Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 94 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 94

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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It was taking me a while to think things through, but A’Bel was more than capable of talking until no one wanted to listen.

“Those are bold claims. Can you prove them? Are you able to show us that you have more than just this singular design?” A’Bel couldn’t cover for me for long, so I decided to take a bite of food or two. Thankfully, talking while eating was still considered taboo, so that got me some more time to think. Miriam was definitely lacking in anger. Her emotions were controlled. Kindred were still part monster, so unless they wanted to look regal and composed, they didn’t hold back on showing their emotions. Despite all her words about her mistreatment and planned betrayal, the Apophis hadn’t snarled, growled, or sighed wistfully at her own plans. The lack of signals was a clear sign something was going on.. “You are expecting us to back you over half of an immense kingdom. We desire proof.”

“Of course. They’re all right in front of you. Right here in my skull, since my dear, venerable sisters wouldn’t have been pleased otherwise.” Miriam smiled before snapping her hands. A flame issued forth from her hand over the table, right under the magical chandelier. The orb turned into threads and soon enough hieroglyphs began to flow before A’Bel at breakneck speeds while countless schematics built themselves up or broke apart from various states. I was impressed with the lightshow enough to momentarily forget my train of thought, but I managed to course-correct. Would all these valuable schematics really be trusted with someone who wasn’t completely, utterly devoted to the Apophis’s cause? “I dedicated all of it to memory, because it was my only path forward. To do anything less would mean my lands consigned to war and my people dead.”

A’Bel was ready to cover for me a bit more, but I managed to get my thoughts on the right track. It was mostly thanks to Miriam. Her actions and subterfuge made more sense with her last statement. In fact, it made too much sense, and a bunch of pieces and clues fell into place.

The Apophis’s story was sounding a lot like mine.

A’Bel froze up at that thought, so I did my best to cover up my Demon’s sudden stillness by talking to the Apophis once again.

“What do you want for those plans? I’ll tell you what you can expect from Roseanne.” I settled back against A’Bel. The taste of the food was steadily returning thanks to my irritation being properly handled. A’Bel form remained still, despite the clear opportunity that I provided for her, which I could only surmise was a terrible sign of things to come with my Demon’s temper. “I’ll tell you right now, though, you might not get to stick around here, if you’ve done anything terrible to the Pharaohs. She’ll probably force you to become one of her nobility instead… or secret you away somewhere.”

If all the Apophis was willing to give to Roseanne was in Miriam’s head, then there was no reason for my boss to consider allying with the Apophis. She was essentially free to do what her heart desired and follow the path of righteousness by helping the Pharaohs stomp over their imperialist cousins. The world was better off without an undying army with the immense magic power rolling over an entire continent and looking for its next meal. In the short term, the shorter the civil war meant that it was less likely that the Empire could send expeditions over to raid coastal cities for powerful reagents.

That put Miriam in an odd spot, if she was infamous with the Pharaohs, though.

However, as expected, the Apophis had the perfect answer ready and practiced for that particular question.

“No. The Pharaohs see me as one of the few Apophis willing to speak with them. It was a role forced upon me, but I made sure to use it to my advantage.” Miriam raised her chin as she spoke, while a smile played on her face. If she covered her mouth with the back her hand and gave off the stereotypical “oh ho ho” then she’d tick every single, cunning Ojou-sama box on the checklist. Well, she didn’t have ringlets, had purple skin, and a giant snake tail, but I was looking at her personality and not her body. “I speak with them, compromise with them, and settle many disputes. They… will be more than happy to install me as the ruler of my sister’s lands, after the rest of the Apophis are defeated.”

I nodded at that, but in truth, I now felt that my suspicions were correct.

A lot of this was sounding way too good to be true.

In fact, I was sure that most of this was modeled to capture my assistance and Roseanne’s by making up a similar story as my own.

Explicitly my past with the Empire, which Miriam already displayed knowledge of.

I knew that I was on the right track with my paranoia as A’Bel stillness transitioned into barely cool, collected anger. My Demon went from barely holding herself back from attacking by stroking my hair and pretending that everything was okay. It made sense, I had enemies in front of me that wanted to manipulate me. She was ready to massacre the entire room, but kept herself composed because she knew that that wasn’t that this wasn’t the opportune moment.

Miriam was portraying herself as someone who was being forced to fight against her will by an authoritarian, powerful regime she couldn’t resist. She wanted to be rescued and join the Pharaohs who would treat her better and install her into power, because they respected her and wanted her on their side. With them, she planned to rule over the lands of her former enemies in peace.

Yeah.

It was practically my own story dressed up and changed to accommodate the Apophis’s culture down to a letter, especially with all the blatantly happy servants.

The more I thought about this… the more I decided that it was time to leave before A’Bel reconsidered her decision to let this play out.

Even though she was being calm and considerate at the moment, I could feel the urge to kill rising up from her, especially since she wanted to pick a fight with the rulers of the Desert in the first place.

Anyway, if this wasn’t a massive operation to trick me and gain my favor, this was a massive windfall for my allies back under Roseanne’s control.

We couldn’t just kill them all and let things fall where they were… or could we?

A certain idea crossed my mind, which made a vicious joy spark within A’Bel calmed down her desire for combat against worthy foes.

Murder everyone and just rip out their memories was apparently in play.

Nice to know.

After that confirmation… I put that plan on the backburner.

If this WAS all a lie… then I couldn’t just disregard the Apophis as idiots. I had to verify that they were idiots and weren’t just pretending to be for an immense advantage. In fact, I had to start looking into them as soon as possible, because if they had this ready for me, then they most definitely had something brewing against their neighbors.

If the Pharaohs were brought low, then we’d have no choice but to take the Apophis as trading partners, even if they were cunning, conquest-driven scumbags out to kill us too.

Naturally, I wasn’t going to let them be our only choice, especially when we could have an easier trading partner that minded their own business internationally.

Tch.

My head was already starting to hurt from how much I was thinking, but I knew I couldn’t back down.

I still had a dinner to get through, before I could involve the rest of my group into this situation and see what they thought about it.

…

“I look forward to killing them, my dear summoner.” A’Bel didn’t mince words after we returned to the Villa. I sent away the servants, saying that I wanted privacy, and had one of the Kunoichi fetch Kurama and everyone else. Reiser joined us on the return trip and I told her the gist of what I had experienced. She was nodding along with the Demon without any hesitation. “Those depraved creatures will be amazing opponents. I am very interested in bringing ruin upon them and their petty kingdoms.”

“The Apophis couldn’t have gotten far, Lord Hikigaya. I can intercept her entire caravan and capture her. I’ll extract information from her after securing her.” Reiser’s tone was placid and cool, but there was a sharp edge to it that sent a child down my spine. It was the same tone she used to use before taking the fight against Kindred, while we worked together under the Empire. “No one will suspect you, especially if I use the magics of the Empire.”

I was about to refuse when both Ur and Kurama arrived with Sayuri hot on their heels.

Ur reached me first, but relaxed after making sure that I wasn’t hurt. However, after that, her gaze met my own and she refused to look away. She wanted orders to act immediately, even though I had none to give.

Kurama, thankfully, managed to control herself and keep her head.

“So… it seems that the Apophis intends to use us against the Pharaohs by enticing us with their technology.” The Kitsune seemed to read my mood and realized that I wasn’t planning on doing anything risky. She raised her hand before her Onimusha could come forward. Her long red hair flowed behind her while her tail waved in her wake. “What are your plans, Hachiman?”

“Reconnaissance and information gathering. Oh, and just in case, we’re bringing in our host on this little escapade to drive up our worth.” Working with a polity that wanted to use us for their benefit didn’t sit well with me, but the technology and magic they offered were both incredibly valuable. “Do you think you can convince the Anubis to stay quiet? Tell her that we’re working in good faith, until we can get more schematics and make copies?”

“I’ll have the scribes we brought along work on what we already have.” Kurama extended her hand and I handed off the plans for the magical, flying ships over to her. One of the Kunoichi came forth a moment later, from the inside of a vase wearing only palm fronds on her head, and vanished off into the night. Wow, those girls really upped their game. “Our plan is to ally with the Pharaohs and drive up our value to them, then?”

“Yeah. They’re pompous and look down on us, but they’re not going out of their way to trick us for their benefit.” Better the devil that you know and all of that. The Pharaohs were offering luxurious and basic trading goods, but not military hardware or magic. However, the ones offering that not only had plans for conquest, but were also treated us like we could be manipulated and used as they wished. “They’re a less dangerous opponent and the Apophis are probably planning to stab us in the back after we help them. This whole thing’s probably an elaborate plot to have the Pharaohs do something stupid and give them the advantage.”

If we made contact as Miriam intended, by portraying her as an opportunistic traitor, then the Pharaohs could be enticed into marching against their enemy. Once they pushed through enough territory, Miriam could pull the double cross, and suddenly the Pharaohs’ armies would be trapped between two bodies of enemies with the same advantages and equipment that they had, thus they would just be annihilated after being surrounded and having no supply lines.

Well, that’s what I would do, if I were in the Apophis’s shoes… scales? Whatever.

The point was that the Pharaohs were the safest option available, so we were going to pursue that option… while verifying whether or not we could get away with what the Apophis were offering too.

“What we need is intelligence, deniability, and the freedom to choose. We’ll play the long game and watch both sides. We’ll take Miriam’s offer and take all that she can give, and take her in as a traitor for the Pharaohs if her story wasn’t just carefully constructed bullshit.” We had the ability to play both sides by taking the Pharaohs offer and introducing Miriam as an opportunist, but laying our concerns about her being a double-operative bare. The Pharaohs can be prevented from making any stupid moves, while handing off the schematics she gave us back to the Pharaohs as signs of trust and cooperation, while keeping our own copies. “We’ll go wild, trash the place, and leave as a last resort. In fact, we’ll start making plans on an exit strategy tonight, but I’ll need you all to do as I say for now, got it?”

Given how all of my Kindred and allies reacted to the news that I was being emotionally manipulated, I expected some dissent from my gathered group, but that wasn’t the case.

“I am content knowing that destruction and evacuation shall be planned for, my dear summoner. I have no qualms.” A’Bel bowed her head at my words and her feelings of contentment flowed through our bond.

“The Apophis will pay for their attempt to manipulate you, my lord. But I will stay my sword unless you order me to.” Reiser’s tone was still cool and clipped, but I knew that I could count on her after she gave me a small bow. That was an oath and she was keen on keeping those nowadays.

“As long as you don’t plan to risk yourself again, Hachiman, I have no issues.” Ur gave a single nod, before letting loose a breath. A frown settled on her face. “I find it unlikely that anyone else in the world has the same circumstances as you, so it is most likely a trap… but you are right in believing that we should get as much as possible from them as we could.”

“Your will shall be done, my lord.” Sayuri spoke quickly before retreating to Kurama’s shadow. The Kitsune raised an eyebrow at her Onimusha, before turning to me.

“My Kunoichi and my own skills are at your disposal, my dear husband.” Kurama’s eyes twinkled with mirth as she said husband, while a slight chill fell over the rest of the room. What a scary display. My wife sure knew how to use words to her advantage. “Let us overcome this challenge together, gain allies, and destroy our foes.”

I was about to dismiss everyone after hearing their words when Tanis suddenly burst through my bedroom door covered only in a blanket.

“What’s going on!? Is Hachiman okay!?”

I sighed at the thought of having to explain everything again, while everyone else began to smile and giggle at the heavy-sleeper.