AGG: NSS: Akeno 2 (Patreon)

AGG: NSS: Akeno 2

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Commissioned by Wirdo

Word Count: 1534

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Azazel is many things to many individuals. To all his lovers and wives, he’s the best partner they could ask for, staying with them and loving them, even if they choose to grow old and forget about him. To his enemies, he is a foe that cannot be underestimated and an individual who cannot be approached without care. Those who seek to kill him, those who believe he’s merely a joke, do not live very long. However, I know him as my father, the man who’d raised me when my parents passed.

I thought I’d known him, and I’d believed that he’d laugh at me for telling him of my horrible, problem.

Yet, instead, he’s taken me to where he kept mother and father’s altar, with the Earth beneath us both, and the Cradle a mere, sparkling jewel in the distance.

We were sharing tea on the edge of space, before my parents, as he restrained himself from making a single joke.

That was good, because if he had no need to restrain his humor, I’d have thought a him a complete stranger.

“You’re right, kid. You take after your father more than your mother.” We’d paid our respects and partaken in tea in silence, but my attention was on Azazel the moment he spoke. There was a fondness to his voice, but I couldn’t help but feel a certain distance between the two of us that I immediately disliked. However, I caught myself before I spoke of it. No, here and now, he was speaking on behalf of my parents instead of his own thoughts. I suppose, given the circumstances, that was appropriate.  He’d tell me to charge headlong along towards Li Song without hesitation, but I’m sure my parents had other ideas. “So, you’ll want to be considerate about pursuing Li Song, because Baraqiel fell fast and hard for your mother. Within a season, they had you on the way, and they’d probably have had more if they were given the chance.”

Ignoring the implications of my inherited instincts, that I’d find myself falling so deeply and perilously that I’d find myself swaddled with children in the blink of an eye, I nodded at the words of the most senior of Fallen. Not only was he speaking to me as my mother and father’s intermediary, but as an individual who’d seen generations upon generations of Nephilim be born and live out their lives. Of course, Azazel had been a respectable father, but he’d always had an air of… looseness about him. He’d given me room to grow and be myself. And, that had made us close. None of that present now. I immediately felt stifled by his words, but I forced myself to listen.

“You must commit to either fully resisting, or completely falling, Akeno. Trying for the middle ground, attempting to toe the line, will only lead to disaster. Choose to go against your instincts, take your human side, or fully succumb and feel what your soul wishes to feel. The middle ground will merely hurt you. It may even drive you insane.” Nephilim straddled the line between humanity and divinity, perhaps more so than even demigods, because demigods merely had the power of a god and the drive of normal human. I, and the rest of my kind, had to choose between one side or the other. It was an open secret amongst all my kind, which gave me the warning and knowledge I needed to immediately inquire for aid, but I hadn’t though it to be this integral to my being.

My life felt as though it had completely stopped and I was stuck between two decisions.

I could choose to go against the yearning of my soul, which I did not fully understand, or accept it…. Which I did not fully understand either. The words were present. I could be free, or I could find myself deeply and completely in love, to the point of being willing to have children and dying for Li Song.

And, if I did not choose, I would suffer.

To say that I was frightened did not suffice.

Terror gripped my heart.

Then, suddenly, a  familiar hand found its place on my shoulder.

“I’m proud of you Akeno. Where others would’ve simply fallen, or chosen to run from their instincts, you came to me for help. Whatever choice you make, I’m sure that you’ll succeed.” Azazel’s coldness and candor was gone, replaced by my father’s voice. The bubbling terror within my gut, threatening to overtake me, suddenly fell away. “And, I’ll support whatever path you take, even if Li Song himself doesn’t approve.”

While the words are endearing, you can’t help but lightly laugh at the declaration.

If Li Song learned of your instinctual yearning, of the strength of a Nephilim’s sin’s effect on them, he’d seek out a way to destroy it. He’d see your circumstances not as something integral to your existence, but a curse that needs to be removed. If you’d gone to him, instead of your father, you’d see yourself on a journey to undo a fragment of your “self” and the selves of all Nephilim. And, given what you know of Li Song, he’d succeed… and with your freedom you’ll be left a hopelessly incapable girl who cannot even turn to her own self  for aid.

Li Song would completely and utterly support your decision to resist your Sin, despite the living, breathing connection it has established between you and your father, who you’d never met, but grew up learning and loving all the same. 

“Hmmm… are you sure that you haven’t decided to Fall already, Akeno? Because, you sound like you’re willing to jump him without a second thought, already.” Those words required retribution, thus I acted. Azazel merely smirked as he evaded justice, however, as he always did. A smirk played upon his face. Taking a deep breath, I brushed down the lapel of my jacket, before addressing him again. No. I have not Fallen. I was merely stating passive observations, though my own circumstances would certainly explain if the words painted Li Song in too positive of a light. “Positive, kid? I was surprised you weren’t drooling while you were talking about him… well, at the very least, from the mouth I could see, anyway.”

He laughed as I tried to strike at him again.

But, as always, Azazel was correct.

I needed to choose my path and do so quickly. It is a rite of passage for Nephilim. Do we accept our bloodline, our shared Sin with our parent, or do we refuse it? Through choosing a human partner, a Fallen Angel allows their offspring the choice of feeling more than a human ever could hope to feel, to love something in manner more earnestly than a human could ever hope to, and grants them the choice to refuse even that. It is the greatest gift a Fallen Angel could ever grant to a mortal, and each Nephilim is considered a Fallen Angel the moment they choose to either be free of any shackles, or accept the same Sin that led their parent to leave Heaven’s grace.

In truth, the only reason I could not accept my father’s Sin was because I feared Li Song would see it as succumbing to my nature instead of rising above it.

But… even if most base instincts and edicts are wrong… was that truly the case for them all?

Were there not choices and instinctive responses that we could forever accept of ourselves?

Did everything of the world need to be correct and righteous?

I awaited my father’s answers to all my questions. Amidst the stars, with the Earth cresting below us, and my parent’s shrine looking upon us, I awaited an answer to the most integral questions I’d ever asked of another. I asked the man who’d raised my when my mother and father died. I asked a man who led those who left Heaven through wars that nearly broke the world several times over. I wanted to hear the wisdom of a man who’d lay his life on the line for his ideals, who has lost his limbs time and time again, and suffered so much… yet will suffer more pain for his beliefs without hesitation.

I received only silence.

No, that is incorrect.

I only received a kind smile.

As I ought to have expected from my father, truly.

My path is my own.

My choices are mine to make.

My decisions mine to see through.

Those words, those words he always used to chastise me with, reward me with, and advise me with… they’re his answer to my question.

His silence is merely his coy attempt to be theatric, but I appreciated it nonetheless.

This choice was mine to make, to see through, and to live with for the rest of my life.

Therefore, who else has the right to make that choice, besides myself?

Certainly not Azazel, first and foremost amongst the Fallen Angels.