Because Coach Says So (Patreon)

My college roommate and I couldn't really be more opposite if we tried. Aaron was a football jock who was proud of his good grades and soldiered on through stereotypes while I was a skinny skater kid barely making it through my classes on poor grades. Anybody might suspect that we were at odds more often than not or even that I was jealous of his lifestyle and success but I'm happy to say that it was never the case. 

Things changed recently though and it all links back to one little phrase Aaron keeps saying - "Because Coach says so." Now I knew that Aaron had a lot of respect for his coach, as was often the way with those jock-types, but lately it's been taken to extremes. He dropped Ancient History, a class I knew he was pretty passionate about and when I asked why I was greeted with those four words as a response.

He began ditching our usual gaming sessions on a Saturday morning to spend more hours in the gym and when I asked why - "Because Coach says so." I was beginning to hear the phrase with more frequency and it was concerning me. Why did Coach Bateman's word matter so much to Aaron anyway? Just as I was contemplating this, things started to get a little more wild.

Aaron started drinking some new type of protein shake three times a day - take one guess who told him to - and within a week I was beginning to see changes to my roommate's appearance. It wasn't just his musculature that was increasing either. Facial hair grew out around his jawline and neck where I'd never seen even an inch of stubble before. The marks left behind from years of acne faded into oblivion, leaving Aaron with the appearance of somebody who moisturized regularly when I knew he did no such thing.

Hell, even the way he dressed began to change. Aaron had never been the stereotypical jock - he had too much heart and brain in him for that - but he's flannel shirts were traded out for tank tops and his tattered jeans became tennis shorts. I rarely saw him without a baseball cap on and he paused in front of every reflective surface to check himself out.

There was something wrong with my roommate and I was determined to work it out, which was why I went to confront the coach. He wasn't very forthcoming but he remarked that I was a good friend for being worried about Aaron and then gifted me with some of the same protein shake that he gave to my roommate. I felt compelled to take the gift and once I had my first drink from it, even I could admit that it was pretty damn good.

If you're still wondering why I'd ever do such a thing, the answer's really very simple - because Coach says so!