Chapter 714: The Infinite Event (30) (Patreon)

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“You’re saying you want to take a leave of absence?” In the office of Nick Fury, with his feet propped up on the desk, Nick lay back in his office chair and questioned the figure of Natasha standing before him.

“Yes, sick leave!” Natasha stated through clenched teeth.

“Sick leave? Are you ill? You could simply consult our psychologist, you know,” Nick suggested with a shake of his head.

“It’s precisely because I’ve seen the psychologist that I’ve fallen ill!” Natasha raised her voice, exasperated. “This week alone, I've had to see the psychologist at least fifteen times a day! Even if you wanted to lower our insurance rates, isn't this a rather underhanded tactic?!”

“There’s no choice, this is the price of employing multiple Schillers—after all, he is a psychologist,” Nick shrugged, indifferent. “Whether it's the Schiller who can balance the books, the Schiller who can lead Hydra, or the Schiller who performs his medical duties, they are all psychologists at heart. Without patients, they certainly won’t stay put.”

“That’s no excuse for using me as bait to lure in the three Schillers!” Natasha retorted furiously. “There are plenty of agents at S.H.I.E.L.D. Why can't the work be distributed more evenly?”

“Oh come on, Natasha. Tell me, how many agents in S.H.I.E.L.D. can truly withstand scrutiny?”

Nick took his feet off the desk and pointed to the adjacent room, continuing, “In the office across from here, there are nine agents; eight belong to Hydra, one from the CIA, who’s likely a Hydra mole within the CIA.”

“In that office over there, twelve agents; six are clerks. Except for Agent Carter, all belong to Hydra. The remaining six? Three are KGB in disguise as Hydra, three are KGB pretending to be with the CIA. You want to send them to see the psychologist?”

“I…” Natasha was momentarily at a loss for words, before protesting, “But I’m also a former Soviet Union national. It wasn't long ago that I was under investigation for suspicion of espionage related to the Soviet Union…”

“Exactly, Schiller was also a Soviet Union spy; that's why you’re the one to go,” Nick said with a smirk.

Natasha took a deep breath, looked up at the ceiling, struggling to find words to describe the current state of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Now within S.H.I.E.L.D., 100% of the agents were professionals, 99% were Hydra. Within Hydra, half were CIA agents, and among those CIA agents, half were spies from various countries. Within these international spies, half were from the KGB.

And she, Natasha Romanoff, a former professional agent of the Soviet Union, was neither Hydra nor KGB. In the vast network of S.H.I.E.L.D., she had become a unique anomaly.

As such, when an overt Soviet Union spy like Schiller needed a patient for psychological treatment, Natasha inevitably became the top candidate.

There were so many laughable points in this situation that Natasha didn’t even know where to begin her complaints. She only knew that things couldn’t go on like this. Any normal person would go mad after dozens of psychological treatments in a few days; that Natasha hadn’t yet was a testament to her true professionalism.

“That’s it, I'm done!” Natasha declared firmly. “If you make me go through another psychological treatment, I’ll turn myself in to the IRS!”

Nick’s eyes widened in astonishment as he looked at Natasha and exclaimed, “The IRS? I would never have imagined such words coming from the mouth of a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent! How can you be so ruthless?!”

“Every time I pray at church, I thank the IRS. It's thanks to them that you haven't been able to lower our insurance rates three times in a week. It's the IRS that gives me the strength to stand up to you, my unscrupulous boss!”

“Let's not talk like this, Ms. Natalia,” Nick started to say, but Natasha was already on the brink of fury.

“Either get someone else to do this, or I resign. I'll contact the KGB right now and have them send me to Siberia!”

“Alright, alright, calm down, ma’am…” Nick placated with an outstretched hand. “I’ll have Agent Carter do it. Okay? She’s a rookie, just started, and you’ll have to keep an eye on her…”

“In case she overreacts to Schiller, which could cause a mess, you understand, this is all for the greater good…”

“Stop it, I’ll inform her now.” Natasha turned on her heel and left.

When Carter received this order, she was initially puzzled. What kind of assignment was seeing the psychologist?

“This is serious?” Carter had asked Natasha.

“More serious than our operation to overthrow Hydra,” Natasha had answered dryly.

And with that, Natasha finally got a respite, for now.

Nick spread his hands and said, "The first Schiller we got on board helped us deal with the financial troubles for the next quarter."

"Keep in mind, last season we hired three accountants; two went back to Moscow for a vacation, and one 'committed suicide' on the road back to Moscow..."

"At the start of this season, we were without a single accountant. Did you really expect me to go cap in hand to those money-hungry Russians? They even wanted to charge me extra for translation!"

"We found a Schiller who not only took on the job of three accountants but also proposed two sets of financial optimization plans. My God, I've never seen such a competent finance person!"

Nick clenched a fist and said with force, "If he works here long-term, in less than a year, our Helicarrier fleet would be operational!"

Just as Coulson was about to speak, Nick raised his voice, "And the second Schiller to arrive is simply a miraculous healer. Skilled, diligent, and most importantly, utterly without morals!"

Nick gestured emphatically, "He could partake in our unregulated human experiments, employ hypnosis to extract intelligence—alone, he's equivalent to a whole interrogation team. If they stay on long term, we could recruit ten thousand more next quarter!"

"And the last Schiller to arrive, my God, I'm at a loss for words to describe the enormous trouble he's dealt with!"

"Single-handedly, he manages the personnel movements of Hydra and the field agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., creating the workload of at least 40,000 agents!"

"The fictitious tasks he conjures up and their supposed completion rates have led Congress to hail me as the best S.H.I.E.L.D. director in history!"

Nick's face beamed with joy, but Coulson, touching his conscience, felt a pang of guilt and said:

"The financial statements are manipulated, the experiments and interrogations unregulated, personnel and tasks are fabricated... what exactly are we doing at S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

Nick looked at Coulson as one might look at an alien and said, "If you ask such foolish questions again, you can look forward to a nice promotion to a level 6 agent next year."

"What is S.H.I.E.L.D. doing? S.H.I.E.L.D. is, of course, protecting the world!"

"But we're not really protecting the world," Coulson said with difficulty.

"What is the purpose of protecting the world?" Nick stepped up to Coulson and asked.

"The purpose is... obviously, to protect the world!" Coulson replied.

"No, the purpose of protecting the world is to make it feel protected. That is the reason S.H.I.E.L.D. exists." [XD]

Nick shook his head and continued, "As long as S.H.I.E.L.D. is around, the authorities of various countries feel that someone will protect them in the event of extraordinary incidents."

"But if these extraordinary incidents really happen and no one protects them, won't they feel disappointed?" Coulson asked.

Nick sighed and said, "They've never harbored hope, how could they feel disappointment?"

"No government in the world believes that an organization led by Americans, staffed by Americans, and controlled by the U.S. Congress would come to their rescue in a crisis. As long as we don't kick them while they're down, they'll consider us a rare fair and just organization."

Coulson opened his mouth but found he couldn't refute.

Nick added, "In fact, Congress doesn't need us to do anything. As long as we exist and are effectively under their control, they can tell the whole world that the U.S. is protecting it. That is the entire significance of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s existence."

"If you really want to protect the world, don't count on S.H.I.E.L.D., and don't count on any organization that proudly claims to protect the world."

Coulson sighed and then said, "Alright... By the way, this is this season's salary statistics; Director, you need to sign here."

Nick settled back into his chair, and as Coulson laid the report on the desktop, Nick casually took it, ready to sign when he saw the string of numbers at the end.

With a 'bang', Nick fell from his chair, incredulously asking, "How could it be so high??? How could S.H.I.E.L.D.'s salaries be so high this quarter????"

"Where are the salaries too high?" Nick, gasping for breath, scrambled up from the floor and began frantically flipping through the documents, then he saw it—the salary report item, the project named "S.H.I.E.L.D. agent psychological treatment fees."

Staring at the long string of zeros, Nick took a deep breath, and his roar echoed through the halls of S.H.I.E.L.D.:

"Avengers assemble!! Assemble at once!!!"

"All units, strike!! Capture Schiller!!!!"

Each person in their place!

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