my Doug back. That was the thing that stopped me though: he was never my Doug. He always belonged to some girl with big tits and a perky ass, never to me. I knew it was incredibly selfish but with whoever was now in Doug’s body, I finally had a chance to make him mine and I wanted it so badly…

By playing ignorant and pretending like everything is fine and normal I’m being a bad friend, I get that. As our lips finally crash together in the most passionate kiss I’ve ever experienced though, I know I can be a damn good boyfriend!