Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 26 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 26

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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Anyone who claims that they’re irreplaceable aren’t, while those who are don’t need to claim that they are. Everyone is inclined to believe that they’re important and worth the time of others. However, the truth is that those who are worth anything in society don’t need to do anything besides exist and do what they always do. They don’t fear being out of a job, being reduced to nothing, or even having problems.

For the truly exceptional and capable, problems do not exist. 

Everything is merely a challenge that they will eventually surmount. 

Many will say that winning at life is a mindset. They’ll say that you make your own goalposts, win by reaching those goals, and that your only opponent you need to win against is yourself. Society touts those notions, because society is built by irreplaceable individuals who know its in their best interest to keep as many bodies around to help them with things they need. Information, culture, and society as a whole is an invention made by the truly gifted, so that they can pursue their dreams without being fucked over by the masses. 

The game’s rigged to keep those in power in power. Every freedom given is there to ensure satisfaction in the masses. All possibilities to arise in society exists only to find those who are irreplaceable and recruit them into the ranks of the existing rulers of society.  

The irreplaceable individual dominates everything, even if they don’t sit at the head of the government, because they can do no wrong.

That’s why I need to curtail Kurama as possible. 

In the short time she’s been present in Ylstu, she’s becoming more and more irreplaceable. Every action she takes puts her deeper and deeper into the machine I’ve been creating to strike against the Empire. Her entourage of ninjas provide counter-intelligence operations, while acting as bodyguards within my home. The Onimusha she brought along is a skilled instructor that’s building up my militia forces, as well as training a portion of the future corps of officers that’ll be leading them. The financial and social power she had at her disposal was being used to get costly ideas like train systems over to not only Roseanne, but the faction she belonged to in the Kindred political system. 

More merchants are coming in as she spreads news about Ylstu in her constant visits to the Capital, as she tags along without a fuss with the Dragons whenever they rotate back. Letters are coming in from faraway friends of hers, deep within Kindred territory, with greetings and expressions of interest in my efforts to bring up Ylstu. Roseanne’s letters to me have become more frequent, as she inquires about ideas Kurama idly speaks about in court, and soon after that I find more troops, manpower, and supplies sent my way to test them. 

Slowly and steadily, she’s becoming an individual irreplaceable in my war effort.

Eventually, she’ll become an irreplaceable individual to Ylstu.

Then, to the entire Kindred Coalition, while I simply became a passive, indebted individual whose goals are left on the wayside, as he’s utterly without political power and will. 

That’s all that there is to Kurama’s kindness, talent, and abilities in Ylstu. 

Another threat that I need to solve, while taking a stand against the Empire. 

As always, the truth is a harsh mistress, while a lie is a kind girl.

In the end, everyone acts only for their own sake, but at least this time I’ll know better than to fall for the same trick twice. 

In fact, this time, as the Americans say, I’m retaliating first. 

…

When Kurama didn’t arrive at her usual time, despite all the ruckus I deliberately caused with my new attire and actions, I immediately knew the chief suspect to her continued lack of presence. Tanis, the Lamia secretary installed by Roseanne, caught wind of my plans, despite my best efforts and diverted the scarlet-haired Kitsune away from the manor. Given my past experiences with the white-scaled, white-haired Lamia, she probably did it out of some misguided belief that what I was doing was wrong.

In reality, all I was doing was making sure that I retained power over Ylstu. 

If Kurama is the center of the external politics of Ylstu, then I need to be the center of its internal politics. By presenting myself as an attractive capture target to the citizens, playing their emotions, and ensuring a firm grip on the military, I can control the minds and bodies of the individuals that live in the region, even if the region’s outside interests are almost completely under Kurama’s control. 

It’s far from easy. Kindred throwing themselves at me in droves, compromising my situation with assets, and building myself up to check Kurama’s increasing power each have their own sets of difficulties, but they all combine to be a continuous series of problems that I need to handle and control. If I have a moment of silence and privacy, such as while I’m searching for Tanis in the comfort of my home and surrounded by guards, I can logically, calmly deduce what I’m doing and why I’m doing it.

Not so much when all my social interactions have been tipped over into a cauldron of ecchi fantasies slobbered over by drooling mouth-breathers. But that’s just a price that I need to pay to have chance to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Kurama. And, I wasn’t going to let go of that chance, just because Tanis believe I’m approaching the problem the wrong way, because it’s actually the only way I could. 

So, I didn’t hesitate to have Ur open the door to Tanis’s room to confront her.

But I did find myself surprised when I found her serving Kurama tea. 

“Good evening, dear.” Kurama smiled. Her scarlet, bestial gaze looked over me with ease of practice. The faintest of blushes played upon her features, but the most extreme reactions were nowhere to be found. The advantage I gained was minimal on the personal basis, even if upon reflection it was incredibly effective on the rest of the town. “You look quite handsome when you clean yourself up.” Tanis looked my way, before looking away in a quick manner. Thankfully, it was more out of disdain over our differences in opinion than anything else. “You’ve caused quite a stir in the town. They’re all very frenzied and ecstatic about having such a handsome leader.”

Tch. 

As expected, Kurama saw through my ploy immediately… but just as I planned there was nothing she could do about it.

So, I looked at Ur. 

“Get me a chair.”

“Oh? But why? My lap is right here. Or, perhaps, you’d like one of my dear, quiet friends to be your chair instead? They can’t help but giggle and squeak when talking about you know. They’ll enjoy it.” Kurama wasn’t at all hesitant to draw the lines as clearly as possible. Her Kunoichi were still firmly under her control. The presence of her undead Onimusha at her back, barely sparing me a glance, made it so she didn’t even have to waste air talking about her. She patted her lap with a smile. “Of course, I’d very much enjoy having you on me, too.”

“I’ll pass.” Tanis’s room is a simple affair. Her bed was barely elevated off of the floor, while she had a similar desk that she used for her duties nestled against a corner. Given the fact she was a Lamia, she didn’t have a chair, while all her furniture was relatively low to the ground. Well, except for her shelves and wardrobe. Those nearly stretched to the ceiling, since she could access high storage areas with ease. I could sit on the floor and use the table just fine, but I had no intention of doing so while Kurama had her own seat. “So, you’re here to talk about making a draft for a possible, continent-wide delivery system modeled after what I’ve made?”

Kurama barely reacted to at my basic, logical assumption, but Tanis and the Onimusha answered the question for me. Roseanne’s appointed minder stiffened for a second, while the undead warrior blinked a second too fast. It was a simple deduction. Only my delivery system’s proven itself in Ylstu, while ingrained merchants in cities would oppose the merchant system I developed, and the rail system wasn’t functional. I didn’t do anything particularly innovative anywhere else, at least as far as they’re concerned, so the airborne delivery system was the only thing Roseanne could proposition Kurama for more information on. 

Or, rather, spy on me for. 

Ur had better instincts than I did, so when she returned to the room, she carried her twin-blade on her back instead of her dull staff. Both her and the Onimusha exchanged gazes, while both Kurama and I sat across one another. Tanis served me tea, before excusing herself to fetch something or another from the kitchen.

Yep. I’d totally run away too, if my two bosses and their two fully-armed bodyguards were in my room. 

“The meeting went very well, my dear. The Wyvern clans and the Harpies have been wishing for more merits since their inclusion, so they’re more than willing to become an integral part of the Coalition.” So, the Wyvern and Harpy tribes I’ve relied on for cheap labor are now going to be indebted to you. Wait. No. That’s not the sort of hand you’d play. If you can get something you want, then you’ll look for a way to get more, while you’re doing so. “They’re so happy with the news that they sent ahead guarantees to make sure our lovely system in Ylstu succeeds. It wouldn’t do for the project central to their future stake on the continent would fail, right?”

Kurama reached for her Onimusha and retrieved a scroll. It wasn’t a normal scroll either, but one that I had specific interest in obtaining for the longest time. In the upper echelons of society, it was a rather common item, but for someone as far as civilization as I was, it was impossible to get my hands on, due to both how much it cost and how few made it into the market. It was a Storage Scroll, something practically central to my future plans, and Kurama managed to get it container for gifts. 

Kurama pulled it open gently and with a puff of smoke two sets of clothing came forth. 

Needless to say, both were probably extremely expensive, but also had less, actual covering ability than my hat.

“I’m sure they’ve been trying to think of a way to make you happy for including them in your plans for a long time, so they had these already prepared for your future wife. They took the liberty of altering it for me.” Yes. I get it. Everyone vaguely affiliated with me that’s not in Ylstu has accepted the fact that you’re my wife. Hell, I’ve accepted it to, so why do you keep bringing it up? Does she think that I’ll throw her aside somehow? No. That’s impossible. “Which would you like me to wear tonight, darling? Both are quite cute, no?”

Cute wasn’t the right adjective for the two outfits Kurama held up. 

The Wyvern’s gift was something to be expected of the ferocious, aerial predators and their instincts. It was less clothes and more links of gemstones fashioned into draping, miniscule triangles over certain areas of the woman. It covered things only if one didn’t move, ergo it hid nothing while the Kindred in question took the dominant position in the relationship. Meanwhile the Harpies sent a backless nightgown with a neckline that reached the thighs. Ergo, the idiot birds spend a fortune on two transparent scarves held together by string composed of the highest quality material. Worse, yet it was made for one of the birdbrains, ergo it’d only reach Kurama’s midriff if she wore it. 

I did the only reasonable thing possible, when faced with the option of one of the other.

Burn the bridges between me and both factions.

“Return them both. Neither suit you. Your own wardrobe is leagues better.” My logic can’t be denied. The gems on the Wyvern’s gift were mostly sapphires and onyx. On a scarlet-haired Kitsune character? Nuh-uh. That doesn’t pan out. The same went for the outfit curtesy of the squawking lolicon-bait. A white, transparent, and glittery loli-outfit on a ara-ara type, seductress character with curves and plentiful tracts of land? This is isn’t a joke 4-koma strip, y’know? Both are shit. I know it. Ur knows it. All the Kindred in the room know it. Kurama knows it. So, go ahead and toss them back in the faces of those who gave them to you, or admit that you have shit taste in fashion. Come on. Do it. Be unfashionable or burn some of your political connections. Make my day.  “Unless you want to keep them, I suppose—”

“Oh. I see. Then, I suppose I’ll do as you suggest and return them, my dear.” Okay. Hold on. I expected you to bite the bullet. Keeping them means you keep the Wyverns and Harpies, at the low cost of your self-esteem and popularity in Ylstu. Not only that, but you still have your loyal retainers who wouldn’t give a shit about your decision. So, why exactly are you fucking blushing and looking away, while packing the outfits back into the storage scroll, and handing it back to your retainer!? I want that. Go against my decision, keep the outfits, and give me that unfilled warhead, so I can blow a city to smithereens! “I… I will be going to make dinner now. Please, thank Tanis for the tea on my behalf. They were wonderful.”

Thus, Kurama fled from my presence, leaving me alone in Tanis’s room with Ur, and utterly bereft of the closet thing to a bomb casing I could get my hands on. 

I took a moment to drink some tea, before uttering my thoughts aloud in the confidence of my reliable bodyguard.

“What the hell just happened?”

I expected a pithy response from Ur, but instead my bodyguard said nothing and walked in front of me. Something about her gaze made it so I couldn’t look away from her, even as everything about her demeanor told me that I was on the precipice of danger. What sort of danger? My instincts refused to explain, but it was danger nonetheless. 

“Hachiman, what do you think of what I’m wearing right now? Do you believe I should wear something else?”

“What? No. That’d be stupid. What you’re wearing is perfect for you.” As much as I hate to admit it, the armored sleeves and leggings protected my Amazons well, while their chosen tribal wear and jewelry made it easy to distinguish them in battle. “The same goes for the rest of the Amazons. None of you need a new wardrobe.”

“Good.”

And, with that, Ur left the room too.

Leaving me alone with a kettle of tea in Tanis’s room… until one of the Kunoichi walked out of the shadows in the corner of the room and gestured to her outfit. She was one of the ones who tried to enter the bathroom with me, so she was naturally just wearing a slingshot swimsuit and fishnets. 

“You look like a slut.” 

My words got an ecstatic nod and thumbs up, before the long-eared woman left the room.

“What the hell just happened?”

I asked the darkness, waited for the darkness to answer as a Kindred, and heaved a sigh of relief when it didn’t.

I just want to kill the Empire.

Why the hell is the rest of my life getting so complicated?