Chapters 177 and 178 (Patreon)

Chapter 177

<Note added by Crawler Everly, Fifth Edition>

My sponsor sent me a box today meant for someone else in my party. And not a crawler, but one of my mercenaries. A spellbook of Hasten Poison. I was quite upset about it. But not five hours later, he used that spell to kill the boss holding the lockbox key, and it saved the lives of us all. I don’t trust my sponsors, but I do trust that they want to keep me alive. As long as I breathe, their insipid advertisements remain on full display, and their investment is intact.

<Note added by Crawler Everly, Fifth Edition>

The moment I hit floor 8, they gave me a great box, as if to make up for the previous one. A tool that allows me to take shortcuts through this maze. I really want to hope. To think that there’s good out there. It’s in times like this that there’s a spark in my chitin, a longing for a future that contains warmth and stars.

<Note added by Crawler Everly, Fifth Edition>

I take it back. I take it all back. My sponsor was deliberately steering me not toward life, but a death that would be watched and remembered and ultimately heartrending and painful. I was a fool. Fuck you, Dictum Waystation Controls, Limited, whatever that means. I hope your company and all your children die in pain.

<Note added by Crawler Drakea. 22nd Edition>

This is Everly’s last entry. She did not mention the manner in which she was set up, which is unfortunate. Please, future reader. Be as detailed as you can.

~

“Carl!” Donut yelled from my shoulder. “Shouldn’t we be running away from the god?” The pulsing and spinning red star of a god appeared on my map, right in the middle of town. I vaulted over the corpses of the two Saccathians. Mongo and Kiwi, faces covered in gore, looked up from their meal to watch us rush past.

Carl: Imani, on me! Donut. Take the potions. Now. Both of them.

Donut didn’t bother using the chat. “But we’re not ready yet!”

Elle: Holy shit that was disgusting.

Firas: Did you guys see that thing?

I blinked, and the dot was moving. Away from me. It moved ridiculously fast, and it was soon out of range.

Imani: Is everyone okay? Is the hunter dead?

Katia: I think that was the hunter. Or what was left of him.

Elle: That was damn nasty. Seriously, I think I’m going to yak. Do you think he knew that was going to happen? Like, do you think he did that on purpose? That takes some serious dedication.

I skidded to a stop in the midst of the chaos. Dead hunters lay everywhere. A few of my spiders remained, walking in circles, unable to find a target. They’d run out of power in a few minutes, and then I’d collect them and have to recharge them at my table. I caught sight of Li Na a hundred meters away in a cloud of glowing spore smoke, facing down multiple mushroom guards. I moved to assist, but she cast something, and they all dropped off, unconscious. Zhang moved into the light and cast something else, and the one minute timer over the mushrooms all changed to ten minutes.

There was no sign of the god.

I wanted to relax, but my sixth sense told me we were still in danger. What the hell was that all about?

Chris appeared, coming up out of the ground like he was rapidly growing, being built by dirt. This was a different ability than the one he’d used to hide from me on the last floor. He walked over to examine a pile of steaming rock that sizzled in the light rain. Florin jogged up. He’d just finished looting his kills. He had blood over his shirt and some on his crocodilian face. He paused, looking at the large X floating over my head.

“That doesn’t look good, mate.”

“Florin, did you eat those guys?” Donut asked.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “I got a notification that Diwata entered the realm, the church exploded, and then the god just ran off. He or she or whatever didn’t even go after me, and I was right here.”

“Don’t know,” Florin said. “I didn’t see it. Just heard the boom.”

“It was one of the nastiest things I’ve ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot, let me tell you,” Elle said, coming to hover over us. When the rain landed on her shoulders, it turned to ice and then flecked off. “You sent that warning, and then the whole church just blew up. Everyone flew back, but I was right above and saw the whole thing. Five or six of those tree dryad guys just flew up in the air, pinwheeling blood like fireworks, riding the explosion.”

“You did say it was like the Fourth of July,” Donut said.

Elle laughed. “That’s not exactly what I meant. But yeah. That boom was magical. Not like a Carl explosion. It was green and smoky, like the mushroom guard spore attack, but thicker. When it hit me, I actually got a buff. Protection against fire and poison. Already ran out though.”

Katia, Imani, and several other members of Meadowlark jogged up while Elle continued. Gwen, Tran, and Bautista started to loot the bodies. Above, the Twister came into view, hovering low over the church. Li Jun, Li Na, Zhang, and a few others from their team approached. The guards remained unconscious in the distance. I gave Li Jun and Zhang a fist bump in greeting. I couldn’t touch the demonic Li Na without receiving a curse.

I did a double take when I looked at the fallen guards. I finally noticed the massive bush standing in the middle of town, just beyond them. It reminded me of the pestiferous vine that was Grimaldi, but less chaotic. This looked like a giant, well-maintained hedge that was two-stories tall. It stood where the church had been and was so big that my mind hadn’t registered it in the dark.

Elle continued the story. “So that green explosion came, and the tree guys all bled out, and then the smoke turned into that bush with a giant, red flower pod at the top. I was only like twenty feet away, and I thought for sure I was screwed. My head was spinning, but I was getting ready to ice the flower, you know. All the blood and guts from those tree guys started spinning through the air and it zipped around the flower bud like one of those cartoon illustrations of an atom. I tossed an icicle, and it did nothing. Then the bud opened up, and that hunter guy was right in the middle, looking just as surprised as I was. He was one of those humans with no eyebrows, by the way.”

“The crest,” I said. They were a race that sometimes participated in faction wars, but not this time.

“Yeah. Those traitorous fuckers. Anyway, all the blood and guts and little bark pieces flowed right into his mouth, and he started getting bigger and bigger like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. But he was wearing that armor, right? The armor wasn’t getting bigger. Just him. You ever throw an unopened can of Spam on a cookfire and wait for it to blow? Nasty. This whole thing took like five seconds, mind you, so I didn’t have time to react. Then out of all that gore came a deranged-looking squirrel with antlers. It was covered in hunter pieces. The thing was no bigger than me. So huge for a squirrel, but nothing like that damn puppy Carl sicced on us. It was a god, all right. Diwata, and it was sponsored by Circe Took. It had a five minute timer. Then it jumped in the air and superman flew away like a rocket.”

“Circe?” Li Jun asked. “Do we know who that is?”

“Circe is the mom of the bug Carl gave gonorrhea!” Donut said.

Everyone turned to look at me.

“So, is she gone now?” Katia said, eyeing the large X over my head. “Has it been five minutes yet?”

“I don’t know,” I said, hesitantly. “I got a notification when she appeared. When Emberus makes an appearance, it also tells me when he leaves. I haven’t gotten a notification she’s gone, but I don’t know if this is the same thing.”

“Mordecai says you should fly up there and get the petals from that flower,” Donut said to Elle. “And some of the pollen too. He says it’ll wilt and go away in a minute, so you should do it fast.”

“I’ll get the flower petals, but you can tell him to wade into that horror scene himself if he wants the pollen,” Elle said, zipping up in the air.

“I don’t like this,” Imani said. “Why didn’t she go after Carl?”

“I don’t like it either,” Katia agreed.

Samantha rolled up. She had a grey and desiccated hand in her mouth, like she was a dog who’d just brought a prize back from a walk. She spit the hand on the ground. “Carl, take the ring off of this. It’s pretty, and I want it for when I get my body back. Her other hand disappeared when she died, but this was the hand with the ring on it.”

“Whose kill did you steal this from?” I asked. I examined the white, glittering ring. It had no magical properties at all. It was just a ring.

“Oh, that is quite lovely,” Donut said.

“It’s from my kill,” Florin said. “She can have it.”

Elle returned and dropped a few, palm-tree-sized flower petals on the ground in front of Donut, who took them into her inventory.

“I still want to know if that hunter guy knew that was going to happen when he ran into the church, because that was a pretty fucked-up way to go,” Elle said, looking back up at the bush. “I’d rather have Li Na here cast that leaking boils spell on me.”

“Samantha,” I asked. “What do you know about Diwata?”

She jumped up and landed in Imani’s arms, who didn’t flinch. She caught the doll head in two hands.

“You smell nice,” she said to Imani. “You have a very soothing aura about yourself. I used to be able to do that, but mine made men wild with desire. Stay away from my man, or I’ll kill you.”

Imani said nothing and turned the doll head to face us.

“Tell us about Diwata,” I said. “And stop threatening people. Next time you do it, I’m going to bury you in a hole and leave you there.”

She made a little growling noise. “Yeah, so that was Diwata. Nobody really likes her. Or him. They’re always changing back and forth. One of Apito’s brood, but not a direct child. Don’t remember the story. Something to do with the Vinegar Bitch and Eileithyia.” She looked over at Katia and started making a snuffling noise. “You have her scent, you know. My sniffer is coming back. I always liked the way she smelled. Not Diwata. She smells like a diseased, flea-infested ferret.”

“Focus,” I said.

“Diwata doesn’t really do anything important.” She took on a mocking voice. “Oh, I’m the god of the trees and squirrels and forest rats. Look how pretty I am. Nevermind my mother is the one really in charge. Nevermind I get all uppity when someone wants to roast an oxen at one of Eris’s parties.” She started cackling. “Other gods get mad at her a lot because she’s always giving birth to new forest creatures. Necromancy is one thing, but actually giving birth to new, regular life? Oh boy, they do not like that. It makes a lot of them very cranky, especially when she starts shooting babies out of her cootch like she’s one of those djinns or succubus demons.”

“What do you mean?” Katia asked.

“Diwata is like a shapeshifter,” Samantha said. “She’s always turning into a boy squirrel, boning all the girl squirrels, and then turning into a girl squirrel herself and spraying out a bunch of baby squirrels. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me, either. But she’s a god. What’re you gonna do? Lots of gods and demons give birth. They do it for fun. I once went to a party where we all had to line up and... never mind about that. Usually when one of us has a baby it’s a demi-god or demonic mongrel. You met my beautiful child, no? Isn’t she just the best?”

“Yes, Samantha.” I said. “We met the sand ooze.”

“Oh, I do hope she’s doing okay. Did you know, once, when we were in the Nothing, I had her...”

“Samantha,” I said. “Please.”

She growled. “Diwata just gives birth to regular versions of whatever she’s last porked, regardless of the gender of the last partner. The pantheon doesn’t like that so much. It’s a dangerous power, even for a god. It’s a power that’s supposed to be relegated to the head of the Ascendency.”

“She changes form to mate with different creatures?” Katia asked.

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been saying! Now, Carl. Throw me up to the floating house. I want to talk to Louis.” She leaped out of Imani’s grip and attempted to bounce in the air. She made it about six feet off the ground.

I exchanged a look with Katia. She’d figured it out the same moment I did.

“She didn’t attack me because she only had five minutes to get to her daughter,” I said.

“Ohh,” Elle said. “That’s why she rocketed out of here like a squirrel out of hell.”

“It makes sense,” Katia agreed. “Plus, she probably doesn’t want to be the one to kill Carl. It would make Vrah look weak. It has to be Vrah.”

“Wait,” Donut said. “Hold everything. Wait, wait, wait. Why did Circe go to her daughter?”

“To cure her of the gonorrhea,” I said.

“But...” Donut said. “Isn’t the only way to cure... Oh my god.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Don’t they rip the heads off the boys?” she asked. “Is she going to rip the head off her own mother?”

“Oh, yeah,” I said. “I forgot about that. I don’t know, but probably not. Not when she’s a god. I don’t know how necessary that part is to the process”

“That mantis accountant guy sure thought it was necessary,” Donut said. “That’s why he killed himself!”

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “We need to assume Vrah is back in on the action.”

“She’s probably really mad, too.” Donut gasped. “Is Diwata then going to have a bunch of Vrah babies? She’d be giving birth to her own grandchildren!”

“Uh,” I said. “I hope not.”

“This game is really fucked up sometimes,” Elle said.

A distant squeal caught all of our attention. We turned in time to see Big Tina gobble up one of the mushroom guards. They didn’t wake up unless they were attacked, and she’d somehow broken away from her mother and entered town. She reached down with her mouth and picked the next one up and crunched it in half.

Kiwi and the others swarmed around Tina and started screeching up at the large dinosaur, who roared back indignantly.

“Sometimes?” I asked.

~

63 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

“I appreciate what you’ve done for us, but that don’t mean we gonna just blindly trust you,” the changeling said as he helped me hold the door closed. His name was Pearson, and he’d been a dromedarian bartender in disguise on the last floor. He was currently in the form of a cretin, which made him sound like Bomo when he talked. He had his bulk pressed against the door, but I feared we wouldn’t be able to keep it closed for long. These guards on the Hunting Grounds level were exceedingly polite compared to the ones on the floor above, but they had enhanced strength.

The door slammed yet again, and I grunted with the effort to keep it closed. I talked through gritted teeth. “I promised Juice Box I would do my best to bring you down with us each floor. With the guild hall system, we can hire maybe fifteen of you, but it doesn’t let us hire some of you guys. I’m not sure why, but it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve found a way to take all of you straight to the ninth floor, even without the Gate of the Feral Gods. But your town is about to be overrun, and I need you all in the same place at the same time for it to work.”

Behind us, the door slammed again as one of the crocodilian guards crashed a shoulder into it. “Sir! Sir!” he called through the door. “You’re not supposed to be down here!”

Donut returned from down the hallway where she’d been exploring. The corridor was dotted with doors, but the hallway itself was empty except for the three of us. “Carl, Carl, there’s an explosives guild down here! And a rogue’s guild! You should go to both!”

“Not now, Donut,” I said, grunting. The door crashed again.

“Sir!” the crocodilian called. “I will get in trouble if management finds you down here! If you were anyone else, I’d bite your goddamned head off.”

“We’re busy!” I called back. “We’ll be out in a minute!” Then, to Donut I said, “Can you say something to calm him down?”

“Carl is pooping! He’s almost done!”

The crocodilian’s voice went up an octave. “In the hallway? Sir, this is not a bathroom! This is the skill guild hallway!”

“Real helpful, Donut,” I said.

~

Clarabelle did not give us direct access to the Hunting Grounds level of the club. Instead, she’d told us of a secret stairwell. In the last stall of the women’s bathroom was a toilet, and if you took the top off that toilet and reached in, there was a secret latch. When pulled, it would open the wall behind the stall.

Nobody in the club so much as blinked an eye when we strolled into the women’s bathroom. The weird, generated NPCs they used for the dance floor did not use the restroom as far as I could tell, and I didn’t see anyone else in the club. Sure enough, the concealed stairwell was exactly where Clarabelle said it would be. I pulled the lever, the wall slid open, revealing a tight, metal staircase that led straight down. It made me wonder what other secrets were hidden in here.

We went down, and it led to a door leading to the corresponding bathroom one floor down. The stairs continued downward, presumably to the women’s bathroom on the Larracos level, but when I tried to take a step in that direction, I received an error message.

Nice Try. No.

The women’s bathroom on the Hunting Grounds level was thankfully empty.

“It’s much less filthy on this floor,” Donut said. “The floor tiles are much nicer. My paws don’t stick to the floor.”

“Okay,” I whispered as we crouched at the door out of the bathroom. The door itself had silver, metallic ornaments on it, shined to a polish. The bar above our heads was more like a short-staffed dive bar that hadn’t seen a good cleaning in a decade. “They’ll supposedly be at the main bar. There should be two of them. Look for out-of-place NPCs. Hopefully none of the hunters will notice us.”

“You’re a giant man in his boxers, Carl, and I am a cat. They’re going to notice us the second we walk out the door. You didn’t think this through.”

“Mordecai said this floor is really big and maze-like. Hopefully they’re spread out. We just need to find them quick. We’ll be in and out. I doubt the hunters will attack us anyway. Clarabelle said the guards already killed some the last time they chose to fight, and they’ve been stuck down here a long time. They’re just waiting it out.”

“She also said the guards will kick us out the moment they notice us.”

“Then we’ll try to avoid them. I have the note that explains everything as a last resort, but I really need to talk to the changelings for a bit. Okay. Here we go.”

We pushed through the door into a small, well-lit hallway. Muted music rose in the distance. It was nothing like the pulsing, EDM beat of the floor above us. The floor here was carpeted and lush, and the red wallpapered wall was covered in large portraits of fairies in ornate frames. Two doors down, a door opened, and an elf rushed out carrying a tray filled with drinks and steaming food. She did not see us.

“Bar is that way,” I said, pointing. “Keep your head down.”

To my right, the door to the men’s room opened, and a giant, red-skinned creature staggered out, buttoning up his pants. He was about seven feet tall and as wide as a cretin. He had twin, fist-sized bumps on his head, like ground-down horns. He bumped right into me. “Oh, sorry, friend,” he said, looking up. His eyes went huge.

Haxor the Destroyer – Dreadnought. Level 50. Merchant

This is an Unaffiliated Hunter.

He opened his mouth to scream as I reflexively kicked him with all of my might right in his nuts.

Thankfully, that particular quirk of human anatomy translated to the dreadnought race, and he went flying back through the door. He hit the tiled floor of the men’s restroom and slid until he crashed against the far sink, which cracked.

I was on him in a second. I leaped, landing on his chest. I felt bones crunch under me. He didn’t wear any armor. Just a simple, wide and flowing shirt that was open at the chest. It looked like something the Maestro would wear.

“No,” he gasped. “No.”

I grabbed him by the twin horn stubs, and I savagely pulled his head to the side, breaking his neck. Several notifications rolled down my interface. None of them, thankfully, were regarding the aggro of the guards.

“Again with the nut-kicking, Carl?” Donut said, looking down at the corpse. “The neck breaking thing was cool. I don’t know if that cancels the nut-kick out though.” She looked over her shoulder nervously at the door. “Clarabelle said we’ll get kicked out forever if they catch us fighting!”

“Didn’t have a choice,” I said. “People get hurt and die here all the time. It only counts if the guards see it.”

“Tell that to him,” Donut said.

I pulled the body into my inventory. He didn’t have much, but he did have one of those weird credit chits we’d taken off the orc several days earlier. From what I gathered, these things were the equivalent of intergalactic credit cards. It was strange this guy was unaffiliated, though. The Dreadnought Clan was one of the faction wars participants, but they’d quit thanks to the flooding of Larracos. The war chief pulled them out after his wife got stung by a jellyfish.

That reminded me that I hadn’t heard from Quasar my attorney in a while. I’d ping him again after we got out of here.

After I took the body, all that was left was the cracked sink and a little blood. I grabbed a towel from the hanging rack and quickly cleaned up. Then I draped the towel over the sink to hide the crack.

“Let’s try this again,” I said, and we moved into the hallway. Just past the bathroom and to our right was a double set of doors leading into a kitchen.

“I think there’s a full restaurant on this floor with waiters and everything,” Donut hiss whispered. “This is way better than above already. This is an outrage!”

I peered around the corner. I caught the neon glow of a sign leading to the casino and another sign leading off to the Silk Pavilion, a market I desperately needed to get to. I turned to see a pair of elves sitting at the bar, both staring directly at me. The only other creature in view was a badger-headed bartender, who was facing away. Both elves had a pair of empty drinks sitting in front of them. As we stared at each other, one of them changed faces to reveal a dromedarian and then changed back, signaling me these were, indeed, the changelings we were looking for.

“That’s them,” I said.

I took a step forward, but one waved us back. The other slipped off the bar and moved in the opposite direction.

“Hey, mate!” he called at someone around a corner I couldn’t see. “Guards! Did you hear that? I think those fuckers are fighting again in the casino.”

The second furiously waved me forward and then pointed at another hallway with a door. He slipped off the bench and moved toward it. The sign read Guilds.

That was easy, I thought as I started to follow, moving toward the main, long bar.

“Oi! Sir!” a voice called from yet another hallway. “Sir! Crawlers are banned from this floor!”

~

“Here,” I said, handing Pearson the changeling the note containing all the details. The guard had stopped pounding on the door, an ominous sign. “We’re going to need your help. Get the kids and Bonnie to Louis and Firas first, and we’ll stick them in the Twister until it’s safe.”

“And if it’s never safe?” he asked, shoving the note into his waistband.

“Then it’s not going to matter. Look. It’s all laid out in the note. But the brambles are moving fast, and we can’t cast the spell for another day. The spell is cast on a town, not just a group of people. You need to be in the town for it to work. The thing is, the high elves have destroyed all the towns in the forest around them. All but one. The high elf castle. That means we’ll need to take it over. But I’m worried there’s something in there that will keep the spell from working, and we’ll have less than a day to figure it out once the castle is taken. There’s a lot of moving parts going on at once, more than I like. I’ll need all of your help if we want this to work.”

“Before she left, Juice Box told us to be careful of you,” Pearson said.

“I’m sure she did,” I said. “But she still trusted us.”

“We don’t even know if she’s alive.”

“She is.” I hope, I didn’t add. “If this works, you’ll be reunited soon.”

“Carl,” Donut said. “Someone else is out there now. Someone small.”

A horrific, wracking pain filled my entire body. It came all of a sudden. I suddenly felt hot, my vision flashing red. I looked down in horror to see the skin on my arm starting to bubble and crack.

Warning: Your blood has been set to boil.

“Carl,” a female voice called, flowing through the doorway. “I suggest you open this door right now if you wish to ever be allowed access to the club again.”

Oh thank god, I thought, realizing who this was. This could’ve been a lot worse.

“It’s okay,” I growled as my health plummeted. I fell to my knees. “Pearson, change back to the elf quick, and open the door. Try to touch her if you can.”

The door opened, revealing Astrid, the club’s level 125 assistant manager. She was a Bloodlust Sprite, an adept in the dreaded cardiovascular magic. She’d cast a spell to make my blood literally boil. She wasn’t trying to kill me, I knew. If she was, I’d already be dead.  She floated there, glaring angrily at the three of us as my consciousness flowed away.

Chapter 178

<Note added by Crawler Milk. 6th Edition>

When a country boss dies, it drops persistent loot called the Treasure Map. My advice. Don’t pick it up.

Over 400 of us faced the boss. Less than 50 survived. It would’ve been easier if it had been physically huge, allowing us to all attack at once. But this terror was in a low-ceilinged cave, and it was almost impossible to even get a hit in. We were doing damage to each other just as much as to him. All country bosses have special attacks that kill en masse. Beware the ones who look especially easy to kill. They are inevitably the worst.

When we finally emerged victorious, it did not feel like a victory. We were angry and bloodied and distrusting of our fellow crawlers who’d eagerly killed others just to get a hit in on the boss. What should have been a moment of unity was the calamitous event that spelled our doom.

This was by design. Of that I am certain.

And then we all picked up the map, which showed the location and quality of all the magical gear in the area. Gear we all felt we deserved. It sparked a second slaughter, and I received my first player-killer skull.

I wish I had never picked up that map. It wasn’t worth it. I have blood on my claws, and it will never wash away.

~

Time to the Butcher’s Masquerade: 62 Hours.

I blinked, and I found myself slumped over in a chair. I instantly knew where I was. Not this shit again.

“Hello, Orren,” I said, coughing myself awake. Donut was next to me on her own chair. The two changelings were gone. Astrid the fairy wasn’t here, either.

The liaison didn’t waste any time with niceties. “I had Astrid bring you to me because I have something I need to discuss with you. Two things, actually. I am leaving upon the collapse of this floor, and I won’t return until the beginning of the ninth, so we need to discuss this now.”

I groaned in pain. I’d been “healed,” but I had dozens of lingering debuffs that made me feel as if I’d been run over by a tank while suffering from a massive hungover. That blood magic was really nasty.

A bowl of something non-alcoholic with cherries floating within sat on the edge of Orren’s desk, and Donut stood next to me, her back paws on the chair and her forward paws on the desk, lapping at the drink. In that moment, she looked more cat-like than she had in a very long time. My head continued to pound as I stared at her. How long had we been sitting here?

“Hi, Carl,” Donut said, looking up from her drink. “They let me order something from the kitchen! They brought it up on a platter and everything. Do you know what capers are? They’re really gross. You were out for forty-five minutes.”

The fishbowl-headed creature sat in his creaking, wooden chair, looking at us with his gloved hands steepled in front of him.

“What did you do to my friends?” I asked.

“They let them leave,” Donut said.

“The two changelings?” he asked. “They’ve been ejected from the club. They won’t be allowed to return. You’re lucky the changeling took credit for blocking the door.” He paused. “And cracking the sink.”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” I asked, shaking my head. “Why?”

“My job has many facets, but one of those responsibilities has recently been rendered moot. Me and my kind will remain on-planet, but some people believe there’s no need for me to remain in my in-game office until the game kicks off on the ninth floor, assuming that even happens. We are constantly reevaluating. I disagree with the decision to leave, but it is out of my control. Do not worry, however. If our services are required, we will still be available.”

I rubbed my forehead. I was relieved they let the changelings go. Hopefully they’d be on their way to meet Louis and Firas. “What can we do for you, Orren?”

“Do you know what it takes to be a liaison, crawler?”

“Being grouchy?” Donut asked.

“I’m on the clock here, Orren,” I said. “If you’re not going to kill us or whatever, can we just get on with it?”

“This job requires someone who is passionate about seeing the game succeed, yes, but it’s the second requirement that is key. They look for a candidate who fundamentally disagrees with their home nation’s goals and philosophies. They don’t advertise this, but it’s been quite obvious for a while. This is because most nations, such as the Valtay, host these games with goals in mind that might run counter to both the spirit and true goal of the game.”

“Spirit of the game?” I asked. “Are you kidding me?”

“Technically, I should’ve been out of a job the moment the Valtay took control of the Borant corporation. Thankfully, my seniority and vocal differences with how my people comport themselves has kept me in this chair. Plus,” he added, “it would be quite hypocritical of them, considering the circumstances.”

“I thought most of you guys just executed people who disagreed.”

“We’re not barbarians,” he said.

“I beg to differ.”

“I’m attempting to give you valuable information, crawler. So pay attention. I’m not the only liaison who’s attempting to keep this system running smoothly. I’m not the only liaison who vehemently disagrees with his nation’s own interests. There are many of us with differing tactics and differing philosophies on how the rules should be interpreted. And there are some of us who meet that second requirement a little too much.”

“What in the flying fuck are you talking about?”

“He’s trying to warn us about something, Carl.” Donut had a mouthful of cherry as she talked. “But he’s struggling with how to do it because he doesn’t like us, and he’s scared about breaking the rules.”

The two of us just stared at Donut.

“I like you two quite a bit,” Orren said. “I admit, I am constantly entertained at how you bend the rules to break things never meant to be broken. I used to strongly feel you two were bad for the production, despite your ability to generate money. I still think you’re both dangerous, but circumstances have changed.”

“Wait,” I said. “What are you trying to warn us about?”

“I have said all I can about the matter. Think of people like me as the sheriffs in the wild west of your culture. Some are good. Some are bad. Some are passionate about their duties, yet they go too far.”

I thought of Chris and of the mysterious caprid liaison that seemed to be working with the Skull Empire to get us killed. They’d told us that they’d dealt with it, Was it true?

“You’re the only one we’ve met,” I said. “Hopefully we can keep it that way.”

He paused, as if he wanted to say more. “Now, on to business. The courts have stopped pretty much all crawl-related cases, including ones that the AI is traditionally indifferent to. They’re trying to figure out the best way to proceed, and that likely won’t get fleshed out until they get a better read on this particular AI’s stability during the floor change. As you may know, your attorney is now required to get a court order to send you a message, but hasn’t been allowed to even attempt this because of this freeze in all litigation. We’ve decided to circumvent this issue just this once. I must remain in the room during the discussion.”

He waved his hand, and suddenly Quasar my attorney appeared in the room in a cloud of smoke.

He wasn’t alone. He was also joined by a woman wearing a t-shirt with Donut’s face on it with the words “Goddamnit, Donut!” emblazed in giant letters on it. The words scrolled across the shirt. A flesh-colored tentacle sprouted from the top of the woman’s head, waving back and forth. The thing had a jagged, drooling mouth.

Donut looked up, mouth still full of cherry at the newcomers.

Both the woman and the tentacle thing on her head burst into tears at the sight of Donut.

~

Time to the Butcher’s Masquerade: 8 hours.

After our final raid against the hunters, we moved east toward a large settlement that’d been taken by Li-Na. This was the meeting point where we’d all converge, and it was the largest town near the elven border. It would be overtaken by the brambles in four and a half hours.

I was not surprised to find Signet sitting on a log as Donut and I approached the town. Most of the others, including Samantha, had gone aboard the Twister and were already there.

Signet was alone, lightly stroking a butterfly that had alighted upon her hand. The sun had risen, the rain had stopped. Light shone through the trees wet with dew. The whole area smelled of flowers.

“Everything is dying,” she said. “But there is still beauty. I’ve never seen a Gehenna bramble this aggressive before. It truly is the end of days. My kingdom is no longer easily accessible. I don’t know if the elves will be able to keep it at bay.”

“You go ahead,” I said to Donut. “And keep the dinosaurs away. I need to talk to Signet alone.”

“Okay, Carl,” she said, moving off.

Signet watched Donut go. After a moment, I sat down on the log next to her, and we just sat together for a moment. She put her head on my shoulder and her hand on my knee, surprising me. There was nothing seductive about it, but it was the most raw, most intimate I’ve ever seen her.

I vaguely remembered something Donut had once said about the calm before the storm. I pushed the thought away.

“I am so very tired,” she said.

I put my hand on top of hers. “It’s almost over. One way or another.”

We sat that way for several moments.

“How is Grimaldi?” I asked.

“When he came to this world, we planted him next to an all-tree node. The roots intertwined, and he became one with the tree, as we all do, in the end. The tree’s roots go deep. It has survived countless infestations such as this, and it will survive this one. The brambles are aggressive and dangerous, but like all things, they fade with time.”

I didn’t know if that meant he was dead or what. I decided not to pursue it.

“The soldiers are hidden in place,” she finally said after a few more moments of silence. “The brambles will hit the border in a few hours. The elves will spend the day beating the infestation back, but even their magic won’t stop it. By the time night hits, your party will be well underway. That is when we will begin the assault.”

I sighed. That was exactly what I expected her to say, and it was also exactly what I was hoping she would not.

“No,” I said to Signet. “It’s not going to work. She knows you’re coming, and it’s a trap. They’re not going to let you win.”

The naiad summoner cocked her head to the side. “They? Who is they?”

I took a deep breath. I thought of Herot, and of his advice regarding the waking up of NPCs. He claimed it was possible with elites.

“You can’t attack when the party is underway. You’re being manipulated to attack at that moment, but there’s no way the people controlling this world are going to let your climax interact with the main story. You may attack her, but you won’t be able to kill her. You’ll be dead. Everyone with you will be dead, and the queen will return to the party as if nothing had happened.”

“What are you talking about, Carl?”

Zev: Carl. I highly suggest you drop this.

Signet continued. “Carl, this is the culmination of everything I have worked for. While you have been fighting your own battles, I have been working tirelessly to bring an end to Imogen’s tyranny. She is in a weakened position. We must strike now. I won’t force you to participate, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need you. I’ll need someone already in the castle. We’ll take down the magic protection of the ballroom, and you’ll be able to move freely about. I’ve cast something on you long ago that makes it so I can find you and Donut wherever you are. If you find Imogen, I can find her easily, and we can end it.”

“I have a better idea. Similar plan, but you’ll come with me to the party.”

She blinked a few times. On her wrist, the tattoo of young Clint jumped as if to grab at the butterfly still alighted upon her hand. He missed and splashed in a tattoo puddle, where a fish appeared and gently pushed him from the water. “I understand the invited are allowed to bring a guest, but I hardly think the guards would just allow me to enter the castle. They’ll either kill me or throw me in chains. You know that.”

“We’ll get you in. Don’t worry about that.”

Zev: Carl, they’re not going to let it happen this way. We’ve discussed this.

“Tell me your idea,” Signet said.

~

Time to the Butcher’s Masquerade: 5 hours.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” Mordecai said as we stood over the table. Five items, all in sponsorship boxes from the Apothecary. All given to different crawlers. All with notes that said they should be given to Donut. And that wasn’t including the potion I’d received or the potion given to Prepotente, both also intended to be given to Donut.

In fact, the only person who was sponsored by the Apothecary who’d received a benefactor box not intended for Donut was Katia, who’d received a small, knit beanie that increased all her stats down the line by 3% and gave her a spell called Personal Space, which violently knocked everybody back with a powerful blow. The spell was good but dangerous because it worked on everybody, including party members. She put the beanie on, and it sunk into her mass, disappearing.

I still hadn’t had a chance to talk to Katia alone. Because we had to keep changing and tinkering with the plan—both the outward plan and the secret parts only discussed via the bathroom message board—we simply didn’t have a chance. I pinged her on it, and she told me we should wait to see if we could take the castle first.

We’d received notification that because we were bringing “attendants” to the party, meaning the pets and dinosaurs, that we’d be escorted in instead of being teleported in. We were in a small town right on the edge of the elf territory, and we were supposed to meet the procession at the invisible border in fifteen minutes. The brambles would overtake the village in an hour and a half. Donut remained outside with the dinosaurs and Britney, her plus-one, practicing for the big talent show dance number. Last I’d heard, there were some issues with the costumes. Mainly, the dinosaurs were absolutely refusing to wear them.

There was a stairwell here. Crawlers by the thousands were in town, streaming down the stairs. Imani and Elle were out there, saying goodbye to the remnants of team Meadowlark, who were now descending.

Thanks to Bomo’s ability to find all the stairwells on a level, we knew of three stairwells in the area surrounding the elf castle. Two by themselves in the woods, both of which should remain free until almost the last minute. And there was one within the castle itself, in the expansive basement. We had several groups of crawlers already deep in elf territory, guarding the stairwells. The elves had so far left them alone. I suspected that would soon change.

The hunters were scattered, which was unfortunate. I’d held out hope that they’d all gather together. I still hadn’t heard anything about Diwata. I had not received a notification that the god had left. The X over my head remained. A warning that all of this could crash down at any moment should a god unexpectedly show up.

I continued to stare at the items, perplexed. “The recharge wand scroll, I understand. The same with the tiara and the piece of sheet music. But what’s the stick for? And this?” I picked up the ball pein hammer. The whole thing fit in my hand. It had been given to Imani. She’d gotten a notice that Borant had filed a dangerous appeal to keep the gift from arriving. An appeal that had been immediately denied. “Why give it to Donut? She can’t even use it. What is she supposed to do, hold it in her mouth? And what does the name mean?”

Enchanted Hammer of Fast Forward.

This is a small hammer. It’s enchanted. That means it’s magical. It just doesn’t do anything magical.

The benefactor box had been silver, meaning it couldn’t be too valuable.

“Some items can be enchanted without any inherent properties. This allows them to be used against things like ghosts,” Mordecai said. “I’ve seen it before.”

“This is complete bullshit,” I said. “Is it supposed to be a joke?” I picked up the stick, and it was the same thing. It was a metal rod, about a quarter-inch thick and about ten inches long. It seemed to be made of aluminum, but it didn’t say. This one had been given to Dmitri Popov, who’d been ridiculously excited to finally meet Donut and give it to her. Almost as excited as that Jennifer woman and the weird thing sticking out of her head. Dmitri did not get a notice that there was an appeal around his gift. Still, based on the description, it seemed it was connected to the hammer.

Enchanted Stick of Cascadia’s Screams.

This is a stick. It’s enchanted. It’s not a wand, but when used correctly, it can do something truly magical.

“Who’s Cascadia?” I asked.

Mordecai shrugged. “I can’t think of any past crawlers or dungeon bosses or places named that, which is what this stuff is usually named after. It’s a common name, though. I can think of a few of them, but I don’t know what they’d have to do with a stick. Only one of them is connected to the crawl.”

I continued to examine the metal rod, thinking. Why give it to Donut? I had an ominous thought. It’d been there the whole time, but I finally let it bubble to the surface.

It’s because they expect everyone else to be dead. Donut should have all this stuff because she’s the most likely to survive this next part. It’s why Quasar wanted Donut’s name on the Board of Directors of our corporation.

There was a stairwell right outside. We were all here. Over twenty of the top fifty were here right now. I thought of the others, who’d be forced to replace us. My eyes caught little Bonnie, sitting on the counter, humming to herself as she pried the guts out of a disarmed spider automaton. We need her and the rest of them if we want to survive the ninth floor. If we don’t do this, it’ll all be for nothing.

As I considered all this, my finger caught something. There was a slight imperfection there at the end of the metal rod. I brushed my finger over it. It felt like a symbol. I think it’s the number seven.

Seven? As in the seventh floor? Maybe it wasn’t supposed to make sense yet. But if so, why would they give it to us now?

I couldn’t stop thinking of Everly’s final, heartbreaking entry into the cookbook. My sponsor was deliberately steering me not toward life, but a death that would be watched and remembered.

I thought of Orren the liaison and of the warning he tried to give. I thought of Quasar’s frustration when Orren wouldn’t let me say what he wanted to say.

I put the rod down and reexamined the hammer. Sure enough, along the wooden handle was a similar impression. Another seven. I picked up the other items. The scroll didn’t have any sort of hidden symbol that I could find. Neither did the new tiara or the sheet of music.

“God, I hope we’re ready,” I said. “I don’t like all these loose ends. I’m always spinning plates, but this feels like it’s too much. Something is going to go wrong.”

“It always does,” Mordecai said. “If it goes sour, you have the escape plan. Get to the Twister and fly away.”

“You’re going to hell,” little Randy the bear cub said to Bonnie the gnome, who remained on the counter. She had the spider automaton in pieces all around her. The sad little gnome girl looked up at the small bear. She said nothing.

“All heathens burn in the fires of judgement,” the bear added.

Skarn the changeling sat nearby with a group of other kids, including Ruby, one of several changeling children suffering from compression sickness. Half had turned to deformed human kids. Others were bears.

“Don’t be mean,” Skarn said to the smaller bear.

“Or else what?” Randy said. His older brother Todd stood behind him, looking up at the group of changelings defiantly. The two bear cubs were much younger than the majority of the recently-arrived changeling kids. The two groups had been bickering the whole time. Prudence, the mother of the two bears was passed out on the couch, snoring.

“You two should fight to the death,” Samantha said.

“Is there a reason they’re all in here still?” Mordecai asked. He pointed to the guildhall exit. “There’s a whole area for them to explore.”

I thumbed at the television, upon which some cartoon called Little Bear played. “That’s why.” And then I pointed to the other end of the room where a changeling kid sat on the lap of Bomo who sat in front of another television I’d rigged up, playing one of the Grand Theft Auto games. Bomo was happily showing the kid how to steal a car. “And that’s why.”

Donut peeked her head into the room. “Carl, it’s time to go. Did you figure it out?”

“Nope,” I said as I gathered the items up. I handed them off to Donut one by one. “You brushed your teeth, right?”

“Yes, Carl. I gave the tube to Katia afterward.”

“Excellent. Come on, Samantha. Let’s party.”

~~~

Hey, hey! I hope you're staying safe.

We're in it now. I'm already starting to put together the final version of this book, and some of these jumbled around scenes will likely be rearranged as some of the jumbled-around-eness is unnecessary.

I'm working really hard to make sure these last few chapters not only make sense and are easy to follow, but they're both surprising and entertaining without being too tricksy and wand-wavy. I always want to make sure all the clues are in place.

I'm also in the process of fixing all the little continuity errors and issues and math inconsistencies, of which there are a lot. Please keep reporting them when you find them. Everly should be fifth edition, for example, not sixth or seventh like implied earlier. The timeline of multiple items, including the night/day schedule will have to be tweaked, too. I will post a semi-final version of the whole thing when we're done with this floor.

The climax looms.

(PS Don't ever say that last bit to your partner. Trust me)