Chapters 175 + 176 (Patreon)

Just FYI this ends on a complete douche of a cliffhanger. You've been warned.



Chapter 175

<Note added by Crawler Herot. 16th Edition>

During my studies, I have run across multiple castle variations. So far I have identified three distinct types. The size of the castle doesn’t seem to have a bearing on what type it is. It is more a function of the game’s insistence to forward the narrative, not unlike how the musical key of a Virilean opera movement is a function of performer’s ability to progress and not necessarily in service to aural aesthetics.

The first iteration is just a regular building like anything else you might encounter in the dungeon. It is a fortified building with monsters, sometimes with a boss within. Sometimes a quest is involved, but the castle is usually an obstacle or part of the environment, not the target of the quest. I have found this to be the most common.

The second type is a governmental entity. Usually, this is a quest target. One must either claim the throne room or kill a boss. Once this occurs, the castle is “conquered” and whatever this castle has dominion over is obtained. It can be a region or a whole country or just the castle itself or simply a quest trigger. Once this goal is met, the castle itself is no longer relevant.

(Incidentally, this second iteration is the type in the faction wars games of the ninth floor. There, each team is gifted a throne seed the moment we crawlers arrive. They are given a day to place the seed, and the game begins. The seed must be placed within a self-contained structure on their property. Oftentimes they have prepared for this by pre-building a castle or using a pre-existing structure. The location of this building cannot be hidden, so placing the seed within a fortified structure is the best choice. Once the castle is conquered, then the associated armies are defeated and dominion is transferred to the conqueror.)

(See my essay on the nature of NPCs for more insight on how conquering areas may be utilized to forward my Worn Path Method of enlightenment.)

The third castle type is similar to the second with a small difference. The castle itself is a self-contained village with an NPC and guard ecology. It is almost identical to the villages and cities of the third and sixth floor. If conquered, the castle will appear in the crawler’s interface as an owned village and taxes will be collected. Guards can be controlled just as if in a regular village.

I have not personally obtained a castle, but a fellow crawler has. They state there are a few differences to the interface regarding town defense and available upgrades, but they have not told me what they are and threatened to punch me in the mouth if I kept asking, so I have refrained. If I learn more, I will update this entry.

~

“That was really gross, Carl,” Donut said, looking down at the sunken-in chest of Iota. “It was dangerous, too.”

“He wasn’t a threat,” I said. “He was level 50, which meant he hadn’t leveled up once. And the fact he was teleported here means he didn’t even have any experience. He did have some magical items on him, but if he really had something to protect himself, he would’ve done it when he was getting eaten by the lady Mongos.”

I reached down and pulled out the three remaining nipple rings. They each came out with a pop after a little tug. All four were magical. I looted the rest of his gear, which included 498 regular healing potions along with 20 blitz sticks and just 400 gold. He also had over forty different types of alcohol, including multiple bottles of earth stuff, like Larceny and Stoli. I took it all.

Tina had given up on the idea of eating us and had wandered off. She hadn’t gone too far, however, as we could hear her crashing through the woods and howling. Half the dinosaurs followed. Kiwi had returned to our side. She was looking down at the corpse like it was a fat, juicy steak.

Donut flicked her paw, and Mongo and Kiwi both dived headfirst into the corpse like they were bobbing for apples. Entrails splashed everywhere. I swallowed and took a step back. Iota’s large, dead eyes stared back at me accusingly.

You got what you deserved.

“Hey, get away,” I said as a lady Mongo started to lick the gore off my foot. She screeched angrily at me and snapped, but she backed off.

“Did you hear what he said?” Donut asked as we watched the two dinosaurs feed. “He said they’re using a used AI. Do you think that’s true? Something like that, you’d think they would make sure to use something in tip-top condition. Either way, it’s not listening to the court decisions. What do you think that means?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Well, I think it was very clever of you to use your foot to kill the guy. If someone is going to go crazy, it’s probably for the best that they like you. Do you remember when Miss Beatrice’s friend Trixie went crazy? She broke into that guy’s house and carved her name into his thigh even though he had a restraining order.”

I grunted. “I remember. She only managed to carve the ‘T’ before he woke up.”

That was a terrible example, I thought, but I didn’t say it out loud. Trixie had been crazy, but she hadn’t broken into the guy’s house because she didn’t like him. She did it because she liked him too much. As much as I hated the assholes running this show, I didn’t think anything good could come of the system AI having even more power. The fact it took a special interest in me could go either way. I looked down at my foot as another raptor started licking at it. I sighed and just let it happen.

As I continued to receive a foot bath, I sent out a note.

Carl: All the hunters who haven’t trained themselves up have just been ejected from their saferooms. They won’t be able to get back to a safe area until they fill this new blood bar thing. Get them while you can.

A sudden realization came to me, and I felt my heart sink. Damnit. I sent a private message to Katia.

Carl: Do you know how far the changeling hideout village is from this Gehenna bush thing?

Katia: Far. I don’t exactly know where they hid themselves, either, but I have a general idea. They’ll have a few days, but that’s it. You said the Sledge’s spell can only be cast on the last day of the floor. I can tell you already that will be too late. One of us will have to risk going to a Desperado Club to talk to them, and we gotta do it fast. I’ve been trying to do the math, and I’m pretty sure this happened just at the right time for it to finish covering the entire map just as the timer runs out. We’ll all be squished together at the same spot if we wait until the end.

Tina re-entered the light of Donut’s spell and roared at us. She had her head low, glaring. She attempted to hide behind a tree, like a shy child peeking from behind a curtain. Kiwi abandoned the meal and moved toward her daughter. She paused, looked back at Mongo and made a “you’re coming, too” grunt. Mongo in turn looked up at Donut, who nodded. Donut jumped to the back of the Mongo as he cautiously approached the massive allosaurus. I kept a wary eye on them.

As they left, the remaining dinosaurs pounced on the remnants of the dead hunter, tearing him to shreds. They fought over the rib cage, growling and snapping. They broke it apart like a wishbone.

Carl: Let me guess. It’ll end at the southeast corner. What a coincidence.

Katia: Bingo. The high elf castle. We’ll be transferred there anyway for the masquerade, but those not in the top-50 will still have to move to the area if they want to stay on the floor.

Carl: The elves won’t want the brambles to enter their territory. They’ll try to beat the branches back. I think they might have something to protect the castle, too. Shit. I hope there are stairs in that area. There’s a set near me, and we’re close to the elven border, but it sounds like this area will be drowned out in three or four days.

Katia: So you’ve changed your mind about going down early?

Carl: For now. But I’m starting to think it might not be a bad idea for everybody else. Start moving in that direction and mapping out any known stairwells in that corner of the map. We’ll meet you. I’m thinking we should work together for the rest of the floor.

I spent some time describing what happened with Gravy Boat.

Katia: We’re on it. We’re already headed in that direction. On our way to rescue Britney. She just got zapped away, but she’s not too far. She hasn’t killed a thing this entire floor, and I hadn’t noticed. Can you believe it? Her blood bar was empty. It’ll take us a bit. What are your plans in the meantime?

I looked over. Donut remained atop Mongo, whose head was all the way to the ground, tail in the air. Facing them was Tina, head also low, as she sniffed at Mongo from a distance. Kiwi stood between the two, waving her little arms and squawking. As I watched, Tina’s red dot blinked and turned white. I sighed.

Carl: We have a recital to prepare for.

~

As we approached the large settlement with the stairwell, I caught sight of a few NPCs waiting for us at the edge of town.

“Carl, look!” Donut said, leaping from Mongo’s back to my shoulder. “Hi Holger! Hi Signet! Hi Areson!”

“Donut,” I said. “Keep the dinos back.”

“Hello, Signet,” I said, walking up to the half-naiad. I exchanged a greeting with the ogre and the smaller, fuzzy castor with the mullet. He’d returned to his humanoid form. He beamed up at me and Donut.

On Signet’s breast was the tattoo of the child version of Clint, who waved furiously at us.

“Hi Clint tattoo!” Donut said, peering at the drawing. “Hi Miss Nadine tattoo!” Donut looked about. “Hey, where’s Edgar?”

“Tortoise is making big spell outside elf castle,” Areson said. “He getting ready for final battle. Gonna make a map.”

Signet looked over my shoulder, raising an eyebrow at the procession behind us. “Is that Tina back there? How have you tamed her?”

“We haven’t,” I said. “But Donut has tamed her mother, which is good enough to keep her from eating us. For now. Same with the rest of the dinosaurs.”

“I see,” Signet said, lips tight. “Be careful. The mongoliensis hierarchy can be a fragile thing. If one kills the alpha, you could lose control of the whole bunch all at once. They’ll kill you before you know what has happened. Believe me, I know from experience. You should never rely on a single point of failure.”

“Noted,” I said.

Signet nodded. “As Areson has already said, preparations are still underway for the final part of our assault, but that is not why I am here. We are not staying. The elves hunt us. I have stopped to warn you. The forest cries. A darkness spreads from the north.”

“Yes, I heard,” I said. “The Gehenna brambles.”

It’d only been a few hours, and nobody had seen or heard anything yet regarding this new threat. That was to be expected. It was moving slowly across the map. It was likely just reaching the borders of Zockau now. It’d be over a day before it even reached the river. I was going to send Bomo to check it out once we got to a saferoom.

“Yes, the brambles. I presumed you’d have learned of this by now. But it is worse than you know. The trees are in pain. They are crying for help. The trees and dryads are casting a spell that just might help them. It will not stop the plague, but if they are successful, help will soon arrive to protect them from the worst of it.”

“Okay,” I said, not understanding.

“Help in the form of Diwata, the forest protector. I heard of your incident at the temple. You will need to be extra careful if Diwata enters the realm. They are especially unforgiving of apostates. Stay away from any all-trees. They will whisper your location to the deity. We do not need their intervention in these final days.”

“Great,” I said. “Just great.”

~

“It’s not going to happen, Carl. Not now. Not ever. Not under any circumstances. Look at how big it is! Do I look like some sort of sex pervert to you?”

“Donut, this gives plus ten points and an additional five percent to your constitution. It’s the smallest of the four of them. We need you to wear this. It will help protect you.”

“It’s a nipple ring. It’s going to dangle. You know how I feel about things that dangle.”

“It’s small enough that it’ll be hidden in your fur. It’ll probably get smaller once it’s attached. This magical stuff always resizes itself.”

“And how are we going to attach it? My nipple isn’t pierced, Carl. One doesn’t pierce the nipples of cats. That’s how one gets a visit from the ASPCA! If you think it’s such a great item, why don’t you put it on yourself. I don’t see you trying to pierce your own nipples.”

“I am! The one I’m going to wear is even bigger than this one!”

“Well, you can wear both because I’m not wearing it.”

Of the four nipple rings, only two held any real value. The top, biggest one—the same one I’d ripped out of Iota’s chest—gave +5 in the Drink Mixing skill. I thought at first maybe that was a sneaky way to say it was some sort of potion-making ability, but nope. It was exactly how it sounded. It was for bartenders. Mordecai seemed to think we’d be able to sell it for a decent amount.

The next allowed one to see the average selling value of a non-unique item, even without physically touching it. That was interesting, but it wasn’t pierce-my-nipple-with-a-door-knocker-of-a-ring interesting. That, too, was something we’d sell.

I groaned the moment I read the description of the third nipple ring because I knew it’d be something that I pretty much would have to wear. The glowing, gold ring was about the size of a half dollar and was too good to pass up. It imbued the wearer with something called Quarter Fall. It basically made one’s falling speed a quarter of what would normally happen.

I was no physicist, but I suspected that still wasn’t going to be a pleasant landing, but at least it would be a survivable one. It had to be a better alternative than the half-splat potions.

The fourth, constitution-enhancing ring was about the size of a nickel, which, as nipple rings went, wasn’t all that big. Unless you were putting it on a cat.

“If you put it on,” I said, “I’ll give you a prize.”

She peered at me suspiciously. “What sort of prize?”

“An expensive one.”

All of my regular loot boxes had been uninteresting, including the boss box from the one Odious Creeper we killed, which gave me a bunch of satchel bombs. Basically little bags with leather handles that I could toss and detonate with the power of three sticks of hobgoblin dynamite, which was enough to level a small town. It was a good prize, but it wasn’t anything unique.

My benefactor box was puzzling. It was a highly-valuable and familiar potion, though not quite as powerful as the one I already hat.

Pawna’s Cries.

This potion has a limited shelf life

This potion adds plus three to any spell or skill of your choosing.

A “Limited” shelf life was different than a short one. A short shelf life potion had to be taken immediately. A limited one had to be taken before the end of the floor.

I still had the Pawna’s Tears potion in my inventory that did the same thing, but it had no time restrictions, and it was plus five not three. We were saving that one until a little later.

This new potion also came with a note, which was unusual. I picked it up, and the note said simply, “Save the toraline.”

The toraline was the yam-like vegetable they’d given me the last floor to save Chris. We’d already used more than half of it to create a potion that allowed me to remove Maggie from his brain.

“Save it? For what? Why won’t they just spit it out?”

“Notes are expensive,” Mordecai said, examining the potion. “You pay by the character, and the rules are kind of complicated. They force you to talk in code. If you’re not sufficiently vague, the AI will ‘translate’ it to code, and you don’t want that.”

I stared at the note, trying to figure it out when I suddenly felt the familiar, haptic buzz of my Escape Plan skill activate. Additional words appeared on the page. A chill washed over me.

Circe is Diwata. Give potion Donut. Need 15 but make it a secret. Use temp boost. Prepotente + Imani + Samantha all same time can do it. Or use other Pawna potion if have to. Will replace. ~ P. Hu.

The note hit me like a hammer. It took me a few reads to decipher it.

They wanted me to give the +3 potion to Donut.

More importantly, Circe Took sponsored Diwata. Vrah’s mother was coming into the game.

I tried to remember what Mordecai had told me about Diwata. He said the god could alter form and gender, but was usually depicted as a moss-covered, antlered squirrel. This wasn’t normally a physically huge god, but it could make themselves giant if they wanted.

It wasn’t lost on me that this benefactor box had been sent before we failed that quest. That meant, despite winning the court case to free her daughter, Circe Took of the Dark Hive had already sponsored the god and had been planning on coming for me no matter what happened.

It was just like with the Skull Empire. She needed to save face. I’d humiliated her, and I had injured her daughter. We knew that she was still, somehow, communicating with her daughter, despite it being against the rules. I wondered if they’d deliberately tanked the odious creeper quest knowing something like this would happen.

I reread the note and then eyed Samantha, who was rolling around the room squealing hysterically while the two small ursine, Randy and Todd, used her like a soccer ball.

“Hah, kick me! Kick me, little ones! Oh, yes. Just like that. No, not the nose sweety or I will kill Prudence.”

I thought better of intervening.

Carl: Hey, Imani. Do you have an ability that increases the level of a spell?

Imani: I do. It’s an aura I can cast called Smart Juice. It can add a level to a spell, but it has the unfortunate side effect of adding an extra cooldown, so I don’t usually use it in combat. Elle gets mad if her icicles take too long to produce.

Carl: Good to know. Thanks.

“If you put that nipple ring on,” I said, removing my new potion from the inventory, “I will give you my sponsor prize.”

“Really? You never give up your prizes.” She licked her lips. “I could really use this.”

“That’s right,” I said. “You need it more than I do. You’re almost at 12 in Magic Missile. We’ll do some grinding, and in a few days when you hit 12, you can use it to top it off.”

Mordecai was watching this exchange with a strange look on his face. He looked as if he was about to say something. I gave him a very slight no nod. He sighed and moved off.

“But I have to put on the nipple ring?” Donut said.

“You have to put on the nipple ring,” I agreed.

She seemed to be waffling. Mongo, who’d been watching the impromptu soccer match, screeched at Donut with concern. Kiwi, Tina, and the other dinos remained outside the town limits. Talking the guards into letting a pack of raptors into the village was one thing, but Donut’s charisma still wasn’t high enough for her to convince them to add Tina to the mix. Not when we didn’t own the town.

Donut rolled onto her back and peered down at her belly. She was completely covered in fur. “Are you sure it’ll be invisible?”

I picked up the ring. “I’m positive,” I said.

“Okay,” she finally said. “But you gotta do yours first. And don’t tell Katia. I don’t want her thinking I’m a whore.”

“Why do you associate nipple rings with that? Plenty of people have them.”

“I’ve seen those videos on your computer, Carl.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Just do yourself first. I want to make sure it doesn’t hurt.”

I opened my shirt. I gulped, pretending to be brave. I didn’t want to wear this thing, either. I didn’t care about it hurting or the ridiculous fashion of it—I was, after all, running around in heart boxers and a cape. But having a handhold dangling from your nipple was just asking for trouble.

I hadn’t realized that these were a thing. It opened up a whole realm of possibility for upgrades. I only had two nipples, but Donut had eight. I needed to keep my eyes open for more of these things in the future.

I held my breath and shoved the little needle through my left nipple. I bit my lip. Ow.

Donut remained on her back, but she just stared at me for several moments as I pulled my trollskin shirt back on.

“I don’t think I can respect you anymore, Carl.”

New Achievement! Sex Pervert!

A nipple ring? Really? The next thing you know, you’ll be waxing your perinium and attending those parties where you have to put your keys in a bowl. You’ll have to grow out your sideburns, buy a Trans Am, and you’ll no longer be able to make eye contact with your child’s orthodontist.

Reward: Whores don’t get rewards.

“Hey!” I said up at the ceiling. “You just made that whole thing up.”

“What? What?” Donut said as I rubbed my hand across her belly, searching for a suitable nipple. They were very, very small.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, zeroing in on one. “We need to get this over with. I don’t want to waste too much blood bar time.”

“Not that one, Carl. Up higher. And on the other side. If I’m going to be permanently disfigured further, it might as well be on the top right. And hurry it up and get it over with. The last thing we need is more Carl and Princess Donut sexy time fan snicks floating around.”

“More?” I asked. “You know what, I don’t want to know. Okay, I’m going to count to three.”

Chapter 176

Time to level collapse: One day, 10 hours.

Hunters remaining: 290

Trophies Collected: 66

~

10 Hours Until the Butcher’s Masquerade.

“All I’m saying is that once trust is broken, it can never be replaced,” Donut said.

“Are you still on the nipple thing?” I asked. “That was days ago.”

“If someone says they’re going to count to three, one expects them to actually count to three. Not to just stab willy-nilly into the most sensitive part of one’s body without warning. I didn’t get to prepare myself, Carl. One must prepare themselves if they’re getting permanently disfigured. You’re lucky the saferoom froze me. I almost bit your hand off.”

“I don’t know why you keep bringing this up. You’re being a baby,” I said. “And that wasn’t lucky. Now you have a saferoom strike against you.”

“You should kill him,” Samantha said as she rolled by. “It is the only proper response to betrayal.”

“Samantha, you have something gross in your hair,” Donut called. “You better get it out before Kiwi tries to eat you again.”

“Stop,” I said, suddenly crouching. A light drizzle rained down. It was pitch black outside. “There are traps up ahead. Keep the dinos back. Look for hidden hunters. Samantha, get ready. Wait for my signal this time or you won’t be allowed to go on the next one.”

“I will kill your mother.”

“Just be ready.”

Carl: We’re in place. Be careful. There are still traps out here.

Imani: We’re ready. Brambles are right behind us, moving in fast. We have maybe two hours before they reach the town. Scouts?

Li Na: There are ten of them out in the open on the south side of town. There’s one of those anti-air guns set up. It has an anti-targeting spell on it, I think. I don’t see any pets. They’re preparing to leave. Most are still level 50, but there’s a level 53 and a level 63 with magical plate, not the ceramic stuff. I think that one might be human. I only see one rifle this time. I see five of the mushroom guards. Don’t see any other NPCs. Probably dead. There’s maybe five hunters in the non-saferoom pub near the center of town. Place called Cold Stone Creamery.

Louis: I love that place.

Donut: OMG NOBODY BLOW UP THE ICE CREAM SHOP.

Carl: No Vrah?

Li Na: No sign of her.

Carl: Damn. Okay. Have you gotten a read on any affiliations?

Li Na: The one with a rifle has the mark, but I am not close enough to see what god. It’s the only one I’ve seen. I do not know about the guys in the pub.

After our first coordinated raid, I’d received a nasty surprise. It turned out one of the hunters I’d killed worshipped Emberus. I’d immediately received a warning from the god upon the hunter’s death. It’d canceled out my current boon, which was plus 15% to my strength, and it told me I was in a state of Penitence for thirty hours. My tithing requirements were doubled. If I killed two more within the probation period, I’d receive a smite. I had the word Shunned floating over my head, much to the delight of Donut and everyone else who saw it.

The shunning period had now passed, but I needed to be careful.

Vrah had somehow managed to summon Emberus to Zockau in the early days of the floor, which allowed the guards in that town to worship him. She’d done that as a way to keep me from attacking again. Some of the hunters who’d happened to see the god during his brief appearance were protecting themselves from me by also worshipping him.

Li Na’s demonic Changbi race came with a racial trait that allowed her to see if anyone was affiliated with a god. If she was close enough, she could see what god they worshipped.

Chris: The level 53 rifle guy is standing on top of me. Don’t know the race, but he’s a big guy with red skin. Looks like Hellboy. He’s standing right on my head. I can take him out.

Carl: That’s a Dreadnaught. Be careful. They’re strong.

Li Jun: We’re close and can back Chris up if we have to.

“Another damn rifle,” I muttered. “And an anti-air gun. I’ll have to use the spiders, not the missiles.”

“It’s cheating,” Donut said. “They’re all cheaters.”

The hunters were gaining increasingly-better gear despite their levels not going up.

Katia was the one who’d figured out what was happening.

“I’m pretty sure they’re allowing the hunters to get sponsored. That’s probably what the recap woman meant in her message a few days ago. If they’re stuck here, it makes sense. Their families are probably pouring money into the show.”

The problem with the vast majority of the stuff we were finding was that it was restricted to the actual hunter. Florin had taken out two Goriffs—blue, humanoid aliens with flapping antennae that looked oddly like twin elephant trunks upon their heads—and each had pulse rifles and electric body armor. The aliens found out the hard way that the armor didn’t protect their faces. Florin now had their gear, but he couldn’t equip it. It was restricted to the now-dead individuals.

Donut’s sunglasses, it turned out, had the same restrictions on them. We’d learned that when Louis had tried to put them on. Mordecai said it was a common addition to benefactor box items to keep fellow players from immediately murdering the recipients for the gear. There was a rare scroll called Cracker Jack that could free the item, but nobody we knew had one. In the meantime, we were collecting all the gear we could get our hands on in the hopes of utilizing it in the future.

The anti-air guns were designed specifically to take out either Elle, my missiles, Prepotente if he was mounted on Bianca, and/or the Twister if it approached. Or any other air-based attack. Most of these larger hunter groups had at least one now.

The pulse rifles were worse. The damn things were a downright menace. They were ridiculously unfair. They were like portable .50 cals that shot an unending supply of full-strength magic missiles. Bautista almost had his head blown off the day before, and Gwen had taken a shot to the gut that had literally punched a grapefruit-sized hole through her midsection. The system didn’t treat the wound as an amputation, and she was now healed and back to her normal, grumpy self.

Fortunately, the guns were not treated as magic, so regular shield spells stopped their pulses. The weapons also shattered easily. The armor was similarly fragile once it was overwhelmed and shorted out. The vests fractured like ceramic pottery once the glowing, blue lights turned off. The problem was it took a lot of hits to get it to that point.

The family members of some of these stranded hunters were likely bankrupting themselves in a futile attempt to protect their loved ones.

Florin: Quit jawing and get on with it.

Carl: Sixty seconds, then Ping. Imani will cast Dread. Seekers moving in after that. Remember the rules. No hand to hand until the spiders are detonated. I’ll announce when the bots are down.

“Donut,” I said. “You do the honors.”

She did a little hop. “Oh boy, really?”

“There’s a possible Emberus worshiper in town. It’s too dangerous for me.” I pulled the bag from my inventory and poured the twenty, rat-sized automaton spiders on the ground. They spilled out, rolling away like spilled tennis balls. Legs appeared from the metallic balls, and they skittered into a huddle, lining up.

As soon as I cast Tripper, setting off all the traps, I’d follow it up with Ping, and then Donut would touch each automaton with her paw, activating them and sending them in. I’d already programed each of the exploding automatons with a target: Hunter Not Already Targeted. If any of them managed to score a kill, Donut would get credit, not me.

I pulled two more unprogrammed spiders out. I clicked Samantha and set her as a target and then added the instructions: Explode five seconds after target acquired.

Carl: Casting now.

Elle: This is my favorite part. It’s like the Fourth of July.

~

60 Hours Earlier.

70 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade.

Hello, Crawlers!

The brambles are closing in! This event was a surprise even to us, but as you know, you gotta be prepared for anything! Don’t let those thorns prick you!

I must say, we are impressed with the resiliency you humans are showing on this floor. While the total number of survivors is still a little low, the percentage of sixth-floor crawler casualties is one of the lowest in Dungeon Crawler World history. Meanwhile, the hunter casualty rate went from a two percent average to over 25 percent. Those hunters who are listening to this, don’t worry. Help is on the way! We have a special announcement only you will hear after the end of this message.

As we mentioned previously, we are doing some tweaking with the next two floors. What was originally going to be the seventh floor is now the eighth, with the difficulty ramped up accordingly. The next floor was something we didn’t think would be designed in time. We call it the Great Race. It is an engineering marvel. Thanks to our newest partners, the Valtay Corporation, we were able to secure the capital and help required to finish the project just in time. We are seeing a whole lot of people going down early. You will be at a disadvantage if you do so, and we highly suggest you stay as long as you can. This will be the last hint you receive about the next floor.

Those of you in the top 50, we have just about 70 hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade. Yes, the event is still on! Here’s some information about the galaxy’s most exclusive party!

At the end of this message, all crawlers in the top 50 will receive a plus-one token. This can be given to another crawler which will allow them entry into the party. If you fall out of the top 50 or if you perish before the party starts, the associated token will no longer be valid.

A party countdown will now appear in your interface. The party commences 30 hours prior to collapse, and it is scheduled to last four to five hours. When this timer reaches zero, you will be teleported directly to the ballroom, which is within the High Elf castle. Due to the bramble event, you will not be transported back upon the conclusion of the party. Instead, you would be allowed to exit the southern entrance to the castle, which will not yet be infested with the brambles. The elves may or may not offer safe passage after, so prepare accordingly.

All hunters will also attend the party. They will appear to be in the same room as you, but they will actually be in a different location within the castle. You will not be able to physically harm the hunters, and they will not be able to harm you. You may not cast magic within the castle ballrooms. You may not bring weapons or explosives or traps or any other instruments of violence into the castle ballrooms. You may not use your inventory within the castle ballrooms.

There will be a pet beauty contest followed by a talent competition with celebrity judges from outside the crawl attending remotely. You will receive a survey if you wish to participate in either event after this message. Due to limited space, not all entries will be accepted.

Pets and NPC companions will not be allowed in the main ballrooms, but will be allowed to participate as extras via one of two assistant staging areas. Details will be provided upon acceptance into the show.

There will be a catered buffet and a prize booth where one may redeem Hunter or Crawler hands for prizes along with an award ceremony for the best Hunter and Crawler killer.

Safe passage for both parties is guaranteed by Queen Imogen, ruler of the High Elves, who will be your host for the evening.

This is meant to be a relaxing, fun evening for both the hunters and the crawlers. The hunters will exit the north entrance upon the end of the evening. You may kill each other afterward.

There is no patch update tonight due to some technical difficulties. We only have a few minor patches queued up. Rest assured we’re working tirelessly to make certain the system is properly updated.

Now get out there and kill, kill, kill!

~

66 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

“Carl, Carl!” Donut said. “They accepted my applications! Both of them!”

I looked up from the kitchen table, confused. “Wait, the talent show part, too? How? That plan is dead in the water.”

There were multiple people in the saferoom. Katia stood on my left, Imani on my right. Elle was outside, on her way to the Desperado Club.

The talent show portion of the event allowed NPCs to participate, but only as assistants and backup. We’d floated the idea to use the talent contest to finish out the Big Tina quest, but they’d immediately rejected my application because it required the main part of the act to be a crawler or a hunter. Tina had to be the star of the act. We were in the middle of figuring out a safe place to construct a small stage and get her to dance upon it before the brambles reached us.

“Kiwi and Tina and the rest of the crew are going to be my backup dancers,” Donut announced proudly. “I’m going to sing.”

I exchanged a look with Imani and Katia.

“I don’t think that’s going to work, Donut.”

“Don’t be such a Debbie Downer, Carl. Of course it’ll work. We’ll make it work. Mongo! We’re in! Mommy is going to sing, and you’re going to win the beauty contest! We need to go back out there and get back to work.”

Mongo screeched and waved his arms.

I took a deep breath and looked back down at the map of the area. I moved it aside and pulled up the second map. The one that just got dropped off in the attached pub. I sent a few messages back and forth, brainstorming a few ideas. Katia gave a shrug. Imani nodded.

Louis came out of the bathroom, zipping up his pants. He wiped his hands on his shirt and came to stand next to me. He looked more shell-shocked than usual. Sweat beaded down his temple. He’d gone up to level 42, almost double what he’d been when I’d met him on the previous floor. “I’ve been in the guild too long. My blood bar thing is only half full. I need to go back out there in a bit. Firas is helping Britney fill hers up, and I need to join them. Good thing all those mobs are getting herded toward us.”

“All right, but stay for a few minutes. It’s important we all know the map.”

Elle: I’m here, but there’s a problem. I can’t get to them.

Carl: Damn. Okay, come back to the guild. We’re about to go over the map, and you can explain.

I leaned over the surprisingly-detailed castle diagram Edgar the tortoise had provided. I pointed at the left side of the expansive castle by the southern entrance. “This is our ballroom, and way over here is where the hunters will be. The two rooms aren’t even on the same floor. We’re five or six levels above them. The rooms themselves should be identical. I think it’ll be like a production trailer. You’ll be able to see and interact with the hunters, but if you touch them, they won’t really be there.”

“Mistress Tiatha says you will be able to touch them,” Imani said. “I don’t know how it would work.”

“They’re called goodwill ballrooms,” Samantha said from the edge of the table. “Everybody knows that. They’re quite common. It’s so visiting ambassadors and other dignitaries can be entertained without the danger of assassination. You can touch one another if you wish, but it is a light touch. It’s in such a room where I met my king. We had to wait until after the party before we could be together.” She sighed dramatically. “When I reunite with my body and find my sweet child, I’ll get back to him one day. We’ll have a happy, normal family.” She suddenly rolled across the table and stopped in front of Louis and started making weird, growling noises up at him. He started to back away, surprised.

“My king is a fan of swapping partners, just so you know,” she said up to Louis. “Maybe we can talk your fiancée into portraying my bitch of a mother. Then we can have some fun.” Then she did some Hannibal Lector thing with her tongue, causing everyone in the room to stop and look at the talking sex doll head.

Louis looked to me for help.

“Samantha, don’t be weird,” I said. I picked her up and tossed her off the table. She hit the ground with a little shriek and immediately bounced up to the edge of the couch and started swearing at me, but she stopped when she saw the two bear cubs were still in the room, watching her wide-eyed.

“Uh, so the two rooms are far apart,” Louis said, trying to get back on subject, using his finger to trace the distance. “Like, really far apart. How big is this castle?”

The castle did not look like something one would associate with elves. The white structure looked like a sugar cube just sitting there in the middle of a large clearing. It was just a square of white stone with four sentry towers, one at each of the four corners along with a simple moat, like some Bauhaus art installation blown up to ridiculous proportions. The southern exit where we’d supposedly exit was right at the base of a large, rocky cliff that led straight up, almost like the bowl wall on the previous floor. We’d  emerge right outside the south-eastern corner of the map.

I doubted there’d be any sort of stairwell or towns in the area. It’d be the castle, and that was it.

“How big is it? It’s huge,” I said. “It says the side is 303 meters wide. It’s ridiculously big.”

“What’s that big room in the middle?” Louis asked.

“The throne room. We won’t be allowed in there. I’m pretty sure we’ll be magically restricted to the ballroom. I believe Samantha’s right about the purpose of the two sides. The whole castle has three sections. Where we’ll be, where the hunters will be, and the middle where the majority of the high elves live. It also goes deep underground. It looks like a cube, but it’s really a rectangle because it goes so deep.”

“Where will Mongo be?” Donut asked, peering at the map.

“There are three servant staging areas,” I said. “This one is right under where we’ll be, so I’m assuming there. There’s one in the middle for the Queen’s attendants and another for the north ballroom.”

“How many hunters will be at the party?” Louis asked.

“According to the kill, kill, kill lady, it’ll be all of them,” I said.

“That’s going to be like 600 people. That’s way too many,” he said. “When the party gets out, it’ll be a hundred of us and 600 of them right outside? We’ll get our asses kicked.”

“I agree,” I said. “That’s why we need to get to work. I want that number under 250 before we get there.”

“Carl,” Donut said, interrupting. “Prepotente just messaged me and wants to know where we are. He says he has something to give me. He said it’s a present, but he sounds kinda angry about it.”

“Uh,” I said, not so sure what to think of that. I remembered what he said earlier. If I can’t exist in a world with my mother, then nobody even remotely responsible for her death can exist in this world, either. “Maybe you should ask him what it is first. Don’t tell him where we are.”

“I already told him. He says he’s on his way.”

Goddamnit.

~

65 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

“How have you been?” I asked Bautista.

“Oh, you know,” the orange, tiger-headed crawler replied as he pulled the line of beanie toys from his inventory. “I still don’t know why you want to see these, but these are all the ones I have multiples of. My last benefactor box was a whole case of these things.”

“So, you and Katia,” I said. I let it hang. I picked up the first beanie. It was one of the Grulke frog warriors. I put it down.

“Wait, what is this?” Donut asked, looking between us. “What about you and Katia?”

“It just sort of happened.”

“That’s good,” I said, slapping him on the back. “I think it’s great.” I picked up the next beanie. It looked like a regular, pink flamingo. It reminded me of the plastic flamingo sitting in the front of Agatha’s shopping cart.

Stuffed Flame-ingo Figure. (With tags)

This is the most common variation of the Flame-ingo line of collectible figures. While not as common as the Grulke or Garbage Scowl figures, these figures are still near the bottom in terms of rarity.

A favorite amongst the more feminine fans of Jaxbrin toys.

I looked up from the stuffed flamingo to see a strange look on Bautista’s face. He looked oddly relieved about something. I realized he was reacting to my comment about him and Katia.

“You and Katia?” Donut repeated, incredulous. “You are together with Katia? My Katia? Does she know this?”

“Yes, Donut,” I said. “It’s been obvious for a while now. I assumed you would’ve picked up on it.”

“Katia!” Donut called, jumping from the table. She marched toward the door into the main guild area. “Katia, are you here? I must talk with you this instant!” She paused then returned to the table. “She’s outside. Well, I just don’t know what to make of any of this. This is just as surprising as Louis and Juice Box.”

Bautista sighed. “I’m... I’m glad you’re okay with it, Carl. I must admit, I was a little worried that you. You know. You had a thing for her.”

“For Katia?” I asked, surprised. “She’s like my sister.”

“He’s psychologically damaged thanks to Miss Beatrice,” Donut said. “Don’t let that nipple ring fool you. He doesn’t get very many girls. Besides, based on his porn-viewing habits, I’m pretty sure he has a thing for Asian girls.”

“Nipple ring?” Bautista asked, raising a fuzzy eyebrow.

“You never know what someone’s kinks are,” Donut said. “For example, I had no idea Katia was into furries.”

“Have you tried these flame-ingo things before?” I asked, changing the subject.

“Just once,” he said. “They shoot fire from their beaks, and they fly away. Dangerous. I got a lot of them, though.”

“What’s your definition of a lot?”

~

64 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

“Holy shit, you made it to level 70,” I said as the goat entered the pub. Kiwi and Mongo stopped tussling long enough to watch Prepotente step into the bar. As the door closed, I caught sight of Bianca outside. The damn thing looked like a dragon. The rain sizzled as it hit the creature’s back.

Elle sat in one corner of the bar, Bautista in the other, keeping a watchful eye in case this was some sort of attack.

“Hi Prepotente!” Donut said.

“Hello, Donut. Hello, Carl,” Prepotente said as he approached our table. He looked exhausted.

“Do you want to go into the saferoom? To see the guild?” I asked. He had fifteen hunter-killer marks over him. “Maybe we can get you to take a nap.”

“No,” he said, all business. “I do not have time for whatever it is you’re planning. I do not wish to get involved with it.” He looked about the room. “There is no need for your idiot friends to protect you. I wish you no harm.”

Elle floated away from the table and approached. “Hey, did you just call me an idiot? You know my mother had some really good goat recipes, and I’m starting to feel a little nostalgic.”

He held up a hairy hand, turned toward Elle and then screamed right in her face.

She flew back several feet. “Holy shit, pal. Your breath.”

“I have no time nor desire to trade barbs today, you, whatever you are. I am here to deliver a package.”

“What is it?” I asked.

He pulled a black, bubbling potion from his inventory and placed it on the table in front of Donut.

“I received it in a benefactor box.”

He got up and exited the pub. Outside, Bianca screeched at his approach, and then they were gone.

“That is one strange dude,” Elle muttered. “Donut, I’m glad you’re not weird like that.”

“Certainly not. But he is very sad right now,” Donut said. “You know, I’ve never had goat. Is it good?”

“Oh, it’s delicious,” Elle said. She turned to the Bopca at the counter. “Hey! You got goat? Maybe in a curry?”

“That’s a little fucked up,” I said as I picked up the potion and examined it.

I Take it All Back - Potion

This will remove any effects of Scolopendra’s Transmutation spell.

A tag hung off the top, like a label on a Christmas present. It read:

Give this to Princess Donut. For Kiwi when the time is right. Not before. Wait.

“For Kiwi?” I asked, turning the potion over in my hands. “Not Big Tina?”

I could think of several people who might want to get their hands on this. Kiwi was near the bottom of the list. I returned it to Donut. “Don’t use it until I say so. And don’t tell Signet you have it. She’ll want to use it on Grimaldi.”

“Huh,” Elle said. “I just got a benefactor box from the Apothecary. Imani messaged and said she did, too.”

~

63 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

Entering the Desperado Club

“Hello, Clarabelle,” I said as I stepped into the space before the main entrance to the club. The pounding music emanated from the doorway. Donut bopped her head. “I wasn’t sure if I’d see you here since we’re on the Hunting Grounds level now.”

“Well, look who it is,” the crocodilian bouncer said. “I haven’t seen you guys in ages. Not since you borrowed four of our bouncers. You don’t have them with you? You’re not getting free security still, not when you have free access to those guys. How are they doing anyway?”

“They’re back at the base. Having the time of their lives.”

“They’re obsessed with video games and movies about dinosaurs,” Donut added.

“Good to hear. So anyway, this door still leads to the club’s top floor. Management forced us to make the change because you, mister, stranded several hunters within. On both the Hunting Grounds level and the Larracos level. Management is pissed. Crawlers were coming in and getting into fights, and we can’t kick those hunter assholes out, so they made it so you guys come in on the same floor you usually do.”

“Wait,” I said. “Those hunters who all ran in here when I attacked Zockau are still stuck here? They’re just sitting around twiddling their thumbs? I thought all they had to do is rebuild the entrance bar.”

I’d already heard all this from Elle, but I wanted to get the details.

“Most are getting something twiddled all right, and it ain’t their thumbs. That floor is a lot bigger than this one. But, yeah, rebuilding the bar is simple business, but the mayor of Zockau needs to approve the construction, and the mayor is that mantis bitch whose crotch you set aflame. That was funny as shit, by the way. Anyway, them mantises never play well with others, so they’re keeping the trapped hunters in there. Seven already died. Five killed by bouncers. One by one of the girls. One by a crawler. That’s what caused the rule change. Bunch o’ them outworlders down on the Larracos level are still trapped, too. They almost got the city drained, so those folks can finally leave in a few days.”

“It still hasn’t drained?” I asked, surprised. This part was new to me. “Really?”

Clarabelle leaned in. “Something keeps clogging the drains, and those sharks aren’t helping matters. So, yeah. They’re still stuck. They got the hotel and the main casino down there, though, so ain’t nobody complaining too much. Only thing is the faction weapons brokers usually buy a pass to go up to the Hunting Grounds levels so they can trade with the hunters, and that ain’t happened at all since you cocked everything up on both ends. They were trying to drain it before this floor ended, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.”

“Those guys on the Hunting Grounds level aren’t getting kicked out because the blood bar thing?”

“Yeah, I hate that rule,” Clarabelle said. “Tenth floor rules apply, but only at the door. It’s not for the ones already in here. Bar doesn’t drain in the club, but it’s gotta be full if you wanna get in. Rules a little different if you want to get into the Cosmic Lounge, though.”

Luckily, Donut and I had topped our blood bars off before coming in here. It didn’t take much to fill it up.

“Have you seen many hunters enter? Ones coming in from entrances outside Zockau?”

“A few,” Clarabelle said. “And some of those guys are staying to hide it out, I think. But it’s not the mass exodus I thought it might be. And some are going back out again. It don’t matter much if they’re all gonna get teleported away in a bit for that butcher party or whatever it’s called.”

“These clubs are getting harder to find,” I said. “Most are in bigger towns, and a lot of the those towns are already claimed by crawlers. Hunters aren’t allowed to be mayors except in Zockau, so the guards attack them when they enter a town, and most aren’t strong enough to fight back. So they can’t get to the clubs, even if their bars are full. They’re stuck hiding out in the smaller towns until the brambles reach them, and then they gotta run again.”

“Yup,” Clarabelle said. “Good for you lot. You sure tossed all their plans right into the dunny, didn’t you? All us are rooting for you.”

“What if Mordecai came in here by himself?” I asked.

“He’s a manger. He’s attached to the princess. He’ll also go in on the first floor. He’d be dead if he went down there by himself.”

“What about other NPCs?” I asked. “If an NPC from this floor came in, where would they enter?”

“Regular NPCs coming in here got different rules. Not too many of them got the required membership credentials. But if they do, they’ll go in on the proper floor. The hunting grounds level. And they won’t be able to come up or go down, either. They’re all stuck on the floor they went in on.”

I’d already discussed this with Katia and Elle as I wasn’t sure the changeling representatives would even be able to get in here, but Elle assured me they would. Apparently, the changelings from Hump Town had regularly gone to the clubs here, having the ability to emulate a pass.

“But we can still go down to the Hunting Grounds level, right? There’s a few places down there I need to get to.”

“You’re not supposed to unless management says it’s okay, and they haven’t said it’s okay yet. I wouldn’t hold your breath, especially not you two. Believe it or not, we don’t actively promote the death of our patrons. Unless you’re in the casino, of course. Or the Mosh Pit.”

Shit. I was hoping maybe Clarabelle would make an exception for me and Donut. Elle hadn’t been able to get access, either. She could only go in on the top floor, and the changeling we needed to talk to only could enter on the Hunting Grounds floor.

Carl: You’re up, Donut. Don’t be too mean. We want to remain friends after this.

Donut: WATCH ME DO MY MAGIC.

Donut leaned in. “Carl wants to visit the Bitches room, but he’s tired of all the ones on the top floor. We hear there’s a room called High Class Bitches. And I would like to take a look at the Penis Palace. I have a coupon for a dance from the Penis Parade, and it says it’s also good at the Palace. I heard they have ogre dancers at this one, and I want to see if the rumors are true.”

Clarabelle grunted with amusement, her crocodilian eyes boring into me. “I didn’t know you went in there. You’re likely to catch something nasty. Still, sorry. Management wants to keep the violence to a minimum. And every time you two come in here, something happens. I didn’t let your friend Elle in, and I ain’t gonna let you in, either.”

“But you can get us down there, can’t you?” I asked. I tapped the door. “I bet you can wave your hand, and this door turns into an entrance for the Hunting Grounds. Like you said, it’s not a rule-rule. I know you can’t get us into the Larracos level. But you can get us onto the Hunting Grounds floor level.”

Clarabelle crossed her scaled arms. “I could do that, but it’ll cost you more than you’re willing to give. I like this job. Door duty is the easiest and safest, and I wouldn’t want to do anything to mess that up.”

“Really?” Donut asked. “You wouldn’t risk your job over 100 gold?”

“One hundred  gold?” Clarabelle scoffed. “You’re offering me 100 gold? I told you before your charm doesn’t work on me, little one. I like you two, but that’s just insulting, especially considering how many of those hunters you two have killed. You’re probably the richest of all the crawlers.”

“I like you, too, Clarabelle,” Donut said. “But you have misunderstood. We’re not offering you 100 gold. We’re talking about the 100 gold you stole from us when we first hired private security.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Clarabelle said, all amusement draining from her.

“Do you know,” Donut continued, “that my interface keeps track of every gold piece I have ever spent? I have the ledger pulled up right now. Let’s see here.” She started pawing at the air like sure was scrolling through an invisible menu. “Three gold spent buying that fabulous beret from that one Bopca. The 1,500 gold Carl made me waste on all that fireproof string. Oh, yes. Here it is. It says, ‘500 gold, paid to Clarabelle from Desperado Club security for private secure escorts.’ Dated the first time we came in here on the fourth floor. It’s the day I met Sledgie!” She cocked her head to the side with mock confusion. “That’s quite odd. Here’s a refund, but it’s only for 400 gold. When I got into the fight where that guy tried to hurt me, your boss, Astrid, told us she would refund us the full 400 gold for the security. Oh yes, I remember now. I wanted to say something about the discrepancy, but Carl here has a kind heart, and he thought we should take the matter up with you privately.” Donut looked pointedly at the door and then back at Clarabelle. “This is us, taking the matter up privately.”

~

60 Hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade

My level-five Automaton table wasn’t all that useful just yet, despite me having an instruction manual filled with recipes. I’d been terrified that they’d take the table from me since I’d basically stolen it from the production facility. But so far, nobody had said anything about it. Just in case, I’d already copied all the recipes over to my main scratchpad, and then I’d copied and pasted them all into the cookbook.

The problem was the required supplies. I had some of the parts for many of the cool recipes, but not all parts for any of them. I did finally manage to locate materials required for Spider Stalkers, which were actually just robot rot stickers, a pretty common mob. The main driveshaft for them was rare and expensive, and I only managed to secure a case of them during our harrowing trip to the Desperado Club to talk to the changelings. Mordecai said the parts would be easier to find once we cleared all those assholes out of the club’s expansive second floor, but that wouldn’t happen until they were teleported to the party.

Word was spreading across the crawler chat networks about the vulnerability of the hunters. The aliens were dropping like flies.

Mordecai and Zev were both beside themselves. Nothing like this had ever happened before.

Zev confided that multiple, unsuccessful lawsuits followed once the brambles hit Zockau, and the Syndicate Council—not the subcommittee that oversaw the crawl, but the actual council which was apparently a Big Deal—made a ruling that basically said nobody was allowed to file any more lawsuits naming the AI as a defendant. This was done to slow the AI’s deterioration. The action apparently triggered a whole set of new lawsuits challenging the council’s authority to make such a decision, and that whole mess was working its way through the courts.

I simply didn’t know enough about the nature of the AI itself to understand how any of this worked. Why couldn’t they just unplug and replace it? It didn’t make sense to me.

But none of that drama had made it to the latest recap episode. They were pretending like everything was business as usual.

“This isn’t like the Naga season, where they were just hemorrhaging money with every poor decision,” Mordecai said. “It was like that at first, but it’s turning out to be almost the opposite. Everybody else is losing money, but as of right now, all that lost money is transferring into Borant. It’s too bad for the kua-tin government that they couldn’t keep their little flippers on the company. No offense, Zev, if you’re listening.”

Zev: I’m always listening, Mordecai. And you’re right. Our Valtay partners have shown no dismay at any events so far. The council, however, along with the liaisons are all very nervous. Now stop talking about this.

~

10 hours until the Butcher’s Masquerade.

I had so far collected a total of 66 trophies. The quick chaos of the raids made it difficult for me to use my ring, but I’d still managed to mark three additional hunters. All three of those kills had constitution as their highest stat, which brought my base up twelve points. My ring now gave five stat points per kill.

Donut had also managed to kill two more hunters, bringing her trophy total to three.

Overall, they’d been whittled down by more than half.

The inexorable brambles combined with the blood bar had seemed terrible at first, but it ended up being exactly what we needed. Most of these hunter bastards had no idea what they were doing. They weren’t organized. They weren’t properly trained. They didn’t work well with one another. All of that equaled them getting hunted down one by one.

I’d managed to bring my player level up to 59, and Donut brought her level to 50.

Even though I hadn’t been planning on doing it, I ended up tossing all of my nine stat points into strength, which actually translated to 18 points. My Agent Provocateur class added an additional +1 to intelligence, and thanks to the constitution bump from the ring, I figured it was in my best interest to utilize my special ability to double my level-up points if I used them on strength.

I kept a wary eye on my total base stat points. I had now 254 points, not including equipment buffs and base enhancements. Donut’s initial, outrageous lead in total points thanks to her pet biscuit was slowly but surely eroding away. She was at 278 points, unenhanced.

If I ended up passing her, which was likely, she’d lose control of our party of two. Firas made the mistake of pointing that out during our planning session for the party, and Donut had been a foul mood ever since.

Thankfully, the adrenaline rush of battle was enough to temporarily cure her mood. It didn’t stop her from bitching about the whole nipple ring incident, though.

~

Bam! Multiple landmine-like traps went off, followed by a preposterous number of alarm traps all at once. Every town we assaulted had more traps. It was getting ridiculous. Luckily, most of the alarm traps were on the far side of town, and the dissonance of music wasn’t too bad over here.

I cast Ping, and my map lit up like a Christmas tree. Fifteen hunters, like Li-Na said. If any were in the saferoom, we wouldn’t see them until they came out. As I watched, one of the dots blinked out.

Chris: Lava-d him. Wrecked the gun.

Carl: Good. Get out of there. Spiders incoming.

“Go,” I said.

“You, and you, and you, and you,” Donut said as she tapped each of the seeker spiders on the head. They scuttled away into the rain.

“Come on, my pretties!” Samantha screeched as she rolled off toward the town exit.

“Wait...,” I said to Donut, watching Samantha roll away. “Now.”

Donut tapped the last two spiders, and they scuttled off, chasing Samantha.

The anti-air gun had an anti-seeking enchantment on it. The indestructible Samantha was the workaround. I’d learned the hard way to not throw her into town when a gun was active. The last one had blasted her, and she’d ended up blown five kilometers away, landing in the midst of the brambles. So we just let her roll into the camp now. The last time, she’d gone in too early and had gotten herself punted. We’d had to fight our way to the gun. Hopefully this time we had all the kinks worked out. She’d roll to the gun, and once she was next to it, she’d stop and allow the two spiders chasing her to catch up, causing the whole thing to explode.

Imani: Main team moving in. Louis and Firas, prepare, but do not approach until the gun is taken out.

I couldn’t see them, but in the distance, the Twister, hidden by the darkness, rose up over the trees. The floating house, protected by multiple shields, carried enough explosives to completely level the town if we had to.

Imani’s team of twenty-plus crawlers moved in from the north. Katia and Elle led the charge. Some hunters would fight. Some would flee into the temporary safety of the saferoom, if they were able.

Most would bolt. The unorganized and panicked hunters would inevitably run from the safety of the town. They were smart to bunch together for safety, but the fools always wasted the opportunity.

Three explosions ripped through the night. The seeker spiders were starting to find targets. Then a fourth.

“I got them, Carl! I got them!” Donut cried.

Li Na: The five hunters from the pub are now outside. They’re running east.  Careful, Carl. They’re all Emberus worshippers. All five. Moving toward you, Florin.

Florin: Already tracking them. They’re good as buried.

Samantha: I’M AT THE...

Kablam! A red geyser shot into the night sky as the anti-air gun exploded. A second, flaming form shot off in a different direction. Samantha’s hair was on fire. Again. Thankfully she wasn’t flying toward the brambles this time.

Li Na: Gun confirmed to be dead. Level 63 is running toward the center of town. Headed to the big temple.

Imani: Air support, move in. Elle, you’re cleared for flight.

Katia: I have the 63 on my map. My team is moving in on the church. Elle, watch our backs.

Elle: I’m on it.

Katia: Mushroom guards are going to be a problem. Their aggro is activated.

Li Na: Coming out of hiding. We will distract the guards.

Imani: Be careful. Remember what happened last time.

Firas: We’re moving in.

More spiders started popping off. Ahead, the trees rustled as something rushed toward us. Two purple dots suddenly appeared on the map followed by a pair of black dots. My spiders. The hunters were rushing toward us, leading the explosive spiders right into our laps.

Oh shit. I scrambled into my interface to disable the two robots.

Before I could, two forms flew through the air above me. Kiwi and Mongo, both pouncing simultaneously. They each landed upon an alien, who turned out to be a pair of tentacle-faced Saccathians, both wearing some sort of mechanical enhancements on their legs. Both died screaming.

The spider automatons stopped dead and then turned back around, seeking new targets.

A few minutes passed, and all the hunters were dead, all except the level-63 who’d entered a temple. The whole raid up to this point had taken maybe six or seven minutes.

“I got five kills, Carl. Five!” Donut said, hopping up and down. “Good boy, Mongo! Good girl, Kiwi!”

Behind us in the woods, Big Tina roared indignantly. She could probably smell the blood. Kiwi was using the other lady Mongos to keep the big dinosaur back, which was fine by me. The giant allosaurus was pretty much a berserker, and the last thing we needed was her rampaging through our fight, killing both friends and foes.

Everything had gone as planned. Finally. It’d only taken us four raids to get it right. Too bad this was probably our last one before we all had to move into elf territory. The Popov brothers along with a few other groups had scouted one other group, but they were probably a little too far south to get to in time. We told them to pass the info onto Prepotente, who was killing whole groups of hunters with gas attacks and mass debuffs.

The only thing left to clean up was that last hunter.

“Come on, Donut,” I said. “Let’s help the others.”

Katia: Okay. Tran and I are at the front door. Daniel and Gwen at the back. I lost his dot when he went in. Also, someone do something about those alarm traps.

Imani: Wait, and the rest of us will surround the building. We best do it the safe way.

Carl: We’re coming in, too.

Firas: Want us to just bomb the place?

“Uh, Carl,” Donut said. “What’s that over your head mean?”

“What?” I asked, stupidly looking up. There was an odd, red glow about me.

“You have a new symbol. It’s really big. It’s like that Shunned mark you had a few days ago, but it’s just an X, and it’s made out of antlers. It’s pulsing red.”

Warning: The God Diwata has made an appearance in the realm. Diwata has marked you for death. Run. You are being hunted. They know where you are.

Carl: Abort! Abort! Run away from the temple! Louis and Firas! Get the hell out of there! It’s a god!

Just as I sent the message, a massive eruption rocked the center of town.

~

Happy New Year everyone! The end is in sight, but we still have many tentacles to tie together before it’s all over. It won’t be too long now. I hope you had a great and safe holiday. My little town is snowed in, but those of us with 4x4s are still able to function. Just so you don’t spend time with needless speculation, the Cuba thing ≠ the Great Race thing. Take care!