I'm Trying (Patreon Reward Story) (Patreon)

Thank you so much for the support. I hope you enjoy what I came up with :)

This story is very much based on the idea of what it might actually be like if you went from Male 2 female

I’m Trying.

Have you ever wished for something so hard that once you finally got what you wanted, it wasn’t as amazing as you once thought?

Now, I know that sounds incredibly ungrateful, but I can’t stop myself from wondering if my life before was just easier. No one expected anything of me, and I didn’t have to put any effort in. But now I’ve been gifted my ultimate desires, I’m struggling to adjust to everyone’s new expectations.

See, about a week ago I was an ordinary teenage boy. Just sort of floating through life with no real direction. However, something about my male body never really felt right. I’d look in the mirror and I’d not see my true self staring back.

I knew from an early age that I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. It’s been hard growing up and pretending to give a crap about all the macho shit boys are supposed to like! All I ever wanted to do was wear my mom’s heels and chit-chat with my gal pals.

About three days ago, I was granted my wish. I woke up and everything about me had changed! I woke in the body of a girl! Breasts, vagina, round ass, wide hips—the works, An actually female!

At first, I thought I’d just swapped bodies with someone, which freaked me out! However, it soon became apparent, from what my new female body looks like, that I’m still me—just the female version!

I have no idea how it happened and everyone around me struggles to come up with a reasonable explanation! My parents are still in a state of shock! I guess that’s understandable—their son is now a girl!

I can’t begin to tell you how uncomfortable it’s been with them. Even the smallest things seem like the hardest work. My dad keeps calling Ryan even when I’ve asked them to call me Erin.

Annoying!

I guess it’s going to take time for everyone to adjust. It’s turned my life upside down! I mean, right now I’m standing here in my room this morning, not really sure what I’m doing!

Life used to be so much easier!

“Ryan!?” I hear my dad calling up from downstairs.

Still just wearing one of my old t-shirts and my borrowed underwear, I open my bedroom door. “What!?” I squeak back, still fine-tuning how to use my new female voice.

“Penny’s here!” he shouts back. “I’m sending her up.”

Penny is my best friend. She’s the first person I told about my spontaneous gender switch and my current ‘Yoda’ of all things girly.

Wanting at my door, Penny soon appears, and she’s got the brightest smile on her face.

“Hey, Pen,” I greet her, opening my door for her to come inside.

She grins wider. “You’re Dad’s still calling your Ryan, huh?”

“Yeah,” I answer with a nervous chuckle. “I have asked him not to.”

Penny looks me up and down and she makes my entire body go bright red! I’ve been so self-conscious about my change that instantly think the worst when anyone looks at me for more than just a second.

“You aren’t dressed yet!?” she grumbles, entering my room. “We can’t be late for school again!”

Closing the door behind me, I push my back up against it and let out the longest sigh.

“Where do I start…!?” I whine, touching the straggly long hairs dangling in front of my eyes. “I’m stressing and all I want to do is crawl back into bed!”

Penny drops her school bag on the floor and looks around my room. I can tell she’s judging me, but I’m still glad she’s here.

“Is this because of what Dane said yesterday?” she asks gently, tilting her head to one side.

I fold my arms tight and puff the hair from my eyes. “No.”

“Don’t let the things that idiot says get to you, Erin,” Penny says passionately. “Do you still have boy parts down there?” she asks in a condescending manner

I awkwardly fidget and cross my legs to hide that area of my body. “No….,” I sigh, almost missing the little guy. “It’s just how am I supposed to prove it, so everyone stops saying it!”

“You can’t,” Penny replies moving over to my open and messy closet to look inside. “Just laugh along with the bullies for now. It doesn’t matter if they think you’ve still got your penis or not. It’s none of their business. As soon as the next big thing happens, you’ll be forgotten about anyway.”

I look down at myself and the thoughts and feelings of my old body flood my mind. All those hours I’d spend ‘entertaining’ that part of myself and now it’s gone! Just having people talk about it reminds me of it and makes me feel so strange.

It’s like trying to get over an ex-girlfriend, but you work with her and see her all the time!

“Maybe I should call in sick today,” I mumble, tucking hair behind my ears. “Call it a mental health day.”

Touching all my old boy's clothes and some of the girly stuff I’ve been borrowing, Penny looks back over her shoulder and gives me a sympathetic look.

“I can understand that,” she says with a comforting smile. “There’s a lot of pressure on us girls to be and look a certain way. As much as I want to tell you to just be yourself, I know it’s not that easy.”

Penny looks back into the closet and pulls out a white button shirt and shows it to me. “I can’t possibly understand the mental toil having your gender-swapped causes, Erin. If it happened to me, I’d probably lock myself in my bedroom too.”

“That might happen,” I answer, shaking my head at the shirt she’s suggesting I wear. “I randomly had my gender-swapped—maybe it’ll happen to others too! Maybe you’ll become a boy!”

Penny's eyes grow wide for a moment, and she crosses her legs. “You think so?” she gasps in shock. “I could wake up with trouser snake?”

Her expression makes me smile and I quickly begin to giggle. “They’d call you ‘Penny three legs’,” I joke.

“That would give Dane quite the scare!” Penny laughs. “Imagine If I really did have the biggest willy in school. All those silly boys would be so jealous!”

Imagining the thought of my best friend trying to hide her super snake in the leggings she’s wearing, I slump onto my bed and brush the hair from my eyes.

“So,” I say, lifting a single leg to softly run my hand up and down them. “I shaved last night. Like you suggested.”

Penny puts the shirt back and turns to look down at my legs. “Did you shave all over or did you just do your legs?” she asks.

“I just did my legs,” I reply, knowing I was too terrified to use a razor around my new bits.

Penny gives me a telling look. “Did you do your armpits?”

I lift my arms and the sleeve of my baggy t-shirt roll down to give her a sneak peek. “No,” I reply. “I forgot.”

Rudely, Penny puts her fingers up one of my sleeves and pulls at the hairs in my armpit. “Ouch!” I squeak, flinching away from her. “Why!?”

“Dunno,” Penny chuckles. “Just wanted to.”

Giving me an Innocent smile and a shrug, I frown at her as she wanders back over to my closet. After a few moments of me rubbing my sore armpit, she pulls out two long-sleeved tops. One V-neck and a very feminine crop top.

“I’m not going to ask you to shave your pits,” Penny admits, holding up both garments to me. “You’re your own woman, so I’m just giving you the options. I think a long sleeve would be best otherwise you might scare some of the boys at school today.”

“Just because I haven’t shaved?” I huff, frustrated by the pressure to be a certain way. “That doesn’t mean I have to dress to hide my body. I’m not ashamed of what I’ve become.”

Penny’s face goes a little red and she gives me a wide grin. “Babe,” she says light-heartedly. “You don’t have to preach that to me. It’s just I think some of the boys at our school would have a meltdown if they saw you with hair under your arms. I get the impression some of them have only seen a woman naked in porn and forget that we are actually humans.”

In that moment I think back to myself last week. She’s not far wrong. I’d not seen a woman’s naked body at all until the morning I woke up as one. She’s probably right! Even though it’s attached to me and it’s my vagina, it is incredibly weird seeing it with hair.

“Y’know what I mean, Erin,” Penny continues, snapping me out of my daydream.

“I do,” I reply bashfully, knowing that I’d be one of those boys she’s describing if I hadn’t had my gender-swapped.

“So, which one is it then?” she asks, holding the crop top closer to me like that’s the one she wants me to pick.

I look down past the mounds on my chest and I lift my baggy t-shirt to show her my stomach. “Is this shaved enough?” I ask nervously, as she stares intently at my belly. “I think I want to wear the crop top.”

“Yup,” she smiles. “Look at that little stomach. Have you been eating better?”

Lowering my t-shirt, I shake my head. “Nope. I’m still trying to work out what I like now. My new body literately hates the taste of everything.”

“Are you eating though?” she asks, passing me the crop top. “You can’t just eat chicken nuggets. A girl dinner is fine every once in a while, but it’s not good for you all the time!”

“I’m trying,” I whine, having had this conversation so many times in the last few days. “Least I’m not putting on any weight.

“Don’t fall into that trap,” Penny sighs at me. “You might be a girl now, but don’t fall into that idea that you have to be stick thin to be beautiful.”

“I won’t!” I smile sarcastically. “Trust me, I know that! I was a teenage boy, remember? I know what boys find attractive”

“Sure,” Penny says with a roll of her eyes. “Anyways, take that t-shirt off and start getting dressed.”

“You shouldn’t ask me to do that so flippantly,” I say, removing my t-shirt and exposing my unsupported chest. “I keep forgetting I’ve got breasts and I made my dad super uncomfortable the other day.”

“Have you been wearing your bras?” Penny asks, giving me a motherly look.

“Yup,” I lie, hoping she’ll believe me.

“Liar!” she laughs, opening my underwear drawer.

Picking up the first bra she finds, she dangles it in front of me. “These bras I brought you still have the tags on them.”

Not sure what to say, I shrug and give her an innocent smile.

“Erin,” she complains. “I spent good money on these! You said you wanted them! If I knew you weren’t going to wear them, I shouldn’t have bothered.”

Allowing the top she’s given me to fall to the floor, I reach across and snatch the bra from her fingertips and rip off the tag. Threading my arms into the straps, I decide I’ll wear the bra to spite her. Giving her a determined look, I see her begin to smirk as I struggle to do up the clasp behind me.”

“Need some help?” Penny chuckles, walking behind me.

“No,” huff, turning away from her sharply.

My heavy chest swings as I do, and the bra falls to the floor. Brushing the annoying long hairs from my face, I go bright red as Penny picks up the bra for me.

“Why are you getting so funny with me this morning,” she asks. “Just let me help!”

I frown as she threads my arms back into the straps and she does the clasp up tight. “I feel stupid when you dress me,” I whinge, as Penny moves around to adjust how my breasts fit in the cups.

“Get over it,” Penny remarks, happy with how my bra fits.

Sulking, I stand in my room in just a bra and the panties I wore to bed. Penny, however, hands me the crop from the floor.

“What sort of panties do you want to wear today?” Penny asks as I throw the crop top on.

Pulling down at the short garment, trying to cover more of my stomach, I frown at the question. “I don’t know. Nothing lacey. Keeps getting caught in my pubic hair.

“Have you got any big underwear?” she asks, moving to fish through my underwear drawer again. “If you wear big panties today, that changes what I had in mind for your outfit today.”

“Why?” I ask. “How does my underwear change that.”

“I wanted to have you wear those cute cargo trousers hanging in your closet,” Penny explains, pulling out a pair of large white feminine briefs. “But if you wear panties like these, you’ll have horrendous panty lines and that won’t be flattering.”

“Panty lines?” I scoff. “Surely if I wear pants over them, no one is going to see what I’m wearing underneath.”

Panny shakes her head and turns her backside towards me. She presents her ass to me cladded in those tight leggings she wears.

“Look,” she says, giving me permission to stare at her ass. “You can’t see any indents caused by my underwear, can you?”

Still somewhat attracted to the female form, I feel myself getting weirdly excited in very different ways than normal, but I control myself enough to answer. “No, just your ass in my face.”

Penny peals back the top of her leggings and exposes the lacey underwear she has on underneath. She’s wearing a skimpy little thong

“I’m wearing tiny panties,” she explains. “Because my big panties would be easily seen through the tight and thin material of my leggings.”

She allows her leggings to snap back into place and she turns back to me with a smile “Make sense?” she asks.

I nod and she passes me the soft, bright white briefs.

Sliding off the underwear I wore last night, I feel Penny’s eyes on me like she’s a hawk ready to swoop.

“Have you….. worked up the courage?” she asks, rudely staring at me as I slide the new underwear up my legs.

“What?” I groan, annoyed she’s making me feel like the elephant man. “Do you mean the courage to touch my vagina?”

Penny looks a little shocked. Pulling a face sort of like a boomer finding out that young people use curse words.

“Y-yeah?” she replies bashfully. “Y-you don’t have to answer that!” she nervously clarifies.

“I have washed it,” I answer, biting my tongue. “If that’s what you’re trying to get at.”

Penny laughs nervously as I try and adjust my underwear around my plump ass. “That’s good,” she chuckles. “With just fresh water thought, right?”

I look up at her and she’s got a serious expression.

“No,” I reply, confused. “I washed my body with soap—like normal people.”

Penny shakes her head and wags a finger at me. “Don’t wash her with soap!” she explains, like I’m stupid “It’s delicate down there, and using soap could cause you to get thrush!”

“Gross!” I reply, scrunching my face.

“Did your mom not tell you that?” Penny continues. “Trust me, you don’t want that. It can get super itchy and you’ll need to get medication!”

“Lovely,” I answer, now worried that’s going to happen. “No, she didn’t tell me that. She just constantly moans about the way I stand and hold myself. For the last few days, all I’ve heard is her complaining that I don’t ‘stand or act feminine enough’.”

I lowered my head and bit my lip. “It’s really frustrating me! I can tell she’s excited that she’s now got a daughter, but she’s all over me, Penny. So overbearing and judgemental!”.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Penny says, comforting me with a hand on my exposed mid-drift. “Maybe tell her how you feel. She’s a woman, she’ll understand the pressure you’re under now to be and act how society demands.”

Tears start welling behind my eyes. There is so much pressure on me now!

“Erin?” Penny says with a worried voice. “Are you ok!?”

I shake my head in answer and in that moment, all my pesky emotions start bubbling to the surface. “No, I’m not fine. Everyone is getting at me!”

Penny places another hand on my side and steps closer to me. As she embraces me, I feel our chest pressing together making it hard for us to hug.

“It’s ok, let it out.” She says softly, running her fingers through my long hair. “I’m here for you.”

I sniff back as I sob into her shoulder. “All I’ve heard in the last few days is ‘do this and do that’!” I whine as the tears dribble from my eyes. “No one seems fussed about what I want or even acknowledges how I feel!”

“Babe,” Penny replies, getting emotional herself. “We’re just trying to help you adjust to being a girl now.”

Whimpering, I struggle to speak. “I-I’m t-trying me b-best!”

Penny holds me tighter and strokes my hair. She makes me feel safe, but at the same time even more emotional than I was before. The tears start streaming from my eyes and all the frustration for the last few days boils up to the surface

“I’m s-struggling!” I cry, burying my face into her shoulder.

“I know,” Penny replies, sobbing herself. “T-that’s why I’m here. I w-want to help. We are girl mates now and this is what girl’s mates do for each other!”

“Y-yeah?” I snivel

“Yes, babe,” she replies, kissing my head. “I’m not going anywhere until you feel like the strong and confident woman, I know you can be!”

“You really think I can be that” I ask, lifting my face from her shoulders. “I can be body confident?”

Looking through the tears in my eyes, she smiles at me. “Absolutely!” she grins. “You’ll finally be the real you and not the person you’re were pretending to be!”