i can be (intimate with you). [blane rekner] (Patreon)

synopsis: touch (part one of the five senses series).

note: part of a new series i'm deeming "the five senses" (such a creative name wowowowow). i'll be doing a different sense for each ro, starting with touch for Blane <3 also, this drabble will be free on all tiers as a thank you for sticking by me on my break :)

Blane doesn't do touch. It's not a thing they're known for. In addition to their many other problems, this was one of the things they worried about most when the two of you started dating. It took them a while to admit it, of course, but once you got it out of them, Blane broke down and told you how much they feared you leaving them because they weren't, and wouldn't be able to, give you what you deserved. That you'd ask for too much and, as much as they want to provide, they wouldn't be able to live up to those expectations.

You shook your head at that. Blane could tell you wanted to cup their face, to brush away the stray tears that had somehow escaped the corners of their eyes, but you held back. It made them feel all that much worse.

"I like you just the way you are," you said.

"That's not good enough."

"For who? Me, or you?"

Blane didn't have an answer for that. In response, you asked to hold them.

They said yes.

That night, they laid in your arms until they fell asleep. The close contact was almost too much for them. It was almost too little. Because as much as your touch scared them, it also soothed them. It was such a strange feeling, to be afraid of the very thing that also made them feel at ease, but they suppose that summed up your relationship. So, even though every bone in their body was telling them to run, they stayed until the morning, waking up to the soft puffs of your breathing and your fingers intertwined.

Things got better from there. You made a vow never to sneak up on them or embrace them from behind. In return, Blane grew to ask for hugs. Sometimes, this happened when they were panicked, having been triggered by something they saw. Othertimes, it was merely because they wanted to be close to you.

You accepted each time.

You also gave them time to reject your touch, visibly reaching out with slow movements. In response, they started initiating touch on their own. They followed the same pattern you did, audibly voicing that they wanted to hold your hand or, at the very least, making sure you saw that they were going to caress your thigh.

You understood Blane needed time before they would be fully comfortable—if they would ever be, they'd argue, but you always countered them on this—and were happy to give them that time. And each time Blane thought you ran out of patience, you simply seemed to gain more.

Second to only your kisses, it was Blane's favourite thing about you.

When Blane started touching you unconsciously, it was six months since the two of you had officially gotten together. It was a mundane action, something as simple as brushing away sauce from the corner of your mouth, but you noticed it anyway.

You had to wait for them to.

And when they did, they hid their face in their hands. They felt hot—hot, hot, like they could heat something up from just the heat of their cheeks. They remember you prying their hands apart, your laughter ringing through the air. Because you were laughing with them and not at them, however, they let it happen.

You met their eyes, glimmering with affection—they would only realize this later and blush again at the idea of you looking at them with such love—before reaching out yourself, taking your thumb and brushing it against the sauce smeared on their lips.

"There," you declared. "Now we're even."

Blane groaned again. They would've buried their face in their arms again, had your other hand not been holding theirs. "That's so corny. I can't believe I did that."

"I thought it was cute."

"Of course you did."

"I'm serious. You should do it again."

Blane looked at you skeptically, but it only took a second to know you were being serious. They wanted to lean across the table and kiss you breathless. They wanted to run